comment about this site...

[BeyondShy]

Change instead of waiting for the world to change. Look at things differently. As cliche as it sounds, I think it's the only way to stay sane.
That and laugh.
AT ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING.

I really wish I had a dime for every time I read or heard this piece of advice. Even if you try to look at things differently (which I have) you still will get treated the same. In here and in real life. And as far as laughing, I don't do that as much as I would like to. But that's another story.

I don't know you very well, it's been a long time since I saw you around on chat, and we are in opposite time zones as well if I remember correctly. How ever much you might have heard this, and however much you might have dismissed it does not matter, what matters is that despite or because of the advice you already have changed, and are still continuing to do so. It is unfair that others here are stuck thinking off the old you when they read your posts, they just need time to change, and even then not everyone will.

You are right - I haven't been here in awhile (ten months) and that goes for chat and in the forums. I read this post of yours an hour ago and I had to think about it before I posted. I figure most people won't care because it is coming from me and others won't even read it and if they do they'll pretend they didn't. I know it's unfair that these people are thinking of how I was when I first joined but I don't know how to change that perception.

What really bothers me is that this forum is about people with social problems, shyness, etc, etc. But in here they seem to forget they have problems when one of their own joins and is not eager to embrace them because he is terrified to deal with people. Maybe they are using me as a representation of the people who have rejected them in real life because they've made sure to pretend I am not here when I make a post. I see people posting every day about what bothers them or what they are afraid of and I can't do that myself because I know I won't get a response.

But in the end I shall take your word when you said they need time to change. That's the only positive way to look at it.

 

[niceguysfinishlast]

I only check every few days sometimes, so I might miss newer posts or feel that everything I could say has been covered. Nothing to do with how I feel about someone. It's easier to remember people who post regularly, too.

The men you're talking about exist everywhere online -- nothing to do with this site. They're predators who want someone lonely, desperate, and easy to manipulate with false kindness, or low self-esteem types who don't care about using girls they don't know or care about for attention online. They don't come here for help or community, and don't represent the forum.

This is full of prejudice towards men, for some it's easier to get along with women, like myself for instance, I have a hard time trusting men, and when I do trust them, I have an even harder time liking them, because I do not like the machismo talk, the team sport they happen to be into doesn't interest me either and drinking lots just for the fun of drinking lots I'll never do.

I'm not saying those types don't exist, I wished I could say that, but not all people who gravitate towards woman, even the lonely, desperate, and easy to manipulate ones, are predators, some will just be all those things themselves, or is that when they get the low self-esteem label?

I have no doubt you as a woman have, or know of others that had, these experiences, and they are very real, they are not the exclusive domain of women however, men get taken advantage of like that by women just the same, we only aren't allowed to cry about it, because we're men! *pumps chest up*





No surprise coming from Tealeaf. Last year all I was trying to do was have small conversation (talking about the weather at the time since we're from the same general part of the country) with her, nothing more nothing less and she tells me to f off for no reason at all.


No wonder I've become less social. No point in trying to make new friends on here when people judge you and automatically assume things about you right then and there. As I stated before, I don't even want to have a girlfriend and gave up on dating a couple years back anyway.



My apologies to Tealeaf. Hopefully I wasn't being too harsh.

 

[Tealeaf]

I only check every few days sometimes, so I might miss newer posts or feel that everything I could say has been covered. Nothing to do with how I feel about someone. It's easier to remember people who post regularly, too.

The men you're talking about exist everywhere online -- nothing to do with this site. They're predators who want someone lonely, desperate, and easy to manipulate with false kindness, or low self-esteem types who don't care about using girls they don't know or care about for attention online. They don't come here for help or community, and don't represent the forum.

This is full of prejudice towards men, for some it's easier to get along with women, like myself for instance, I have a hard time trusting men, and when I do trust them, I have an even harder time liking them, because I do not like the machismo talk, the team sport they happen to be into doesn't interest me either and drinking lots just for the fun of drinking lots I'll never do.

I'm not saying those types don't exist, I wished I could say that, but not all people who gravitate towards woman, even the lonely, desperate, and easy to manipulate ones, are predators, some will just be all those things themselves, or is that when they get the low self-esteem label?

