how do you find love online?

[TheRealCallie]

No it didn't.
I've known Nilla for about six years. She's been in my home and we've been out together. I certainly know her well enough to know that what she said wasn't being unsympathetic.

Someone has a legit concern about relationships and she makes a joke (bad intended or not) I don't see that as particularly offensive.

And you hijack the thread. Yeah, which is worse????

Also, there's a saying, not sure if you're aware of it, that states "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." Oh, that's probably where the potato "joke" came in. Get over it and let the dude that you are expressing so much concern for have his damn thread back.

And another thing, just because you don't agree with something or how someone chooses to post doesn't mean that it's wrong, it's just not the same as how YOU would do it. We all have our own ways of getting our points across and our own ways of giving advice. It's not your job or right to decide who can express themselves in their own ways.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Someone has a legit concern about relationships and she makes a joke (bad intended or not) I don't see that as particularly offensive. But I can understand why someone else would. She may not have the intention, but the action itself of making the joke (bad intended or not) shows a lack of concern with the issues other members are dealing with. I said it "came out as", not that it was un-sympathetic on purpose. Sometimes we can hurt people without even know it. I'm not saying we should be afraid of speaking or joking time to time. But we can try to understand other people struggles even if they don't affect us.

You were the only one acting like I pissed in your Cheerios for a while. It didn't come out as anything. You wanted to take it that way.

But enough of it. It's ******* mashed potatoes for goodness' sake.

 

[Xpendable]

And you hijack the thread. Yeah, which is worse????

I stopped at page 5. The others (including you) keeped the topic going. I think the joke is worst. At least I try to not make a joke and ignoring OP's concerns.

Also, there's a saying, not sure if you're aware of it, that states "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

That's a sexist stereotype.

Oh, that's probably where the potato "joke" came in. Get over it and let the dude that you are expressing so much concern for have his damn thread back.

I'm in no way "not let it him" do anything. He's just absent. I want his opinion too.

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And another thing, just because you don't agree with something or how someone chooses to post doesn't mean that it's wrong, it's just not the same as how YOU would do it. We all have our own ways of getting our points across and our own ways of giving advice. It's not your job or right to decide who can express themselves in their own ways.

I'll make this my signature.

 

[VanillaCreme]

You didn't stop. You're still not stopping. You're losing your mind over my experience. That's literally how it went down for me. And that's not a stereotype. It's a ******* saying.

End it.

 

[Xpendable]

How do you find online?

Im a member of a few sites and yet it seems impossible to find a connection.

I find it hard to single out a woman i would be genuinely interested in. There's soo many, it just seems like a sea of faces.

So i lose motivation to write any first messages. Plus when i finally do try message a girl, i strike out. i would say it was because of the content of the message, but everyone seems to be the same when they message if i base on what they send me. i.e. how are you etc..... so it seems to either work or it doesnt...im guessing its based on looks.

But thats another thing every message i send out, goes ignored and every message i get is from someone i dont feel any passion for.

Plus i start off locally but choice is limited, so end up going further afield, but i know when i do that, im basically signing up to long distance, and thats the last thing i want at my stage of life.

so it just seems impossible

so how do you actually use online dating properly????

I wish I lived in a big country but I can't move. I have small options.
For me online dating looks like a farce. I see all this faces but they all look dishonest, like I can't see through the pictures any sign of humanity. Dating sites won't help either. They are practically designed to fill you with ads a trick you to pay for everything. They have no idea how to match you and are constantly talking to you like a salesman. I would try to find people online in other areas, like forums or sites with common interests. Hasn't work out for me (small demographic), you may have better results making a connection without "dating" as the first objective. Just knowing new people and getting to see them as complex individuals instead of just a profile picture.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Seriously?
Vanilla wasn't make fun of ANYONE.
It was a lighthearted post mean to be amusing. Looks like most people took it how it was meant.
Geez.

It came out as un-sympathetic.

No it didn't.
I've known Nilla for about six years. She's been in my home and we've been out together. I certainly know her well enough to know that what she said wasn't being unsympathetic.

---

I'm sure she is a really nice person but that comment was wrong. I gave some advice to the guy who wrote the thread. It was up to him to either accept it as good advice or ignore or as rubbish.

And then my advice gets made fun of. It doesn't help the OP and it pisses me off. I mean just admit it and move on.

Seriously?
Vanilla wasn't make fun of ANYONE.
It was a lighthearted post mean to be amusing. Looks like most people took it how it was meant.
Geez.

