Yeah, another "Never had a girlfriend" post

[ardour]

It sounds utterly corny but you can't make anyone like you, all you can do is be the best version of you.

Expand your interests, get some sleep, don't spend all your spare time gaming. Instead of just focussing on pleasing others, think about the qualities in another that interests you.

In the end, if you find yourself alone, then you're not really alone; there are plenty of men who will never experience any kind of relationship.

 

[BeyondShy]

It sounds utterly corny but you can't make anyone like you, all you can do is be the best version of you.

It does not sound corny at all.

In the end, if you find yourself alone, then you're not really alone; there are plenty of men who will never experience any kind of relationship.

Great, bring me in the conversation.

 

[Shiloh253]

It's not so much the kids thing that bugs me, it's the fact that they seemed so surprised and almost discouraged that I wasn't even dating anybody. I made up some BS story about dating a girl last year, but that left a horrid taste in my mouth. But honestly, that was easier than telling them that their son seems incapable of forming close relationships with people.

 

[Xpendable]

I feel you.

27yrs, Never had a GF, virgin, kissless, hugless and so on. I actually have to save little moments from my life when women gave me compliments because there's literally nothing else. My family has called me out on this a couple of times; one time pretty bad. It doesn't help my self-esteem having this pression on me. Every year I think "this may be the year I'll find someone". It has been about 10 years now and nothing has changed much.
I've changed. I've become smarter and more knowledgeable, I'm a lot less shy of what I used to be in my teens and I'm less concerned with what others think of me. But it seems that I just orbit around women like a bland entity. I don't want to think that my persona doesn't fit with what they could find attractive.
I like how I am. It depress me to think that I have to change to get rid of this frustration. Maybe if I was a really violent guy, or demeaning to others. Maybe if I was arrogant or self-destructive, Then change would be the right thing to do to be accepted, but I'm not those things. I don't know what is that makes women form a force field around me and throw me to the bottom of the barrel of their options.

 

[VanillaCreme]

It's not so much the kids thing that bugs me, it's the fact that they seemed so surprised and almost discouraged that I wasn't even dating anybody. I made up some BS story about dating a girl last year, but that left a horrid taste in my mouth. But honestly, that was easier than telling them that their son seems incapable of forming close relationships with people.

If you are capable or not, it doesn't matter. They should respect you either way. It's kind of sad to think that if you did have a girlfriend, they'd consider your feelings more. They should consider your feelings and not blatantly hurt them simply because you're not dating. It's such a lack of care and respect if they blatantly don't give a damn because of that one reason.

 

[Stonely]

I agree, you can't make anyone like you. It was a mindshock when I first figured this out after being naive years ago and thinking you could make someone like you.

 

[Shiloh253]

Just to clarify: I don't think my parents exactly know how those comments sat with me, and I'm not exactly the best at conveying emotion. So yeah, they probably don't realize what that meant to me.

 

[matt4]

Yea, totally not possible to make someone like you. All we can do is be ourselves.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Just to clarify: I don't think my parents exactly know how those comments sat with me, and I'm not exactly the best at conveying emotion. So yeah, they probably don't realize what that meant to me.

Well, maybe you should tell them. How else is someone supposed to know they've upset you in any way? They might think you just took the comments with stride.

 

[HoodedMonk]

In the end, if you find yourself alone, then you're not really alone; there are plenty of men who will never experience any kind of relationship.

Plenty of people.

 

[C-Lion]

So I noticed this post was made in February of 2014 and that it's still getting a whole lot of responses and such. I don't much have the time at the moment to see if anything has improved but I would like to offer a suggestion perhaps!

I'm not sure if it's been mentioned...but have you tried OkCupid? That's where I met my fiance. Sometimes it's not just your own self that's keeping you from finding a girlfriend but a lot of the times it's just location, area, and who you meet and come across. I would have absolutely never met my fiance if I hadn't been on OkCupid. There were no places that we had come across each other, even though being within 50 miles of each other literally our entire lifes. All 25 years of them! lol.

I say try online. See what happens. The worst that could ever happen is someone says no. The world doesn't end at no.

 

[Batman55]

I say try online. See what happens. The worst that could ever happen is someone says no. The world doesn't end at no.

What happens when the "nos" start piling up, or the weight of indifference becomes so heavy, it starts to bruise the ego..?

