I think I might end up all alone forever.

[EmilyFoxSeaton]

I don't worry about being alone. But I do worry about turning into some sort of horridd / defective human. Sometimes now I leave the house with a stain on a shirt and NO ONE TELLS me. Ever. Is that how crazy old ladies get to BE crazy old ladies? Walking around with stained outfits that don't fit right and no one tells them... and they can't see it.

 

[edgecrusher]

I'm 34. I was a virgin until I was 31. I've now slept with three people total. I honestly don't really feel any better for it. It gave me confidence for the actual act of sex once it's going, but not for initiating it. Only with one of these people was it meaningful enough that I am genuinely glad that it happened, despite that the relationship didn't last. The others I could honestly take or leave. One was a long distance thing that was never going to last. The other was very short term and also was never going to last. Don't dwell on it. Random sexual encounters didn't do much for me past the actual experience. I'm back to square one lacking the physical connection that I wasnt with someone. I have the mental one with someone in a way, but it can't be anything more than that.

 

[Iceman1978]

What I don't understand is why. I'm responsible, have a great job, my own house, nice car, dress well, take care of my health, never been in trouble, well educated, etc. and yet women don't even notice that I exist. I honestly don't understand it.

Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. I've known many people over the years who never date, have never married and have no kids. And they're leading perfectly happy lives. If they can do it, then so can I.

 

[Jenncats]

I know I'm going to be alone forever and I'm happy about it. It takes a really strong mind and someone who knows themselves enough to know they are secure about not having anyone to depend on. So what if your alone, happiness comes from within not from someone else.

 

[Jenncats]

What I don't understand is why. I'm responsible, have a great job, my own house, nice car, dress well, take care of my health, never been in trouble, well educated, etc. and yet women don't even notice that I exist. I honestly don't understand it.

Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. I've known many people over the years who never date, have never married and have no kids. And they're leading perfectly happy lives. If they can do it, then so can I.

I agree with that, not everyone is meant to have someone in their life. I think society plays a big part of how we think we are supposed to lead our lives. You see other people being happy because they are with someone and you think maybe that will work for you, well guess what, that's not always the case. Yay to being happy alone!

 

[EmilyFoxSeaton]

I know I'm going to be alone forever and I'm happy about it. It takes a really strong mind and someone who knows themselves enough to know they are secure about not having anyone to depend on. So what if your alone, happiness comes from within not from someone else.

Awesome response. Jen. But I do recognize that men have "urges" (trying to be funny not judgey) which might make it more miserable for them. But for me, I am truly happy with no one in my life. Yeh sure if someone great walked in the door and wanted me as I am, sure, I wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers but that isn't going to happen.

What I don't understand is why. I'm responsible, have a great job, my own house, nice car, dress well, take care of my health, never been in trouble, well educated, etc. and yet women don't even notice that I exist. I honestly don't understand it.

What Jen said about not everyone needing someone. I am exactly the same way. All of the above but also, guys don't notice I exist. I am not a babe but also not ugly. I really feel that people who have relationships and a lot of them... have a lure (sexy; needy; strange look to them that people notice; very gregarious and make everyone feel they are wanted) I think my lure, to the extent I have one, seems to attract the seriously wrong type of guy. Abusers; crazys; rapey, married ones. So I kind of hide. Every time I come out of my shell... EVERY SINGLE TIME... I attract the problems first sending me back the other way. If that has to be the way it is... is has to be the way it is. I have made peace with that.

Some people think they will "die alone" if they don't get married. I am sorry to point this out to you but you will die alone. My parents were married for 40 years but both died alone. Even with their devoted kids. My dad died of a heart attack and we weren't there and my mom died of cancer and at the moment of her passing she was so doped up on morphine she wouldn't have known if we were there or not.. but we weren't. Most people don't die with their family around.

 

[Jenncats]

I don't worry about being alone. But I do worry about turning into some sort of horridd / defective human. Sometimes now I leave the house with a stain on a shirt and NO ONE TELLS me. Ever. Is that how crazy old ladies get to BE crazy old ladies? Walking around with stained outfits that don't fit right and no one tells them... and they can't see it.

not to worry, no one notices. They are busy staring into their phones.

 

[Jenncats]

I know I'm going to be alone forever and I'm happy about it. It takes a really strong mind and someone who knows themselves enough to know they are secure about not having anyone to depend on. So what if your alone, happiness comes from within not from someone else.

Awesome response. Jen. But I do recognize that men have "urges" (trying to be funny not judgey) which might make it more miserable for them. But for me, I am truly happy with no one in my life. Yeh sure if someone great walked in the door and wanted me as I am, sure, I wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers but that isn't going to happen.

What I don't understand is why. I'm responsible, have a great job, my own house, nice car, dress well, take care of my health, never been in trouble, well educated, etc. and yet women don't even notice that I exist. I honestly don't understand it.

