all i want is a connection

[pumpkin-soup]

Technically married but connection is long gone. Maybe it has always been abusive/unhealthy relationship thinking back, but growing up with an abusive father I couldn't really figure things out. I was much younger and naive too.
My former counselor told me some things that happened in the relationship/marriage is abuse, but I couldn't see how bad things were when they were happening. I was convinced and believed I am the reason of all the bad things that happened too.

I need to find strength in myself to stand up for myself and live my life.

*I edited things out because sometimes I get anxious saying too much when it's not just about myself.

 

[Drew88]

It will be hard, but you have the strength to move forward. I wish you luck with it

 

[pumpkin-soup]

Thank you. Yeah I know I have it in me. I just need to know how to actually use it well.

 

[ajdass1]

You can't always know yourself if you're in such a relationship... how are you supposed to know what's right if you're young and inexperienced? But it sounds like you're on the right track. One thing I might suggest is that social media is amazing for finding out about things like this, nowadays. I've read a lot of blogs online, particularly on Tumblr, from survivors of abusive relationship where they are able to talk honestly about abuse and how to tell if your partner is abusive and how to survive abuse and how to get out of an abusive relationship, and to connect with other abuse survivors. So from a social point of view maybe it would be a good idea to seek these resources out?

 

[Okiedokes]

He's taking your biggest weaknesses and throwing them in your face as to make you feel weaker. Which yes, is a form of emotional abuse or just plain manipulation. He has you by the puppet strings. People like this are dangerous especially for people who may be co dependent. Is he supportive of you at all or when he just wants something? I feel that since your counselor has already said he is abusive, it might be best to get out if possible. But you need someone to help you through this.. maybe you should continue to do counseling and as Aj said, try to connect with people even online, who are former abuse survivors or just people who are supportive of you in general.

 

[SophiaGrace]

(hugs) for you

 

[pumpkin-soup]

Thank you for your kind replies.
I've had a counselor for a while which helped me realize many things but right now I'm in a situation where it's hard to continue to have counseling. I'm going with the flow and trying to figure things out on my own or with the help on the internet for now. I'll have to make a move sooner or later though.