 

[BeyondShy]

I'm not sure if it's been mentioned...but have you tried OkCupid? That's where I met my fiance. Sometimes it's not just your own self that's keeping you from finding a girlfriend but a lot of the times it's just location, area, and who you meet and come across. I would have absolutely never met my fiance if I hadn't been on OkCupid. There were no places that we had come across each other, even though being within 50 miles of each other literally our entire lifes. All 25 years of them! lol.

This is not even worth responding to. And I won't/

The worst that could ever happen is someone says no. The world doesn't end at no.

It does not. That's true. But like Batman55 said what if they start piling up?

Anyway, I wrote too much.

 

[bender22]

It does not. That's true. But like Batman55 said what if they start piling up?

Anyway, I wrote too much.

If you joined okcupid, sent out 99 messages and got 99 'nos' then on your 100th message you got a yes from your ideal girl, would you really care about those nos?

Not that I'm suggesting you join okcupid, just curious to hear your answer.

 

[ardour]

It does not. That's true. But like Batman55 said what if they start piling up?

Anyway, I wrote too much.

If you joined okcupid, sent out 99 messages and got 99 'nos' then on your 100th message you got a yes from your ideal girl, would you really care about those nos?

Not that I'm suggesting you join okcupid, just curious to hear your answer.

Mind if I answer?? Yes, 99 rejections out of 100 in any context would matter, because it means the vast majority of women find you unattractive. That being the case, the final 'yes' could be a very tentative, following by a swift 'no'.

If you're considered unattractive, you tend to be judged more harshly on your personality and other traits, so all those rejections do not bode well.

 

[Shiloh253]

Pretty much what Ardour said. Even just getting rejections from asking "Hey, can I get you a coffee?" hurt like a sumbitch.

And my other problem with those online dating sites is that, on the incredibly small off-chance a girl actually said yes, unless she literally lives around the corner I'm screwed. Don't have a car/license and I'm not going to ask one of my friends to drive me 200 miles to meet somebody I met over the internet.

Also forgot to mention that I'm moving in about a month to start my 4-your degree at the university of Wyoming. Not sure if that'll help or hurt, but we'll have to see.

 

[VanillaCreme]

What happens when the "nos" start piling up, or the weight of indifference becomes so heavy, it starts to bruise the ego..?

Don't have an ego about it.

Mind if I answer?? Yes, 99 rejections out of 100 in any context would matter, because it means the vast majority of women find you unattractive. That being the case, the final 'yes' could be a very tentative, following by a swift 'no'.

If you're considered unattractive, you tend to be judged more harshly on your personality and other traits, so all those rejections do not bode well.

So that one person that said yes to you doesn't matter at all? Paying attention to the negatives gets you just that... Negatives. Okay, so the majority of people can find someone unattractive; Everyone's different. But that one person that does find you attractive is null and void because the 99 before them said no? If you really want to think that way, I don't think there should be any room for complaint.

 

[bender22]

Mind if I answer?? Yes, 99 rejections out of 100 in any context would matter, because it means the vast majority of women find you unattractive. That being the case, the final 'yes' could be a very tentative, following by a swift 'no'.

If you're considered unattractive, you tend to be judged more harshly on your personality and other traits, so all those rejections do not bode well.

What if that final yes was a very certain yes that turned into a positive relationship?

'Yes, 99 rejections out of 100 in any context would matter, because it means the vast majority of women find you unattractive.' Does it though? A woman 'rejecting' you doesn't necessarily mean she finds you unattractive. She might be in a bad mood at the time, she might be seeing someone, she may not want to look slutty in front of her friends. If it's online, she might be getting so many messages from other guys, she just doesn't have time to respond to your message.

Good looking guys get rejected for these reasons too. I doubt anyone would get 99 rejections out of 100 anyway and if they did it wouldn't be purely because of their looks.

 

[Xpendable]

What if they said no 1000 times without a single exception?

 

[C-Lion]

I feel like there's just a whole lot of negativity and self-defeating attitudes about it. Which when you think it ain't gonna happen, it's probably not gonna happen. Ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy?

But anyhow. It was a suggestion. If you rather not try, then that's your choice. But you can't ever get ahead if you don't step forward. Just my thought.

Good luck regardless of what you choose to do.