What Jen said about not everyone needing someone. I am exactly the same way. All of the above but also, guys don't notice I exist. I am not a babe but also not ugly. I really feel that people who have relationships and a lot of them... have a lure (sexy; needy; strange look to them that people notice; very gregarious and make everyone feel they are wanted) I think my lure, to the extent I have one, seems to attract the seriously wrong type of guy. Abusers; crazys; rapey, married ones. So I kind of hide. Every time I come out of my shell... EVERY SINGLE TIME... I attract the problems first sending me back the other way. If that has to be the way it is... is has to be the way it is. I have made peace with that.

Some people think they will "die alone" if they don't get married. I am sorry to point this out to you but you will die alone. My parents were married for 40 years but both died alone. Even with their devoted kids. My dad died of a heart attack and we weren't there and my mom died of cancer and at the moment of her passing she was so doped up on morphine she wouldn't have known if we were there or not.. but we weren't. Most people don't die with their family around.
[/quote

about the kind you attract, I am the same way. I'd rather be alone if that's what I'm attracting, ya know?

 

[Iceman1978]

I know I'm going to be alone forever and I'm happy about it. It takes a really strong mind and someone who knows themselves enough to know they are secure about not having anyone to depend on. So what if your alone, happiness comes from within not from someone else.

I think what bothers me more is the belief that I couldn't date even if I really wanted to.

Truthfully, I like the freedom that comes with being single, and living alone doesn't exactly bother me. But it's the thought that even if I tried to date that no woman would ever want me.

Nowadays, there are certain family reunions that I refuse to attend because I was sick and tired of people asking me "when are you going to get married and have kids" So now, I just don't go.

 

[Jenncats]

I know I'm going to be alone forever and I'm happy about it. It takes a really strong mind and someone who knows themselves enough to know they are secure about not having anyone to depend on. So what if your alone, happiness comes from within not from someone else.

I think what bothers me more is the belief that I couldn't date even if I really wanted to.

Truthfully, I like the freedom that comes with being single, and living alone doesn't exactly bother me. But it's the thought that even if I tried to date that no woman would ever want me.

Nowadays, there are certain family reunions that I refuse to attend because I was sick and tired of people asking me "when are you going to get married and have kids" So now, I just don't go.

Who did you date that didn't want you, did someone pull a number on you that made you not what to date again? I'm with you on the reunion stuff, I avoid things like that too so the big questions won't come up.

 

[Iceman1978]

Jenncats, The last time I dated was 1997, and the way it ended was when she just didn't return calls, was never home, etc. Didn't even have the decency to break up and say so.

A few years later, these friends of mine tried to set me up with someone. We added each other on Facebook and chatted for a while, then one day I post on her page to wish her a Happy Birthday (as did many other people) and next thing I know I get deleted.

One night these friends of mine wanted me to go to a club with them. During the whole evening they kept on pressuring me to talk to different women. I did, and every single one was negative. After a while, I was starting to wonder if my "friends" were doing this on purpose because they knew I would be rejected and feel humiliated. Needless to say, I called a cab and left.

 

[Jenncats]

Jenncats, The last time I dated was 1997, and the way it ended was when she just didn't return calls, was never home, etc. Didn't even have the decency to break up and say so.

A few years later, these friends of mine tried to set me up with someone. We added each other on Facebook and chatted for a while, then one day I post on her page to wish her a Happy Birthday (as did many other people) and next thing I know I get deleted.

One night these friends of mine wanted me to go to a club with them. During the whole evening they kept on pressuring me to talk to different women. I did, and every single one was negative. After a while, I was starting to wonder if my "friends" were doing this on purpose because they knew I would be rejected and feel humiliated. Needless to say, I called a cab and left.

ugh. sounds like you were with the wrong women obviously and a bad experience has left a negative impact. I kn ow that feeling all too well.

 

[Iceman1978]

Yes. I am ugly to the point where women reject me with one look. It is that simple.

 

[Jenncats]

Contrary to your believe, you aren't ugly, your very cute.

 

[kamya]

Iceman I'm a straight guy. I've seen your photos. I'd honestly say you are above average. I don't think it's your looks.

 

[Iceman1978]

I just had an appointment with the psychiatrist earlier. She told me that women see me as unapproachable because I never smile and I'm very shy.

I explained to her that in a social setting I'm fine when I'm with friends, but in a scene where there are singles, I simply can't handle it. I have an overwhelming feeling of worthlessness and believe that I have nothing to offer in a relationship. I know there are many others in this world who feel the same way.

 

[Paraiyar]

Yes. I am ugly to the point where women reject me with one look. It is that simple.

Assuming for a minute that it's true that they're rejecting you on first sight, are you sure that they aren't rejecting you because your body language gives away the fact that you expect them not to like you as opposed to your looks? Could be posture or mannerisms.

 

[Iceman1978]

Yes. I am ugly to the point where women reject me with one look. It is that simple.

Assuming for a minute that it's true that they're rejecting you on first sight, are you sure that they aren't rejecting you because your body language gives away the fact that you expect them not to like you as opposed to your looks? Could be posture or mannerisms.

I don't know.

 

[Paraiyar]

Do you have good posture? I think that be kind of important.

 

[Iceman1978]

Paraiyar, Yes.