I don't know how to cope with being ugly

[Adam88]

I can’t help not placing too much weight on what people say. I feel so hideous most of time now that I hardly leave the house; I’m skipping classes everyday(now I'm failing in my studies), canceling meetings with friends and hiding from people I know.

It’s a struggle for me to wake up everyday feeling a HUGE deal of anxiety which I reduce by excessively grooming to end up feeling uglier.

I'm scared to leave the house what should I do?

 

[bookbinder]

You can't be that ugly. There are disgusting people running around in public everywhere and they, nor anyone else, don't seem to mind.

I think you're putting yourself down. Think of all the things you're good at when you look in the mirror as a way to transfer those confident feelings onto your appearance. Grooming helps, but don't overdo it. Then go out and kick some ass. And by that I mean go to be successful at something.

 

[catwixen]

Feeling ugly is horrible. I do not know if you are ugly or not. I judge ugly by actions more than looks. But if you feel ugly...that is enough to make you sad and isolated. I felt ugly most of my life. I still have not got over the feeling. So many are better looking than me. What i try to do is not judge myself by the standards of others...yeah that is hard. and I try see how ridiculous societies standards are.
If you are a nice person...or even willing to try be a good person, then who has the right to judge you?
Surely not some gorgeous person who only cares about their looks?
i do not know your situation, teenager? That is probably the hardest time to deal with this stuff. I isolated myself then aswell. I hope you can feel free to talk here and let some of these feelings out.

 

[spuzzwink]

There's some very good advice in this article [wikihow.com].

Remember that you're your own worst critic when you're looking in the mirror. No-one else in the world will think you're as ugly as you do, and some will think you're beautiful.
The best thing to do is realise that appearances don't matter at all, but it's a very difficult thing to do. I hope you feel better soon.

 

[Unacceptance]

Just put on a super villain mask and be a bad-ass.

 

[Bluey]

You posted this in the Low Self-esteem forums which is just has well cos that is exactly what it is. I don't believe your looks are stopping you from doing anything. Its how you perceive yourself to be. I am not the best looking dude out there. I have got off with good looking girls though. I had a thing for one girl and she is not good looking at all. In fact you could say she is ugly. Most would actually and I do know that a lot of ppl take the piss out of her. But she really did it for me and this is why I fancied her. We did kiss one time. But she is also a very disorganized person where I am the sort of guy where everything has to have its place and I am normally a very organized guy so me and her was never going to work. I told her I was only after some fun. She was looking for moor and ye me being a prat and only thinking with my dick did our friendship no good. Well you live and learn. The point am trying to make here is its her personality that did it for me not her looks. I have a body that is twisted all over the place and I walk with a limp. I am finding girls my age do not give a honeysuckle about all that. In fact I am finding has of late that girls in there mid 30s to be very scary when there horny lol Honestly they scare the honeysuckle out of me LMAO.

Looks only matter when your young. Believe me when I say that most ppl when they get older and into there 30s do not give a honeysuckle how you look. They only care how you treat them. Be nice. Being nice can get you a long way.

 

[Adam88]

Grooming helps, but don't overdo it.

I wish I could; It's really compulsive. I need that to reduce the growing anxiety within me.

Feeling ugly is horrible. I do not know if you are ugly or not. I judge ugly by actions more than looks. But if you feel ugly...that is enough to make you sad and isolated. I felt ugly most of my life. I still have not got over the feeling. So many are better looking than me. What i try to do is not judge myself by the standards of others...yeah that is hard. and I try see how ridiculous societies standards are.
If you are a nice person...or even willing to try be a good person, then who has the right to judge you?
Surely not some gorgeous person who only cares about their looks?
i do not know your situation, teenager? That is probably the hardest time to deal with this stuff. I isolated myself then aswell. I hope you can feel free to talk here and let some of these feelings out.

I'm 21. I started feeling ugly in my teen years (15 or something) which isolated me then as well making me socially retarded at this age compared to my colleges.

I can't think of anything more horrible than feeling ugly; that you're in appropriate for life and not worthy of anyone's love.

I hope you feel better soon.

Thank you

Just put on a super villain mask and be a bad-ass.

That would be cool

Ambientspark
Bluey
Luciddisconnect

Thank you. I've read every word you guys wrote, but it's quite long to quote from and I'm tired:shy: …sorry


I wish you guys could help me; I feel so alone and scared. Right now my main concern is my studies. I'm in dental school(3rd year) and about to fail because of one subject, prosthodontics lab, I have a total of 5/35 I know that I still got 65% left but I missed so many days(as I'm too scared to deal with people directly) that I have no Idea what I'm doing, and it's a very difficult subject were getting 40/65 is somewhat of an achievement.

In case I did fail(hopefully I won't), I'm not sure what would be the most difficult thing to live with; weather it's the fact that I've wasted three years of my life, the fact that I can't function in society or the guilt toward my parents, the only people in this world that care for me and even love me. they have so much faith and hope on me not to mention the money wasted on a pathetic looser like myself.

I want to tell them badly about how I feel, about what kind of hell I'm going through but I'm pretty sure that they won't understand


Forgive my bad english

 

[catwixen]

wow you have pressure to succeed as well as feeling low about yourself. That is such a difficult situation. I feel so much for you.
Overall though, the self esteem issues you face can only be overcome by you. I remember that was something I could not do as a teenager and in my 20's. I could not fix it myself. I was too deep into believing the whole illusion of beautiful people are more important.
Thing is...beautiful people are NOT any more worthy than average or even disfigured people. They might like to get their self esteem that way, some might even put others down to feel even better about themselves with their clique.
All I can suggest, while you are feeling this way, is to talk here....that is if you do not feel comfortable talking to your parents.
There are obviously people here who have experienced similar to you. I am thinking of you. hugs....

