TheSolitaryMan
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- Feb 25, 2011
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I had a pretty terrible day today, so I'll probably sound moody when typing this, but...urgh.
I do this all the time. Whether it's hiding my emotions for a girl (until she goes out with someone else or disappears), hiding the fact that something offends me or simply hiding the fact I feel miserable the majority of the time, it's a constant thing for me.
Never was it more obvious I do this than today, when I just felt practically explosive at one point, yet kept it shut away.
It took me half an hour to buy a sandwich for lunch today.
I spent a good five minutes picking one, because there was a vast choice and it was busy, so it was tough to browse. Then I realised it was sort of a cooked one that needed to be heated.
So, as always, I politely and quietly joined the queue.
I then watched as about 4 people quite casually shoved in front of me as if it was nothing. One was this skinny, runty guy who quite gleefully decided to stand in front of my spot, using talking to someone as an excuse. Instead of saying, I did a strange smile to myself. Perhaps a disbelieving smile? Who knows.
Then he invited his girlfriend over to stand with him - she was also buying something, so that put me two places back in the queue.
For the next 20 or so minutes I was stood there, all I could think about was how much I would love to just punch him as hard as I could. It was kind of scary really. Just a pretty intense anger and loathing. At the very least, I just wanted to shout at him.
But instead, I stayed there, patiently, until I paid for everything. I went and sat on my own for the rest of my lunch break, since I was in no mood to sit with the people I knew.
I wonder a lot if I'd be happier if I didn't do this. I'd perhaps be serving some sort of sentence for beating the **** out of someone, but when simple examples of selfishness like that are starting to grate on me with such alarming regularity...
Mm. As I said, bad day, bad mood! I'm really not a violent person, but the strength at which these things can surface from that deep place within me...it's a little surprising.
Anyone else suppress their thoughts around others? I'd be interested in seeing if it's a common trait in lonely people
I do this all the time. Whether it's hiding my emotions for a girl (until she goes out with someone else or disappears), hiding the fact that something offends me or simply hiding the fact I feel miserable the majority of the time, it's a constant thing for me.
Never was it more obvious I do this than today, when I just felt practically explosive at one point, yet kept it shut away.
It took me half an hour to buy a sandwich for lunch today.
I spent a good five minutes picking one, because there was a vast choice and it was busy, so it was tough to browse. Then I realised it was sort of a cooked one that needed to be heated.
So, as always, I politely and quietly joined the queue.
I then watched as about 4 people quite casually shoved in front of me as if it was nothing. One was this skinny, runty guy who quite gleefully decided to stand in front of my spot, using talking to someone as an excuse. Instead of saying, I did a strange smile to myself. Perhaps a disbelieving smile? Who knows.
Then he invited his girlfriend over to stand with him - she was also buying something, so that put me two places back in the queue.
For the next 20 or so minutes I was stood there, all I could think about was how much I would love to just punch him as hard as I could. It was kind of scary really. Just a pretty intense anger and loathing. At the very least, I just wanted to shout at him.
But instead, I stayed there, patiently, until I paid for everything. I went and sat on my own for the rest of my lunch break, since I was in no mood to sit with the people I knew.
I wonder a lot if I'd be happier if I didn't do this. I'd perhaps be serving some sort of sentence for beating the **** out of someone, but when simple examples of selfishness like that are starting to grate on me with such alarming regularity...
Mm. As I said, bad day, bad mood! I'm really not a violent person, but the strength at which these things can surface from that deep place within me...it's a little surprising.
Anyone else suppress their thoughts around others? I'd be interested in seeing if it's a common trait in lonely people