How important is it to be in a relationship in your 30s?

[TheRealCallie]

I find that people, esp. people who have gone through bitter divorces, have managed to convince themselves that they don't need a partner (that's called "denial"), when intimacy is as fundamental as breathing air and eating food. And, those are the same people that will fight me to the bitter end when I simply point out that they have managed to delude themselves.

But, I congratulate them because I wish I could delude myself into thinking that I don't need the intimacy that comes with having a partner. I really wish I could ! Then, I wouldn't suffer as much. Ignorance is bliss, right ? I'm happy for those who can. But, they're fooling themselves.

Callie, I don't need to be you to know that you breathe Oxygen.

Intimacy is NOT as fundamental as breathing or eating.  Not everyone wants or needs it.  That is also not a delusion.  

The only person you know the needs of, is YOURSELF, so stop assuming you know what every single person needs or wants.

 

[Somnambulist]

Just because you can't be happy/content/okay without a partner, doesn't mean no one can.

Just because you can delude yourself into thinking you don't want/need a partner, doesn't mean everyone can.

Delude?  Oh really?  I don't need a guy to make my life something.  I don't need a guy to be proud of myself.  I don't need a guy to like myself.  I can live my life on my own, I don't need anyone to be there for me.  I can manage fantastically on my own. No man required. 

That's not a delusion, that's the truth.  That's me living for myself and my kids.

Yes, but you've come to this conclusion after a bitter experience, am I right ?

It's a compromise that you have come to, a sort of agreement with life - fine, don't give me a guy, but at least just leave me in peace.

You can *manage*, but that's not what you would really like, is it ?

A lot of us *manage* in just the same way, but we don't feel the need to hide the underlying feelings.

But, if I'm wrong, then really, I congratulate you. No sarcasm at all

 

[Lacrecia]

I didnt go through any divorce let alone marriage, yet I like personal distance. Intimacy be damned

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

I didnt go through any divorce let alone marriage, yet I like personal distance. Intimacy be damned

You're just inexperienced. You don't know how you feel yet :club:

 

[TheRealCallie]

Just because you can't be happy/content/okay without a partner, doesn't mean no one can.

Just because you can delude yourself into thinking you don't want/need a partner, doesn't mean everyone can.

Delude?  Oh really?  I don't need a guy to make my life something.  I don't need a guy to be proud of myself.  I don't need a guy to like myself.  I can live my life on my own, I don't need anyone to be there for me.  I can manage fantastically on my own. No man required. 

That's not a delusion, that's the truth.  That's me living for myself and my kids.

Yes, but you've come to this conclusion after a bitter experience, am I right ?

It's a compromise that you have come to, a sort of agreement with life - fine, don't give me a guy, but at least just leave me in peace.

You can *manage*, but that's not what you would really like, is it ?

A lot of us *manage* in just the same way, but we don't feel the need to hide the underlying feelings.

What I went through is none of your damn business.  You don't know anything about it or what happened after.

Now I'm hiding?  Actually, I'm pretty damn open, I don't hide

What I would really like? Um, I could go out and get a man any time I want.  I don't because....I DO NOT WANT OR NEED TO.

 

[Somnambulist]

And there's the mainstream. I knew it was hiding there somewhere.

Just curious - what is the "mainstream" ?

 

[Lacrecia]

I didnt go through any divorce let alone marriage, yet I like personal distance. Intimacy be damned

You're just inexperienced. You don't know how you feel yet :club:

help me then (hello)

 

[Somnambulist]

Just because you can't be happy/content/okay without a partner, doesn't mean no one can.

Just because you can delude yourself into thinking you don't want/need a partner, doesn't mean everyone can.

Delude?  Oh really?  I don't need a guy to make my life something.  I don't need a guy to be proud of myself.  I don't need a guy to like myself.  I can live my life on my own, I don't need anyone to be there for me.  I can manage fantastically on my own. No man required. 

That's not a delusion, that's the truth.  That's me living for myself and my kids.

Yes, but you've come to this conclusion after a bitter experience, am I right ?

It's a compromise that you have come to, a sort of agreement with life - fine, don't give me a guy, but at least just leave me in peace.

