Do ladies ever make the first move relationship-wise?

[VanillaCreme]

It's really how open you appear to others; for example, the times that I've had a friendly expression, I've had girls come up to me. When I scowl at them, they don't want anything to do with me.

This is exactly what I've been saying. It's not weight, or height, the car you have, the place you live at, how much you make, or the job... It's your attitude. You said it yourself. You can't get mad at me and ignore me for saying it now.

 

[Intranetusa]

Yes, but I strongly believe it doesn't work that way.

I tried it twice on two guys. One turned out to be gay...and just never felt like telling me. He thought running away was a better strategy. The other turned out to have a girlfriend...a fact he didn't think was important to mention to me. Darn.

Tried to make the moves on the guy twice?

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I think a girl's trying to do this with me at the moment. And I really like her as well!

It's so sweet that she's making the effort...the problem is that it just never seems to be the right moment for me to reciprocate.

So far she's given me her number and asked me out to places with her a few times. I've enjoyed spending the time with her, but whenever I go to ask her out somewhere myself something always gets in the way.

Right now she has some sort of problem going on (non-relationship related), which she apologised for. It makes me feel bad, because it's like I'm just accepting friendliness without repaying it at all.

I really hope she gets that stuff sorted out, my life becomes less busy and I can just spend some time with her. That seems like too much to ask though, so I'm not expecting things to work

So I guess it's a complicated issue. I think any guy will be flattered by a girl making "moves" on him, but how he responds can be dictated a surprising amount by the circumstances.

That's my case anyway - I honestly have no idea how 90% of people get into relationships when even two people that like each other seem to have no chance of getting together given the wrong background :\

 

[tangerinedream]

I think that this is a complex issue with a lot of layers, actually. I believe that to some degree, women in our society have been fed a diet of fairy-tale sort of notions that we are the object to be pursued. Some take it to the extreme to mean that they are a PRIZE and can therefore justify treating other people - men and women alike - like ****. I call it the Princess Syndrome.

Certainly, not all women are like this. I do think that many women enjoy being pursued because it is a tangible clue that someone finds them desirable. Unfortunately, I think that there still exists a double standard in this respect. Women who make the first move are often viewed as either desperate or slutty.

The few times I ever made the first move on a guy, and it was reciprocated, it was viewed only that I was DTF and that was it. Both times, I really liked the guy as more than just some sort of easy ****, but the fact that I made the first move, I think, cast me in the role of sexual aggressor instead of a "nice girl" that they'd want to date. End of story.

Sure, lots of men say that they enjoy a woman being bold enough to make the first move, but do they truly view them as some nice girl reaching out and showing interest, or just some desperate or slutty chick who wasn't worth their time because they weren't already the object of pursuit by other men? As though there must be something wrong with them since no one else wanted them? Also, sometimes when we make the first move, we get rejected too, just like you. No one likes that, I get it.

Now, I am content to let the man make the first move, but I don't play games. If I like him, I don't cloud the whole thing in mystery and make him wonder.

And FTR, I open doors for people, men and women alike, because it is the courteous thing to do and I am a courteous human being. However, I don't EXPECT anyone to hold the door open for me. That's an entitled princess mentality. Although those chicks are out there, they are not the norm, but they make such a splash, I guess that they blind others so that you can't see the rest of us who are decent human beings.

 

[Spoon]

I open doors for people, men and women alike, because it is the courteous thing to do and I am a courteous human being.

This.

I can't tell you how many times i have made this exact statement.

 

[tangerinedream]

I open doors for people, men and women alike, because it is the courteous thing to do and I am a courteous human being.

This.

I can't tell you how many times i have made this exact statement.

It really seems obvious, doesn't it? I don't get why people make such a stink about it.

I also would give up my seat on public transportation to someone elderly, pregnant or injured. Really, it's not heroic, it's just basic manners.

 

[Frito Bandito]

I open doors for people, men and women alike, because it is the courteous thing to do and I am a courteous human being.

This.

I can't tell you how many times i have made this exact statement.

It really seems obvious, doesn't it? I don't get why people make such a stink about it.

I also would give up my seat on public transportation to someone elderly, pregnant or injured. Really, it's not heroic, it's just basic manners.

In Atlanta at the airport in 2004, my crew gave up our seats (on a bus) for a group of young soldiers being deployed to Iraq. I also bought them a round.

 

[Spoon]

In Atlanta at the airport in 2004, my crew gave up our seats (on a bus) for a group of young soldiers being deployed to Iraq. I also bought them a round.

you bought them a round on the bus? what bus line is that? I want to know so i can make sure to travel it if i ever take the bus anywhere.

seriously though, that was really really cool of you. People may not think that that sort of thing means a whole lot, but it really does.

 

[tangerinedream]

I also would give up my seat on public transportation to someone elderly, pregnant or injured. Really, it's not heroic, it's just basic manners.

In Atlanta at the airport in 2004, my crew gave up our seats (on a bus) for a group of young soldiers being deployed to Iraq. I also bought them a round.

That was mighty decent of you.