It came out as un-sympathetic.

No, you interpreted it the way YOU wanted to, not as it was intended.

YOU are talking crap again.

No - she made an ACCURATE assessment.

---

---

Seriously?
Vanilla wasn't make fun of ANYONE.
It was a lighthearted post mean to be amusing. Looks like most people took it how it was meant.
Geez.

It came out as un-sympathetic.

No it didn't.
I've known Nilla for about six years. She's been in my home and we've been out together. I certainly know her well enough to know that what she said wasn't being unsympathetic.

---

Seriously?
Vanilla wasn't make fun of ANYONE.
It was a lighthearted post mean to be amusing. Looks like most people took it how it was meant.
Geez.

It came out as un-sympathetic.

No, you interpreted it the way YOU wanted to, not as it was intended.

YOU are talking crap again.

No - she made an ACCURATE assessment.

---

In your opinion. But I think it was **** which is my opinion. And we have freedom of speech on here, everybody is entitled to their own view.

---

No it didn't.
I've known Nilla for about six years. She's been in my home and we've been out together. I certainly know her well enough to know that what she said wasn't being unsympathetic.

Someone has a legit concern about relationships and she makes a joke (bad intended or not) I don't see that as particularly offensive. But I can understand why someone else would. She may not have the intention, but the action itself of making the joke (bad intended or not) shows a lack of concern with the issues other members are dealing with. I said it "came out as", not that it was un-sympathetic on purpose. Sometimes we can hurt people without even know it. I'm not saying we should be afraid of speaking or joking time to time. But we can try to understand other people struggles even if they don't affect us.

Well said !

---

At the end of the day online dating is a big waste of time, effort and money.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Seriously?
Vanilla wasn't make fun of ANYONE.
It was a lighthearted post mean to be amusing. Looks like most people took it how it was meant.
Geez.

It came out as un-sympathetic.

No it didn't.
I've known Nilla for about six years. She's been in my home and we've been out together. I certainly know her well enough to know that what she said wasn't being unsympathetic.

---

I'm sure she is a really nice person but that comment was wrong. I gave some advice to the guy who wrote the thread. It was up to him to either accept it as good advice or ignore or as rubbish.

And then my advice gets made fun of. It doesn't help the OP and it pisses me off. I mean just admit it and move on.

It came out as un-sympathetic.

No, you interpreted it the way YOU wanted to, not as it was intended.

YOU are talking crap again.

No - she made an ACCURATE assessment.

---

---

Seriously?
Vanilla wasn't make fun of ANYONE.
It was a lighthearted post mean to be amusing. Looks like most people took it how it was meant.
Geez.

It came out as un-sympathetic.

No it didn't.
I've known Nilla for about six years. She's been in my home and we've been out together. I certainly know her well enough to know that what she said wasn't being unsympathetic.

---

It came out as un-sympathetic.

No, you interpreted it the way YOU wanted to, not as it was intended.

YOU are talking crap again.

No - she made an ACCURATE assessment.

---

In your opinion. But I think it was **** which is my opinion. And we have freedom of speech on here, everybody is entitled to their own view.

---

No it didn't.
I've known Nilla for about six years. She's been in my home and we've been out together. I certainly know her well enough to know that what she said wasn't being unsympathetic.

Someone has a legit concern about relationships and she makes a joke (bad intended or not) I don't see that as particularly offensive. But I can understand why someone else would. She may not have the intention, but the action itself of making the joke (bad intended or not) shows a lack of concern with the issues other members are dealing with. I said it "came out as", not that it was un-sympathetic on purpose. Sometimes we can hurt people without even know it. I'm not saying we should be afraid of speaking or joking time to time. But we can try to understand other people struggles even if they don't affect us.

Well said !

---

At the end of the day online dating is a big waste of time, effort and money.

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Your opinion.

To the OP -
I'll be married before the end of the year...

To a man I met on eHarmony, eight months ago.

 

[VanillaCreme]

To the OP -
I'll be married before the end of the year...

To a man I met on eHarmony, eight months ago.

Ooo how exciting! Totally wish I could come! I'd be the ugly friend that makes you look even more beautiful than you already are.

 

[EveWasFramed]

To the OP -
I'll be married before the end of the year...

To a man I met on eHarmony, eight months ago.

Ooo how exciting! Totally wish I could come! I'd be the ugly friend that makes you look even more beautiful than you already are.

