theraab
Well-known member
wadokai said:
There's no guidance on these things because there are way too many variables to have a "textbook" approach to talking to women. And, most guys don't learn these things other guys - they learn it by trying things out and then learning from their failures (most of what I know I learned from failing).
If you have trouble with talking with coming up with topics of conversation, or are worried about not having anything to say, you need to get some practice talking to people in general so that you are comfortable carrying on a conversation. When you go out in public, look for cues of things to talk about - if you are in a grocery store you can talk about whether Brand X or Y is better; if you are in a bookstore you can talk about a book that someone picks up or ask if that person has read a certain book. You can also look at the person themselves and look for something to comment on "Oh, that's a cool tie-dye shirt; did you make that yourself", etc. Try doing this in your mind every time you go out - ask yourself, "If I were to talk to that person, what would I bring up".
Once you are more comfortable with conversation in general, when you see a woman you might be interested in, smile at her - if she doesn't smile back or gives an awkward smile, move on. If her smile is warm or kind of "embarrassed" looking, use one of those cues you noticed to talk to her.
Be sure to ask her questions to take some of the pressure off of you. Don't overdo it - if you are in a grocery store or on the street, you don't want to have an extended conversation right there; you can just ask "can I take you out for coffee (or whatever) sometime" - if you are in a bookstore you can ask her if you can buy her a cup of coffee (assuming there is a coffee bar). Don't worry about it being creepy - maybe some of the women on the forum can weigh in here, but I don't think there is anything creepy about just plain asking her out.
And BTW - LonesomeCrow is right about the body contact - if she touches your arm or shoulder or something, that is a very good sign.
If you get her number, wait a day or two to call (yeah, it's stupid, but it's the way it is) - call her and say "Hey, it's Wadokai! We met the other day in (wherever)" Have a few topics of conversation ready before you call her - nothing heavy or serious - food and family are always good topics for someone you just met. Also have a couple of anecdotes or funny stories ready in case there is a lull in the conversation. When you call her, have a date and time and what you would like to do ready for a date, so that you can say "Are you busy Saturday night?" "Do you like Italian food, we could go to VillaMaria's" - of course be flexible - if she isn't free at that time or if she hates Italian food, have a backup. Don't leave those kinds of things open ended - don't say "where would you like to go?" - you are the one asking her out, don't put the pressure on her to decide what to do.
When you take her out, again, keep the conversation going - ask her questions, have a few stories ready; listen to what she is saying, and then keep the conversation going based on that. You pay for whatever you guys do - she will likely reach for her wallet, but insist on paying (you asked her to go with you, after all).
I know this is a long post, but there are a lot of things that you just kind of pick up over the years - if you have any other questions, feel free to PM me. I've said this before, it isn't rocket science.