I have no doubt you as a woman have, or know of others that had, these experiences, and they are very real, they are not the exclusive domain of women however, men get taken advantage of like that by women just the same, we only aren't allowed to cry about it, because we're men! *pumps chest up*





No surprise coming from Tealeaf. Last year all I was trying to do was have small conversation (talking about the weather at the time since we're from the same general part of the country) with her, nothing more nothing less and she tells me to f off for no reason at all.


No wonder I've become less social. No point in trying to make new friends on here when people judge you and automatically assume things about you right then and there. As I stated before, I don't even want to have a girlfriend and gave up on dating a couple years back anyway.



My apologies to Tealeaf. Hopefully I wasn't being too harsh.

I'll be nice and not post what actually happened for everyone. 

 

[MisterLonely]

I only check every few days sometimes, so I might miss newer posts or feel that everything I could say has been covered. Nothing to do with how I feel about someone. It's easier to remember people who post regularly, too.

The men you're talking about exist everywhere online -- nothing to do with this site. They're predators who want someone lonely, desperate, and easy to manipulate with false kindness, or low self-esteem types who don't care about using girls they don't know or care about for attention online. They don't come here for help or community, and don't represent the forum.

This is full of prejudice towards men, for some it's easier to get along with women, like myself for instance, I have a hard time trusting men, and when I do trust them, I have an even harder time liking them, because I do not like the machismo talk, the team sport they happen to be into doesn't interest me either and drinking lots just for the fun of drinking lots I'll never do.

I'm not saying those types don't exist, I wished I could say that, but not all people who gravitate towards woman, even the lonely, desperate, and easy to manipulate ones, are predators, some will just be all those things themselves, or is that when they get the low self-esteem label?

I have no doubt you as a woman have, or know of others that had, these experiences, and they are very real, they are not the exclusive domain of women however, men get taken advantage of like that by women just the same, we only aren't allowed to cry about it, because we're men! *pumps chest up*

I don't think so. This isn't about men who get along better with women. This is about :

a) Men who think someone seems great and not at all machismo, and will act super-friendly to them, until they found out they're not a woman (or just not single and heterosexual). 

b) Men who send the same cheesy lines to all women or female-sounding posters on a site, or actively look for women who seem "easy".

Very telling that men who clearly don't think they fit into those categories get offended any time they're commented on.

Aaah, I'm glad we got that all cleared up!

So a man seeking the company of a woman is a bad bad pervert of a man! especially if he also happens to be nice, shame on you nice man for wanting love! BAD!! And don't you dare speak of your opinion, because that can only mean you are one of these men! double shame! *hits nose with newspaper* BAD!!

 

[MisterLonely]

I'll be nice and not post what actually happened for everyone. 

Another generalization based likely on your own experiences, sorry you had them I really am, maybe you should stop picking the predators instead of blaming all men for that.

For every men you've had that was like this, I've had a woman that just didn't respond, or was irritable, or plain rude. 

I'd thought I'd throw that in because we are posting what actually happens to everyone, and just didn't want to leave men out of the "everyone" bit 

 

[TheRealCallie]

So, to sum up this thread. We are all horrible creatures with ulterior motives? NO ONE WILL SURVIVE!!!!! :club:

Seriously people, this site is no different than any other site, really. You get what you put into it. The problem is, I don't think people realize what they are putting into it. Bitterness, loneliness, depression, paranoia, entitlement, whatever is getting in the way.
Every single person here is just a person. No matter what they've been through, no matter where they are, what gender they are, what race they are, how old they are. We all are just people. Not everyone is going to get along. Not every thread is going to get the posts that you want. Not every relationship made (whether platonic or otherwise) is going to last. This is no different than real life, so stop expecting it to be.

 

[Jently]

^ ^ ^

Bravo, well said. Total truth.

 

[BeyondShy]

So, to sum up this thread.  We are all horrible creatures with ulterior motives?  NO ONE WILL SURVIVE!!!!!

Horrible creatures? No. I have met some very nice people during my stay here. You included.
Ulterior motives? Damn right.

Seriously people, this site is no different than any other site, really.  You get what you put into it. The problem is, I don't think people realize what they are putting into it.  Bitterness, loneliness, depression, paranoia, entitlement, whatever is getting in the way.  
Every single person here is just a person.  No matter what they've been through, no matter where they are, what gender they are, what race they are, how old they are.  We all are just people.  Not everyone is going to get along.  Not every thread is going to get the posts that you want.  Not every relationship made (whether platonic or otherwise) is going to last.  This is no different than real life, so stop expecting it to be.

