Yeah, another "Never had a girlfriend" post

[VanillaCreme]

I like to think of creepy as a personality trait.

 

[Shiloh253]

I guess I just exude that kind of air about me. Tried to say "hi" and smiled at a girl as I was walking past her today, and she immediately looked away and didn't say a word back. Yep, I definitely pissed off a gypsy in a previous life or something.

 

[Katerina]

I guess I just exude that kind of air about me. Tried to say "hi" and smiled at a girl as I was walking past her today, and she immediately looked away and didn't say a word back. Yep, I definitely pissed off a gypsy in a previous life or something.

Try not to think too much on it, if anything I'd say it was kind of rude for her not to say 'hi' back. But maybe she had things on her mind or something.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I guess I just exude that kind of air about me. Tried to say "hi" and smiled at a girl as I was walking past her today, and she immediately looked away and didn't say a word back. Yep, I definitely pissed off a gypsy in a previous life or something.

Most men would get a similar response.

If somebody looks at you or smiles then say 'hello'. Otherwise don't bother. Some people aren't that friendly.
And of course if somebody says 'Hi' to you always reply.

 

[ardour]

Most men would get a similar response.

True. Don't take it personally OP.

 

[SocialRonin]

Hey, if you feel bad about never having a girlfriend and you are in your twenties, look at me. I'm a year away from being 40. And I've never had a girlfriend. And you know what? Could be worse. I refuse to believe this is the worst thing in the world. I mean, it's not easy, and I feel bad about it a lot. But I also need to live and survive. My path has been different from others. So is all yours. I accept it for what it is. One thing I've learned in all these years is, feeling sorry for yourself is a very slippery slope. I don't have time for it anymore. I need to live. The sooner any of us figures that out for ourselves, the sooner we can not be the character from that Steve Carrel film. And you know what, if that happens? So what. It is what it is. I don't need to feel bad about having a different path.

 

[johnny196775Again]

Do people who want desperately to not be a virgin every go to a prostitue to cure that need?

 

[SocialRonin]

That wouldn't cure any need. I mean, I suppose if you think that would cure something you are free to try it. But it'd be like trying to put a band aid on a third degree burn.

 

[Shiloh253]

Do people who want desperately to not be a virgin every go to a prostitue to cure that need?

I don't know if this true across the board, but at least for me sex isn't what I'm going for. Yeah, I'm sure it's great, but that's not my primary goal in wanting to be ina relationship with someone. It's to be able to share my life with someone else who cares, and vice versa. To me, emotional connection is more important than a physical one.

Also, I had a question I wanted to bring up. There's a girl who works in the same department as me (I don't want to use the term co-workers because that's not really how things are structured, we all work independently 99% of the time) who I've known for a little while. She doesn't seem to detest me like most do, and we get along pretty well. Right now I'd put our standing as somewhere between acquaintances and friends. I'd really like to ask her out, but there's a few things that concern me:

1) The obvious, AKA my crippling anxiety.
2) I have no idea if she's single or not. I could never just go up and ask "hey, are you in a relationship?". How could I find out without seeming creepy?

 

[johnny196775Again]

i am sorry. My question above really had nothing to do with this thread.

 

[Shiloh253]

Do people who want desperately to not be a virgin every go to a prostitue to cure that need?

I don't know if this true across the board, but at least for me sex isn't what I'm going for. Yeah, I'm sure it's great, but that's not my primary goal in wanting to be ina relationship with someone. It's to be able to share my life with someone else who cares, and vice versa. To me, emotional connection is more important than a physical one.

Also, I had a question I wanted to bring up. There's a girl who works in the same department as me (I don't want to use the term co-workers because that's not really how things are structured, we all work independently 99% of the time) who I've known for a little while. She doesn't seem to detest me like most do, and we get along pretty well. Right now I'd put our standing as somewhere between acquaintances and friends. I'd really like to ask her out, but there's a few things that concern me:

1) The obvious, AKA my crippling anxiety.
2) I have no idea if she's single or not. I could never just go up and ask "hey, are you in a relationship?". How could I find out without seeming creepy?

Any advice on this?

 

[consmap]

Do people who want desperately to not be a virgin every go to a prostitue to cure that need?