You can *manage*, but that's not what you would really like, is it ?

A lot of us *manage* in just the same way, but we don't feel the need to hide the underlying feelings.

What I went through is none of your damn business.  You don't know anything about it or what happened after.

Now I'm hiding?  Actually, I'm pretty damn open, I don't hide

What I would really like? Um, I could go out and get a man any time I want.  I don't because....I DO NOT WANT OR NEED TO.

Ok, if what you went through is none of my business (and it isn't ... I couldn't care less), why do you make it public here ? If you make your information public, don't expect people not to use it in the context of a conversation.

 

[Lacrecia]

excuse me but what she has gone through is her business alright. There was a glitch there.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Just because you can delude yourself into thinking you don't want/need a partner, doesn't mean everyone can.

Delude?  Oh really?  I don't need a guy to make my life something.  I don't need a guy to be proud of myself.  I don't need a guy to like myself.  I can live my life on my own, I don't need anyone to be there for me.  I can manage fantastically on my own. No man required. 

That's not a delusion, that's the truth.  That's me living for myself and my kids.

Yes, but you've come to this conclusion after a bitter experience, am I right ?

It's a compromise that you have come to, a sort of agreement with life - fine, don't give me a guy, but at least just leave me in peace.

You can *manage*, but that's not what you would really like, is it ?

A lot of us *manage* in just the same way, but we don't feel the need to hide the underlying feelings.

What I went through is none of your damn business.  You don't know anything about it or what happened after.

Now I'm hiding?  Actually, I'm pretty damn open, I don't hide

What I would really like? Um, I could go out and get a man any time I want.  I don't because....I DO NOT WANT OR NEED TO.

Ok, if what you went through is none of your business (and it isn't, I couldn't care less), why do you make it public here ? If you make your information public, don't expect people not to use it in the context of a conversation.

lol, you think the little that I've said is all I went through?  Yeah, no, not even close.  And guess what, you have no idea what I did AFTER all that happened.  I didn't sit there in bitter loneliness.  I WENT AND DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
I'm not bitter about anything.  His girlfriend can have him

 

[Somnambulist]

excuse me but what she has gone through is her business alright. There was a glitch there.

If it's her business, she can keep it off the internet, right ?

Are you really trying to tell me that you can post something on the internet, in a *public forum* and not expect people to even quote it in a debate like this ?

Why do we have a quote feature here, Lacrecia ?

 

[Lacrecia]

excuse me but what she has gone through is her business alright. There was a glitch there.

If it's her business, she can keep it off the internet, right ?

Are you really trying to tell me that you can post something on the internet, in a *public forum* and not expect people to even quote it in a debate like this ?

I'm not really trying to tell you anything because that would imply I was trying to communicate with you in the first place.
I just had to point out the glitch.

 

[Somnambulist]

lol, you think the little that I've said is all I went through?  Yeah, no, not even close.  And guess what, you have no idea what I did AFTER all that happened.  I didn't sit there in bitter loneliness.  I WENT AND DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
I'm not bitter about anything.  His girlfriend can have him

Look, I didn't go digging up your past with the intention of provoking you. A person's background has a great bearing on what he/she says. And, I thought it was totally relevant to this debate. That's why I mentioned it. But, I won't do that anymore, because you didn't like me doing so.

I didn't dig anything up. I just remembered stuff from previous threads.

 

[Lacrecia]

lol, you think the little that I've said is all I went through?  Yeah, no, not even close.  And guess what, you have no idea what I did AFTER all that happened.  I didn't sit there in bitter loneliness.  I WENT AND DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
I'm not bitter about anything.  His girlfriend can have him

Look, I didn't go digging up your past with the intention of provoking you. A person's background has a great bearing on what he/she says. And, I thought it was totally relevant to this debate. That's why I mentioned it. But, I won't do that anymore, because you didn't like me doing so.

 Stalking is bad. You didnt even invite me to stalk her with you. That's not nice

 

[Somnambulist]

excuse me but what she has gone through is her business alright. There was a glitch there.

If it's her business, she can keep it off the internet, right ?

