What are you thinking right now?

TheSkaFish said:

But it's hard to NOT hate your life, when you're trapped in a life you don't enjoy.

It feels like a catch-22.

It's great when your career, and interests/personality, are the same thing.
Then your need to be "you" is fulfilled easily. There is nothing to figure out.
But when they're not, society doesn't have any answers for you, and just wants to ignore that you exist.

Click to expand...

Completely understand this feeling. Kind of hitting me, again, right now too.

1. You are not a boring person. Your posts are intelligently thought out and interesting, and if that's what I see just from the forum... I imagine that speaking with you in person is not all that much different. Our social anxiety and general nerves screw with our heads way more than we realize sometimes.

2. Failure is not the worst thing that can happen to you.

I definitely get the feeling of not being adequately prepared. I have something I'm working on that I've wanted to do for a very long time. I'm absolutely certain I'm going to fail. There are so many reasons why I should fail. Inexperience, age, my own opinion about my looks, competition, and my best friend, self doubt. This has held me back for so long, with so many things, it's ridiculous.

I'm trying really hard to fight through it, take it one step at a time, and remember that even if I don't "succeed" at least I'm trying and not giving up before I even start. Worst case scenario, I have a new and enjoyable hobby and maybe one less regret.


3. Catch-22 is the truth. It's not like I haven't tried to figure out my **** for a long time. Anytime I've discussed it with some one else it's always this: "Well what do you enjoy doing?" "I don't know. I can't think of anything." or my favorite "You just need to open up more." "But I don't feel like I'm holding anything back..." They never tell you what they mean when they suggest that, btw.

Depression seems to try to protect itself this way. Keeping us blind to the things that might help us escape from it.

At this point, I think feeling good on the rare occasion it happens just freaks me out, I'd be fine with just feeling less bad.

*Sorry for giving unsolicited advice on this thread. What you wrote just really resonated with how I'm feeling atm.

@kaetic just want to say thanks for the reply, I read briefly but I have to leave to run an errand.
I'll be back to look at this again later.

TheSkaFish said:

What happens if you're forced to be a boring person because of your job (or worse, your genes),
which makes you too angry, depressed, tired, and bored to be interested in/excited about/care about anything,
because you don't like being who you're forced to be, you feel trapped in a life you hate,
but you don't know if you can get good at anything you'd actually like,
and you do know that unless you can, nothing will make you feel as good as your situation makes you feel bad,

but you need to be an interesting person in order to start, and hold/carry conversations, and have thoughts and experiences in common with people, so that you can date?

It's hard to be attractive and send out good vibes when you hate your life,
and wish you could be somebody else more interesting, who could do something more interesting
(then again, a lot of bros and aggressively normal people are like this and they seem to make it work - but I'm not one of them, and I never have been, so what works for them, wouldn't work for me).
But it's hard to NOT hate your life, when you're trapped in a life you don't enjoy.

It feels like a catch-22.

It's great when your career, and interests/personality, are the same thing.
Then your need to be "you" is fulfilled easily. There is nothing to figure out.
But when they're not, society doesn't have any answers for you, and just wants to ignore that you exist.

Click to expand...

Oh Ska, you’re playing that same old record again lol.

Nobody is forcing you. You have to completely change your mindset. You have no dependants, you’re still young. Go travel, meet people, experience cultures, discover new paths. You’re caught up in a cycle of wrong think man. You make obstacles for yourself before you even start a path. If you want to be less boring then you need to have something to offer so go do stuff, different stuff, gain experience of life and people. Learn to talk with others by asking them questions and listening to them more than you talk back. Be interested in them and what they do. Engage. Pack up and get away from where you are because it’s just sucking you down into an abyss you’re having trouble getting out of. You’re excuse of blaming your genes is ludicrous dude! I won’t stand for it. Life is just getting from birth to death, but you can fill it with as much experience as you want to achieve understanding, enlightenment etc. You’re focusing on life in a way that’s causing you despair so you have to drastically change to get a drastic change. Understand?

@kaetic I’m not as sure of your situation but if your like ska, my advice applies to you as well.

Now, I don’t want to hear you two start giving me all sorts of “yeah but” responses. You want different, you do different.

okidoke said:

@kaetic I’m not as sure of your situation but if your like ska, my advice applies to you as well.

Now, I don’t want to hear you two start giving me all sorts of “yeah but” responses. You want different, you do different.

