Girls hate me and won't go out with me I am turning 26 and I've never had a girlfrien

[Jesse]

Apple, you're not going to get any help here at this forum, at least with this problem. I suggest professional counseling. You may also try another forum- I thought of telling you the name, but upon consideration...they are not as... forgiving... as we are.

 

[AppleEater]

Apple, you're not going to get any help here at this forum, at least with this problem. I suggest professional counseling. You may also try another forum- I thought of telling you the name, but upon consideration...they are not as... forgiving... as we are.

Heh.. it is me who is being nice to you people...

 

[cheaptrickfan]

Hmm I think Steel did a good job too, and you cheaptrickfan. I think I agree with pretty much everyone here.

AppleEater, you're mentally caging yourself. You say you only want one type of woman and then turn around and say you have no chance to get it. You need to either admit you're doing something wrong and learn a better way to interact with women, or you need to lower your standards. Unlock the mind cage you've created.

You know, this thread reminded me of a study I read about attractiveness and dating. The premise of it was, if you accept the 1-10 rating scale for physical attractiveness of both sexes, that people generally stay within 2 points of the people they end up dating. This means that an 8 will generally be with someone ranging from 7-9, whereas a 3 will most likely be found with a 2-4. Usually the partner with the higher number is the female; so, most guys are with a female who is at least at his level of attractiveness or one higher.

A few notes: a 10 or a 9 can date basically whomever he or she desires;
in the very few exceptions where there was a large discrepancy, the woman had the higher number (think: ugly guy with hot chick). However, in those cases, the men's lower physical attractiveness rating was offset by his prestige or status (think: something big in his pants, like a wallet).

So I went off in search of the article again and haven't found it yet, but I did read a whole bunch of other articles:

"Study: Personality traits influence perceived attractiveness"
Why The 'Perfect' Body Isn't Always Perfect: How Hormones Interact With Waist-to-hip Ratios In Women
Selectivity is the Ultimate Aphrodisiac
Valentine's Day Beauty Bias: We Want To Date People Slightly More Attractive Than We Are
Rating Attractiveness: Consensus Among Men, Not Women, Study Finds

The gist of what I've read this morning so far is that yes, there is an instinctual set of rules for deeming what we find attractive, but that other factors weigh in.
Also, although many of us lust after/dream of a 10, those of us not within that range tend to "settle."

Shocking, I know.

 

[Oceanmist23]

 

[cheaptrickfan]

Heh.. it is me who is being nice to you people...

Really? I would say that you're being obtuse more than anything else. You may feel that you're exercising restraint, but that doesn't equal "nice."

 

[AppleEater]

Hmm I think Steel did a good job too, and you cheaptrickfan. I think I agree with pretty much everyone here.

AppleEater, you're mentally caging yourself. You say you only want one type of woman and then turn around and say you have no chance to get it. You need to either admit you're doing something wrong and learn a better way to interact with women, or you need to lower your standards. Unlock the mind cage you've created.

You know, this thread reminded me of a study I read about attractiveness and dating. The premise of it was, if you accept the 1-10 rating scale for physical attractiveness of both sexes, that people generally stay within 2 points of the people they end up dating. This means that an 8 will generally be with someone ranging from 7-9, whereas a 3 will most likely be found with a 2-4. Usually the partner with the higher number is the female; so, most guys are with a female who is at least at his level of attractiveness or one higher.

A few notes: a 10 or a 9 can date basically whomever he or she desires;
in the very few exceptions where there was a large discrepancy, the woman had the higher number (think: ugly guy with hot chick). However, in those cases, the men's lower physical attractiveness rating was offset by his prestige or status (think: something big in his pants, like a wallet).

So I went off in search of the article again and haven't found it yet, but I did read a whole bunch of other articles:

"Study: Personality traits influence perceived attractiveness"
Why The 'Perfect' Body Isn't Always Perfect: How Hormones Interact With Waist-to-hip Ratios In Women
Selectivity is the Ultimate Aphrodisiac
Valentine's Day Beauty Bias: We Want To Date People Slightly More Attractive Than We Are
Rating Attractiveness: Consensus Among Men, Not Women, Study Finds

The gist of what I've read this morning so far is that yes, there is an instinctual set of rules for deeming what we find attractive, but that other factors weigh in.
Also, although many of us lust after/dream of a 10, those of us not within that range tend to "settle."

Shocking, I know.

