How not to get angry when you are being ingored

[ardour]

As you can see this is a bit of a sensitive issue for me as well.  I strongly believe that we don't have to resign ourselves to the social role that others try to relegate us into, though - especially when we're not coming off the way we want to because we just don't know how, or that we're doing anything wrong in the first place.  I hope that my findings can help someone get out of that, as I learn how to get out of it myself.

It's  like you think people  are in some sort of collective agreement about “your place” and want to keep you there...
 
True, the best way to get people to think again without confronting them is to stop trying. Still be interested in talking, but have a ‘take it or leave it’, ‘I’ve other people I can talk to’ attitude. Or depending on their attitude, just stop talking to them full stop. Most people change tack once that becomes clear.  

Everyone has weaknesses,  why should you be expected to accept theirs if they won’t accept yours? Isn't that fundamentally assuming a “lower place”?

 

[Restless soul]

Callie did we cover everything about this topic?

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About being ignored every which way to sunday

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^^ I think that question has been answered in just about every single one of your threads.

You have to realize that it doesn't do you any good to hold resentments, to get angry.  If these people don't want to talk to you, you have to realize that they aren't worth your time.  If these people say things that you don't like (when you don't really know them well, of course), you have to realize that their opinions don't really matter.  The only opinions that really matter are your own...and possibly the opinions of those that care about you.  Ask yourself if it's worth the extra emotions and energy and negativity that is exerted on yourself when honeysuckle like that happens.

Callie - here is a good question. If you can assume the person is ignoring you is seeing your text messages. Maybe because you are texting them wrong things. Would you advise to still text them every now and then to test the waters?

 

[TheRealCallie]

How can you assume they are getting them, though? My phone was screwing up for almost a week and I didn't get one single text. The only reason I know I should have gotten some was because I checked the usage on the website. I still haven't gotten those texts, so I have no idea what they said. On my birthday last year, my mom sent me 9 texts saying happy birthday (four of which she sent right in front of me), I never got a single one of them. It showed sent and delivered for them, but I never got them.

Okay, the point of that ramble is that you can't know 100% whether the person got the text unless you are right there to know and see that they got them.

Now, moving on from that issue, let's cover what you actually asked. Again, it depends on how long it's been. If it's been over a month, I would try maybe one more time and if you get nothing, let it go and move on. This is, of course, if you aren't constantly texting them over and over again. Do you have any other way of contacting them...Facebook, Twitter, anything that doesn't involve calling them? If so, I would try one of those and if you get nothing, then it's most likely a lost cause.

 

[Restless soul]

Yes - you can tell on whatsapp. If it was read.

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Lost cause. Wow! Yeah..i just don't know when to quit..

 

[Restless soul]

Oh and callie I don't use any of that social media. Fb. Or anything like that.

 

[Restless soul]

How can you assume they are getting them, though?  My phone was screwing up for almost a week and I didn't get one single text.  The only reason I know I should have gotten some was because I checked the usage on the website.  I still haven't gotten those texts, so I have no idea what they said.  On my birthday last year, my mom sent me 9 texts saying happy birthday (four of which she sent right in front of me), I never got a single one of them.  It showed sent and delivered for them, but I never got them.  

Okay, the point of that ramble is that you can't know 100% whether the person got the text unless you are right there to know and see that they got them.  

Now, moving on from that issue, let's cover what you actually asked.  Again, it depends on how long it's been.  If it's been over a month, I would try maybe one more time and if you get nothing, let it go and move on.  This is, of course, if you aren't constantly texting them over and over again.  Do you have any other way of contacting them...Facebook, Twitter, anything that doesn't involve calling them?  If so, I would try one of those and if you get nothing, then it's most likely a lost cause.

Callie, can you see how when you have 3 people in your phone, ok I will be  more specific  ( women ) who you thought you hit it off with. All eventually ignore your texts down the road. Do you see how devastating that could be to someone like me who thought he finally made some progress. Other questions I ask myself.

 Am I just really that inexperienced where I expect too much. And forget how fickle women are where they will drop you like a bad habit. Or am I just simply meeting the wrong people?

