Anger.

[Naizo]

My ******* hands shake when I get so ******* mad because I hold it in, people ******* wronging me whether it be something as ******* small as cheating at something insignificant to truly wronging me and my life which is already a complete piece of ******* garbage. Over the years I've lost every single ******* person I've loved or held dear. And true story, not because of my ******* anger. It's because they leave me, despite my giving nature despite my empathetic being, that I have grown to hold such a ******* hatred for everyone and everything because it's only a matter of ******* time before their true colors show. Given my nature people have taken advantage of my kindness, and when my anger rears its head, they take advantage of that in order to make me seem like the bad guy. I'm ******* tired of it, and I'm ******* tired of people being garbage.

 

[morrowrd]

Your anger comes from frustration, and frustration comes from feeling out of control and from personal shame.  You are mad at yourself and wish you could be better at communicating and handling people. The problem with angry people is that instead of working on themselves, they blame the world for treating them bad. The world responds to your behavior so when you are defensive, or when you "think" someone has wronged you, people don't respond back to you they way you're thinking they should.  Anger issues and depression go hand in hand - remember depression isn't necessarily about crying or being sad, it's also about being angry. And it contaminates your perspective on everything, ESPECIALLY communication.

Also, anger and frustration fall under the fear umbrella.

 

[Naizo]

Well that sounds like a lot of projecting and shifting of blame to me. But thanks. Thing being, I speak in a very literal manner. Making physciatrists, especially keyboard psychiatrists, useless to me. When I say something I don't mean "But I meant it this way." I quite literally mean people are pieces of trash and I've spent my life giving of myself only for them to take advantage of it, in turn I eventually reached a breaking point of where I simply will not put up with it anymore.

Shifting the blame, and trying to tell me what I am, without so much as taking a moment to thoroughly read or hear what I have myself said, falls directly under that.

Useless banter, that helps nobody. That is what you've provided.

I have noticed a trend of that on this forum. People tend to want to feel better about themselves, and as such, will project their own issues and emotions and solutions or non-solutions upon others. You really shouldn't. Psychology is a joke. Nobody is the same. You cannot blanket term people like you can so many other things. Shared and similar experiences are a thing. Two people experiencing the exact same issue and having the exact same solution is not, sadly, realistic.

Perhaps try providing advice without stepping on the throat of the one you are trying to speak to. A warmer reception you might receive.

 

[ABrokenMan]

I hear you, Nazio.
I don't know how old you are, but being the object of "wronging" happens no matter what your age.
I just know that my own anger fuse" is a lot shorter now than it was in my younger days. I used to be a giving and forgiving person.

My problem was I operated that way toward everyone, regardless of how they treated me. Many took advantage of my good nature. You gotta hit rock bottom like I did a while ago and take a long look at yourself and decide to make a change for you - not for anyone else.

Now, I just treat someone the way they treat me. Whenever a new person enters my life, I'll start with a mental blank slate. It doesn't matter if so& so tells me bad or good things about this person. I'm not going to invest effort until I get to know them personally. And, by using the term judgement, I mean it as judging whether or not I desire this person to be more than that of a mere acquaintance.

As I get to know them, I now decide on my own accord if the person is worth the continued investment. I have, and have had depressed friends, alcoholic friends, and the sun is always bright n' shiny friends. It doesn't matter to me if they have issues, struggles or nary a care in the world. A judgement regarding investment is completely based upon their actions as it involves our relationship (friends, more than friends, etc.). Never upon words alone.
I treat them EXACTLY as they treat me. Supportive, kindness, and caring is rewarded and unselfishly returned if it is freely shown to me.

I've removed a lot of people from my life. It's taken a lot to start to feel better. That's when I can honestly say that these bad apple folks really were hampering my life and my outlook.
Acquaintance folks will generally remain that way for me, until they show me something more than just a casual, 'don't really care if I contact you or not' interest.

Anger is not good, especially if you let it simmer for a long period of time, or worse, repress it. I'd suggest you really try & find some type of release outlet. I'm trying to deal with my short fuse problem so I know what it is like.

 

[Naizo]

That's really insightful. Thank you.

 

[Bubblebeam]

My husband is similar in how he shows his anger, which he will say is partly down to his being a male; having more testosterone.

