Every relationship is worse than the last

[ladyforsaken]

There are always red flags, pointers, warnings.

Learn how to recognize these and you'll be in a much better position to choose whom to involve yourself with.

I think so too. ^^

The only reason we would overlook the red flags would be either you are inexperienced / unaware or you are not firm enough with your boundaries or what you want or seek for exactly. It is always nice to get attention at first, but you gotta also look at their overall behaviour.

 

[Pike Creek]

There are always red flags, pointers, warnings.

Learn how to recognize these and you'll be in a much better position to choose whom to involve yourself with.

I think so too. ^^

The only reason we would overlook the red flags would be either you are inexperienced / unaware or you are not firm enough with your boundaries or what you want or seek for exactly. It is always nice to get attention at first, but you gotta also look at their overall behaviour.

I would also add that ignoring red flags could be that you are too hopeful that they aren't really red flags. That's something I've done, hoping that it was an isolated red flag incident or something out of a desire to want things to go well. We ignore our instincts way too much, but they are usually pretty accurate if we really think about it.

 

[ladyforsaken]

There are always red flags, pointers, warnings.

Learn how to recognize these and you'll be in a much better position to choose whom to involve yourself with.

I think so too. ^^

The only reason we would overlook the red flags would be either you are inexperienced / unaware or you are not firm enough with your boundaries or what you want or seek for exactly. It is always nice to get attention at first, but you gotta also look at their overall behaviour.

I would also add that ignoring red flags could be that you are too hopeful that they aren't really red flags. That's something I've done, hoping that it was an isolated red flag incident or something out of a desire to want things to go well. We ignore our instincts way too much, but they are usually pretty accurate if we really think about it.

Yes, that too, good point.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Every relationship, whether or not it is a friendship or a romantic one, is a learning experience. You can't beat yourself up for failing, because you gained experience.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

A better thread title might've been Every relationship is different than the last....

 

[Triple Bogey]

A better thread title might've been Every relationship is different than the last....

correct

 

[ladyforsaken]

A better thread title might've been Every relationship is different than the last....

Definitely.

 

[Disaffected]

 

[ardour]

As you experience more negativity from people you begin reflect that back; looking out for signs of them growing tired of you; trying to anticipate a sudden change in feelings. Oviously this creates a lot paranoia. It’s possible you might have subconsciously sabotaging it to avoid the pain of rejection again. But then bad luck could also explain this, in other words IT'S THEM.

People who like one another should have some tolerance for foibles and insecurities, particularly if they started out friends. So unless you were acting in an obnoxious way during the short relationship phase I have to question why someone who had known you that long would end it after only a week.

---

I think it's healthy for people to seek out partners who are independent/strong-willed or those who will say "no."

Independent... How does that work? I get what you mean, having goals and a life etc., but if you're with somebody you're admitting an emotional weakness right there (unless it's only about sex.) Naturally you're going to care about what they think.

 

[MonkeyDLenny]

There are always red flags, pointers, warnings.

Learn how to recognize these and you'll be in a much better position to choose whom to involve yourself with.

I think so too. ^^

The only reason we would overlook the red flags would be either you are inexperienced / unaware or you are not firm enough with your boundaries or what you want or seek for exactly. It is always nice to get attention at first, but you gotta also look at their overall behaviour.

I would also add that ignoring red flags could be that you are too hopeful that they aren't really red flags. That's something I've done, hoping that it was an isolated red flag incident or something out of a desire to want things to go well. We ignore our instincts way too much, but they are usually pretty accurate if we really think about it.

In the case of my last relationship, I was just willfully blind. I realize now there were a lot of red flags..

A better thread title might've been Every relationship is different than the last....

Noooo I'd say worse is the best title for this...seriously, it just gets worse and worse every time. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if the next time I date she tries to pin a crime on me...

 

[ladyforsaken]

Noooo I'd say worse is the best title for this...seriously, it just gets worse and worse every time. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if the next time I date she tries to pin a crime on me...

