Why try?

[Talus]

In my own case, if the man who swore before God to love me forever and forswear everyone else until death - and he calls himself a pretty devout Catholic, so one would assume that those vows had some meaning to him - can up and leave me after a decade together, and for another woman no less, then well, how can I hope that some new guy, with nothing already invested in me, like say kids, would not do the same thing?

There's no one in the world that is capable of keeping that promise. Love, just as life is not a static thing, and we just don't have nearly enough control of either to say things like that. You can intend to love someone forever, you can hope to love them forever, but never can you promise them that you will.

But, I'd like to pose a question. Is the pain of being eternally alone somehow better than the pain of heartbreak, and is it not even slightly offset by the potential of finding actual lasting love?

Personally, I've had my bad relationships, been cheated on, lied to, strung along and far worse, and I can understand the need to guard your heart from further heartbreak, but in the end it feels that that way would do more harm than good in the long run.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

In my own case, if the man who swore before God to love me forever and forswear everyone else until death - and he calls himself a pretty devout Catholic, so one would assume that those vows had some meaning to him - can up and leave me after a decade together, and for another woman no less, then well, how can I hope that some new guy, with nothing already invested in me, like say kids, would not do the same thing?

There's no one in the world that is capable of keeping that promise. Love, just as life is not a static thing, and we just don't have nearly enough control of either to say things like that. You can intend to love someone forever, you can hope to love them forever, but never can you promise them that you will.

Then really he ought not to have reassured me over and over that he was never going to leave me.

But, I'd like to pose a question. Is the pain of being eternally alone somehow better than the pain of heartbreak, and is it not even slightly offset by the potential of finding actual lasting love?

I don't know.

I do know that I can get used to being alone and cope with it better than I can deal with being treated like trash over and over. In other words, the "pain" of being alone is more bearable than the pain of being betrayed by someone I loved.

 

[Talus]

Then really he ought not to have reassured me over and over that he was never going to leave me.

You're right of course. Sadly it's a promise almost all of us have made at one time or another. Chances are a good many of us have also failed to keep it.

Generally speaking, I think most people mean it when they say it. They love the person and can't imagine it being any other way.

On the other hand, what if someone asks, "you'll never leave me will you?" or "you'll love me forever right?" How does someone respond to that? There really is no good answer a person can give. You can promise them that you will, and intend to keep that promise, but risk that one day you just won't feel the same as you use to, and any answer other than a promise is likely to lead to major problems or trust issues.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

'On the other hand, what if someone asks, "you'll never leave me will you?" or "you'll love me forever right?" How does someone respond to that? There really is no good answer a person can give.

I never even thought about his leaving me until he said that he would never leave me, you know what I mean? Its like I can go about my day not thinking about potato chips and then someone mentions them and then it's all I can ******* think about.

It never occurred to me that it was remotely possible that he would leave me until he told me that he wouldn't. Grrr.

 

[Talus]

I never even thought about his leaving me until he said that he would never leave me, you know what I mean? Its like I can go about my day not thinking about potato chips and then someone mentions them and then it's all I can ******* think about.

It never occurred to me that it was remotely possible that he would leave me until he told me that he wouldn't. Grrr.

And now you've mentioned potato chips, so I now have to spend all day thinking about them too

I'm not sure if I did or not, but I wasn't meaning to imply directly on your situation. I was just remembering back how many girls had asked me questions like that.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

I'm not sure if I did or not, but I wasn't meaning to imply directly on your situation. I was just remembering back how many girls had asked me questions like that.

Oh, no worries.




And, sorry about the potato chips thing....