And as morrowrd said, it surely can't be helped by depression. Perhaps it exacerbates it in some individuals? I realise this post is completely useless to you, but perhaps you can take comfort in the way that, to some degree, it is natural? I ask that my husband tries to keep it under control and in perspective, which I can see he does try tremendously to do, and I appreciate that. So perhaps instead of aiming for a complete stop of the anger, take each situation with a constant mental reminder of keeping it in perspective and whether it is worth the strain on your body to be angry? People who already know you may notice those efforts and appreciate them too.

 

[InfiniteIsolation]

Anger is better than apathy or anxiety & depression.

 

[Somnambulist]

My ******* hands shake when I get so ******* mad because I hold it in, people ******* wronging me whether it be something as ******* small as cheating at something insignificant to truly wronging me and my life which is already a complete piece of ******* garbage. Over the years I've lost every single ******* person I've loved or held dear. And true story, not because of my ******* anger. It's because they leave me, despite my giving nature despite my empathetic being, that I have grown to hold such a ******* hatred for everyone and everything because it's only a matter of ******* time before their true colors show. Given my nature people have taken advantage of my kindness, and when my anger rears its head, they take advantage of that in order to make me seem like the bad guy. I'm ******* tired of it, and I'm ******* tired of people being garbage.

My friend, I feel your anger ... I so feel it. I understand exactly, because you could have written this about me. You described my relationships with people, and well !

My conclusion is that good people are the minority on this Earth ... we are victims of the lowlifes that constitute the majority of "man(un)kind". So, we have to either play by their rules (i.e. become lowlifes ourselves), or suffer.

This is how people become alienated and end up either in the loony bin or dead.

 

[Somnambulist]

Your anger comes from frustration, and frustration comes from feeling out of control and from personal shame.  You are mad at yourself and wish you could be better at communicating and handling people. The problem with angry people is that instead of working on themselves, they blame the world for treating them bad. The world responds to your behavior so when you are defensive, or when you "think" someone has wronged you, people don't respond back to you they way you're thinking they should.  Anger issues and depression go hand in hand - remember depression isn't necessarily about crying or being sad, it's also about being angry. And it contaminates your perspective on everything, ESPECIALLY communication.

Also, anger and frustration fall under the fear umbrella.

You are entitled to your opinion, but in my opinion, words like these contribute to the problem. There is nothing wrong with blame if it is assigned correctly (as Naizo did). You are doing it yourself ... you are blaming Naizo for his own anger ... I'm going to guess that this is going to add some fuel to his anger, not help correct the problem.

Are you really saying that any of us, depressed or not, angry or not, is entirely personally responsible for our problems, the world having no part in it ? Rethink that, I'd say.

We love to pull out the DSM and look for a diagnosis, when it's as simple as "people in this world are selfish and unkind and cruel.". Diagnose that.

 

[Somnambulist]

I hear you, Nazio.
I don't know how old you are, but being the object of "wronging" happens no matter what your age.
I just know that my own anger fuse" is a lot shorter now than it was in my younger days. I used to be a giving and forgiving person.

My problem was I operated that way toward everyone, regardless of how they treated me.  Many took advantage of my good nature.  You gotta hit rock bottom like I did a while ago and take a long look at yourself and decide to make a change for you - not for anyone else.

Now, I just treat someone the way they treat me.  Whenever a new person enters my life, I'll start with a mental blank slate. It doesn't matter if so& so tells me bad or good things about this person.  I'm not going to invest effort until I get to know them personally.  And, by using the term judgement, I mean it as judging whether or not I desire this person to be more than that of a mere acquaintance.

As I get to know them, I now decide on my own accord if the person is worth the continued investment.   I have, and have had depressed friends, alcoholic friends, and the sun is always bright n' shiny friends.  It doesn't matter to me if they have issues, struggles or nary a care in the world. A judgement regarding investment is completely based upon their actions as it involves our relationship (friends, more than friends, etc.).  Never upon words alone.  
I treat them EXACTLY as they treat me. Supportive, kindness, and caring is rewarded and unselfishly returned if it is freely shown to me.  