I'm gonna quote these again:

There are always red flags, pointers, warnings.

Learn how to recognize these and you'll be in a much better position to choose whom to involve yourself with.

I think so too. ^^

The only reason we would overlook the red flags would be either you are inexperienced / unaware or you are not firm enough with your boundaries or what you want or seek for exactly. It is always nice to get attention at first, but you gotta also look at their overall behaviour.

I would also add that ignoring red flags could be that you are too hopeful that they aren't really red flags. That's something I've done, hoping that it was an isolated red flag incident or something out of a desire to want things to go well. We ignore our instincts way too much, but they are usually pretty accurate if we really think about it.

With each relationship you go through, you learn from them and pick up what you can avoid in the next. Of course, unexpected honeysuckle happens, but every relationship is different - I wouldn't compare any one of my relationships with one another because I don't think it's a fair comparison. My mindset may have changed at each different relationship, my maturity and the way I handle things, my life situation and environment may have an influence at different times of my life and so on. Don't see the reason to compare them. If they suck and they hurt, they do so at different rates, on their own, doesn't matter if it was worse or not... hurt is still hurt.

 

[sentiententity]

To the OP, sounds like you've found some of the worst women. I'd guess you can only go up from here.

 

[ABrokenMan]

The comment posted earlier that a breakup is never the fault of just one person is complete BS.
Maybe a good percentage of the time it is, but not always.

 

[TheRealCallie]

The comment posted earlier that a breakup is never the fault of just one person is complete BS.
Maybe a good percentage of the time it is, but not always.

Such as?

No one person is ever 100% innocent in any situation.

 

[user 115627]

I thought that's more of a question how to interpret fault. For instance, if one partner verbally bashes the other one constantly because of anger issues, is the other person "guilty" of letting the relationship go to hell too cause he/she is doing nothing about it or failed at changing anything? Or because they got into it in the first place and should've known better? Hell if I know. Just something I considered.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

The first girl I was in love with, we dated for three months

I'm just not good enough for anyone, only to be used...

Personally it sounds like a combo of low self-esteem and getting too attached to people too quickly.

I know couples who have been together over a year and still don't admit they're "in love". Feeling that way too quickly is a sure recipe for someone taking you forgranted IMO.

Also if you feel you're not good enough for anyone, people who are egotists will notice you and seek you out to leech off you. You need to realise that you're consistently getting girlfriends, thus you have something to offer and so should deserve someone decent.

 

[Menorahman]

This has been my experience with people:

Most everyone is selfish and inconsiderate. They will use you if you let them, and then become angry if you stop giving or ask for anything. Even if what you are asking for takes 0 effort, the person will refuse because it gives them power. It is even worse with women, because they are consistently worshipped by men and society and desired no matter what they do.

At this point I'm fairly certain I could fill a book with examples of people in my life being shitty.

The saddest thing is, people will respect you more and be more willing to give to you if you DON'T give to them at all. Then you are seen as elusive / strong / valuable.

It is for these reasons, and many more, that I hate humanity.

 

[Case]

Most everyone is selfish and inconsiderate.

I have the opposite opinion. Almost everyone has the capacity for doing great things, kind things, and if given the chance almost everyone will offer genuine help. When disasters strike, everyone becomes part of the solution. Only a minority seeks to take advantage of the situation.

Then again, maybe it's just my outlook. I see everyone as good, deep down inside. They may not show it all the time, but they still have it in them.

I also believe that positivity attracts positive people and negativity attracts negative people. I am a positive person, so kinder, more outwardly considerate people are my friends.

 

[Solivagant]

It is even worse with women, because they are consistently worshipped by men and society and desired no matter what they do.

 

[VanillaCreme]

It is even worse with women, because they are consistently worshipped by men and society and desired no matter what they do.

I'm crying!

Best response ever. Because, really, what can anyone say to comments like that...