I have been to speed dating events; I had fun with them, conversations flowed freely and people were nice. Then I get my results the next day and 12 out of 12 women ticked 'no' for me. This happened three times.
Before anything, I want to say that I certainly hope that you're in a better place today than when you originally wrote this message.
This comment stood out to me, and I am in no way about to minimize your dilemma, but I do want to share how MY views changed on this.
To begin with, you sound like you have a LOT more going on than I do in terms of physique, work, living situation, and a sane enough mind to have hobbies. I myself was never much of a pick up artist until I came to work in a big city almost a decade ago. My body is nothing to write home about, I don't have a sane enough mind to have a hobby and stick with it, and a whole other slew of problems I won't get into.
However, in working in the city, it never became more clear to me what "its a numbers game met" until I ripped off the bandaid and started talking to women... often... and I DID have to break through that initial comfort barrier, but this is how I did it.
I paid attention to what the women in my office found funny, and I took note of the guys who they were drawn to... and surprise, the ones that they are drawn to aren't always the hot guys. I mean, the hot guys come in first place, yes... but what I came to notice is that when people are "hot", they go through their whole life not having to FIGHT for attention. So the hottest women I ever been with had very little to offer by the way of conversation. They never have to be interesting because sometimes people PRETEND that hot people are interesting just for a chance to be around them... because theyre hot. See?
I caught onto that and also caught onto the fact that women just like to laugh and keep the conversation going... so I paid attention to the things that the "not hot" guys were saying when they were getting attention. I naturally have a dark humor, so I had to refine it a little bit. I began to break the comfort barrier of initializing conversations with women out of the blue... and I did that. Once I was not uncomfortable anymore, I would just start to hit them with little jokes and questions ABOUT THEMSELVES. They love to talk about themselves. So when you listen intently, that makes them feel connected.
Now, when I said it was a numbers game.. I mean that. I think the # 1 mistake guys make is honing on women that WE want... even when that women has nothing to offer.. women do it too with guys who are hot, and then they pretend the guy "changed". They didnt change. They've always been superficial. Just HOT and superficial. I would chat it up with women in the cafe at my job... I would chat it up in elevators... waiting for the shuttle.. waiting in line... the supermarket. It just becomes second nature. Today, it's as fun as saying "Oh, she's cute, I better hurry up and go over there and crack a few jokes and introduce myself to see if she is down".
You're going to get rejected. A LOT. The trick it to get over that. That's life. As an engineer, Im sure you're familiar with the law of averages. You're bound to land one.
And finally, I will leave you with this. The next time you're out and about...take notice of all the women you think are attractive. If they are with the guy, focus on him. Notice how the men they are with aren't 5 star models. They're average, frumpy, unshaven, balding, paunchy dudes. Because thats just what most guys are. SOMETHING about that guy makes her day. Think about that.
