Would you still virginshame someone who is too old and single/inexperienced?

[maybetrollingmaybenot]

And do you know someone who would? I am not talking about mid-20s but sort of like age limit after which there's obviously an issue (30...31): be it looks, lack of "game", or physical condition?

 

[TheRealCallie]

I wouldn't "virginshame" anyone, regardless of age or gender or anything else for any reason.

 

[Abstamyous]

I struggle with understanding why it matters in general. It's not something that would stop me from having a relationship with someone. So no, I wouldn't shame a person for it. It's not my business.

 

[TheSkaFish]

No. People who do this are straight-up trash.
Basically they are congratulating themselves for being lucky and being cruel to others for not being lucky.

Looks or physical condition, is just ableism.

And the "lack of 'game'" part, I mean what is "game"? I always felt that if a person lacks "game", it means they aren't full of themselves, a cynic, a fast- or smooth-talker, or a good exaggerator/liar. I don't feel that these should be desirable traits.

I've always felt that "game" was playing hot/cold, push/pull, compliment/"neg" mental and emotional manipulation games, combined with exaggerating/lying about one's own strengths, achievements, or importance, all for personal gain.
It's basically the science of being a bs artist.
So when someone doesn't have "game" I feel it's like, good, they're a genuine person.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I struggle with understanding why it matters in general. It's not something that would stop me from having a relationship with someone. So no, I wouldn't shame a person for it. It's not my business.

Exactly this. Some people here seem to think no one would date a virgin because they are older. Sorry, but that's crap. People would. People do.

 

[user 190481]

I certainly wouldn't shame anyone.

After all said and done they must have felt they could talk/trust me in the first place to tell me about their personal life, so there is no way I would have even thought to shame them.

 

[user 135671]

No. People who do this are straight-up trash.
Basically they are congratulating themselves for being lucky and being cruel to others for not being lucky.

This totally

 

[Cherubino]

I live in a culture where being a rapist is more honorable than being a virgin

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I live in a culture where being a rapist is more honorable than being a virgin

So true even serial killers

 

[TropicalStarfish]

There's no, 'shame,' in being a virgin or single your entire adult life. Therefore, 'virginshame,' doesn't exist beyond being a misconception within one's mind.

Harassment/bullying/etc., is real, however. People give each other crap very often. Sometimes people troll one another (harass people online for their own entertainment/amusement/pleasure/joy.)

---

Language is what we use to communicate and there are far too many extremely, extremely, powerful institutions, that gain their power, by first, gaining control of the language we use to speak. So when people take up this practice of making up new words to push an agenda (Like institutional newspeak, what they are doing is adorning themselves with the customs of the conqueror. They legitimize his/her/etc.. bidding, by molding their self into the image of the conqueror. It may very well help one to win their own personal power struggle; but, it doesn't make the practice any less repugnant.

 

[Cherubino]

So true even serial killers

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ted_Bundy_(film)Many women were fascinated by him and he fathered a daughter while on death row

 

[4No1]

No, I wouldn't care. I really don't understand why it's so important.
On the other I can understand why people can worry about lack of an experience.

I knew one guy who ashamed everyone reached 19yo being virgin(ok, not everyone, only girls, maybe he used it as a way to suggest some help there)), but since that time even he grown up a little bit, so I don't know anyone who would.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ted_Bundy_(film)Many women were fascinated by him and he fathered a daughter while on death row

Literally even the gay one had women all over him w/e his name was

 

[Unsigned]

So when someone doesn't have "game" I feel it's like, good, they're a genuine person.

Me too.

But the guys with "game" really do get girls.
I've seen it too many times for it to be a fluke.

I can never do that type of thing because it is just the complete opposite of my personality, and honestly I think even if I was able to do it, I would get laughed at and ridiculed. Too much conditioning from when I was a kid. So it has never been nor ever will be an option.

Literally even the gay one had women all over him w/e his name was

Jeffrey Dahmer?


@maybetrollingmaybenot

No, I would never virginshame anyone.
Friendly ribbing perhaps -- only if it were a male relative or close friend.
But I would never cross the line into shaming.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Me too.

But the guys with "game" really do get girls.
I've seen it too many times for it to be a fluke.

I can never do that type of thing because it is just the complete opposite of my personality, and honestly I think even if I was able to do it, I would get laughed at and ridiculed. Too much conditioning from when I was a kid. So it has never been nor ever will be an option.

Yeah, I've seen it too. What really sucks is to watch an otherwise smart and cool girl, fall for some jerk's "game", and this guy isn't even anything special himself. He just has some level of base cunning, rather than true intelligence, the disagreeable/dominant personality, and an ego the size of the sun, for no reason. These guys are like "oh yeah I'm the best, I'm the king of the world". Best at what? Lying and bs'ing? You're not the king of anything, go home.

