TheRealCallie said:
Okay, let me ask you this. Were you YOURSELF when you were talking to her? No games, no ********, no pretending....
If you were, than that's all you need to be. Pretending to be someone you aren't to attract a girl is a lie and most of us don't appreciate that because who you REALLY are will eventually show through. You can't hide it forever, you will slip and we will see it. That's a major red flag right there.
Yes, I was myself but at the same time, "myself" wasn't really any good. Even I will tell you that. Like I said we had enough overlapping interests that we could converse well, and we seemed to really "get" each other the way we thought about some things, but I didn't have a job, I wasn't getting out into the world and doing things, I didn't have enough stories. I had hobbies but hadn't really gotten anywhere on them due to discouragement. I wasn't coming off as confident. She asked me on more than a few occasions, "why is it always a common theme that you're trying to do this and that?" I was indecisive, I had too much self-doubt that was preventing me from doing anything at all. Which isn't masculine. I wasn't showing that I had direction, I wasn't living like I meant it.
That's the common problem I've noticed with these girls I like. There were two others as well. I like these very physically attractive, intellectual, adventurous, fascinating, exciting, passionate girls that are very confident and have lots of stories, lots to talk about. And I want to BE all of those things they are, I wanted that before I met them, before I knew girls like that existed outside of my head.
I think I know where my problem area is - I've got enough common interests with these girls that I can get my foot in the door and we can talk, but because I don't have my life in order, I'm not on their level yet. So they have all the traits that attract me, but it's me that's missing the traits that would attract them. It's like, I want to be those things too but I didn't have them in time. I wasn't ready to meet them yet. And I blame myself because my beliefs led me to think I wasn't someone who could be all these interesting things. If I'd just chosen to be someone else, I could've done it. I wonder who I could have been and what I could have gotten if I had grown up confident and believing I was good enough to get what I wanted, instead of always expecting the worst, both in life and myself.
TheRealCallie said:
Aside from that, what you had with that girl was an online thing. Not everyone wants a long distance relationship. Not everyone is capable of that. Perhaps the girl didn't want that. Her boyfriend, regardless of how you feel about him, is THERE, is he not? That's a major plus for him and a negative for you.
If you want to change yourself, do it for YOU, not for anyone else.
Well, I thought I had a chance because she told me she tried the online thing before. And she was unimpressed with everyone she was meeting in her town. So I thought I'd finally met someone who didn't care that we met online. Yes, I admit that it hurts me that I am not there. But at the same time, idk. I can think of at least 5 times off the top of my head that she said something to the effect of wishing I was closer, or inviting me up to Canada outright. One time we even planned what we were going to do together on a visit.
I know I'll never get anywhere just sitting here complaining and believing that the badasses own the world. But at the same time, I kinda feel that ship has sailed and now it doesn't matter what I believe. My lifelong beliefs have sunk me for good and even if I change, I missed the boat.
