I have no family or friends at all and it's destroying me

[zeror]

I'm from England and lost contact with my family a long time ago. Any friends moved on with their lives. So I've moved around a lot to survive and ended up with no friends or acquaintances at all. It's ruining everything for me

I can't work in the jobs I want because of lack of industrial contacts, I can't go back to study because no academic references. Moving can be hard because no one will be a guarantor. I can't even own a passport anymore because no one will act as a countersignature after it got lost. Which means despite being a lifelong citizen I cannot hold a passport.

What is worse is how bad the damage is to my mental health and sense of being alive. This is really horrible and there is simply no help. I don't want someone to talk to me about joining a book club or volunteering, I am talking about the essential connection you need as a person which everyone needs. Except everyone has walked away and there's no chance of making friends as an adult. Everyone is either at work or too tired afterwards to be bothered.

Being alone almost constantly is leaving me with a very bad level of anxiety. I don't bother with the doctors anymore because they don't take me seriously and there is no point doping myself up. I need to try and build connections but that is impossible. All I can do is try to zone out because this is barely worth living for but as I get older that is becoming harder to do.

I spend all my energy trying to stay sane but this is not a fair fight at all. I don't know what to do or where to go.

 

[Finished]

First Welcome to the site!

I'm sorry so many bad things are happening to you. I have been totally alone for about 13 years. I've learned to embrace it. But, I know that's not what you want to hear.

Finding meaningful connections can be very difficult. As one gets older then tend to stick with the people they already know.

I'd like to be able to give you some simple solution. But, there is none. IMO, the best thing to do is list out what you want/need, research ways to get them, and then slowly work towards them. "lack of industrial contacts" visit the places where you can make contacts and introduce yourself. Tell them you are interested in ................ and would like to talk to them about it or whatever. "no academic references" there has to be a way around that. What are the possibilities? "no one will act as a countersignature after it got lost" I'm thinking there's got to be ways around that as well. I have zero contacts. But, I found that I could pay people to pretend to know me and be good references for when I applied for a job. There are ways around things when the normal means do not work.

As far as connecting with people the best way is putting yourself out there. You have to be around lots of people AND interact with them. It's easier if the interactions are some how forced or required like at a job, club, or where there is some shared need to work together.

But, please try not to think that there is no hope. There is always hope. It'll just be more difficult for you then many others. It's not fun or fair. But, it is what it is. You have to make things work for you. You can't sit back and wait for things to work out automatically.

 

[Lonely girl 28]

I don't know how things work in england; do you have patient advocates? They helped me because I had trouble articulating what I wanted/ needed. At one pt I struggled with words and stuttering.

Im sorry you feel this way; I understand how it feels to feel overwhelmed with neg emotions/ perspectives. i don't know if you've considered doing a hobby, like woodworking, coloring, bike riding, etc. Sometimes just getting out of the houhouse can be helpful, like going for a walk.

.I hope you don't give up on yourself. Although you maybe reluctant, you might want to contact a GP and explain your situation and tell them what a difficult time you're having. You might have a biological imbalance; for ex, I have trouble with anxiety when I don't eat enough.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I agree with Lonely Girl. There must be someone (like an advocate) who could help you with some of the things. If not, England sounds stupid and illogical.

It's never too late to find what you are looking for. You said not to say join a book club or volunteer, but how exactly do you make connections if you don't put yourself in a situation where you will be able to get to know people?

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Welcome to the forum...

I'd like to believe anyone, of any age, can make new friends; and fortunately, I think there is enough evidence to prove that to be the case.

Sometimes things seem hopeless, and impossible, though...

Cheer up mate...

May better days be ahead..

 

[ardour]

meetup.com is as good a place as any to start. There's groups specifically for meeting people.

Of course it's much better to not have to do such things out of desperation, but there's not more you can do I'm afraid other than seek the company of a counsellor. You aren't alone in feeling isolated. Absolute shame about your family.