I convinced him that we just need to elope. We've both been married before and neither of us are much for crowds.

 

[Solivagant]

To the OP -
I'll be married before the end of the year...

To a man I met on eHarmony, eight months ago.

Ooo how exciting! Totally wish I could come! I'd be the ugly friend that makes you look even more beautiful than you already are.

I convinced him that we just need to elope. We've both been married before and neither of us are much for crowds.

Congratulations Eve, that's awesome! =]

 

[EveWasFramed]

Thank you, ladies. <3

 

[Xpendable]

I have no money to pay dating sites. What should I do?

 

[Solivagant]

I have no money to pay dating sites. What should I do?

Use the free ones? =] Or don't use dating sites?

 

[BeyondShy]

You didn't stop. You're still not stopping. You're losing your mind over my experience. That's literally how it went down for me. And that's not a stereotype. It's a ******* saying.

Yes, it is. And it's an old saying too. It's been around longer than all of us have been alive: the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. I honestly have no idea how many times I have heard that over the years.

That's a sexist stereotype.

How do I say this so you'll understand me? I guess there is no way to be sure so I will just say you have no idea what you are talking about. You successfully turned around an off-hand comment by VanillaCreme and turned it into an insulting and degrading comment, which it was not.

Ooo how exciting! Totally wish I could come! I'd be the ugly friend that makes you look even more beautiful than you already are.

I don't know what you look like and I'm not asking but I highly doubt that you will be someone's ugly friend.

So there! Now pass the mashed potatoes. :rolleyes2:

I convinced him that we just need to elope. We've both been married before and neither of us are much for crowds.

I am very happy for you Eve!!

 

[Xpendable]

I have no money to pay dating sites. What should I do?

Use the free ones? =] Or don't use dating sites?

There's no free ones on my country. There's no online community that interests me or has a lot of members. Regular chats are just people insulting each other and harassing. My online demographic is dead or too different to attract me. I thought the internet would open a bridge to meet other compatriots, so far it only has increased the number of people who are totally different form me.

 

[Solivagant]

There's no free ones on my country. There's no online community that interests me or has a lot of members. Regular chats are just people insulting each other and harassing. My online demographic is dead or too different to attract me. I thought the internet would open a bridge to meet other compatriots, so far it only has increased the number of people who are totally different form me.

I guess you can't do online dating then. I have trouble finding others on my wavelength, so I feel you there. I think the important thing is just to stay open to talking with people, wherever they may be. Don't expect anything, just develop some curiosity about people and direct it towards learning about them and understanding them. People are filled with information; appreciate that every new interpersonal experience will add to your knowledge and wisdom, if nothing else. In the process you may chance upon someone you mesh with. It's mostly luck anyway, in my opinion.

 

[BeyondShy]

It's mostly luck anyway, in my opinion.

Agreed 100%. I mean just look at Eve. She met someone and it worked out for her. That's great.

 

[ladyforsaken]

To the OP -
I'll be married before the end of the year...

To a man I met on eHarmony, eight months ago.

Aww, congrats, Eve! Best wishes your way.

 

[Serenia]

To the OP -
I'll be married before the end of the year...

To a man I met on eHarmony, eight months ago.

Aww, congrats, Eve! Best wishes your way.

That is such a lovely thing to here. I wish you all the happiness Eve

 

[Xpendable]

I guess you can't do online dating then. I have trouble finding others on my wavelength, so I feel you there.

Yeah, that's just one of the issues, but I can see why it can work for others. The main problem is incompatibility.

I think the important thing is just to stay open to talking with people, wherever they may be. Don't expect anything, just develop some curiosity about people and direct it towards learning about them and understanding them.

The people worth of being curious about are a minority at best. I know it sounds bad but I already made a thread about it, that's how I see it. I also think is impossible not to expect anything. We always expect something from others. I don't know were people get this idea of letting things flow. I had let things flow all my life and they just go around ignoring me.

People are filled with information; appreciate that every new interpersonal experience will add to your knowledge and wisdom, if nothing else. In the process you may chance upon someone you mesh with. It's mostly luck anyway, in my opinion.

But it's never new information. Sometimes the information is not even correct. People don't want to talk about anything, and when they do it's always some half assed opinion or a lack of understanding on the subjects. It gets really frustrating to find the same opinions all the time. Even more when you're reduced to a demographic of the size of new york in just one country, with a geography so inconvenient that everything seems far away and disconnected. It sucks. I want that luck.