Click to expand...

Lol, I am feeling a little like you didn't actually read what I wrote... But I get what you're saying.

It's more I adopted a solitary avoidant personality, possibly as a coping mechanism for various reasons (I've mentioned them before, and won't be going into it right now) and that is not an easy thing to stop doing, emotionally.

That being said, I am trying.

I'm sure Ska is too, but sometimes you gotta vent.

kaetic said:

Lol, I am feeling a little like you didn't actually read what I wrote... But I get what you're saying.

It's more I adopted a solitary avoidant personality, possibly as a coping mechanism for various reasons (I've mentioned them before, and won't be going into it right now) and that is not an easy thing to stop doing, emotionally.

That being said, I am trying.

I'm sure Ska is too, but sometimes you gotta vent.

Click to expand...

I thought I did, but I read it over again. Okay, you’re living it a bit better than ska lol and probably a little more like me in some ways, like avoiding people sometimes to cope with things.

You’re right about venting and trying. I do it too. I guess I’m envious, of ska at least, because he’s got opportunity to try some strategies that I didn’t when I was his age. I guess I don’t want him making the same mistakes.

It’s funny because as much as ska feels like he’s being forced into his situation, those of us that have offered him advice probably feel frustrated that we can’t force him into trying our advice lol.

TheSkaFish said:

What happens if you're forced to be a boring person because of your job (or worse, your genes),
which makes you too angry, depressed, tired, and bored to be interested in/excited about/care about anything,
because you don't like being who you're forced to be, you feel trapped in a life you hate,
but you don't know if you can get good at anything you'd actually like,
and you do know that unless you can, nothing will make you feel as good as your situation makes you feel bad,

but you need to be an interesting person in order to start, and hold/carry conversations, and have thoughts and experiences in common with people, so that you can date?

It's hard to be attractive and send out good vibes when you hate your life,
and wish you could be somebody else more interesting, who could do something more interesting
(then again, a lot of bros and aggressively normal people are like this and they seem to make it work - but I'm not one of them, and I never have been, so what works for them, wouldn't work for me).
But it's hard to NOT hate your life, when you're trapped in a life you don't enjoy.

It feels like a catch-22.

It's great when your career, and interests/personality, are the same thing.
Then your need to be "you" is fulfilled easily. There is nothing to figure out.
But when they're not, society doesn't have any answers for you, and just wants to ignore that you exist.

Click to expand...

What job do you do?Sounds like you need to change it or not must be ok accountancy I think was it now that I remember?
Anyway I like your vents.I bet alot of readers get what you're feeling and it's good that you represent a good chunk of the population who find it hard to leave their comfort zone like me for one.
Personally even though you have your moments like these , and it's November , you like where you are really , you like the comfort ,its nice and warm you don't want to venture out into the cold.
You remind me alot of my 87 year old customer who's lived in the same house she was born in lol ,she's happy most of the time , but likes a good old moan to me and her friends occasionally. Her friend told me she actually entered her house for the first time in thirty years last month because the old lady had a fall and her friend was finally let in to help her .But she secretly doesn't want to change her life she just loves to moan about it..am I right

Anyway as I said I love your creative ways of saying things , more power to you ska keep on being you.

Just Games said:

What job do you do?Sounds like you need to change it or not must be ok accountancy I think was it now that I remember?
Anyway I like your vents.I bet alot of readers get what you're feeling and it's good that you represent a good chunk of the population who find it hard to leave their comfort zone like me for one.
Personally even though you have your moments like these , and it's November , you like where you are really , you like the comfort ,its nice and warm you don't want to venture out into the cold.
You remind me alot of my 87 year old customer who's lived in the same house she was born in lol ,she's happy most of the time , but likes a good old moan to me and her friends occasionally. Her friend told me she actually entered her house for the first time in thirty years last month because the old lady had a fall and her friend was finally let in to help her .But she secretly doesn't want to change her life she just loves to moan about it..am I right

Anyway as I said I love your creative ways of saying things , more power to you ska keep on being you.

Click to expand...

I'd just like to add I fcuking hate painting!

okidoke said:

Oh Ska, you’re playing that same old record again lol.