 

[Restless soul]

Ok callie, why am I just adressing callie now weird? 
This is for anyone who decides to read this.

Anyway I want to break up my usual doom and gloom posts with a rrecent encounter to touch on what I prevoously write.

Ok so as you know or may not know I post ads on cl, multiple ads, various topics. If I told you some topics might make some of you blush. 

But even with all my posting they yeild no results - that was
Until yesterday when I get a weird reply that I was about to dismiss as a scammer. She sends me  a faceless half nude photo which is usually a big sign its. Either a prostitute or just a fake. Anyway she kept replying to my email. She also then said she lived local. She also didn't want a photo of me or care to see me. But to make long story short since she lived in the area and seemed willing to meet at a public venue.
I said why the heck not. She also described her ethnicity so that helped. Here is where it gets weird she was young and I knew this. 21. But don't beat me up over that. But this is what I find unusual she had no reservations about getting into a car with me I being a stranger eventhough she never saw my face? Odd. Not smart on her part. I was even nervous.

But to conclude since we met in such a weird akward manner nothing happend. We drove around for ten min. Did nothing and I dropped her off. I just I would share such a weird and rare kind of meet up. Curious what others think

 

[TheRealCallie]

As for the first post, I think it's a combination of everything. Your expectations are too high, you're likely meeting the wrong type of people..AND dismissing the right type of people.
Quite honestly, I think you do need to work on yourself. Gain some confidence, stop hiding behind excuses (no, no arguments, that's what they are, whether they are good or bad excuses, they are still excuses) If someone talks to you and is nice to you, TAKE IT! If they compare you to someone, put a positive spin on it, don't just dismiss the person because of your own insecurities.

And now on to the latest post. Quite honestly, I would say stay away from that one. It's way too sketchy....

 

[Restless soul]

It was weird. And even the fact that she was a young girl meeting
Under such circumstances you still have to be street smart. Never know what she can do.
She seemed ok none the less. But just didn't work out.

 

[Missingthesun]

I am curious how often you text and what you say. For three women to stop texting you could mean a problem there.

 

[Restless soul]

I am curious how often you text and what you say.  For three women to stop texting you could mean a problem there.

Oh, it wasn't something that happend all at once. Don't get me wrong. The relationships were already a bit kinda distant I will admit. Meaning I was the one showing more interesting. Reaching out. Trying to meet. And they were not. Or making excuses or reasons not to. so maybe I was lying to myself, fooling myself. But the times I did meet these women we hit it off. Had a good time. So I hold on to a sliver if hope with each of them. Was thata mistake?

 

[TheRealCallie]

But the times I did meet these women we hit it off. Had a good time. So I hold on to a sliver if hope with each of them. Was thata mistake?

How do you know "we" hit it off and it wasn't just YOU that liked them?  Okay, woman 1, 2 and 3.  How long since you heard from each of them?

 

[Restless soul]

But the times I did meet these women we hit it off. Had a good time. So I hold on to a sliver if hope with each of them. Was thata mistake?

How do you know "we" hit it off and it wasn't just YOU that liked them?  Okay, woman 1, 2 and 3.  How long since you heard from each of them?

How did I know? Because I am good like that. I know when an experience goes well. Not totally brain dead. Ok -- granted I didn't expect to be in serious relationships with all three. It was kinda cool and casual. Two of the women I only met twice. Then it was texting from then on. With me initiating all of the time. But yeah callie, give me some credit here to at least know when an interinteraction goes well.

 

[TheRealCallie]

But the times I did meet these women we hit it off. Had a good time. So I hold on to a sliver if hope with each of them. Was thata mistake?

How do you know "we" hit it off and it wasn't just YOU that liked them?  Okay, woman 1, 2 and 3.  How long since you heard from each of them?

How did I know? Because I am good like that. I know when an experience goes well. Not totally brain dead. Ok -- granted I didn't expect to be in serious relationships with all three. It was kinda cool and casual. Two of the women I only met twice. Then it was texting from then on. With me initiating all of the time. But yeah callie, give me some credit here to at least know when an interinteraction goes well.

