You are allowed to love people, while disliking to be around them

[user 176211]

I was just having a few thoughts and wanted to express/vent them before I forget. I'm just taking a break in the middle of my work day.

But I just want to express to people that it's ok if you LOVE your family, but dislike being around them. That's ok. Nothing is wrong with you. You aren't "bad", or "bitter", or "ungrateful".

Relationships are a complex thing, especially when you grow up your whole life being told through family, TV, movies, and books that family is absolute and without question. Yet howcome we can recognize distant love within the confines of romantic relationships? You see it all the time. People who love each other, but recognize that they shouldn't be together. Or people who love someone, but aren't IN love with them and they can't be. Why can't this be applied to family.

I was thinking about my parents and how involved (trapped) I am in taking care of them. Obviously I love them. I have given up so much of my time to help them. So much so that I have legitimately lost opportunities at normal life events. I have lost out on women who've wanted to marry me. Opportunities to travel. Study. Otherwise live a good life. I am old enough where I am getting over this to an extent- but I have come to realize I hate being around them. I recognize that when they are gone, I will feel different. I know this. I am human.

But I think a lot of it comes from the fact that they raised me without truly showing me an appreciation for anything. I don't mean in a spoiled way. But with all the constant fighting, and yelling, and violence, and using the kids as a weapon. Its very evident that their egos were more important than their children's ability to feel safe, loved, and supported. And all of that translates into little things when they get old. And so when I am here, everything has to be a contrary thing. I tell them a show is on a certain channel, they have to argue that they didn't find it and "something must be wrong". But in reality, they're what's wrong. They're old and no longer understand like 95% of this world.

I know that sounds petty and a small example. But take that small petty example, and multiply it by 55 million other little interactions like that. Per day. Everytime you meet. All the time you meet. Like NOTHING registers in these people's minds that they have burned every bridge in their world, and the one person who they have for help is at the very end of his rope.

I love them. Always will. But it's ok for me to not want to be around them. And perhaps this is just nature at work because I should have been living my own life with a marriage and kids by now. At least 4 times over. I love them, but I don't like to be around them.

It just made me feel better to write this.

 

[lotsarocks]

I was thinking about my parents and how involved (trapped) I am in taking care of them. Obviously I love them. I have given up so much of my time to help them. So much so that I have legitimately lost opportunities at normal life events. I have lost out on women who've wanted to marry me. Opportunities to travel. Study. Otherwise live a good life.

This really hit. It feels somewhat of a relief on some level to read someone else’s experiences who understands. I love my parents as well, but there are a lot of complexities surrounding the situation and I have had to sacrifice a lot of opportunities as well. I know there’s no set age in which things need be accomplished, but I feel like my chances at any kinds of relationships or adventures have dwindled. They become all consuming and it’s difficult to understand even how to forge any other kind of relationship.