 

[Deosil]

Hi and welcome. I have family but beyond that, I can relate with what you are going through. I have never had a friend or a relationship and suffer with a myriad of mental health issues. I don't know what the solution is but I hope you can find some respite from your problems here and maybe even make some friends.

 

[LonelyLettuce]

I'm from England and lost contact with my family a long time ago. Any friends moved on with their lives. So I've moved around a lot to survive and ended up with no friends or acquaintances at all. It's ruining everything for me

I can't work in the jobs I want because of lack of industrial contacts, I can't go back to study because no academic references. Moving can be hard because no one will be a guarantor. I can't even own a passport anymore because no one will act as a countersignature after it got lost. Which means despite being a lifelong citizen I cannot hold a passport.

What is worse is how bad the damage is to my mental health and sense of being alive. This is really horrible and there is simply no help. I don't want someone to talk to me about joining a book club or volunteering, I am talking about the essential connection you need as a person which everyone needs. Except everyone has walked away and there's no chance of making friends as an adult. Everyone is either at work or too tired afterwards to be bothered.

Being alone almost constantly is leaving me with a very bad level of anxiety. I don't bother with the doctors anymore because they don't take me seriously and there is no point doping myself up. I need to try and build connections but that is impossible. All I can do is try to zone out because this is barely worth living for but as I get older that is becoming harder to do.

I spend all my energy trying to stay sane but this is not a fair fight at all. I don't know what to do or where to go.

I won't leave advice because it sounds like that's not what you're looking for. What I will do is say I can relate to what you're saying. I'm in England and extremely isolated too. It's really crap and so damaging for the mind. I hope at least being on this forum will help by providing a little interaction

 

[Joshjames]

Hey I just thought I’d add a comment saying I can relate big time… I’m in Australia and honestly.. if I knew that getting older was going to be like this I would of ended things..
You hear people talking about how “life gets better after 40” or “life starts after 40” and they go on about how they’re more secure in themselves and have better friendships and blah blah….
I lived my life back to front and now it’s cursed me.. I had a family really really young and career and all that normal stuff but I guess I probably screwed it all up and its impossible to change anything once you’re middle aged… everyone else disappeared.. I used to have friends but now they’re all doing what I was doing 20+ years ago… settling down having kids.. I’m with you there though.. it sucks and in reality I’ve completely given up and just accepted that the rest of my life will be alone… unless I end things which might happen… for now I’m just trying to keep busy.

 

[constant stranger]

@zeror......You and I are in comparable positions, I don't have any family (they're all dead now) nor do I have friends. My life's journey veered off course and I don't much like what's left of it.
I've chosen to volunteer my time and talents where it can be useful. It hasn't brought me friendships but it does bring some meaningfulness. I've also got a sweet little paying hobby for 5 months of the year....one morning each week I get to interact with people and make a few dollars too.
I don't have any specific answers for you, but I agree with the previous comments posted.....there's always a way around obstacles.
Every hurdle that we see, meet and resolve is another step on our journey.

 

[hkarabeyaz]

Hey I just thought I’d add a comment saying I can relate big time… I’m in Australia and honestly.. if I knew that getting older was going to be like this I would of ended things..
You hear people talking about how “life gets better after 40” or “life starts after 40” and they go on about how they’re more secure in themselves and have better friendships and blah blah….
I lived my life back to front and now it’s cursed me.. I had a family really really young and career and all that normal stuff but I guess I probably screwed it all up and its impossible to change anything once you’re middle aged… everyone else disappeared.. I used to have friends but now they’re all doing what I was doing 20+ years ago… settling down having kids.. I’m with you there though.. it sucks and in reality I’ve completely given up and just accepted that the rest of my life will be alone… unless I end things which might happen… for now I’m just trying to keep busy.