In a way it is. Before this, I was a member of another website that unfortunately is no longer around. It was a sports-based website that covered all things besides sports (relationships, problems, etc.) An interesting little site. Anyway we had arguments there about anything and everything and the difference was that once the fight was done it was done. No hard feelings. No one talking behind your back. No one intentionally ignoring someone. No cliques. All of this is the opposite of what you find here. But I understand why it is. Just like you said (bitterness, loneliness, depression, paranoia, entitlement) that stuff holds people back in here.

So I agree. Every single person here is just a person. But around here once someone thinks you are a "bad" user then you are stuck with that label and it is passed along to everyone else here so they all end up treating that person like that. That is the thing that stands out here.

 

[TheRealCallie]

So, to sum up this thread.  We are all horrible creatures with ulterior motives?  NO ONE WILL SURVIVE!!!!!

Horrible creatures? No. I have met some very nice people during my stay here. You included.
Ulterior motives? Damn right.

Seriously people, this site is no different than any other site, really.  You get what you put into it. The problem is, I don't think people realize what they are putting into it.  Bitterness, loneliness, depression, paranoia, entitlement, whatever is getting in the way.  
Every single person here is just a person.  No matter what they've been through, no matter where they are, what gender they are, what race they are, how old they are.  We all are just people.  Not everyone is going to get along.  Not every thread is going to get the posts that you want.  Not every relationship made (whether platonic or otherwise) is going to last.  This is no different than real life, so stop expecting it to be.

In a way it is. Before this, I was a member of another website that unfortunately is no longer around. It was a sports-based website that covered all things besides sports (relationships, problems, etc.) An interesting little site. Anyway we had arguments there about anything and everything and the difference was that once the fight was done it was done. No hard feelings. No one talking behind your back. No one intentionally ignoring someone. No cliques. All of this is the opposite of what you find here. But I understand why it is. Just like you said (bitterness, loneliness, depression, paranoia, entitlement) that stuff holds people back in here.

So I agree. Every single person here is just a person. But around here once someone thinks you are a "bad" user then you are stuck with that label and it is passed along to everyone else here so they all end up treating that person like that. That is the thing that stands out here.

Yep, that's why EVERYONE here hates me, huh?  Yeah, nice try, but that doesn't quite work.

 

[BeyondShy]

Yep, that's why EVERYONE here hates me, huh?  Yeah, nice try, but that doesn't quite work.

I don't hate you. And unlike most of the opinions of people in here, I matter.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Yep, that's why EVERYONE here hates me, huh?  Yeah, nice try, but that doesn't quite work.

I don't hate you. And unlike most of the opinions of people in here, I matter.

That was sarcasm.  I know very well not everyone here hates me, but some do.  And some of those are "popular" people, so by what you said, EVERYONE should hate me....yet they don't.

 

[Rainbows]

I'm a female and no one pms me. Then again I'm not a nice person. So that makes sense.

 

[BeyondShy]

That's been taken care of.

 

[Xpendable]

You have to be active for someone to PM you.

 

[kamya]

I'm a female and no one pms me. Then again I'm not a nice person. So that makes sense.

********  :club:

When are you not nice? 

 

[TheSkaFish]

I believe it's more of a get what you give thing. The more you post and participate on the forum/ chats/ pms, the more people know you and want to interact with you.

I agree with this, for the most part. I feel it's a you-get-what-you-give thing too. The more I've posted and participated, the more I've been interacted with as well. I think another thing is, you can't be afraid to initiate. I'd say that out of most of the interactions with people on here, I've initiated things most of the time. If there's someone you want to talk to, just do it. Most of the time I've gotten a response, at least.

---

This is full of prejudice towards men, for some it's easier to get along with women, like myself for instance, I have a hard time trusting men, and when I do trust them, I have an even harder time liking them, because I do not like the machismo talk, the team sport they happen to be into doesn't interest me either and drinking lots just for the fun of drinking lots I'll never do.

I feel this too, but I don't think it's unique to this site. I just think it's a people thing. I feel like nowadays especially, there is prejudice against men who are not raw, rugged, vulgar, tough guys. Yet at the same time, we are still expected to refrain from over-indulging in alcohol, from drugs and violence at all, and from objectifying women, so it's confusing to say the least. And we're also supposed to be ourselves instead of trying to be something we're not, especially for the sake of getting popularity or sex. But if what you are is not macho, then they think that you have an agenda and that you are a weak, uncool loser who should be shamed and ostracized. As if the machos have no agenda and always make the smartest, healthiest, best life choices, and that popularity and sex doesn't factor in to why they chose that lifestyle at all. I could go on all day.