Nobody is forcing you. You have to completely change your mindset. You have no dependants, you’re still young. Go travel, meet people, experience cultures, discover new paths. You’re caught up in a cycle of wrong think man. You make obstacles for yourself before you even start a path. If you want to be less boring then you need to have something to offer so go do stuff, different stuff, gain experience of life and people. Learn to talk with others by asking them questions and listening to them more than you talk back. Be interested in them and what they do. Engage. Pack up and get away from where you are because it’s just sucking you down into an abyss you’re having trouble getting out of. You’re excuse of blaming your genes is ludicrous dude! I won’t stand for it. Life is just getting from birth to death, but you can fill it with as much experience as you want to achieve understanding, enlightenment etc. You’re focusing on life in a way that’s causing you despair so you have to drastically change to get a drastic change. Understand?

@kaetic I’m not as sure of your situation but if your like ska, my advice applies to you as well.

Now, I don’t want to hear you two start giving me all sorts of “yeah but” responses. You want different, you do different.

Click to expand...

They only get two weeks annual leave there and even that isn't mandated. Why do you think we only see older retired American tourists? He would have to work overseas.

I'm guessing Ska doesn't have the money to travel or move out of home yet.

ardour said:

They only get two weeks annual leave there and even that isn't mandated. Why do you think we only see older retired American tourists? He would have to work overseas.

I'm guessing Ska doesn't have the money to travel or move out of home yet.

Click to expand...

People work and travel y’know. I’ve seen plenty of young American tourists, so I don’t know what you’re on about. It all comes down to how serious and desperate one is for a change. You’ve been told similar things.

Well, what the freaking hell! I'm just randomly browsing super old threads on here, not expecting anything, and come across.... myself! Age-old posts I made a decade ago (some of those stories I shared I don't even remember, lol). I feel really tripped out over this.
AND came across someone in those decade-old threads that used to be my online best friend for almost 11 years. I never even remembered he signed up here (I probably encouraged him to). We lost our friendship a few years ago, and I miss him. I wish we were friends again. I miss you, Mo Mo.

okidoke said:

People work and travel y’know. I’ve seen plenty of young American tourists, so I don’t know what you’re on about. It all comes down to how serious and desperate one is for a change. You’ve been told similar things.

Click to expand...

I've looked for myself, and have never seen options for working while traveling in Australia... Mostly, it was China or Japan.
What do they hire tourists to do in Australia?

There are options for working at our national parks with no experience, I've done it. There are hotels that operate in all of them. (Xanterra if you're interested) But I wouldn't quit a full-time job to do it, unless you are really desperate for a new location, and don't mind living in a dorm with a stranger. Oh, and having to drive a minimum of an hour to the closest anything, including hospitals.
The people were really nice tho.

Go back one page in a thread, and find mention of tape residue and eating people. Those were the good days...

kaetic said:

I've looked for myself, and have never seen options for working while traveling in Australia... Mostly, it was China or Japan.
What do they hire tourists to do in Australia?

There are options for working at our national parks with no experience, I've done it. There are hotels that operate in all of them. (Xanterra if you're interested) But I wouldn't quit a full-time job to do it, unless you are really desperate for a new location, and don't mind living in a dorm with a stranger. Oh, and having to drive a minimum of an hour to the closest anything, including hospitals.
The people were really nice tho.

Click to expand...

I didn’t mean Australia specifically but people come here on working visas all the time: hospitality industry calls many, fruit picking is always crying out for help, health services, but there are less developed countries that need people in so many ways. There’s volunteering in many areas. One doesn’t do it to gain financially of course, just the experience of new cultures and people. It can be very humbling and rewarding and who knows who you’ll meet.

Is anybody else here like: Whenever you have a minor commitment coming up, your anxiety plunges your entire being into absolutely frozen solid, paralysed existence until it's time to go?

^No, more like just obsessed with it. Time to look at the calendar again.

Minus said:

^No, more like just obsessed with it. Time to look at the calendar again.

Click to expand...

Not much better, it sounds like

@147 in love with your profile picture

Abstamyous said:

@147 in love with your profile picture

Click to expand...

Awww, thank you! That's the second compliment I've received on it

A pop up on my memories today. Honestly, I've been gritting my teeth and avoiding involvements in things (both online and in person) for the last week. It's hard when you think you are always right....

"On this day I will keep my side of the street clean and let others take care of themselves. I will shun attempts to pull me back into that never-ending cycle of dysfunction I came from."
- Daily Meditation from ACA

I'll just leave this here.



The internet still works.