I've removed a lot of people from my life.  It's taken a lot to start to feel better.  That's when I can honestly say that these bad apple folks really were hampering my life and my outlook.
Acquaintance folks will generally remain that way for me, until they show me something more than just a casual, 'don't really care if I contact you or not' interest.

Anger is not good, especially if you let it simmer for a long period of time, or worse, repress it.  I'd suggest you really try & find some type of release outlet.  I'm trying to deal with my short fuse problem so I know what it is like.

Great post, Sir ! There's a lot of wisdom here !

You pointed out that age doesn't matter, but please satisfy my curiosity - how old are you ?

And, speaking of release outlet - I found two that helped me - weightlifting and martial arts

 

[Somnambulist]

Another thing that has really helped me with anger is spirituality. I have followed, with great fervor, the teachings of Eckhart Tolle.

You may not agree with everything he says (I don't), but he provides such a simple and great framework for understanding life and this world, that his teachings are accessible to anyone, regardless of race or religion. I know that he transformed my life.

One way to dissolve anger, I think, is to understand why things are the way they are. Anger derives from not being at peace with the cruelty and injustice we perceive. But, if we were able to understand it, albeit not justify it, I think that's a huge step forward.

Eckhart Tolle helped me understand why I was bullied horribly as a child, treated like **** by my own blood relatives, bent over and ****** by anyone I tried to help, alienated by society in general, and why I've been suicidal for the past 20 years.

I'm not going to force this down your throat ... that is never effective, nor is it my intention. But, understanding the cause for anger can lead one down to a path of dissolving it.

 

[user 115627]

My ******* hands shake when I get so ******* mad because I hold it in, people ******* wronging me whether it be something as ******* small as cheating at something insignificant to truly wronging me and my life which is already a complete piece of ******* garbage. Over the years I've lost every single ******* person I've loved or held dear. And true story, not because of my ******* anger. It's because they leave me, despite my giving nature despite my empathetic being, that I have grown to hold such a ******* hatred for everyone and everything because it's only a matter of ******* time before their true colors show. Given my nature people have taken advantage of my kindness, and when my anger rears its head, they take advantage of that in order to make me seem like the bad guy. I'm ******* tired of it, and I'm ******* tired of people being garbage.

ABrokenMan gave a very comprehensive answer already and I can only agree with him. If you find yourself surrounded by people who are taking advantage of your more empathetic and altruistic nature, you have to be more selfish in two ways. Being more skeptical of their intentions while watching what they do and learning to cope with the existing anger and frustration so you don't blow yourself to pieces - or someone else. Cause when you actually come across a reliable person after a long time, they might just end up being collateral damage.

In the meantime, keep drawing or start doing it again. Channel the anger into something useful. Doesn't matter if the end product is abhorrent and dark. It's certainly better than having it fester in your own head.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Shifting the blame, and trying to tell me what I am, without so much as taking a moment to thoroughly read or hear what I have myself said, falls directly under that.

Useless banter, that helps nobody. That is what you've provided.

While I agree with a lot of what ABrokenMan said, I would like to point out that not everything is on the other people.  At least part of the blame lies with you.
You can say I don't know the situations or I didn't read what you wrote or whatever all you want, but that is true in ANY situation. The blame is not 100% on the other people.  95% of it might be, but at least part of it is on you too.

 

[dd11]

I can understand your frustration. I used to think that it must be me. Maybe i am not friendly enough, witty enough, clever enough, and on and on. That maybe i didn't try hard enough. So, i tried harder. And, the reality is that people used me for their own ends. Finally, i wised up. Reciprocity is the key. Those who can't give in your direction at all, are simply not worth your time. And, certainly they are not worth your expending the raw emotional energy of your initial post. They do not deserve that kind of power over your emotions and feelings. Yes, there are a lot of people out there exactly as you have described. But, my advice is that living YOUR best life is always the best revenge. Move on from those kind of people. You can enjoy your life on your terms. And, if someone is willing to come towards you then you can move towards them. If not, move on.

 

[Paraiyar]

Your anger comes from frustration, and frustration comes from feeling out of control and from personal shame.  You are mad at yourself and wish you could be better at communicating and handling people. The problem with angry people is that instead of working on themselves, they blame the world for treating them bad. The world responds to your behavior so when you are defensive, or when you "think" someone has wronged you, people don't respond back to you they way you're thinking they should.  Anger issues and depression go hand in hand - remember depression isn't necessarily about crying or being sad, it's also about being angry. And it contaminates your perspective on everything, ESPECIALLY communication.

