Being forced to play a fixed game.....

[FlynnRyder]

I've posted this before, and it bears repeating: the circumstances I am going through are the things that make mass shooters and domestic terrorists. I am financially screwed, to say the least. multiple evictions, no job, no credit, no savings, no friends, no spouse or girlfriend, no children. no car. nothing. I've been unemployed for a year. In that time, I have been ghosted, stood up, cancelled, and turned away immediately. you can lose a job very easily, while it takes a long time to get a job, and you need a job to live. the way I have been treated, you would think I am a sex offender, but my record's clean. its so unfair. if I were to commit suicide, I would be justified, I have nothing to lose, I dont experience joy, only pain. Society has made it very clear they want me gone. Maybe I should just give them their wish.

 

[okidoke]

That’s not what makes mass shooters and domestic terrorists. If you do yourself in, then they win.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I’m sorry you are going through such a hard time, maybe make a list of your priorities and work things out one by one, thats what I do. Otherwise sometimes everything becomes this immovable ball of problems.

I just hope your know you have value, and things can get better. Step 1… new job. Everything else… is pointless until you get your new job. I wish you luck on your search.

 

[February203]

It sounds like you have a story to tell. Are you looking for my perspective or would you rather I listen?

 

[LonelySgt]

I've posted this before, and it bears repeating: the circumstances I am going through are the things that make mass shooters and domestic terrorists. I am financially screwed, to say the least. multiple evictions, no job, no credit, no savings, no friends, no spouse or girlfriend, no children. no car. nothing. I've been unemployed for a year. In that time, I have been ghosted, stood up, cancelled, and turned away immediately. you can lose a job very easily, while it takes a long time to get a job, and you need a job to live. the way I have been treated, you would think I am a sex offender, but my record's clean. its so unfair. if I were to commit suicide, I would be justified, I have nothing to lose, I dont experience joy, only pain. Society has made it very clear they want me gone. Maybe I should just give them their wish.

…has joining the military been an option for you? It has been for tens of thousands of citizens. It’s hard to get fired, I mean you get get written up and subsequently 3 strikes of the same offense can get you demoted but if you can accept some yelling and push ups you will do fine. Do not join if you are weak, doesn’t sound like you are or else you would have deleted yourself. Living another day is a victory. Your life has value. All it takes is to pass the ASVAB and go to boot camp which is intro 101 to military life and then school of your chosen profession. If joining is not an option then I can give you logical options. What say you?

 

[TropicalStarfish]

If you are in Texas, for me personally, I can't imagine people there being very kind/sympathetic to your plight. Texas has always seemed to me a kind of rough and tough place, more concerned with wealth and protection of wealth and property (I'm sure there are some nice people there, but, I'm speaking generally, economically, general mindset, etc..).

Offhand the best that I can figure, is that, some of the southern states, it is less expensive to live, and the climate isn't too bad, generally.

If it's possible perhaps consider relocating? Perhaps make a goal of saving up enough for a bus ticket, and try somewhere else?

I hope you don't give in to anger and despair. People can be cruel in ways that can nearly defy all logical explanation... But perhaps we can take refuge in the immutable nature of kindness, compassion, and genuine care, however far from it, or far from us, it may be, and have faith, hope, and the conviction of Truth, as to how powerful they truly are, to mend, heal, comfort, nurture, and sustain us.

May compassion and understanding find you, and may you find compassion and understanding.

Whether you are atheist, agnostic, or religious, I think it's okay to pray, to talk to God, or The Universe, the Trees, the Stars, the Moon, or whatever, and it's okay to listen too, when it's quiet, and we are alone. It's okay to say, "I'm angry, I'm hurt, I'm defeated, and I feel like giving up!" And it's okay to say, "Please, help!"

 

[TheRealCallie]

I'd have to know more of your situation to give any real advice, but are you looking for ANY job or are you looking for something specific? If you're looking for something specific, stop. Get any job you can find. Flip burgers, pump gas for little old ladies, bus tables, whatever, just make money. You can always find something better while you are making money. But you have to KEEP the job until you find that something better.
Look into job trainings. Most states offer some for free and they will help you find a job.
You can fix all of your issues, but you are going to have to work hard and all that begins with a job, so find one. It's the holiday season, the entirety of retail will be hiring extra employees. No guarantee of keeping the job beyond the holidays, but it will be something and if you do well, they might keep you on or it would be a positive experience for your resume if they don't.

Stop talking about mass shooters and domestic terrorists. It's not funny and it's not true. Mental illness causes those things and if you are to that point, you need to get help.

 

[FlynnRyder]

It sounds like you have a story to tell. Are you looking for my perspective or would you rather I listen?

i'll take whatever you have to give, whether its testimony or an ear.

 

[FlynnRyder]

If you are in Texas, for me personally, I can't imagine people there being very kind/sympathetic to your plight. Texas has always seemed to me a kind of rough and tough place, more concerned with wealth and protection of wealth and property (I'm sure there are some nice people there, but, I'm speaking generally, economically, general mindset, etc..).

Offhand the best that I can figure, is that, some of the southern states, it is less expensive to live, and the climate isn't too bad, generally.

