Yeah, another "Never had a girlfriend" post

[WildernessWildChild]

^ *WWC chokes laughing*

 

[Triple Bogey]

I don't see how your example of the woman with the jerk could lead any man witnessing this to be depressed or frustrated about his own lot in life. After all, she chose the drama-queen of a boyfriend, so she can damn well live with that decision.

These mismatches are everywhere though. It means you can't focus your efforts on those (you would think) might want you. The right match isn't right or he's lacking the one thing she needs/wants.

opposites attract, don't restrict yourself to women of a certain type. I would say if you like a woman and she is single then ask her out.

 

[SofiasMami]

You again ?
I'm sick of this. Make me. Report some ******** about me being sexist so that I get banned and you can live in your quiet fantasy. Either that, or come with some arguments, not just the "you're not a woman, so don't say what they like or what they don't like". I am not a woman, but I've dated women, had girlfriends and so on. That's why I can say ****, because I had to learn what they want.
How many women have you dated ? How many girlfriends did you have ? The "I'm a woman, I know what women want" is ********. What women say they want rarely is what they really want. You can only learn what they want by trying to date them, sleep with them and so on, not by listening to them.
Of course, not everybody is the same, but there are general rules about what people do. They apply to the majority. What the majority does is obvious, because in this age we have news, media, magazines, we know lost of people 'cause of internet, that and we have our own experiences. So, yes, there are general rules. I am therefore speaking about the majority. If you're not part of it, I don't understand why you keep catching fire every time I post stuff.
Maybe you've already guessed that my loneliness is more of a choice, than an impossibility or lack of skill to end it if I want to. However, that doesn't take away my right to state an opinion.

Ahem- I'd like to take a moment and clarify that the opinions and riddles of ALG are not representative of all males.

That is all.

Thank you and to the other men here (and the ones I know offline) for being mature and respectful. It doesn't go unnoticed.

-Teresa

 

[sk66rc]

Point is, you just don't know what will cause for you & a girl to really click... When you try to push the issue, people in general can be slightly turned off by it... Be yourself & have fun... Things will happen on their own...

The thing is though.. my entire life I've basically taken this advice and just sat back and did nothing. And that led to nothing. So then.. what to do?

(Although there is a major asterisk here... I've extremely limited social experience, if there's an activity anywhere, odds are I'll not be there.. basically I've shut myself out from the world.)

Problem with experiences is that you won't get any until you start doing something... Some of the crap I pulled when I was younger, it's only by a miracle I haven't been locked up & even worse... I guess that's part of growing up... Now I know better... I remember you commenting on another thread not too long ago about a guy who was nuts about a girl in his class... I remember telling him something along the line of "stalking"... Though I may have used a wrong expression in that case, I still feel the same way... Just about everything in life won't happen, or at least to our liking, unless you take an initiative... But I'm sure you know that already... As weird as it sounds, you know what makes it easier? Hanging around drunk people... I know it's not an ideal situation for a lot of people but I found it was easy to talk to drunk people... I'm not saying you should start drinking... But the whole idea of "she's too drunk to remember our conversation so what do I care if I screw up" type of thought can put your mind at ease... It sounds weird even as I'm typing this but it worked for me...

 

[ardour]

Problem with experiences is that you won't get any until you start doing something... Some of the crap I pulled when I was younger, it's only by a miracle I haven't been locked up & even worse... I guess that's part of growing up... Now I know better... I remember you commenting on another thread not too long ago about a guy who was nuts about a girl in his class... I remember telling him something along the line of "stalking"... Though I may have used a wrong expression in that case, I still feel the same way... Just about everything in life won't happen, or at least to our liking, unless you take an initiative... But I'm sure you know that already... As weird as it sounds, you know what makes it easier? Hanging around drunk people... I know it's not an ideal situation for a lot of people but I found it was easy to talk to drunk people... I'm not saying you should start drinking... But the whole idea of "she's too drunk to remember our conversation so what do I care if I screw up" type of thought can put your mind at ease... It sounds weird even as I'm typing this but it worked for me...

Hmmm, hanging around drunk women could get you a reputation.

"Stalking" doesn't work. Make an attempt at conversation to show you're interested in knowing them, then leave the ball in their court. Aside from incessantly bothering someone, what else can you do?

 

[sk66rc]

Hmmm, hanging around drunk women could get you a reputation.

"Stalking" doesn't work. Make an attempt at conversation to show you're interested in knowing them, then leave the ball in their court. Aside from incessantly bothering someone, what else can you do?

Well, part about stalking, I was referring to conversation in the other thread... He'll know what I'm talking about... Issue I see with "leaving a ball in their court" can lead to awkward silence or them just walking away... When I was talking about hanging around drunk people, I wasn't talking about going out of the way to hang around drunk people all the time... When I read his comment about socially inexperienced, I was suggesting that he should get comfortable being around people... I know it can be awkward for some people... More often than not, drunk people are either having fun themselves or too drunk to really care how the conversation goes... Just a process of getting used to being around people... Besides, if he's worried about his reputation, there's not a lot of room to really do much...

 

[Batman55]

Words of wisdom.. thanx.

Ardour, I think you should try making one approach per week... if I can get you to do that, I'll follow with one approach per month.. maybe

 

[ardour]

Any ideas on where to do that? Bus stop? Bar/Club? 35 year-old man hitting on women in their early 20's. Or maybe hit on one of my female colleagues, because we all know how well that can turn out.

 

[jaguarundi]

Hey Batters, Ardour, I think you two supporting each other to do that is a pretty good idea, you know! Don't be so gloomy about it, get out of your comfort zone and give it a go. Regard it as practice, not as a likely way of meeting MsRight, and yes Ardour ..why not a bus stop in that case?