I don't really like machismo talk either, I try not to curse unless I am angry and mean it instead of all the time out of some need to be "manly" (which ironically makes someone sound like a 5th grader trying way too hard to be "cool"), and while I'm interested in a romantic/sexual relationship with a woman, I don't like talking about sex in slang and graphic detail. It feels shameful and undignified. I drink, but I'd like to have other interests too. I haven't really followed sports that closely except for here and there when something big happens locally. I don't have a problem with the activities themselves, I've just always had other interests probably because I don't really have an athletic body. Because of all this, it was hard for me to make friends growing up, and I was always an outsider socially. I don't really think of myself as a feminine guy though. I just don't make a big show out of my masculinity. I've never felt the need.

Anyway. Just saying, I think I understand where you're coming from a bit, MisterLonely.

---

Ok.. Here it goes... Grow up every one.. So many of you complain about not fitting in.. People in real life don't play stupid games . they talk to each other about what ever is going on. Most people over 18 don't play video games..really they don't. People talk...even if its about the weather or what ever

I'm going to have to disagree. I feel like a lot of people, although they may talk more than some, they don't really have much to say. I feel like the majority of people just work jobs they don't really want to do or that aren't that interesting, and kill time while waiting to go back, which doesn't give you too much to talk about. And there are plenty of older people who play video games now. It's probably going to become more so all the time, as the first generations of gamers get older. Video games can bring people together and they can give you something to talk about as well.

 

[TheLoadedDog]

Gender thing is a larf. I once (in internet prehistory - year 1999 or so) went on Yahoo Chat under the handle "Airline Hostess with Unfeasibly Large Breasts." I thought it would be a laugh for a few minutes. Nope. I was bombarded with PMs. Yes, people took that name SERIOUSLY. I lasted about forty seconds.

I'm an ugly, middle-aged, hairy-a**ed bloke. I am NOT a "catch". Yet, my closest friends tend to be female. Go figure.

 

[user 139760]

"Airline Hostess with Unfeasibly Large Breasts."
Hehe, I'll have to try that sometime.

 

[Enpatsu No Shakugan]

I only check every few days sometimes, so I might miss newer posts or feel that everything I could say has been covered. Nothing to do with how I feel about someone. It's easier to remember people who post regularly, too.

The men you're talking about exist everywhere online -- nothing to do with this site. They're predators who want someone lonely, desperate, and easy to manipulate with false kindness, or low self-esteem types who don't care about using girls they don't know or care about for attention online. They don't come here for help or community, and don't represent the forum.

This is full of prejudice towards men, for some it's easier to get along with women, like myself for instance, I have a hard time trusting men, and when I do trust them, I have an even harder time liking them, because I do not like the machismo talk, the team sport they happen to be into doesn't interest me either and drinking lots just for the fun of drinking lots I'll never do.

I'm not saying those types don't exist, I wished I could say that, but not all people who gravitate towards woman, even the lonely, desperate, and easy to manipulate ones, are predators, some will just be all those things themselves, or is that when they get the low self-esteem label?

I have no doubt you as a woman have, or know of others that had, these experiences, and they are very real, they are not the exclusive domain of women however, men get taken advantage of like that by women just the same, we only aren't allowed to cry about it, because we're men! *pumps chest up*





No surprise coming from Tealeaf. Last year all I was trying to do was have small conversation (talking about the weather at the time since we're from the same general part of the country) with her, nothing more nothing less and she tells me to f off for no reason at all.


No wonder I've become less social. No point in trying to make new friends on here when people judge you and automatically assume things about you right then and there. As I stated before, I don't even want to have a girlfriend and gave up on dating a couple years back anyway.



My apologies to Tealeaf. Hopefully I wasn't being too harsh.

Honestly, dude, you need to get off the incel mindset. It's literally the most detrimental mindset I can think of. This will never net you what you actually want out of life, at all. I mean, from everything I can tell, it hasn't done you any favors so far. Time for a change.

 

[user 150037]

This wasn't what I was expecting from this thread - I thought that it was going to be about the site itself and about it's functionality. Which, by, the way is top notch. Personally, I've not had any problems with anybody here - except of course for those who have had a go at the community in general.