Solivagant said:
Sometimes people think you're angry or unhappy because they are feeling angry or unhappy. They see in others what they're feeling inside. Call me cynical, but people tend to be self-involved most of the time, and you'd probably be surprised at how often someone's rejection or perception of you has very little to do with you.
This is so true! You may not even realize how true this really is.
I've thought so much about this, and I've come to the same conclusion.
I don't think it's really cynical. It's completely natural for people to be self-involved. I mean, who in the world do you spend the most time with? Yourself, of course!
Everyone is self-involved by nature, because they can only be themselves and can't escape that.
People shouldn't take rejection as a horrible thing, or as there being any problem with themselves. Not everyone was meant to be together, lots of people don't even get along at all. It's like a puzzle, not every piece fits together and if you wedge some pieces together you just make a mess and get them stuck. They become miserable pieces that don't fit in together anywhere and inevitably they need to get unstuck, and sometimes that's really hard to do.
And people really do see in others what they are feeling in themselves, especially when people are unable to admit to themselves what they are really feeling.
I'm pretty sure this is the subconscious's way of telling us something like this: "Hey, it's perfectly natural to feel this way. See? That person feels this way, too. That's someone you can relate to."
There exceptions, of course. If you're constantly negative, if you're arrogant, uncaring, narcissistic, selfish, or etc, or if you're abusive, cheating, etc.
Then, yeah, maybe it is your fault. Everyone will leave you and you'll lose everything when you're like that. Nobody wants that. You're doing wrong and you probably know you're doing wrong, but you just don't care. Not caring is a big problem no matter what you're doing.
These people very likely all know who they are. And if they don't stop, it's on them. We are all responsible for our own actions.
But if we are trying our best, and it still doesn't work, then there is no problem there. We tried. The pieces didn't fit. Accept it and move on. Everyone can find their match one day, if they keep looking and if they look in the right places.
Knowing yourself is a big part of all of this. If you're seeing a lot of miserable people in the world, and you're miserable, too, then maybe you should think about why that is. Everyone needs self-realization, or else they are prone to just falling victim to themselves.
See anger in someone and you have uncontrollable anger in yourself, but don't even realize this because you refuse to admit to it, then how is anyone going to be with you? If you can't accept yourself then how is anyone else ever going to accept you? And how would you accept them or even see them for who they really are? You think everyone is angry, so you might find your match but only see anger, not love.
I think Disney has ruined a lot of people on stuff like this. A kiss isn't going to magically fix the world. It isn't going to end the evil. It isn't going to make everyone live happily ever after. A kiss is not going to make you a happy person.
Not to beat up on just Disney, it's obviously not just them. It's a mentality in the world that has penetrated society. This concept of "True Love" which rights all wrongs and fixes broken men, and saves the damsel-in-distress. How often is this seen in movies and TV shows?
Here's a news flash for the world: Broken people are not going to stop being broken just because you love them. If you're in distress, **** it, just save yourself.
I thought that way for too long, myself. I was the broken one. I thought I was hopeless. I was angry and hateful and miserable and I saw everyone else as angry and hateful and miserable. And I thought that 'Love' would save me.
And stupidly I thought it did for a long time. I did find love when I was down... but now I realize that she wasn't the one who saved me. That all along I was doing it myself, because I was curing the way I thought, and that I was doing it before I met her, but I just wasn't there yet.
I could not even love her when I met her, folks. This is the truth. The first time I ever talked with my wife-to-be I insulted her and made her cry and she left. I have no idea why she didn't give up on me then and forever.
I was a horrible person, but all that time I thought it was everyone else who was horrible.
I was an angry person, and the whole time I thought it was everyone else who was angry.
I was a miserable person, and the whole time I thought everyone in the whole world was miserable and some were just denying it.
I thought, for so very, very long, that it was everyone else who would not talk to me, but in reality it was me who would never talk to them.
... I thought it was her saving me, but truthfully I was the one who saved myself.
It's funny how these things work out...
Sorry for the rant everyone... Just thought some of you might be able to learn from my experiences.
Listen to Solivagant, they are right.