Having many casual friends

reynard_muldrake · Aug 7, 2024

I randomly came across this piece and was intrigued. I prefer the idea of two or three close friends and not maintaining casual acquaintances. Still, I wanted to keep an open mind and see another perspective. Despite that, I'm not really seeing the benefits. Who's to say people with a ton of casual (or "weak", as she calls them) ties can't be depressed? She also says you can encounter plenty of new ideas by being around acquaintances. Well... maybe. One could also do that in support groups or browsing forums (just to give some examples).

Anyway, what do the rest of you think? Does this woman have a point? Do you disagree with her? Or me, for that matter?

okidoke · Aug 7, 2024

okay so I read thru the article. i don't like her lol. i say that because she is too extreme in her attitudes. i don't "give stink face" to neighbours and coworkers lol. i'm always friendly with 99.9% of people I engage with and am happy to engage with them, but the way she like to keep a "weak tie" just sounds like she keeps these people in her view just so she might be able to use them somehow for her own benefit, which leads me to also think she's into gathering as many followers/subscribers as possible and encourages that practice.

sure I still have a few, very few, acquaintances that I bump into now and then, and I'm happy to know most of them, but when i see that they NEVER invite me anywhere, want to actually get together for a date or meeting, or continue to never take me up on an invite that I've put forth, well, i don't need them. i'd love to have more friends in my life, but it just doesn't seem to happen when you get to my age.

to plagiarise george costanza, "When I like them, they don't like me. And when they like me, I don't like them.

Abstamyous · Aug 7, 2024

I am not disagreeing with either.

I have one really good friend, who feels much more like a sister than a friend. I absolutely treasure that friendship. I've struggled to maintain close friendships my entire life, and have destroyed a lot of potential. So I certainly carry a little fear with me, but I don't live through it.

I have found acquaintances are great for me, as I try to live a life of more reasonable expectations on other people and myself. It certainly feels more forgiving. In a way, having those sorts of relationships have made my life better as I've learned to navigate more respectful and genuine approaches. Heck, I was invited to one's wedding a couple of weeks ago. It's been incredible.

My struggle with support groups, is it felt like if I didn't sit in that chair, then I wasn't holding up my end. At some point, I wanted to widen my focal distance without feeling like I had to be in therapy for it. But that was just me.

reynard_muldrake · Aug 7, 2024

Abstamyous said:
I am not disagreeing with either.

I have one really good friend, who feels much more like a sister than a friend. I absolutely treasure that friendship. I've struggled to maintain close friendships my entire life, and have destroyed a lot of potential. So I certainly carry a little fear with me, but I don't live through it.

I have found acquaintances are great for me, as I try to live a life of more reasonable expectations on other people and myself. It certainly feels more forgiving. In a way, having those sorts of relationships have made my life better as I've learned to navigate more respectful and genuine approaches. Heck, I was invited to one's wedding a couple of weeks ago. It's been incredible.

My struggle with support groups, is it felt like if I didn't sit in that chair, then I wasn't holding up my end. At some point, I wanted to widen my focal distance without feeling like I had to be in therapy for it. But that was just me.

Ah, that's a good point with support groups. While they certainly have a purpose, I think you (general "you") need to find other ways to connect with people. I think the idea of overdoing support groups and/or therapy is a valid one, as you run the risk of focusing too much on your issues.

TheRealCallie · Aug 31, 2024

I'd rather have a few close friends. Yes, you won't have as many opportunities to go out, but close friends are going to know you better. They are more likely to see something you are trying to hide because they know you so well. If you are depressed, they are more likely to coax you to go out or something to make you feel better. You are more likely to talk to them about honeysuckle.

I have a lot of acquaintances. Yes, they are there and yes, I could go out with them, but I don't really know them and they don't really know me. The connection isn't there. That's like saying someone who is married can't be lonely and is obviously happy. It's just not true. You can be surrounded by people, going out every night, be the life of the party and still be depressed as fresia. There has to be a connection, IMO.

MysteriousTelephone · Sep 22, 2024

okidoke said:
okay so I read thru the article. i don't like her lol. i say that because she is too extreme in her attitudes. i don't "give stink face" to neighbours and coworkers lol. i'm always friendly with 99.9% of people I engage with and am happy to engage with them, but the way she like to keep a "weak tie" just sounds like she keeps these people in her view just so she might be able to use them somehow for her own benefit, which leads me to also think she's into gathering as many followers/subscribers as possible and encourages that practice.

sure I still have a few, very few, acquaintances that I bump into now and then, and I'm happy to know most of them, but when i see that they NEVER invite me anywhere, want to actually get together for a date or meeting, or continue to never take me up on an invite that I've put forth, well, i don't need them. i'd love to have more friends in my life, but it just doesn't seem to happen when you get to my age.

to plagiarise george costanza, "When I like them, they don't like me. And when they like me, I don't like them.

The link doesn't work for me, but I'm getting a gist of what was said.

For me, I do like to keep a "weak tie" with people. I guess in my situation it's because I'm single, and have nobody in my social circles that would be eligible to date. This means I have to expand my circles, which unfortunately means making more friends. Becoming on friendly terms with a couple of people from my gym has led to me being invited out with their friends, or at another friend's birthday party I'd do my best to make a good impression on someone, that way they're more likely to invite me to something else.

It's not a lot of work, it's been described as essentially like running for a political office; you're doing your best to make sure that everyone you meet has a positive experience with you even for a brief time, you remember their names and try to share something in common with them. Don't worry, I'm not just bothering everybody on the street, it's usually when a conversation could occur naturally.