 

[Pasha Selim]

I can’t help not placing too much weight on what people say. I feel so hideous most of time now that I hardly leave the house; I’m skipping classes everyday(now I'm failing in my studies), canceling meetings with friends and hiding from people I know.

It’s a struggle for me to wake up everyday feeling a HUGE deal of anxiety which I reduce by excessively grooming to end up feeling uglier.

I'm scared to leave the house what should I do?

That is exactly how I feel. But add stupid to hideous. I go to psychologist.

 

[jales]

can we see a pic?
i bet you cute as ever.

so many guys on here think they are ugly and they are all cute so far.

actually i've never seen an ugly person in my whole life.

really it's alllll in your head.

 

[Melanie]

One thing that silences the noise is acceptance. You can feel low about your appearance all you want, but will that change it? No. You will end up feeling crappier. Accept who you are, and emphasize the beautiful traits about you.
I'm learning to accept who I am...

 

[badaboom]

You are a creation of god. You are allowed to flourish. Go to school man, its gonna get you somewhere in life, become something. And about looks, like the person said above, its all in your head, you are who you are, forget the past, promise yourself from tomorrow you will bring out your inner-confidence, and accomplish your dreams, just be confident, thats all, you dont need a six pack, or a Ferrari, just be confident.

 

[VanillaCreme]

You're not ugly. Stop it.

 

[eh?]

I consider myself ugly... or unattractive rather, as well.
Based on appearance, there are few who would consider me a suitable mate (by evolutions terms at least) in my opinion.

But I still go various places. I am not scared to go outdoors.
I came to the realization a while ago that most of your physically appearance is not changeable. Sure, there is plastic surgery and other various (even more painful) procedures but for most people, those services are expensive and unwelcome.
So ultimately, I stick with what I got. It may not be much to look at but it is all I got.

P.S. I look like a mixture of Twista (the rapper), Forest Whitaker and Emanuel Lewis (Webster) with bad skin.

 

[Renkei]

Beauty comes from within.

If no one loves you for who you are on the inside, then they obviously not the right person.

How you look like doesn't really matter much.
sure if you did look good think of it this way.
everyone would be after whats in your pants
and not whats in your heart.

besides id rather be beautiful on the inside; then look good.
so i'm pretty sure your not ugly.

 

[charlee..x]

i'm knew on here and this my first comment. well there is no ugly in this world, just everyone looks different and some people think better about themself. i always thought bad about myself and somethimes still do now but you got to good in the mirro and look only at the good things about yourself. just think if you want love then you need to get out and find it...x

 

[TheLonelySkeptic]

i'm knew on here and this my first comment. well there is no ugly in this world, just everyone looks different and some people think better about themself. i always thought bad about myself and somethimes still do now but you got to good in the mirro and look only at the good things about yourself. just think if you want love then you need to get out and find it...x

All the fluffy Disney love on here makes me wretch. xD

If everything is beautiful, then nothing is beautiful.
To survive at all, beauty needs ugliness, just as white needs black.
Contrast is the beating heart of aesthetics, beauty its expansion and ugliness its contraction. I also suck at metaphors.

 

[Ovid]

[Responding to the original post]

I think it would be fairly obvious that 'beautiful' people get treated better in certain situations, after all it is a superficial world. However, when you look at most of the powerful icons in this world, you will notice that many of them are not what people would refer to as externally 'beautiful'. Yet they had people hanging off their every movement and word.

To say "just ignore what people think of you" is harder said than done, but I would instead refer to it as a rearranging of your priorities. Instead of focusing on the people aspect (and how good you look to them), focus that concern on your life, your studies, and your career. In my opinion, being 'beautiful' and 'attracting others through your actions' yield the same results in the end, as long as you are confident in your abilities.

So I would say it's time to get confident in those abilities of yours, because what you are studying is not easy, and you have done extremely well to get where you are now (where others may have given up long ago). Keep pushing ahead.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I have a physical disability that affects how my face looks. I dont think myself to be terribly pretty, but, I think I have a right, like everyone else to go out in public and get an education!

If people talk behiind my back about "what does she have?" and "Why does she look that way?". That's not my problem. I do wish they would ask me directly, but if they choose to do it behind my back. Again, not my problem.

You have a right, just like everyone else to get an education. Dont let your opinion of your looks scare you off from your dreams!

You only live once. Go to class!

 

[TheLonelySkeptic]

I have a physical disability that affects how my face looks. I dont think myself to be terribly pretty, but, I think I have a right, like everyone else to go out in public and get an education!

If people talk behiind my back about "what does she have?" and "Why does she look that way?". That's not my problem. I do wish they would ask me directly, but if they choose to do it behind my back. Again, not my problem.

You have a right, just like everyone else to get an education. Dont let your opinion of your looks scare you off from your dreams!

You only live once. Go to class!

This is the view I wish we all had. However, people with social anxiety disorders tend to think that everyone is focusing on little, uncomfortable details about themselves that really only they themselves have the conscious ability to notice.

People with social anxiety tend to want to impress people, especially with first impressions. When they're self-conscious about themselves, then to them good impressions become all but impossible. So, rather than take on the world and "risk" dampening the way the world sees them, they stay inside.

This is why you often see people who are normally quiet and reserved burst out suddenly when they finally find a bit of confidence.