No one is going to wave a magic wand to find you gentlemen a girlfriend. If I could I would, but I am not a fairy godmother, and i dont know any either, so it has to be up to you, yes?

 

[ardour]

Normally that would be my q to say why aren't they finding us etc. in some tired rant.

Perhaps he and I should man up and ask out complete strangers, I mean what have we to lose except our dignity.To hell with the disgusted responses and the harassment charges that may ensue I'm willing to give it a shot b-man, if you are.

 

[Batman55]

Then after my optimism fades away I'm thinking, if I don't have anything a woman is interested in.. why bother when you know the results won't be good, and when it's likely you'll be left with a lower self-image than before?

Just because you begin to deal with the pain of indifference and rejection from the opposite sex, doesn't mean you'll be immune it in the future.

In other words, if you want to approach women, you need to have some social status, some accomplishments, certainty of your station in life, confidence. Otherwise it's not worth the loss of your own perceived self-value. This is pretty much what I said in my last reply in that other thread, which no one replied to.

 

[jaguarundi]

Batters, Ardour.. Sometimes I don't know whether to slap you silly or hug you until your eyes pop. Sometimes both at once..

However today I will do neither. Instead may I direct you to the following book

'The Games People Play' Eric Berne. The chapter called Why don't you - Yes but.'

It might not be true of you guys, but oh my! Sometimes it feels like it

And Batters, if you were aiming your comments about not answering your post at me, then I apologise. I have had other things on my mind lately, and sometimes, you know, I feel like there really isn't anything left to say to you, on these subjects.

 

[bender22]

How do you know the results will be bad if you've never tried Batman? What exactly would you consider bad results anyway? What do you think will happen if you approach a woman?

Also I completely disagree that you need social status, accomplishments and certainty of your life situation to approach women.

 

[Batman55]

Batters, Ardour.. Sometimes I don't know whether to slap you silly or hug you until your eyes pop. Sometimes both at once..

However today I will do neither. Instead may I direct you to the following book

'The Games People Play' Eric Berne. The chapter called Why don't you - Yes but.'

It might not be true of you guys, but oh my! Sometimes it feels like it

And Batters, if you were aiming your comments about not answering your post at me, then I apologise. I have had other things on my mind lately, and sometimes, you know, I feel like there really isn't anything left to say to you, on these subjects.

Thanks for your reply here. That was not aimed at you actually, but just in general... I believe it was in Weasel's thread.. I actually took some time to write about my feelings on this subject.. it takes me a while to write a post sometimes.. was thinking someone could relate or had something to offer. but i guess not. not a big deal tho.

 

[Shiloh253]

Huh, I leave for a week and this thread seems to blow up :/

I guess it's been more of the same lately. Had a friend try to hook me up with someone last week and aside from a few awkward (at least on my end) text conversations, nothing's changed. Besides, she's leaving for an archeology program tomorrow so I pretty much gave up there, not that it would have made a difference anyway.

 

[Limlim]

Why would your friend hook you up with someone who was on their way out?

 

[Shiloh253]

Why would your friend hook you up with someone who was on their way out?

Not sure. I don't think he knew in the first place.

 

[Shiloh253]

Thought I was doing okay at the whole "being alone forever" thing until today. My friend back home just got married. My roommate tried to get me to ask out some girl he knew, but all she said (with what I'll say is a look of mild disgust on her face) that she "had to do some stuff." Another buddy just started dating a new girl at our school.

I can't keep doing this. Every day is getting harder. I followed people's advice; picked up some hobbies, spent more time around other people, tried to put myself out there but nothing works. Every time I try to edge my way past the "Hi, how're you?" stage it all falls apart. I'm giving up. Some people are made for this, apparently I'm just not one of them.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I can't keep doing this. Every day is getting harder. I followed people's advice; picked up some hobbies, spent more time around other people, tried to put myself out there but nothing works. Every time I try to edge my way past the "Hi, how're you?" stage it all falls apart. I'm giving up. Some people are made for this, apparently I'm just not one of them.

I can relate. I actually just met someone new within the past month or so, and we started exchanging emails. We had some pretty big interests in common, and it seemed like she wanted to keep talking to me and even said something about how I looked completely different than she thought in a great way, that I look like exactly the kind of guy she goes for. But that's gone cold...haven't heard from her in a while. I don't know what to do either. I've tried the whole self-improvement thing too only for it to not work out. In fact, I'm more bitter and cynical about all of this than I was when I arrived.

I'm sorry I don't have any advice or any solution to share, but I haven't had anything work out for me, myself. All I can really do is say "I know".

 

[EveWasFramed]

Thought I was doing okay at the whole "being alone forever" thing until today. My friend back home just got married. My roommate tried to get me to ask out some girl he knew, but all she said (with what I'll say is a look of mild disgust on her face) that she "had to do some stuff." Another buddy just started dating a new girl at our school.

I can't keep doing this. Every day is getting harder. I followed people's advice; picked up some hobbies, spent more time around other people, tried to put myself out there but nothing works. Every time I try to edge my way past the "Hi, how're you?" stage it all falls apart. I'm giving up. Some people are made for this, apparently I'm just not one of them.

You know, Shiloh....sometimes, the timing in our lives just isn't opportune for finding a potential partner. The reasons will vary, from person to person, but don't give up just yet. I understand (from experience) how difficult it can be to be alone. I'm not discounting your loneliness at all - but please give it some time. There every reason to believe, that at some point, things will line up and you will be fortunate enough to find someone.