Also, anger and frustration fall under the fear umbrella.

You are entitled to your opinion, but in my opinion, words like these contribute to the problem. There is nothing wrong with blame if it is assigned correctly (as Naizo did). You are doing it yourself ... you are blaming Naizo for his own anger ... I'm going to guess that this is going to add some fuel to his anger, not help correct the problem.

Are you really saying that any of us, depressed or not, angry or not, is entirely personally responsible for our problems, the world having no part in it ? Rethink that, I'd say.

We love to pull out the DSM and look for a diagnosis, when it's as simple as "people in this world are selfish and unkind and cruel.". Diagnose that.

How are you so sure that Naizo correctly assigned the blame? None of us have seen how he acts in real life. For all we know he could be the source of his own unhappiness. You say that the issue lies with other people being selfish and unkind but how do you know that you and Naizo don't or haven't come across that way to people before? I don't know him so it's difficult to say but when someone takes an apprpach that it is everyone else's fault then you kind of have to wonder.

 

[Tuathaniel]

My ******* hands shake when I get so ******* mad because I hold it in, people ******* wronging me whether it be something as ******* small as cheating at something insignificant to truly wronging me and my life which is already a complete piece of ******* garbage. Over the years I've lost every single ******* person I've loved or held dear. And true story, not because of my ******* anger. It's because they leave me, despite my giving nature despite my empathetic being, that I have grown to hold such a ******* hatred for everyone and everything because it's only a matter of ******* time before their true colors show. Given my nature people have taken advantage of my kindness, and when my anger rears its head, they take advantage of that in order to make me seem like the bad guy. I'm ******* tired of it, and I'm ******* tired of people being garbage.

This! So much this. Although I know that my anger now doesn't help with the situation, and that I know it'll keep on pushing more people away, I just can't bring myself to care anymore. Because I'm just so sick of things being this way. (Just last night, a friend mocked me and blamed me when I briefly expressed bitterness over having been excluded from something.) 

I wasn't always angry. Only three years ago, I was actually quite happy. Had a few close friends, a small group of good ones, felt like I belonged, worked out several days a week and generally felt good about myself. I didn't start getting angry until I noticed more and more people dumping me like an old toy that no longer has value, as they moved on to new and "better" friends. 

One thing in Morrowrd's comment is very true for me, however: I am also angry at myself. The person I'm most angry at is probably me. Because deep inside, no matter how unjustly I know I've been treated by people, I feel like everything is my fault. I know this probably has a lot to do with my depression, but that doesn't make it any less real. 

I don't know if you have anything resembling my situation, so take as much or as little from this as you want. I'm not here to tell you how to feel or who to blame. But know that you're far from the only one going through this rage. I just ******* hate people so much. They suck.

 

[Meaw]

I got anger issues as well. Most could probably never imagine it. That feeling, it takes over completely in less than half a second. I got no time to stop it, and it's NOT just to "work with oneself". I've heard things like "sit down on a chair and let the anger flow into it" from psychiatrists. It feels like pure insults. And the feeling, while there, is so great. The way you feel like you got extra body armor, like you'd take on anything, anyone, until you won, realizing you might be beaten but NEVER give in, always get the last blow, being the final wretched victor. Like you were fecking destruction itself. Like NOW, NOW's finally the time for REVENGE. Now's the time to feel, to not have to repress anymore. Afterwards, though, all that greatness never stays. It's like becoming a different person. When one "wakes up", "snaps out", one just feels like a monster. And not the cute brave kind like in a skillet song or anything, the kind that should be locked up in a cage and be hidden from the rest of the perfect pretending liar world. Anything to not be a monster again. Then, after the worst guilt goes away, one tries to repair everything. Some things can never be repaired - memories are one of those. Guilt too. Still, I have made some important bits of progress since I was a child. These are the things one never talks about. These are the things I never talk about. This is my worst side.