Are you really trying to tell me that you can post something on the internet, in a *public forum* and not expect people to even quote it in a debate like this ?

I'm not really trying to tell you anything because that would imply I was trying to communicate with you in the first place.
I just had to point out the glitch.

I sense a "my **** don't stink" attitude here. Ok, fair enough. I don't really need to communicate with you, Lacrecia. Thanks for making that clear.

 

[TheRealCallie]

lol, you think the little that I've said is all I went through?  Yeah, no, not even close.  And guess what, you have no idea what I did AFTER all that happened.  I didn't sit there in bitter loneliness.  I WENT AND DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
I'm not bitter about anything.  His girlfriend can have him

Look, I didn't go digging up your past with the intention of provoking you. A person's background has a great bearing on what he/she says. And, I thought it was totally relevant to this debate. That's why I mentioned it. But, I won't do that anymore, because you didn't like me doing so.

You can do whatever the hell you want, but don't go assuming because I said a few minor things that you know everything about me.  You don't.  You have no idea who I am, what I've been through or how I changed my life for the better.  And no, it's not at all relevant to the debate, unless you're debating whether I know myself better than YOU do.  

OMG, A MEAN MAN TOTALLY RUINED MY ENTIRE LIFE SO NOW I MUST GO FIND SOMEONE NEW TO TAKE CARE OF ME BECAUSE I CAN'T DO THAT FOR MYSELF.  Yeah, sorry, that's not me.

 

[Lacrecia]

aww, don't be offended.

We could talk without trying to communicate. (this gives me an idea for a thread)

 

[Somnambulist]

lol, you think the little that I've said is all I went through?  Yeah, no, not even close.  And guess what, you have no idea what I did AFTER all that happened.  I didn't sit there in bitter loneliness.  I WENT AND DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
I'm not bitter about anything.  His girlfriend can have him

Look, I didn't go digging up your past with the intention of provoking you. A person's background has a great bearing on what he/she says. And, I thought it was totally relevant to this debate. That's why I mentioned it. But, I won't do that anymore, because you didn't like me doing so.

You can do whatever the hell you want, but don't go assuming because I said a few minor things that you know everything about me.  You don't.  You have no idea who I am, what I've been through or how I changed my life for the better.  And no, it's not at all relevant to the debate, unless you're debating whether I know myself better than YOU do.  

OMG, A MEAN MAN TOTALLY RUINED MY ENTIRE LIFE SO NOW I MUST GO FIND SOMEONE NEW TO TAKE CARE OF ME BECAUSE I CAN'T DO THAT FOR MYSELF.  Yeah, sorry, that's not me.

Ok, I got it

 

[zero]

So let me elaborate. For a woman or man who is single and Is having difficulty establishing a romatic type of relationship into thier 30s. Does it seem to  impact you state of well being? Wish I can articulate this topic a bit more. But will leave it here

Just curious: how important is it for you? Does it impact your state of wellbeing?

Can`t elaborate more because the question seems a bit vague to me, wellbeing and impact having a different scale and meaning for every person,  but I am interested in the root of this question, even more so seeing the reactions it caused.

 

[Somnambulist]

So let me elaborate. For a woman or man who is single and Is having difficulty establishing a romatic type of relationship into thier 30s. Does it seem to  impact you state of well being? Wish I can articulate this topic a bit more. But will leave it here

Just curious: how important is it for you? Does it impact your state of wellbeing?

Can`t elaborate more because the question seems a bit vague to me, wellbeing and impact having a different scale and meaning for every person,  but I am interested in the root of this question, even more so seeing the reactions it caused.

This goes back to what lost_in_necropolis said. He talked about the impact of loneliness on health.

I've read from multiple sources that it kills more people than smoking or obesity. I can believe it. Of course, loneliness is not something that shows up in your body (like cancer, for instance), which is why I contend that it is even more serious a problem. People don't bring you flowers or free cookies for being lonely. But, tell them you have cancer, and see what happens ! Loneliness is insidious. It does a lot of damage before even being detected.

This is a great TEDx talk, if anyone's interested:

[youtube]_0hxl03JoA0[/youtube]