If it's possible perhaps consider relocating? Perhaps make a goal of saving up enough for a bus ticket, and try somewhere else?

I hope you don't give in to anger and despair. People can be cruel in ways that can nearly defy all logical explanation... But perhaps we can take refuge in the immutable nature of kindness, compassion, and genuine care, however far from it, or far from us, it may be, and have faith, hope, and the conviction of Truth, as to how powerful they truly are, to mend, heal, comfort, nurture, and sustain us.

May compassion and understanding find you, and may you find compassion and understanding.

Whether you are atheist, agnostic, or religious, I think it's okay to pray, to talk to God, or The Universe, the Trees, the Stars, the Moon, or whatever, and it's okay to listen too, when it's quiet, and we are alone. It's okay to say, "I'm angry, I'm hurt, I'm defeated, and I feel like giving up!" And it's okay to say, "Please, help!"

you're right about texas. It's an absolutely unforgiving place, populated by racist, bigoted classist freaks who dont give a damn about human decency. hypocrites, all of them.
I've dreamt of leaving this hellhole for years, but I'm not sure where I can go, I don't of any place I can stay, and once again. I am flat broke. I have no money, and I havent had any money for years. i couldnt afford even a bus ticket at this moment.

 

[FlynnRyder]

I'd have to know more of your situation to give any real advice, but are you looking for ANY job or are you looking for something specific? If you're looking for something specific, stop. Get any job you can find. Flip burgers, pump gas for little old ladies, bus tables, whatever, just make money. You can always find something better while you are making money. But you have to KEEP the job until you find that something better.
Look into job trainings. Most states offer some for free and they will help you find a job.
You can fix all of your issues, but you are going to have to work hard and all that begins with a job, so find one. It's the holiday season, the entirety of retail will be hiring extra employees. No guarantee of keeping the job beyond the holidays, but it will be something and if you do well, they might keep you on or it would be a positive experience for your resume if they don't.

Stop talking about mass shooters and domestic terrorists. It's not funny and it's not true. Mental illness causes those things and if you are to that point, you need to get help.

As of right now, I'm just looking for something in retail or customer service. I've done fast food, and I can tell you, for mental health reasons, i stay far away from anything involving food. it just doesnt work out. I know its hard to empathize with someone who is complaining about poverty, while saying he absolutely does not want to do certain things, but thats where I'm at. I just can't be kicked around and abused for slave wages.
And what I am asking for is not much. I'll gladly do retail or grocery. I've even put in for hotel work. I've applied for every call center job I qualified for. Hundreds over the years. but I've been stiffed at every turn. And while waiting for one of these places to actually take me seriously, I've lost everything. Most of my valuables and my health, even.

 

[FlynnRyder]

…has joining the military been an option for you? It has been for tens of thousands of citizens. It’s hard to get fired, I mean you get get written up and subsequently 3 strikes of the same offense can get you demoted but if you can accept some yelling and push ups you will do fine. Do not join if you are weak, doesn’t sound like you are or else you would have deleted yourself. Living another day is a victory. Your life has value. All it takes is to pass the ASVAB and go to boot camp which is intro 101 to military life and then school of your chosen profession. If joining is not an option then I can give you logical options. What say you?

among many other issues I have with the military lifestyle, I'm too old, too overweight, and too unhealthy to get into the military (I'm almost 40.)

 

[TheSkaFish]

I've posted this before, and it bears repeating: the circumstances I am going through are the things that make mass shooters and domestic terrorists. I am financially screwed, to say the least. multiple evictions, no job, no credit, no savings, no friends, no spouse or girlfriend, no children. no car. nothing. I've been unemployed for a year. In that time, I have been ghosted, stood up, cancelled, and turned away immediately. you can lose a job very easily, while it takes a long time to get a job, and you need a job to live. the way I have been treated, you would think I am a sex offender, but my record's clean. its so unfair. if I were to commit suicide, I would be justified, I have nothing to lose, I dont experience joy, only pain. Society has made it very clear they want me gone. Maybe I should just give them their wish.

Hi, I just want to say this message strikes a chord with me as well. I feel very similarly.

I feel like I'm forced to play a fixed game too. I feel like this world is not for everyone, but only for people who are born with the right natural aptitudes and interests at the right abilities - specifically STEM/STEM-adjacent things, the trades, and professional athletes and A-list entertainers.

I don't want to be a mass shooter or domestic terrorist, because those people are humiliated forever. No one thinks of them as a great warrior who stood up for themselves and struck back at the evil society. Instead, they are thought of as losers who couldn't hack it, couldn't compete because they were simply too inferior, and they should have just accepted their inferiority and resigned themselves to living like b*tches.

For me, humiliation is hell. It's one of the things I hate most in this world. I hate the thought that I'm inherently a loser/limited/mediocre/inferior/without potential/low status. I would rather be dead, or better yet not born in the first place. More and more I'm starting to wish that my parents could have seen my genetics before birth, and if it was proven that I didn't have the genes for talent at anything, they could have opted NOT to bring me into the world. If I can't get out of humiliation, then life isn't a blessing for me. I don't want it.