I agree with that post and I know what I can 'get' as I have been with girls before but never been able to have a girlfriend. I actually have a lot of personality and can talk rather well so every now and then a really hot girl decides to pick me up but it never goes anywhere because they figure out I am below their league.

So I know all this stuff about it being my attitude is not true......

I know where abouts I stand and I aim for girls a bit better than myself, as the article says but they are not interest in me. I think that is because they are all busy chasing the 8's 9's and 10's who just pop them in the pants at will. Instead of going after the 5's 6's 7's and 8's these girls all think they deserve a 9 or a 10.

Guys like me get left out.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

I agree with that post and I know what I can 'get' as I have been with girls before but never been able to have a girlfriend. I actually have a lot of personality and can talk rather well so every now and then a really hot girl decides to pick me up but it never goes anywhere because they figure out I am below their league.

So I know all this stuff about it being my attitude is not true......

I think that it's wrong to discount the influence of your attitude entirely. From the first study cited: "The findings show that a positive personality leads to greater desirability as a friend, which leads to greater desirability as a romantic partner and, ultimately, to being viewed as more physically attractive.

The findings remained consistent regardless of how “attractive” the individual was initially perceived to be, or of the participants' current relationship status or commitment level with a partner."

It does matter.

Instead of going after the 5's 6's 7's and 8's these girls all think they deserve a 9 or a 10.

You don't know this.

The big thing that bugs me about this whole rating scenario is assuming that there really is a single standard, when I've read that just in determining what's attractive varies by gender. That is, men are more likely to give a consistent rating to a woman, say 95% queried would rate a particular woman as a 7; there's a greater discrepancy amongst women when rating men. The same man might have an 8 rating from some women, but a 5 from others.

Then there's the thorny issue of what rating we assign to ourselves.

So, you may think that a 5-rated woman is going after an 8-rated guy. She may think that she's a 7 and that she may have rated him a 7 as well, so there's no conflict in her eyes.

I haven't even touched on all the other aspects of what attracts people. It's amazing that people even hook up at all without booze.

 

[Steel]

Right at the very beginning of this thread you stated you hate women. That's a major attitude problem.

I'm guessing you wanted vindication, a chance to bitch about how bad women are for treating you this way. You won't get that here.

Quite simply.. it's just logic that it's your problem. Even if your view of women was correct (well, I'll entertain that purely for the sake of this argument) how would you change the attitude and thought processes of all women?

You're like someone who watches a movie for the 50th time and is hoping the ending has changed.

 

[AppleEater]

I agree with that post and I know what I can 'get' as I have been with girls before but never been able to have a girlfriend. I actually have a lot of personality and can talk rather well so every now and then a really hot girl decides to pick me up but it never goes anywhere because they figure out I am below their league.

So I know all this stuff about it being my attitude is not true......

I think that it's wrong to discount the influence of your attitude entirely. From the first study cited: "The findings show that a positive personality leads to greater desirability as a friend, which leads to greater desirability as a romantic partner and, ultimately, to being viewed as more physically attractive.

The findings remained consistent regardless of how “attractive” the individual was initially perceived to be, or of the participants' current relationship status or commitment level with a partner."

It does matter.

Instead of going after the 5's 6's 7's and 8's these girls all think they deserve a 9 or a 10.

You don't know this.

The big thing that bugs me about this whole rating scenario is assuming that there really is a single standard, when I've read that just in determining what's attractive varies by gender. That is, men are more likely to give a consistent rating to a woman, say 95% queried would rate a particular woman as a 7; there's a greater discrepancy amongst women when rating men. The same man might have an 8 rating from some women, but a 5 from others.

Then there's the thorny issue of what rating we assign to ourselves.

So, you may think that a 5-rated woman is going after an 8-rated guy. She may think that she's a 7 and that she may have rated him a 7 as well, so there's no conflict in her eyes.

I haven't even touched on all the other aspects of what attracts people. It's amazing that people even hook up at all without booze.

No but the ratings are only useful considering what most people will think, having one person in the entire world think you are a 10 is useless because the balance of probability means you would only really ever be a 5 if that is what most people think.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

No but the ratings are only useful considering what most people will think, having one person in the entire world think you are a 10 is useless because the balance of probability means you would only really ever be a 5 if that is what most people think.

This rigidity in "scoring" people actually comes to bite women on the butt more than men (there's the issue of "pretty" or "neanderthals"). So really, I would have more cause to bitch than some random guy, since men are more likely to lock me in on one number.

