Does it sometimes make you question yourself, your worth?

[SomeoneSomewhere]

I know that the wise way to go about things is not measuring your worth against what others have. But when I go out and I see other my age having hoards of friends and having a blast, I just start to question whether I deserve it in the first place.

If I do, why don't I have it?

Does anyone else here feel this way?

 

[BrokenInside]

Yeah! But not as frequently as i used to do before.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Yeah! But not as frequently as i used to do before.

This.

I think when you stop comparing yourself to others, you'll tend to stop questioning this about yourself. Everyone is different, who's to say who deserves what really. Everyone's lives are different, people are brought up differently... there is no fair comparison at all. So try to look at what you already have.. and be happy/grateful.. and if you want things that you don't have, then it's time to find ways or solutions to get them.

 

[SomeoneSomewhere]

I think when you stop comparing yourself to others, you'll tend to stop questioning this about yourself. Everyone is different, who's to say who deserves what really. Everyone's lives are different, people are brought up differently... there is no fair comparison at all. So try to look at what you already have.. and be happy/grateful.. and if you want things that you don't have, then it's time to find ways or solutions to get them.

I'm sorry if this doesn't sound polite but I've heard this so many times that it now sounds pretty lame and not to mention, hypocritical.

And I'm not comparing myself to others and wondering why they have something or thinking that they do not deserve to have that. I just wonder why I can't have even the littlest of what they do.

And it isn't like I want the riches that they have or the good looks or any of that. I just want to be... wanted.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I'm sorry if this doesn't sound polite but I've heard this so many times that it now sounds pretty lame and not to mention, hypocritical.

And I'm not comparing myself to others and wondering why they have something or thinking that they do not deserve to have that. I just wonder why I can't have even the littlest of what they do.

And it isn't like I want the riches that they have or the good looks or any of that. I just want to be... wanted.

I understand. I'm sorry you feel unwanted.

 

[Hearmenow2012]

I don't see anyone very often so I sometimes wish that I was better at being sociable (I can talk to some people without any problem, but when it comes to strangers I don't know what to say or do.)

As time has passed I believe that I crave attention more, but I don't always go out of my way to get people to notice me. I've given up on some people that I thought I was close with at one time or another.

 

[SomeoneSomewhere]

I don't see anyone very often so I sometimes wish that I was better at being sociable (I can talk to some people without any problem, but when it comes to strangers I don't know what to say or do.)

As time has passed I believe that I crave attention more, but I don't always go out of my way to get people to notice me. I've given up on some people that I thought I was close with at one time or another.

I don't go out a lot anymore either. But when I have to go out, it just becomes difficult and it has started to become more and more exhausting. Even if I spend like half an hour out, I start to notice myself getting closer to he edge and I just can't wait to go back home anymore.

Like yesterday. I had to go out, the keyword here being "had". So I was at the train station and when I saw groups of teenagers receiving their friends when I had no one to, it just felt very bad.

And I don't crave attention anymore either. I used to, but I don't. I just want someone to care that I exist.

 

[Ignis]

I know that the wise way to go about things is not measuring your worth against what others have. But when I go out and I see other my age having hoards of friends and having a blast, I just start to question whether I deserve it in the first place.

If I do, why don't I have it?

Does anyone else here feel this way?

It's true, you shouldn't measure yourself to others. Peoples achievements are different, personalities are different, lives are different.

To answer the last part of your question... Not to be blunt, or come across as an ******* because I don't mean it at all - You don't deserve anything you don't work for.
We live in a world where if we want friends, we need to go out and get them. We want money, we need to work for it. It's very rare for opportunity to come to our front doorstep and knock. It's something we need to chase it, as annoying and frustrating as it is.

The last thing to keep in mind, is that not everyone wants to have a lot of friends. I know I don't. I'd much rather have a small, tight knit group of friends than have a large pool of them I don't get to spend much time with.

All of this being said, you don't deserve to be alone. Nobody does. Don't even let someone tell you differently, because they're wrong.
Your desire to be wanted will be quenched one day. Perhaps not today, or tomorrow. But it will eventually. You'll get as much as you put in, and if you want something bad enough... You'll go to any lengths to make it happen.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I just want someone to care that I exist.

I do care of your existence.

 

[Hearmenow2012]

I'm not sure that I crave attention as much as I think that I do, but I would just like to be noticed positively and liked for who I am.

 

[SomeoneSomewhere]

...but I would just like to be noticed positively and liked for who I am.

See? That's the kind of thing that I'm talking about...

I know that the wise way to go about things is not measuring your worth against what others have. But when I go out and I see other my age having hoards of friends and having a blast, I just start to question whether I deserve it in the first place.

If I do, why don't I have it?

Does anyone else here feel this way?

It's true, you shouldn't measure yourself to others. Peoples achievements are different, personalities are different, lives are different.

To answer the last part of your question... Not to be blunt, or come across as an ******* because I don't mean it at all - You don't deserve anything you don't work for.
We live in a world where if we want friends, we need to go out and get them. We want money, we need to work for it. It's very rare for opportunity to come to our front doorstep and knock. It's something we need to chase it, as annoying and frustrating as it is.

The last thing to keep in mind, is that not everyone wants to have a lot of friends. I know I don't. I'd much rather have a small, tight knit group of friends than have a large pool of them I don't get to spend much time with.

All of this being said, you don't deserve to be alone. Nobody does. Don't even let someone tell you differently, because they're wrong.
Your desire to be wanted will be quenched one day. Perhaps not today, or tomorrow. But it will eventually. You'll get as much as you put in, and if you want something bad enough... You'll go to any lengths to make it happen.