Why am I this angry? I say it's in the genes, but also from the society around me. Every lie, every devilish act, both to the ones I hold /held dear and in the world around me far far away that will never be rightfully punished stacks onto this. Trafficking victims in South America? Mass murder in Asia? ***** presidents in North America? Animal experiments in Oceania? Laws being passed to destroy basic human rights in Europe? Someone forcing my brother to accept a "sorry" with a grin and laughter between the ones who... and then shake hands with them just in this city? It will never be rightfully punished, and it keeps bothering me, nagging at my brain like cancer. I hate beyond belief how there's NOTHING I can do to fix it, no matter whether I get out of the burnout or not. I hate my guts out because of how all lives are already destroyed.

Please, please people, try not to remember me as this post. I do not want to be like this. But I want all the injustices to stop, no matter whatsoever how naive that is.

 

[Paraiyar]

Loads of things in the world make me angry, women in Europe having to carry pepper spray because of the migrants that have come into their countries was one recent example and loads of things cause me anxiety like the mounting tension between the U.S and Russia. I'm finding that part of the trick to getting round this is to focus really hard on achieving my individual goals in life.

 

[morrowrd]

<Well that sounds like a lot of projecting and shifting of blame to me. But thanks.>

Yep, you’re the only person you can control.


<Thing being, I speak in a very literal manner. Making physciatrists, especially keyboard psychiatrists, useless to me. >

Wrong, I’m sharing life learning, not armchair theory. I understand anger, because I was and went through my own personal reform. That’s where my responses come from. And, your system for coping with people and life isn’t working, that’s why you’re here.  I am not wasting keystrokes trying to “pet you right.”  I’m not going to go with your flow, if your flow is wrong.


<When I say something I don't mean "But I meant it this way." I quite literally mean people are pieces of trash and I've spent my life giving of myself only for them to take advantage of it, in turn I eventually reached a breaking point of where I simply will not put up with it anymore.>

You have no choice. You aren’t the only person in the world and it doesn’t revolve around you. You have power over yourself, that’s it.


<Shifting the blame, and trying to tell me what I am, without so much as taking a moment to thoroughly read or hear what I have myself said, falls directly under that. Useless banter, that helps nobody. That is what you've provided. >

I read your angry rant.  What’s there to understand? It wasn’t all that deep or rocket science. You hate the world, and are unwilling to admit, you’re the problem, not the world.


<I have noticed a trend of that on this forum. People tend to want to feel better about themselves, and as such, will project their own issues and emotions and solutions or non-solutions upon others. You really shouldn't. Psychology is a joke. Nobody is the same. You cannot blanket term people like you can so many other things. Shared and similar experiences are a thing. Two people experiencing the exact same issue and having the exact same solution is not, sadly, realistic.>

Mentoring, role modeling, are not psychology.  That’s what people here try to communicate…I doubt there are many psychologists here on this “lonely forum” – just regular everyday people who’ve gone through some stuff, and learned something.

Take it or leave it.

<Perhaps try providing advice without stepping on the throat of the one you are trying to speak to. A warmer reception you might receive.>

I thought I was helping, you are just too angry to see anything other than people trying to attack you.

 

[Paraiyar]

Well that sounds like a lot of projecting and shifting of blame to me. But thanks. Thing being, I speak in a very literal manner. Making physciatrists, especially keyboard psychiatrists, useless to me. When I say something I don't mean "But I meant it this way." I quite literally mean people are pieces of trash and I've spent my life giving of myself only for them to take advantage of it, in turn I eventually reached a breaking point of where I simply will not put up with it anymore.

Shifting the blame, and trying to tell me what I am, without so much as taking a moment to thoroughly read or hear what I have myself said, falls directly under that.

Useless banter, that helps nobody. That is what you've provided.

I have noticed a trend of that on this forum. People tend to want to feel better about themselves, and as such, will project their own issues and emotions and solutions or non-solutions upon others. You really shouldn't. Psychology is a joke. Nobody is the same. You cannot blanket term people like you can so many other things. Shared and similar experiences are a thing. Two people experiencing the exact same issue and having the exact same solution is not, sadly, realistic.

Perhaps try providing advice without stepping on the throat of the one you are trying to speak to. A warmer reception you might receive.

This post really makes it look like the problem is with you more than it is with everyone else.