I also rarely, if ever, experience joy - just varying degrees of anger, frustration, humiliation, despair, and boredom. When I feel nothing at all, that's what passes for a "good" day now. And increasingly, thoughts of suicide have crossed my mind, but for now it's still too scary.

I've spent a lot of time thinking about why my life turned out like this. And I think feeling that I wasn't good at anything naturally, and feeling like it must be genetic, and therefore not having any confidence, assertiveness, boldness, or pride, interest in anything, or interest in myself and my own life, and feeling frustrated and humiliated that I was worse than just about everyone else at everything, and low status because of it, is the source of my anger, despair, and pain.

If there was something I could be good at, especially that I liked, and then I could be successful, I could be happy. At the very least I could make it to OK. And maybe then my life could start to change.

I think a guy especially has to make something of yourself before you can date. Then you can at least feel OK enough about yourself, to be confident in yourself, and you have some interest in something to have something to talk about besides small talk, what the A-list entertainers are doing, and problems.

I know I need to get some kind of skilled career, and some kind of skilled interest outside of work, just to be OK - not happy, but OK. That's the bare minimum I need for "I'm fine" - besides a romantic relationship of course. I need to know I'm normal, not a loser/not inferior/not humiliated, and I need to be interested in something I do, and proud of something I do - both of which require me to be good, not "just OK". I guess that's my war.

Maybe figure out what the source of your pain is, and what you need to get out?
What kinds of things do you like, and/or are you good at?
I think being good at something, is what we need to build an identity, self-esteem, and our very lives around.

 

[February203]

i'll take whatever you have to give, whether its testimony or an ear.

When and how did all this start? I assume you have family and they aren't in a position or positioning themselves to help you. Is there a reason why?

 

[FlynnRyder]

I've had help from family, but I have exhausted all the help that I can receive, as my issues have been constant. the only reason I am still breathing, typing the sentences I have typed, is because of the help I have received from my family. But it never seems to line up with being able to help myself. Every time I am given a lifeline, it is contigient upon me finding employment. And every single time, the marketplace shuts itself off from me and leaves me in the cold. this has been happening since I was a teenager, from the moment I have been eligible to work, I have been treated like crap.

 

[TheRealCallie]

As of right now, I'm just looking for something in retail or customer service. I've done fast food, and I can tell you, for mental health reasons, i stay far away from anything involving food. it just doesnt work out. I know its hard to empathize with someone who is complaining about poverty, while saying he absolutely does not want to do certain things, but thats where I'm at. I just can't be kicked around and abused for slave wages.
And what I am asking for is not much. I'll gladly do retail or grocery. I've even put in for hotel work. I've applied for every call center job I qualified for. Hundreds over the years. but I've been stiffed at every turn. And while waiting for one of these places to actually take me seriously, I've lost everything. Most of my valuables and my health, even.

No, I totally get it. There are certain jobs I won't do either, fast food being one of them, though for different reasons. That said, fast food has upped their wages in recent years. I'm not sure if they have where you are or not and I'm not pushing it on you, I just wanted to throw that out. A McDonald's near me starts out at $14 an hour now.
But aside from that, gas stations usually have a high turn around rate, so maybe try that if you haven't already.
Does your area have factories? They usually have a high turn around rate too.
Holiday season is a good time to volunteer too. Soup kitchens, homeless shelters, salvation army. They all look for help during the holidays and those would look good on a resume.

 

[February203]

I've had help from family, but I have exhausted all the help that I can receive, as my issues have been constant. the only reason I am still breathing, typing the sentences I have typed, is because of the help I have received from my family. But it never seems to line up with being able to help myself. Every time I am given a lifeline, it is contigient upon me finding employment. And every single time, the marketplace shuts itself off from me and leaves me in the cold. this has been happening since I was a teenager, from the moment I have been eligible to work, I have been treated like crap.

What did you do for work and what are you doing during your down time?

 

[FlynnRyder]

My last few jobs have been temporary call centers. in the meantime, I have been applying to every type of call center, administrative assistant, or clerk job I can find. when I am not applying, I have been trying to get a insurance certificate. but my financials have affected how I can do that.

 

[February203]

My last few jobs have been temporary call centers. in the meantime, I have been applying to every type of call center, administrative assistant, or clerk job I can find. when I am not applying, I have been trying to get a insurance certificate. but my financials have affected how I can do that.

Would you like to do something temporary outside of an office? Are you healthy enough to do something physical? At least till you get the type of job that you want.

 

[FlynnRyder]

Would you like to do something temporary outside of an office? Are you healthy enough to do something physical? At least till you get the type of job that you want.

I'd be ecstatic to do retail, that was my plan anyway, because I'm going to need to double my income to pay back everything I owe. Also, I am interested in doing hotel front desk, as that would help in my aspirations to go into data analytics.

 

[February203]

I'd be ecstatic to do retail, that was my plan anyway, because I'm going to need to double my income to pay back everything I owe. Also, I am interested in doing hotel front desk, as that would help in my aspirations to go into data analytics.

What country do you live in? I assume you live in the USA. You try the post office? Amazon fulfillment centers are always hiring. That is if you have one in your area.