Does one size really fit ALL?

[StarStrider]

I've had quite a lot of time to kill recently some of which I've been spending here reading through various threads and I've begun to wonder whether or not if Loneliness unto itself is too broad a category for this site to function as anymore than a themed social networking site?
Not that I object to the principle of that idea but what I have observed has made me think that a great many people may be attracted to the site for the wrong reasons.

When I first started appearing as a member, I had a lot of unresolved personal issues that had culminated into my leading a diminished and isolated lifestyle. Rightly or wrongly, I construed ALL as a place in which the socially destitute were invited to commiserate with one another and discuss the issues that resulted in this status. Sort of group therapy for exiles. I think that I made this assumption because, for me personally, loneliness has been synonymous with depression, social anxiety, PTSD and bucketloads of regret. Also many of the posts I read initialy helped support this assumption. I was just so self-involved at the time that it didn't occur to me that I would also be sharing my decidedly acerbic and wild thoughts with a significent number of people who had become lonely through bad luck and circumstance rather than any deap seated functional problems. Even people who weren't really lonely at all.

I'm not going to suggest for one moment that what I've experienced in life has been more strenuous than members who haven't been in my shoes but gradually, it began to dawn on me that a great percentage of visitors here were wholly unable to identify with the things I said and why I was saying them. For a time, it actually made me feel even more isolated than I had been before, slightly resentful and deeply embarrassed too. If that sounds like a case of chronic oversensitivity then you can bet your life it was but I was absolutely desperate to find something, anything, that would make me feel different about myself in a good way (which incidentaly I have just about achieved). I just wish I had visited a devoted depression etc site at the time and lumped all of my baggage there as I think it would have been an infinately more comfortable fit.

Now let me just say that in actual fact I have had the great fortune to meet some extremely, kind, supportive and just downright smashing people on ALL, to whom I will always be grateful for offering support and friendship when I was at an absolute nadir. This far outweighs any negatives that I have thus described.

That's me done, any feedback welcome.

 

[EveWasFramed]

What you've suggested is actually spot on, StarStrider. I supposed it comes down to the fact that there are many, many reasons that people are "lonely." Yes, quite a number end up being lonely due to some of the very things you've mentioned above. Depression, anxiety, deep personal issue....there are way too many causes to list. But lonely, for whatever the reasons are, is still lonely. I think that, at times, it's a fairly common misconception about the site. I've seen ALL mistaken for "suicide forum", a "depression forum" and a host of others.
I suppose that in the end, it doesn't really matter what each individual considers it to be, as long as they FIND something here to help themselves. Whether it be a much needed smile, or just a few encouraging words....as long as the site is helping, I don't care what people perceive the site is all about (if that makes any sense).
The only fear I have is that someone who is need of much more help than a site like this has to offer, ends up hanging around here, and not getting more valuable help elsewhere (such as you mentioned, a site aimed more at dealing wtih depression, etc).

That being said, I fully agree with you that the positives far outweigh the negatives.

 

[SophiaGrace]

in the end, it doesn't really matter what each individual considers it to be, as long as they FIND something here to help themselves.

I agree

 

[Minus]

I too at first assumed a more limited number of reasons why people were here. While i had been on a number of depression forums before coming here. I didn't focus entirely on one forum but found interest in many for different reasons. I did learn that there are some who for entirely different reasons are living an existence close to mine. That too give me something to identify with even though the root is different.

 

[lomojojo]

I was just thinking about that last night. About this site, how people become aware of it, and what we expect to get out of it. From my personal experience I can say that I have felt lonely most of my life. Yes I've had a few friends here and there, I've been married for 18 years, I have two kids and a dog (which is like my third kid) and sometimes I still feel incredibly lonely which leads me to conclude that loneliness is more than a mere circumstance. When I stumbled upon this site, a few weeks ago, I was amazed to find so many similarities with some of the people posting messages, I kind of felt at home, I don't post as often as I would like due to my insecurities, but I read a lot of it. And it helps me, so whoever thought if this site...thank you

 

[Brian]

I've noted that we can pretty much be divided in to people who are alone (either lacking friendship, a partner, or both), people who -feel- alone (around people, but unable to form connections), and normal people capable of friendships and sexual pursuit, just having a down day or week.

Of those, I relate more to the first two and probably classify in both to a degree. I've noticed the third type doesn't tend to stick around; they come, they post, and when they wake up in the morning and make up with their best friend, they don't visit until they're having problems again.

I think the first two probably feel more sense of community here, and ultimately I think that's what our 'core' community (the group of people who frequent the site for extended periods with perhaps a break here and there) is built from mostly since our problems aren't quite so temporary. And I think taking those breaks is a key component to maintaining that community; I've noticed with myself that if I immerse myself every day in this place, I brood on it all and sometimes feel worse. It's important for me to step away every now and then so I can come back and offer constructive advice or properly relate/commiserate with others.

 

[PoWer2tHePeOpLE]

it's something thats happening...

i read or heard a word recently, 'psycheache'. i'm not big on categorizing or defining and kinda have the feeling that 'analysing' is like a small part trying to describe the large whole but the connection, the unity, the positivity in the self or the other can be found anywhere, even in the strange void of the intermanet.. and who knows what small spark can lead to depth of perception and inner peace...

"whether we have or have not yet met,
well it ain't no thing, it ain't no sweat"

psychache.. we need more love in society..

and a machine that instantly materializes a hot cup of coffee at the press of a button..
and ugg boots that have an inner wool lining that never wears out..
and all injustice to end..
and then we'll all have a titanic party with chill-out rooms and cocktail awards..

any moment now..

 

[Mysis]

Personally I feel that ugg boots should be burned off their owner's bare feet, but that's a different matter.

Anyways... When I first came here I was expecting a bunch of whiney poetry and people who had nothing better to say except how bad their lives sucked every day. I really didn't expect to stay... But, I was surprised to find that wasn't the case...

One concern I would have about a place like this though would be a lot of like-minded people coming together to share like-minded opinions which are founded in depression and a bleak outlook on life. Which would in turn only justify these feeling further and only be interpreted as further evidence that life sucks.

That's not entirely the case though and I think for the most part people here make it clear that this isn't a board for depression and wallowing in sympathy and apathy.

 

[EveWasFramed]

On topic, ladies and gents.

 

[FreedomFromLiberty]

I've had quite a lot of time to kill recently some of which I've been spending here reading through various threads and I've begun to wonder whether or not if Loneliness unto itself is too broad a category for this site to function as anymore than a themed social networking site?

...........

That's me done, any feedback welcome.

I've actually noticed this myself. But I would describe it differently: some of the members of this site may be experiencing loneliness as the result of mere circumstance (moving on from a relationship, moving to another city, etc.) and will in short time, bounce back. While there are others on here that have deep-rooted problems that have and will likely continue to follow them throughout their lives regardless of their current circumstances (depression, social anxieties and phobias). I fit with the latter group of people. I think that age plays a significant role in what group you find yourself.

I've read posts and threads that perfectly describe problems that result simply from the toxic social environment that affects so many in high school. If you're in high school, and you're feeling lonely because your BFF actually turned out to be a treacherous bitch when she tried to steal your BF... that's a whole different problem than if you're lonely because you're parents abused and neglected you and instilled major trust issues that prevents you from ever even wanting to get close to people in your life.

Loneliness can take on a whole different meaning when you grow up and become an independent adult. Then the problems we experienced in high school seem puny and irrelevant.