Your post somehow felt eye-opening to me. But there are people who just don't have to work for friends. They get to go to the best schools, the best colleges with crazy social scenes, make a ton of friends who love and care for them and everything. I know that this might sound like rat-**** to some but I've seen it.

I don't want a lot of friends either. People get on my nerves and I'd rather stay away from them. But I'm 21 and I've missed out on a lot of "life". And when I see people my age sharing a good time, no, not drinking, smoking or any of that but just being with each other and having a heck of a time, I just feel like...

A lot of that happens in the trains that I take. I see a group of usually 5 or 6 people (mostly college kids) and they would be pulling each others legs, taking about one another (in a good way, goes to show that they care about them), cracking jokes and laughing, making plans.

Just thinking about all that makes me feel nauseated.

 

[Ignis]

Your post somehow felt eye-opening to me. But there are people who just don't have to work for friends.

Everyone has to work for friends in some way-shape or form. There are some people who can do it a lot EASIER, there are some people who make it seem that they're doing nothing at all but everyone has to work in SOME way to make friends.

They get to go to the best schools, the best colleges with crazy social scenes, make a ton of friends who love and care for them and everything. I know that this might sound like rat-**** to some but I've seen it.

People are born into this life more gifted than others at certain things... But any one person can be as good at making friends as another. It comes with practice.

But I'm 21 and I've missed out on a lot of "life".

Only if you say you have. You've lived every day the same as everyone else. You only miss out on whatever you believe you do. Don't ever believe that because someone has done more stuff than you that you're missing out.
If you're fine with the amount you've achieved, done, or experienced, that should be more than enough and nothing else should matter.
People tell me I've missed out on life, that because I don't go out clubbing, or go out and play sports all the time, because I'm not always hanging out with friends.

But I'm fine with that. That's okay.
You shouldn't be envious of what other people have achieved or are doing. Everyone moves at their own pace.

A lot of that happens in the trains that I take. I see a group of usually 5 or 6 people (mostly college kids) and they would be pulling each others legs, taking about one another (in a good way, goes to show that they care about them), cracking jokes and laughing, making plans.

Just thinking about all that makes me feel nauseated.

Let me ask you this. What are you doing to change this? You sound like you're envious of them, yet you just said you aren't.
Why do you care? If they have a ton of friends, shouldn't you be laughing at them for having so many?

You shouldn't feel nauseated is what I'm saying. You shouldn't care if they're hanging out with 50 friends, or 100 friends. I can understand the idea behind feeling lonely. Or them making you feel bad that you don't have as many friends as they do.
But think of it this way, if you have 1000 friends... How many of them do you get to know?
How many of them can you call "Close"?
How many of them would you trust with your life?

The answer?
Not many, if any at all.
The example is a bit ridiculous, but even then you could limit it.
If someone has 50 friends, how well do you think they know each individual person?
They can't have enough free time to get to know the intricacies of every last one of them.

Me on the other hand? I have maybe 6 or 7 that I really regard as friends. I can tell you just about anything about those people.

At the end of the day though... It all comes down to perception. If someone is okay with having a lot of friends, that's their call. If you're okay with having a few, that's fine too.

 

[Tiina63]

I often feel worthless because I have no family, which makes me feel deep down that I don't really matter to anyone. When people talk about their parents, partners, siblings and children (any or all of these), I feel so envious and would love to be at the heart of a family, to belong to someone.

 

[Naleena]

bump

 

[Lonester]

I know that the wise way to go about things is not measuring your worth against what others have. But when I go out and I see other my age having hoards of friends and having a blast, I just start to question whether I deserve it in the first place.

If I do, why don't I have it?

Does anyone else here feel this way?

It's true, you shouldn't measure yourself to others. Peoples achievements are different, personalities are different, lives are different.

To answer the last part of your question... Not to be blunt, or come across as an ******* because I don't mean it at all - You don't deserve anything you don't work for.
We live in a world where if we want friends, we need to go out and get them. We want money, we need to work for it. It's very rare for opportunity to come to our front doorstep and knock. It's something we need to chase it, as annoying and frustrating as it is.

The last thing to keep in mind, is that not everyone wants to have a lot of friends. I know I don't. I'd much rather have a small, tight knit group of friends than have a large pool of them I don't get to spend much time with.

All of this being said, you don't deserve to be alone. Nobody does. Don't even let someone tell you differently, because they're wrong.
Your desire to be wanted will be quenched one day. Perhaps not today, or tomorrow. But it will eventually. You'll get as much as you put in, and if you want something bad enough... You'll go to any lengths to make it happen.

And there's the rub. For me that effort sometimes is exhausting and I often wonder why do I have to work so hard at this and other people seem to attract people easier. I can only speak from a male perspective but guys are tough customers. They don't just want to make friends. You have to impress them. It seems like you have to be cool enough that they want to be like you but not too cool that they feel
Threatened by you. I find it exhausting to find guys you can be friends with or that want to be your friend. The easiest way is games and activities like golf and bowling leagues. That's how dudes pair up. Or hunting and fishing too. And that's where the effort comes in because you need to be good enough at those activities that you don't embarrass the other guys you're there with. It's no wonder you see so many groups of old ladies together and often see old grumpy men just sitting alone all the time. Seems to me only certain kinds of guys are natural at making lots of friends and they are just naturally popular mans man types that guys respect. The rest of us just have to keep trying or go sit alone on a park bench

 

[edamame721]

I've often felt bad comparing myself to others, but you also have to realize that what you see is only the positive side of someone else's life. I was jealous some time ago that my friend was invited to a birthday party, but when I talked to her, she saw it as a chore -- she was hanging out with a bunch of people she hardly knew and seemed unhappy.