But anyway, this post of yours illustrates what I meant in an earlier post when I said that you were being obtuse. It's as if you have a death grip on the idea that all women no, I take that back, all pretty women find you ugly and undesirable, end of story.

What is it, honestly, that you are looking for here: validation that the women you find attractive are shallow ******* for not giving you a chance

or

real advice on how to change your circumstances?

I'm not being flippant here, I am really curious. In the end, there is only so much anyone else can do if you aren't willing to re-examine your thoughts and actions.

 

[Minus]

Just because people say it is so does not make it right and no one knows me or my situation better than myself.

It is possible to have your nose stuck so deep in your own affairs that you can see what is right in front of you. When you can't step back and take a look at what is going on around you then sometimes a disinterested observer can be helpful.

In your mind you have all the answers and it all says that "women are bad". All these people disagreeing with you are simply wrong and don't know what they are talking about. I am not sure what your purpose is.

I am also rather puzzled that someone who feels like an "ugly gorilla" would be insensitive enough to refer to any lady as a "Neanderthal".

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Just because people say it is so does not make it right and no one knows me or my situation better than myself.

We need to look past the overly simplistic views displayed in this thread.

"You say you can't get a pretty girl. Therefore you should get an ugly girl because you cannot get a pretty one."

Everyone hear is trying to blame me for girls making the decision not to date me. This is certainly not my fault that someone else makes a decision not to like me.

Then you take my words out of context. I say that a girl needs to be pretty (which is realism) and that sex is important and you try to turn me into a person who only cares about sex and looks, which I did not say I only said they were important.

Now you are saying that it is all in my head. If it was that simple I would not be here because it goes through phases where I am positive and will do what everyone suggests then it will go back to negativity.

Negativity is perfectly normal as no one can be happy all the time. They are separate issues to why girls hate me... what you are suggesting is like telling me to use the force on girls.

1, Yes, I agree that just becuase people say stuff dosn't mean it's true for you.

2, WE NEED NOT DO ****

3, That's like a crack pot calling a kettle black...
If a woman can get a good looking dude with money, charm, intelligences, tenderness, talent, humor, caring, understanding, romance, commonsence, style and love. Especailly if he can dance..If He can dance..He can ****. If he ***** real good , she'll have mulitple orgaism.
WHY IN THE HELL WOULD YOU EXPECT HER TO SETTLE FOR YOU?..MR. BROKE ASS CAVEMAN WITH A ****** UP ATTITUDE & NO FUTURE
that just wants to hump her legs....wtf???

4, No one is blaming you for getting rejected. I can't blame women for not wanting to date you either. A WOMEN HAS A RIGHT AND IS FREE to make any chioce as she choose to. NO ONE WAS PUT ON THIS PLANET TO PLEASE YOU NOR I.
Playing the victim or self pity gets me nowhere. I don't have a nice set of tits on me and I don't do blow jobs. That's just the way it is...Life is unfair.

5, HAPPINESS TOO IS NORMAL, no one can be negative all the time.
HONEY ATTRACT BEES that's why.....

 

[cheaptrickfan]

So now just to show that I am not pushing the "Date a Homely Girl" agenda, the borderline misogynistic folks at AskMen.com have an article on Dating Very Attractive Women.

"Is there any hope for you if you don't have extremely good looks or lots of cash? Well, you just might be able give yourself a decent shot if you're willing to make a couple of shifts in your dating strategy and take our advice on dating very attractive women."

If you want to be That Guy, then here ya go:

1. Treat her like she's nothing special
2. Don't hit on her
3. Tease her
4. Talk about her interests & passions
5. Don't compliment her
6. Tell her she's not up to your standards
7. Wait a little while to call her
8. Don't push for sex
9. Run hot & cold
10. Keep her guessing

Ok, now I feel as though I need a shower to wash the sexist filth off of me.

Nevertheless, the one thing I do agree with from that article is that attitude counts for a lot. In order to pull off any of what I'd call their "Advice for Wannabe-Players," you have to be confident, which would indicate to me, more of a positive attitude than a fatalistic, "none of these women will ever look at me so why bother?"

 

[Get Down!]

oh i hate those commercial advices. Everything is based on stereotypes.
Cosmo should die too.

And you AppleEater;
ofcourse we don't know anything about you and maybe we judged you wrong. It's internet man. Things can be misinterpreted. It's possible that you just don't know how to use proper words and post thoughtful and meaningful comments.

Things are never black and white and personalities are based on so many factors.
But we don't have any other choice than to judge you on what you've told us.