I don't know if this true across the board, but at least for me sex isn't what I'm going for. Yeah, I'm sure it's great, but that's not my primary goal in wanting to be ina relationship with someone. It's to be able to share my life with someone else who cares, and vice versa. To me, emotional connection is more important than a physical one.

Also, I had a question I wanted to bring up. There's a girl who works in the same department as me (I don't want to use the term co-workers because that's not really how things are structured, we all work independently 99% of the time) who I've known for a little while. She doesn't seem to detest me like most do, and we get along pretty well. Right now I'd put our standing as somewhere between acquaintances and friends. I'd really like to ask her out, but there's a few things that concern me:

1) The obvious, AKA my crippling anxiety.
2) I have no idea if she's single or not. I could never just go up and ask "hey, are you in a relationship?". How could I find out without seeming creepy?

Any advice on this?

Honestly dude I'd just ask her out. She'll probably tell you if she has a BF at that point.

 

[M_also_lonely]

Hello, Hi. Me too, a 20 year old. Never had a girlfriend. Never kissed/never hugged/never received smile from a girl.. And I was same as you about a few days ago. But after getting help here, I am working on my habits and getting rid of negativity (the biggest problem of mine).

Most of the people would say, "There is somebody out there" "20 is nothing." True, but does that make sure that u will surely get the "somebody out there" person???? What if she thinks like you?? , sitting and wondering "Why would anybody fall foe me?"

I would always wonder the same, "Why would anybody fall for me when they have got so many great people all around?"
Remember Good Looks are like Cocaine to others. Sure they would help people, make them crazy. But wont help in the long run.


The best solution to this is to stop worrying about this all the time. Scientific reason: If u worry about it all day and night, ur mind will make ur behaviour needy/ whenever u meet some woman u will throw a lot of expectations on her. U will act and feel as if u urgently need somebody ASAP.

Let go of these thoughts first. This will make ur mind open for focusing on what I am going to tell u next.

Then comes success. Its not smart/cool, etc that a woman wants to be with. They want a successful person.Well, success doesn't mean money/career, etc. A farmer being able to feed his kids is more successful that a businessman who has got no time to talk to his children. Successful means happy. If u r happy, u will make somebody happy. Do each of ur work keeping in mind this thought.

To be successful, u need talent. For talent, u need passion. For passion, u need purpose.Talent rises/borns in u when ur passion is strong Passion comes when ur purpose/reason to achieve that goal/desire does not let u sleep. Do u a goal like that?? If nor, find it. If not able to find it, do all the things u have not done yet. Who knows, u r s better doctor than a lawyer. Or a better football player than a baseball player??? Have u tried??


As soon as u find that goal, work on it, u will automatically start meeting new people, and who knows, u will find that "somebody out there" person!!!!!

I promise you that this "somebody out there" person is not going to come to your room and say "So I am here." bcz u r not a magician. Well, but u r a man, so try the above things and u will surely find happiness.

 

[Shiloh253]

I'm really, really sorry for necroing this thread, but I didn't think I needed to spam the forum with new topics soooo-

I've been gone for a while, mostly just busy with school stuff and the like, and in terms of my original situation nothing's changed. And for a time I was kinda okay with that until I went home for a little vacation about a week ago. Now my parents are starting to jump on my back about the whole relationship thing too.

Long story short, my brother came out as gay a few years ago and my folks lost their minds. Almost kicked him out of the house, tried to "fix" him (though that didn't work out so well, considering he was living on his own) etc etc. They're a little more accepting of it now, but still not happy.

So when I was home both my parents started asking me the usual questions. "Are you seeing anyone?" "Why not?!" "You haven't dated anyone yet, have you?" "You need to get out and meet people!"

But what bugged the hell out of me was a comment that basically boiled down to: "Well, since your brother isn't giving us any grandkids now it's up to you, you'd better find someone soon."

I don't think I've ever felt the same combination of anger and bitter disappointment in myself at the same time before in my life.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I don't think I've ever felt the same combination of anger and bitter disappointment in myself at the same time before in my life.

If you feel anger and bitter disappointment, it should be directed at your parents, not yourself.
First, your brother CAN still give them grandchildren, there's surrogacy, not to mention adoption. Do you even want kids?
Second, you will find someone when you are ready to, don't feel down on yourself just because you haven't found anyone yet. Keep trying and don't give up.

