Why do you think it's difficult to make friends?

[silversurfer]

Fear of disappointing people is the reason why I struggle to make friends.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

It's extremely difficult for me to make friends, cause I always fear of them not liking me. And I always fear of them disappearing on me. There's also plenty of times where I trusted people and opened up to them, and in the end they ended up hurting me in some way. Plus I'm also scared and paranoid that they'll end up bullying me.

 

[Mike413]

People can be clicky. I go to this camp for adults in the summer(although maybe not next year)and even though I've been there three times already I still feel like the new guy and an outsider. You can't change that though. People are creatures of habit and are going to gravitate to who they feel comfortable with. There's a comfort factor there. Is it fair? Of course not but then again life isn't fair. This is why most people are friends with those who they were friends with in high school or grade school. They just don't want to take chances and reach out to meet new people(unless they are in a situation where they feel they have to such as if they move and don't know anyone in the new area)because that puts them in a vulnerable position and when you are in a vulnerable position you can get hurt. This is why many men don't want to approach women who they don't know. We all want things that we can control and we want to put ourselves in situations where we can control the outcome. This is called playing it safe. I do it too but I'm at the point now where I don't care that much about making new friends.

 

[Melsaldi]

The ones I make don't care to stick around long enough.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

Fear. Simple fear of rejection, and fear that where I am in life is something people don't want to relate to.

 

[FreedomFromLiberty]

I think the biggest reason I don't have many friends is because I just don't put in the amount of effort it takes because I just don't really give a damn. All of my friendships and relationships have left me wanting for something more and I'm tired of hoping and trying to find a real, deep, lasting connection

 

[StormChild]

I don't really try to make friends. I'm pretty friendly on a surface basis and over the years I've made an effort to learn how to make a good first impression with new people.

My problem is that I know that when they get to know me better they'll "find out about me" (not sure what they're going to find out, but my strong feeling is that they won't like it). I have one person I think of as a good friend and I'm close to my sister (she's family so she has to like me!).

I'm an introvert anyway so most of the time I'm happy on my own. Gets lonely though, and so here I am.

 

[Outcast]

Making friends can be very tough. It's hard to make that initial jump from being just someone you talk to every once in awhile, to someone you actually hang out with. I think its because most people are afraid to get rejected, or that the other person might get the wrong idea.

 

[nicccs3]

I've seen people that have friends and have spoken to one person who has a best friend. He says that he can say anything to her and won't be judged. They can talk rubbish and also talk seriously and switch between the two naturally. They love each other but not in a sexual way.

I envy them.

What I find difficult about making friends is that I so badly want to be friends with someone that I just kind of mimic that person. I'm too far in to my own thoughts that I always assume that the other person is feeling just as awkward as I am.

I don't really know how to have casual chat with people as the only thing I really know is that my life is in such a desperate mess that it is hard to see outside of that.

I don't know what the social norms are. I seem to say things that come from nowhere or don't match up with what was being said in the first place...it's random and just out of the blue.

 

[jaguarundi]

I don't know what the social norms are. I seem to say things that come from nowhere or don't match up with what was being said in the first place...it's random and just out of the blue.

Do you really listen to what is being said, or are you so thinking or planning on what to say next that you aren't paying attention? The start of being able to chat is not just to talk. It's to listen..

 

[mari1969]

I'm a natural introvert, and coupled with my struggles with social anxiety, it's been difficult to maintain many friendships.

Some time ago, I learned that one difference between introverts and extroverts is that each personality type attain their energy differently. For instance, an extrovert gains energy and rejuvenation in social arenas whereas an introvert expends mental energy just to maintain a social front.

On the flip side, introverts tend to gain energy in solitude or with smaller groups of very familiar people because unfamiliar situations increase their stress. However, if an extrovert was in solitude, it would be very irritating as the extrovert needs the constant stimuli of the group dynamic to function. To an extrovert, more energy is expended by being alone, away from the social arena.

I can't speak about extroverts, but as an introvert myself, I feel a tremendous amount of mental stress and strain in social situations unfamiliar to me. Afterwards, it feels like I've had a mental workout and I feel horrible. The worst kind is a party for me is where I don't know anyone. This is one of the most stressful social situations I can imagine, and I avoid these at almost any cost. But while I feel drained after these social moments, I know some people who thrive in these moments and see these situations as energizing.

That's just my take.

You clarify some of my feellings about what is introvertion, how it feels.

 

[Tealeaf]

Still offering jellybeans to anyone who can figure out why people bolt after meeting me.

 

[sothatwasmylife]

Well I'm not saying your needy but having to actually prize you off my lower leg seemed a little uncalled for.....you simply don't know your own strength....but that doesn't mean I don't like you cos I do.

 

[kirakn]

My experience showed me that people need certain things from other people...For one it may be support...For other it may be constant attention..For someone else it may be just for company...But they can all turn into bad friendships..

If for example you stop giving attention to the full-time approval junkie and their dramas then they turn to find somewhere else the attention they need...

For me its hard to find the balance between caring for myself and caring for others...
If I take care of what others want I get tired and disappointed and If I take care of myself people don't stick around..They are all far too selfish..

 

[sothatwasmylife]

Think balance may be part of the answer....don't think the same values apply...people seek their own space... their own identity... I may be lonlier than I would wish to be, that doesn't imply that I have an overwhelming desire to be in the company of others...or be welded to the side of someone I have particular feelings for....and I guess the real challenge is to maintain relationships that you value...without being receptive to being overwhelmed by them....it's difficult cos many people have their own agenda's...I guess it has to be about real communication.

 

[HappyYogi]

Hmmmmm I'd like to approach it from a different perspective.

What qualities do those with a lot of friends have?

I know one gf with a ton of friends. I think it's because it's easy to have fun with her. She is a naturally fun/funny person and it's easy to be with her. She is comfortable in her own skin...kind of an actress.

However, she is not perfect. She is kind of immature and intolerant politically but she is empathic and fun and I think people love that.

Yet I have another gf, hardly ever funny but seems to have a lot of friends. I think in her case she is just quietly comfortable with herself and that confidence attracts others. She isn't particularly kind, or smart, or funny...but she is educated and successful. She has a lot of friend but I think because she isn't insecure. Oh she hasn't had a love relationship like forever either...so who knows?

 

[Frodothelost]

positively communication in the human world. (be connect be happy)

 

[johnny196775Again]

Do i want to be the type of person that attracts lots of friends. Hell no. That wouldnt be me.

 

[Frodothelost]

lol jhonny

 

[differentlonelygirl]

Honestly, I joined this site just to know others are asking this question too.

People are closed off in real life, so that's why I didn't get an answer from society. Society neglects issues of the abandoned and friends who loved my need for honesty don't even exist sadly... Another thing, people don't appreciate one another.

Now life is just investing in yourself, and never others. When happiness counts in life. Keeps a person content, sane and balanced. We were made to be loved, so all this false friendships shouldn't be valued too great in the illusion, that people actually will be there for us. Why do you think, close friendships break? Or any relationship, this is always the cause, the illusion that friendship exists. I figured that out at a very young age, most don't and end up hurt...

So honestly it doesn't even matter, what I do is keep a few close friends (a number no greater than four) and have a bunch of other not so priority friendships. Allows me to know I still care for friendship and that even if me and ___ aren't best friends, I still have a friend I can talk to in my life. A friend that I don't need to always hang with, just someone to speak with about our lives.