I'm not saying you're brain dead.  I'm saying....just because you had a great time and thought you hit it off, doesn't necessarily mean the feeling was mutual.  You can't always tell.  Kind of like the fact that women fake most orgasms and the men don't know...
It's not really that hard to act like a decent human being when you aren't having the most fantastic time ever.

 

[Restless soul]

I may have a plethora of issuses. I know you like that word.
But not akward to the point where I do not know if I hit it off or to know if something went well

 

[TheRealCallie]

YOU hit it off. That is acceptable. "WE" hit it off is not, unless you are a mind reader. I don't think you are. On top of that, you are trying so hard to find something that lasts that you may not be seeing everything as it really is.
We have already seen that you put a negative spin on anything you don't like (such as looking like someone else), so how is it a stretch to make more out of something you find to be good?

 

[Restless soul]

YOU hit it off.  That is acceptable.  "WE" hit it off is not, unless you are a mind reader.  I don't think you are.  On top of that, you are trying so hard to find something that lasts that you may not be seeing everything as it really is.  
We have already seen that you put a negative spin on anything you don't like (such as looking like someone else), so how is it a stretch to make more out of something you find to be good?

That is just it! I am so used to negative. Feeling negative. Being on a negative trip all the time. That I think I can know when something finally does go positive that it actually is.

Why callie? You don't know when you hit it off with someone i a mutual way?

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Nothing to do with mind reading here. Human nature. Basic human interaction

 

[TheRealCallie]

YOU hit it off.  That is acceptable.  "WE" hit it off is not, unless you are a mind reader.  I don't think you are.  On top of that, you are trying so hard to find something that lasts that you may not be seeing everything as it really is.  
We have already seen that you put a negative spin on anything you don't like (such as looking like someone else), so how is it a stretch to make more out of something you find to be good?

That is just it! I am so used to negative. Feeling negative. Being on a negative trip all the time. That I think I can know when something finally does go positive that it actually is.

Why callie? You don't know when you hit it off with someone i a mutual way?

I know when I have a good time and I know when I think I might have hit it off with someone, but I'm not so conceited to think that I know exactly how it went for them.  I'm not a mind reader and I refuse to think for anyone else.  It's not fair to myself and it's not fair to them.

 

[Restless soul]

YOU hit it off.  That is acceptable.  "WE" hit it off is not, unless you are a mind reader.  I don't think you are.  On top of that, you are trying so hard to find something that lasts that you may not be seeing everything as it really is.  
We have already seen that you put a negative spin on anything you don't like (such as looking like someone else), so how is it a stretch to make more out of something you find to be good?

That is just it! I am so used to negative. Feeling negative. Being on a negative trip all the time. That I think I can know when something finally does go positive that it actually is.

Why callie? You don't know when you hit it off with someone i a mutual way?

I know when I have a good time and I know when I think I might have hit it off with someone, but I'm not so conceited to think that I know exactly how it went for them.  I'm not a mind reader and I refuse to think for anyone else.  It's not fair to myself and it's not fair to them.

Oh stop. Nothing to do with conceited. Has to do with having a positive..mindset on that day. Yes. Believe it or not I was somewhat positive. I am supprised you are even saying such a thing. Someone who speaks so straight with confidence. 

To not know. To not be able to get vibe someone likes you?
To not have that intuition callie? No that is not being conceited. On the contrary. Ok. And when I say " we hit it off "
I meant people I could hang out with to, text talk be it on a casual or friends basis.

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And to add. Seriously? How do you know if you hit it off you call them and ask " hey did we hit it off? I had a great time did you? I need a yes or no answer? Be serious!!

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I already know where you are going to come at me with now.

Well, if they are ignoring you now, I guess you didn't hit it off as well as you thought?

Right??

 

[TheRealCallie]

Actions speak louder than words. They also speak louder than intuition and vibes....


I can have all all the intuition and vibes in the world, but the person's actions trump those.