 

[ShybutHi]

Sure, lots of men say that they enjoy a woman being bold enough to make the first move, but do they truly view them as some nice girl reaching out and showing interest, or just some desperate or slutty chick who wasn't worth their time because they weren't already the object of pursuit by other men? As though there must be something wrong with them since no one else wanted them? Also, sometimes when we make the first move, we get rejected too, just like you. No one likes that, I get it.

It really depends on the person, male OR female. If the object of your desire is a nice, decent, intelligent guy then he is not going to assume the reason you are after him is just for sex. Women are human too! They desire to be with someone just like men do... It is just that because of society and stereotypical gender roles alot of women and men have the preconcieved notion that the man is the pursuer as you said.

I really do think that is a load of bull**** and it should not matter what gender you are. I said it earlier in the thread, but personally I would love it if a woman was to show interest in me and I certainly would not assume that it was for just for sex. To assume such a thing is just ignorant in my opinion... Unless it was plainly obvious.

 

[DreamerDeceiver]

I believe it's only normal that a woman in her own right takes the initiative of approaching a man in whom she is interested.

If a man has never had a woman approach him with any level of noticeable interest and/or initiated an introduction/conversation with him in his entire life- it must be a sign that something is wrong with him.

 

[Frito Bandito]

I believe it's only normal that a woman in her own right takes the initiative of approaching a man in whom she is interested.

If a man has never had a woman approach him with any level of noticeable interest and/or initiated an introduction/conversation with him in his entire life- it must be a sign that something is wrong with him.

That is not true. Shy and/or 'traditionally' unattractive guys go largely unnoticed and unacknowledged.

 

[DreamerDeceiver]

I believe it's only normal that a woman in her own right takes the initiative of approaching a man in whom she is interested.

If a man has never had a woman approach him with any level of noticeable interest and/or initiated an introduction/conversation with him in his entire life- it must be a sign that something is wrong with him.

That is not true. Shy and/or 'traditionally' unattractive guys go largely unnoticed and unacknowledged.

I stand by my word, friend. Shyness and unattractiveness can be seen as a real problem or weakness in someone from the perspective of another, man or woman. Ethnicity, for instance, is another factor, sad but true. Hygiene as well. Such attributes can be a major turn-off for an individual of the opposite gender, branding a man as "flawed," and ultimately, unwanted. Therefore, he could never hope of being approached by a woman unless he had the means to improve himself and take the initiative in making a first-move, for what his luck may grant. This is but my opinion, of course, the truth as I have seen it.

 

[Frito Bandito]

It wasn't the idea you were expressing. It was your word choices. You should choose more carefully. For instance, in your most recent post, you called me "Friend", but I don't even know you. Words matter.

 

[DreamerDeceiver]

It wasn't the idea you were expressing. It was your word choices. You should choose more carefully. For instance, in your most recent post, you called me "Friend", but I don't even know you. Words matter.

It is true that we are in no way acquainted as "friends." I used that word merely as a figure of speech to create a sense of non-hostility in my response, which was meant to clarify the second part of my original post for you. If that bothered you, you have my apology.
And if I may ask, exactly which of my words did you find unsuitable in the previous post?

 

[Anten]

DreamerDeceiver, you are right that girls have the right to make the first move but I think they generally don't unless they are aggressive, conversely all guys are taught to be more aggressive becase you need to "man up". It is a double standard we undoubtedly live by. When I think of the girls who hit on me first they were aggressive and not the shy type. Though it sems that the aggressively natured women are usaully labeled as desperate or whoreish so they are far and few in-between when met casually.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Yeah that is a stigma that needs to be erase. I honestly kind of like it when a woman makes the first move, shows she's interested in you.

You have the woman, sees a guy across the room, thinks "wow he looks like a nice guy, I should go talk to him."

You have the man, sees a woman across the room, thinks "wow she has ********, I should go talk to her."

That's the stereotype we're stuck with. :/

---

I'm kind of joking btw too with that last bit.

 

[Frito Bandito]

Did somebody say ********?

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I open doors for people, men and women alike, because it is the courteous thing to do and I am a courteous human being.

This.

I can't tell you how many times i have made this exact statement.

It really seems obvious, doesn't it? I don't get why people make such a stink about it.

I also would give up my seat on public transportation to someone elderly, pregnant or injured. Really, it's not heroic, it's just basic manners.

In Atlanta at the airport in 2004, my crew gave up our seats (on a bus) for a group of young soldiers being deployed to Iraq. I also bought them a round.

This is exactly what I've been saying all along.

You shouldn't be rewarded for being a good human being. You should be good to others, because it makes both you AND the other person feel good. Not because you're trying to trick them, manipulate them, or otherwise convince them that you're something you're not.

Opening doors for women is a nice thing to do, but you shouldn't do it because women are generally regarded as the weaker sex. You should do it, because it makes you AND the other person feel good. If she has an armload of books or something like that, even better. You just saved her dropping them all over the place.

And I, as a guy, have had many women open doors for me. I don't feel emasculated. It makes me appreciate that they were kind enough to do it.

 

[Sci-Fi]

And I, as a guy, have had many women open doors for me. I don't feel emasculated. It makes me appreciate that they were kind enough to do it.

I always feel bad I didn't get there first to open it for them. It's the gentlemanly thing to do.

Except when the doors are automatic, then you just look like an idiot.