 

[Blueforge88]

Shiloh, I can understand how you feel about being alone and not in a relationship. I can't say that, I've never had a girlfriend but, I have attracted a few women who took advantage of me. I am in my late twenties, still single with what seems like no hope. I see alot of post about people not having luck and treating a solitary lifestyle like as a bane. I can tell you that you shouldn't let anyone pressure you about relationships (Family and Friends especially).

I am an only child and pretty much the only means of continuing the family. Occasionally, my mom makes comments about "When will she have grandchildren" and jokes with her friends about "ever having grandchildren". It used to bother me and I used wish that I had brothers in my life to give her what she wants but, the truth is, I wasent put in this world to give her a new generation in which, she can be Mom again. I love my parents but, my life is my own and now that Im an adult and done with school, I'll see where fate leads me.

Being single sucks most when, Im around friends and classmates. I have two friends in particular that, annoy me the most when it comes to relationships. One friend can be a real ******* at times, when we jokes around he always calls me "gay" or ask when am I gonna get a girlfriend. Another friend floats between women, he acts like a parasite and uses them for their resources. Recently, the latter has been in two year relationship and now, they are open. It sucks, that there are people who abuse and flaunt thier relationships while, others dream of being in one but, its cold reality of life. I can't even account of all the classmates I've met in college that, have been in a relationship for years or getting married in their mid twenties.

However, I'll end with this: Nothing is promised to us in our lives. From the moment we are born, most of us will have to struggle. If, there is one thing being alone has taught me is that, you have to think about yourself first. I've spent so much time alone that, when I had met ladies I rarely spent time to get to know them. When, your constantly overlooked and someone notices, you get lost in this euphoria, that you dont pay attention to the details.

I've been: Friend-zoned. Used as a hook up. Used as act of Rebelling from Family and tradition. Lied to. Some of the things we go through with toxic relationships. Eventually, I was content with giving up but, it took a really special woman to enter my life and tell me to move on to get me out of that funk. We are actually pretty good friends now and I met here by going the extra mile and getting to know her.

So, in your search for companionship, you shouldnt let others dictate your life or influence you because, they want something from you. Don't just look for "someone" to be with but, the "right" one to be with. DONT EVER GIVE UP! No matter how old you get!

 

[Shiloh253]

@TheRealCallie: Eventually yeah, I'd love to have kids. Just not seeing that happening right now. And as far as my brother, my parents have ever so subtly hinted that if he adopted/had a surrogate mother, they'd find it difficult to accept that child as part of their family.

@blueforge: I can definitely relate to being around my friends who are constantly asking why I don't have a girlfriend. What bugs me the most is how they act like it's soooo easy to get to know people, when they don't realize that I'm basically socially inept at a lot of things. And trying to talk to more people doesn't always help; the more I screw up in that department the more likely I am to withdraw even more and not try in the first place.

 

[Two Wheels One Up]

You just need to cross paths with the right person at the right time and put yourself out there right at that moment. This is a rare moment that doesn't present itself often but it does happen and it's totally unexpected and 100% worth the wait. Also for me it has always been easier to meet girls through friends or friends of friends when being socially ackward/shy.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Now my parents are starting to jump on my back about the whole relationship thing too.

. . .

But what bugged the hell out of me was a comment that basically boiled down to: "Well, since your brother isn't giving us any grandkids now it's up to you, you'd better find someone soon."

I don't think I've ever felt the same combination of anger and bitter disappointment in myself at the same time before in my life.

I know they're your parents, but it isn't any of their business when you reproduce. That goes way beyond their parenting rights telling you when you need to procreate. It's one thing if maybe they were joking around or poking at you a bit for it. My mom does the same with me now, asking when or if I'm going to start having kids. Even my brother, who I'm not particularly close to, has even showed some excitement in the matter. But neither of them have demanded I pop out a baby at any time.

Believe me, I get that your parents may want the title of grandparents, but that's not the way to go about it. It's really, truly none of their business. If you decide to never have kids, there's nothing they can do about it. That's your choice. Not theirs. And it's a basic level of respect that they've surpassed in the way you've described their attitude and behavior.

If it bothers you so, then you should seriously consider telling them that it's up to you, not them, and hopefully they'll learn some boundaries in the matter.

 

[BeyondShy]

If it bothers you so, then you should seriously consider telling them that it's up to you, not them, and hopefully they'll learn some boundaries in the matter.

Excellent advice.