Hi,
I will start out with that i always had a bit hard to make a decision. And hard to find out what my goals are. But always been happy, active, funny, etc. Then it got downhill (Slept alot because of tierdness, depression and lost of feeling when having ***. (10 years now))
I grew up as a happy, active, hard performing guy. Did well in school, had friends, had motivation, was active in all kind of sports almost every day. After graduation i kinda lost myself, i started to work for money (never had a real vacation) and kept doing sports and working hard everyday with my hobbie which made me happy. Spent alot of money on sports and my hobbie and wanted to be the best in the sport i still was active in and also be a good at my hobbie. I found out that i could not keep living like this i also started to have a depression feeling and tierdness in my body so i slept alot, I had my ups and downs and eventually i actually lost the feeling of plessure when having ***/orgasm, after this i got ever worse).
I always had a dream of a good job to earn alot of money from and i always heard from parents and teachers that i will be successfull so i always new i will reach my goals as soon as i know which they are.
After a few years i still hadnt found out my path in my life, still had low income job which i hated, i began to get even more tired all the time, had problem to keep friends, didnt trust people, was always in low mood (kinda depressed), had and always had a bit of trouble to make decision eventually i found something that i thought were cool to work with, i began to study again and i finally got fire in my ***. I did well in school, top grades etc, got more job offers than anyone. Decision making with friends in school and anxiety etc was still there sometime and it could drain me.
I landed a new job and since then everything got even worse, my brain is ******. I dont know what i want, who i can trust, i take everything personally and i scan my boss every day and i can see how i doesent like me that much, i have comments like "fix your hair", "dont speak like that you sound like a ******* 12yrs child ( meanwhile other people enjoy the happy, joking around guy ). Comments like these keep comming and i am just getting worse and worse by this. Everyone in this business complains also about how bad it is, how low salary it is etc etc which makes me even more depressed since i thought i went for the coolest thing in the world.
( i got praised for how social, funny, and for how a good person i was on previous work places)
I always feel that im not enough, i always says yes to things. If i feel angry for something i always assume that its wrong from my side, that im just a bad person that always feel the wrong things.
My friends always said things about i was lazy, or something when i said i had not time to do what they wanted to do. I worked 8 hours a day, had a hobbie i was stressed about cause i hadnt the money or time anymore, i did sport 12-15hours/week and still i felt i was a bad friend for not always had time to say YES for every small thing they wanted help with or so. I did what they wanted, i visited them when they moved to show them that i still was there. Then i moved and since then no one has come to visit me, now they just sit at their home, dont visit me or anything (still expect me to visit them).
I wasted alot of money on them, i wasted alot of time i didnt have for them by helping them with personall stuff, repair stuff etc.. and now im just here in my new town, new job, alone, no friends, and cant ******* figure out how to get out of my brain. Everyday i come home trying to figure out if im fine or not, trying to figure out a way to keep my head to focus on something new, like a business or something to study that i know i could have use of just to try to get something new to think about.
Im drained. I worked so hard, stressed around to get to somewhere but here i am, drained, depressed, feeling unhealthy when my goal was to be and happy guy, rich in life. Sometimes i which i just could enjoy to sit in local grocery store as cashier and not care about anything.
I will start out with that i always had a bit hard to make a decision. And hard to find out what my goals are. But always been happy, active, funny, etc. Then it got downhill (Slept alot because of tierdness, depression and lost of feeling when having ***. (10 years now))
I grew up as a happy, active, hard performing guy. Did well in school, had friends, had motivation, was active in all kind of sports almost every day. After graduation i kinda lost myself, i started to work for money (never had a real vacation) and kept doing sports and working hard everyday with my hobbie which made me happy. Spent alot of money on sports and my hobbie and wanted to be the best in the sport i still was active in and also be a good at my hobbie. I found out that i could not keep living like this i also started to have a depression feeling and tierdness in my body so i slept alot, I had my ups and downs and eventually i actually lost the feeling of plessure when having ***/orgasm, after this i got ever worse).
I always had a dream of a good job to earn alot of money from and i always heard from parents and teachers that i will be successfull so i always new i will reach my goals as soon as i know which they are.
After a few years i still hadnt found out my path in my life, still had low income job which i hated, i began to get even more tired all the time, had problem to keep friends, didnt trust people, was always in low mood (kinda depressed), had and always had a bit of trouble to make decision eventually i found something that i thought were cool to work with, i began to study again and i finally got fire in my ***. I did well in school, top grades etc, got more job offers than anyone. Decision making with friends in school and anxiety etc was still there sometime and it could drain me.
I landed a new job and since then everything got even worse, my brain is ******. I dont know what i want, who i can trust, i take everything personally and i scan my boss every day and i can see how i doesent like me that much, i have comments like "fix your hair", "dont speak like that you sound like a ******* 12yrs child ( meanwhile other people enjoy the happy, joking around guy ). Comments like these keep comming and i am just getting worse and worse by this. Everyone in this business complains also about how bad it is, how low salary it is etc etc which makes me even more depressed since i thought i went for the coolest thing in the world.
( i got praised for how social, funny, and for how a good person i was on previous work places)
I always feel that im not enough, i always says yes to things. If i feel angry for something i always assume that its wrong from my side, that im just a bad person that always feel the wrong things.
My friends always said things about i was lazy, or something when i said i had not time to do what they wanted to do. I worked 8 hours a day, had a hobbie i was stressed about cause i hadnt the money or time anymore, i did sport 12-15hours/week and still i felt i was a bad friend for not always had time to say YES for every small thing they wanted help with or so. I did what they wanted, i visited them when they moved to show them that i still was there. Then i moved and since then no one has come to visit me, now they just sit at their home, dont visit me or anything (still expect me to visit them).
I wasted alot of money on them, i wasted alot of time i didnt have for them by helping them with personall stuff, repair stuff etc.. and now im just here in my new town, new job, alone, no friends, and cant ******* figure out how to get out of my brain. Everyday i come home trying to figure out if im fine or not, trying to figure out a way to keep my head to focus on something new, like a business or something to study that i know i could have use of just to try to get something new to think about.
Im drained. I worked so hard, stressed around to get to somewhere but here i am, drained, depressed, feeling unhealthy when my goal was to be and happy guy, rich in life. Sometimes i which i just could enjoy to sit in local grocery store as cashier and not care about anything.