And I 100% agree, "game" is the opposite of my personality too. My brain and mind just aren't wired that way, just didn't form the right way for it. I don't think, feel, and see things in those terms. I think slowly, and I'm wired to be sincere. I'm not good at quick thinking or cunning. I'm not good at exaggerating or lying, I mean I can do those things but I'm not good at making them believable. I'm not naturally sarcastic or critical, and I don't have an instinctive drive to tease and make fun of others that I actually like or at least don't dislike, or I don't have a drive to compete or dominate in any way. I'm naturally agreeable and tend to just leave people be unless they bother or offend me. I don't think my mind could come up with any "game" if I wanted to.

Fortunately though, while it does work on some people, I don't think ALL women respond exclusively to "game", or seek it out or require it in men. I think it just means we have to look for people with more genuine personalities, like our own.

 

[user 135671]

You're not the king of anything, go home.

This literally made me cry laughing, you're an unsung poet Ska

 

[user 139760]

And do you know someone who would? I am not talking about mid-20s but sort of like age limit after which there's obviously an issue (30...31): be it looks, lack of "game", or physical condition?

No. In fact, I knew a lady who was exactly that. She was at the time in her early 50's and we almost had a thing. For her it was a religion thing, no sex before marriage. Which I honestly admired for her convictions, even if I didn't share them.
Don't know anyone I would virgin shame. In fact, I know some way past their 30's. There's nothing to shame. It's none of my business.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

As weird as this is gonna probably sound, sex is part of what makes breakups difficult for me to begin with. It has a very powerful mind-body connection to it. Despite having only been with 7 women since I was 16 (given that I'll be 35 in two months) in essence once I learned how to be stronger than that mind-body connection with another person by having a mind-body connection of my own, gradually I lost interest in it.

I was with the same woman from 16 to 24, which is oddly a very specific time period of life for people. Gradually we just grew into different adults that wanted different things out of life. Namely, I'm an oldschool advocate of The Hard Way in life, because I see value in the life skills it teaches along with the growth it brings, and she....mostly just lazily wanted to have everything handed to her and done for her.

So the result is: I'm nearly 35, and I mostly ditched cars because of expenses and to begin fighting for my health as I got older out of my 20s, and she's nearly 35 and still doesn't even know how to drive.

Mind you, I love the woman despite the fact that she proverbially ripped my heart out and ate it for dinner and totally destroyed my innocence, I'm just not IN LOVE with her, and haven't been for a very long time. I can't say that she never loved me, because she did help teach me things life skills wise, and we're still distant friends, as in haven't seen each other in over a decade nor do I plan on going back to that city anytime soon.

Effectively, I'm kind of, the dead thing that doesn't die. Which sort of figures, it's been that way most of my life.

The awkward thing that I learned about women over time (and this is also true of men, oddly) is that sexually speaking it doesn't matter how good or bad in bed you actually are, psychologically if they can't later use that as leverage over you, it's going to screw with their head quite a bit. You could be the absolute worst possible lay performance-wise, and if they can't use that as leverage against you to get under your skin later, it's going to ******* break them. The equivalent of when someone throws a punch, misses and hits a brick wall instead. Busted hand. Probably shouldn't have thrown the punch in the first place, just sayin'.

Part of that is because a great deal of people, both men and women, use sex and relationships as a form of validation and the hardest of hardcore dopamine hits, rather than of anything of authentic depth of value.

See, had I just been forwardly told that nearly 20 years ago, it would've just saved me a lot of heartache and suffering. Again, a lot of heartache and suffering in the world is the result of the fact that we inform our children wrong through fantasy to preserve their innocence, and then into adulthood they cruelly and crushingly discover that fantasy is not the same as reality without a very serious and dangerous divorce from rational practicality.

When you factor out the validation, the mental high of the dopamine, the fact that it just feels really good, and procreation itself, what then is the value of sex itself? Not the value of your partner, because your partner is a person, but the value of sex itself?

And so to answer your question directly:
I would never virginshame anyone of any age or gender, because sex when you are younger ends up being a lot like alcohol and drugs when you're younger: it's a great and fun experience when you're younger, but as you get older it eventually brings you to a pivot of life where either you control it or it controls you, and if you don't learn to control it, like with drugs and alcohol, it can and will **** your life up. So in most instances actually, alike with drinking, I kind of wished I'd never started. Because also alike with drinking, how it started and what I thought it was going to continue to be, eventually just wasn't.

I mean if I were more emotionally squishy like I was 15 years ago, I would still probably pedestalize love, sex, relationships and the elusive "American Dream." But in my age, time and experience, it all just became very: Meh, to me. If I'd had wanted a wife, a kid, a family and a mortgage than yeah, I probably would still be sold on that idea. But to someone like me, it doesn't matter how golden and glittery the prison bars are, a cage is still a cage to me.

Gradually, I wanted a life of freedom. Freedom from mental chains that bind, that allow me to temper myself and the world around me to that mental freedom. Which means in terms of rational practicality, that I cannot rightfully bring someone down this path that is not already on it themselves, and we are very few and very far in-between.

I'm more okay with being the crazy village hermit living in a hut away from the village, than I am being the head of the tribe. I'm more medicine man, less warrior king.

 

[okidoke]

Still? I never would.

 

[TheSkaFish]

This literally made me cry laughing, you're an unsung poet Ska

The laddie reckons himself a poet!