In my earlier post i was mocking you and i'm not sure what you meant by 'you can't win'. But now i'm being reasonable. Don't treat people here like we can't understand life.

and if we could just stop talking about attractive girls and status symbols in one sentence it would be well appriciated. I'm offended :shy: lol.

 

[zero]

Ok, don`t be too harsh on me, but here`s how my "zero" mind and perception sees this whole debate:
1. each and every point of view expressed here has some truth in it, based either on personal experience or on the study of human nature, but most of all as a result of interaction, communication and introspection.
2. AppleEater: it`s ok to burst out, exaggerate maybe in your reactions and judgments (I don`t think you really hate women, not even yourself), but deep inside, I know, you agree at least partly with some of us here, who tried, if not to help, at least to understand. Which leads me to what I think consumes you: you are not happy with yourself, and yes, you and only you, know the exact situation there, BUT at the same time, you and only you can change it.
3. Relationships: women AND men, not women VS. men. As far as they are concerned, both women and men represent more than just statistic numbers in a study, simply because of the human nature: dynamic, changing, unique and surprising. Yes, we can study them, see their similarities and differencies, but the purpose of that is a better understanding of ourselves and the others, and NOT a generalization in form of a true-false-statement or rule.
It all comes to your personal satisfaction and happiness: you could be as well happy with a "neanderthal" woman, as well as deeply miserable with a barbie doll or successfull career woman. What applies to some, doesn`t necessarily apply to all, and the biggest mistake we tend to do, is think that ALL women want x and z, and ALL men want y.
Remember: Every problem has in it the seeds of its solution. If you have a problem, you also have the key to it, no one else.

"If you shoot for the stars and hit the moon, it's OK. But you've got to shoot for something. A lot of people don't even shoot." (Confucius)

 

[cheaptrickfan]

oh i hate those commercial advices. Everything is based on stereotypes.
Cosmo should die too.

Oh yeah. I despise Cosmo and all of its "How to Win Your Dream Man" ******** advice.

Newsflash: Men and women are not prizes to be won and displayed.

Plus the sex quizzes are ******* stupid.

and if we could just stop talking about attractive girls and status symbols in one sentence it would be well appriciated. I'm offended :shy: lol.

Amen.

 

[Zak]

I thought of posting another long post but then felt it maybe pointless so I will just conclude it ias brief as I can.

You said pretty girls are bad and you hate them yeah apple eater? Why the hell do you want a relationship with them if you hate them now? End of it. Just don't try to love what you hate (and vice versa) cos you can't get it right ever.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Hahahhaha....those internet dating tips adds are retarded.
As if women can't click a button and read them either.

There's other tips such as "get rid of your internal conflicts"
Bascailly..self-esteem or confidence.
To have confidence one must have a positive attitude...So there you go.

There also other tips such as. "Don't limit your options." or " keep an open mind"
In other words...all women are beautiful..just open up your eyes.
The girl next door type of woman might not be flashy or what your perception of good looking is...
It's dosn't mean that she's not hawt, attractive, beautiful, and smexy...She'll blow your socks off if you let her.lol

 

[cheaptrickfan]

Hahahhaha....those internet dating tips adds are retarded.
As if women can't click a button and read them either.

Srsly. I've been alternating amusing and horrifying myself this morning by reading their lists of Top 10 Things NOT to Say to a Woman, Top 10 Ways to Grab a Woman's Attention and so on.

I just want to gouge my eyes out at the stupidity and the shallowness. It's all about "bagging a babe," treating women as objects instead of living, breathing humans. To be fair, some women seem to accept being treated that way because their self-esteem hinges on other people's ratings of their physical appeal.

Argh.

There's other tips such as "get rid of your internal conflicts"
Bascailly..self-esteem or confidence.
To have confidence one must have a positive attitude...So there you go.

No argument from me on this point.

There also other tips such as. "Don't limit your options." or " keep an open mind"
In other words...all women are beautiful..just open up your eyes.
The girl next door type of woman might not be flashy or what your perception of good looking is...
It's dosn't mean that she's not hawt, beautiful, and smexy...She'll blow your socks off if you let her.lol

Speaking as the Girl Next Door, I'm giving you props. lol

 

[caesium_]

Why would anyone want a relationship? People are nothing but trouble. Hopefully you will realise that, AppleEater, before it is too late. Don't waste your whole life searching for a "mate". Instead, pursue worthy activities. Get a career, get a degree, write a novel. You don't need a woman in order to make you happy. Enlightenment can be found in the strangest places sometimes.