 

[Norfolk_gal]

Hey I just thought I’d add a comment saying I can relate big time… I’m in Australia and honestly.. if I knew that getting older was going to be like this I would of ended things..
You hear people talking about how “life gets better after 40” or “life starts after 40” and they go on about how they’re more secure in themselves and have better friendships and blah blah….
I lived my life back to front and now it’s cursed me.. I had a family really really young and career and all that normal stuff but I guess I probably screwed it all up and its impossible to change anything once you’re middle aged… everyone else disappeared.. I used to have friends but now they’re all doing what I was doing 20+ years ago… settling down having kids.. I’m with you there though.. it sucks and in reality I’ve completely given up and just accepted that the rest of my life will be alone… unless I end things which might happen… for now I’m just trying to keep busy.

I feel similarly. Middle aged. I'm just drifting from one day to the next hoping I will meet someone but also too scared to . knowing the rest of my life will likely be alone is hard

 

[Yaku]

As I read your words I could feel the pain, and I'm sorry you are in this situation. Sometimes I wish I had superpowers to help people but I'm barely coping myself.

All I can do is hope that your situation improves friend. All the best.

edit: Sorry did not see the date and am a little late...still feel the same though

 

[okidoke]

@zeror are you still around?

 

[AceFace]

I'm from England and lost contact with my family a long time ago. Any friends moved on with their lives. So I've moved around a lot to survive and ended up with no friends or acquaintances at all. It's ruining everything for me

I can't work in the jobs I want because of lack of industrial contacts, I can't go back to study because no academic references. Moving can be hard because no one will be a guarantor. I can't even own a passport anymore because no one will act as a countersignature after it got lost. Which means despite being a lifelong citizen I cannot hold a passport.

What is worse is how bad the damage is to my mental health and sense of being alive. This is really horrible and there is simply no help. I don't want someone to talk to me about joining a book club or volunteering, I am talking about the essential connection you need as a person which everyone needs. Except everyone has walked away and there's no chance of making friends as an adult. Everyone is either at work or too tired afterwards to be bothered.

Being alone almost constantly is leaving me with a very bad level of anxiety. I don't bother with the doctors anymore because they don't take me seriously and there is no point doping myself up. I need to try and build connections but that is impossible. All I can do is try to zone out because this is barely worth living for but as I get older that is becoming harder to do.

I spend all my energy trying to stay sane but this is not a fair fight at all. I don't know what to do or where to go.

 

[BDLonely]

I’m afraid I’m going to be going down the same path. All I have are my parents. No real friends. My family was always small and old to begin with and mostly died off when I was young. As for the rest of my family, we basically have disowned one another and live 1000 miles away.

Once my parents go I’m going to have no one. I’m going to have to embrace it for. my own well being.

 

[user 164061]

I'm sorry to hear that but i believe in a few years i'll be like you regarding parents passing away. I've got no friends at the moment, i haven't had any for years and i am used to being alone in that aspect because it was my choice. Mainly because the people who become my friends always find a way to screw me over constantly and never want to do anything with me so i just gave up. I've got an older brother who will most probably move out soon to live with his gf, so i doubt when my parents pass if i am still living at "home" (it's a rented house and not ours) i don't want to be stepping on his toes and i doubt he wants me living with him. I'm fighting against the clock to fix myself mentally, learn new skills via courses and get a job, but unfortunately it's not that easy.

 

[SquareBin]

wrong solution, but maybe getting a pet would help you ?
I got a cat and it's at least helping me a little bit

 

[Dbruised]

I'm from England and lost contact with my family a long time ago. Any friends moved on with their lives. So I've moved around a lot to survive and ended up with no friends or acquaintances at all. It's ruining everything for me

I can't work in the jobs I want because of lack of industrial contacts, I can't go back to study because no academic references. Moving can be hard because no one will be a guarantor. I can't even own a passport anymore because no one will act as a countersignature after it got lost. Which means despite being a lifelong citizen I cannot hold a passport.

What is worse is how bad the damage is to my mental health and sense of being alive. This is really horrible and there is simply no help. I don't want someone to talk to me about joining a book club or volunteering, I am talking about the essential connection you need as a person which everyone needs. Except everyone has walked away and there's no chance of making friends as an adult. Everyone is either at work or too tired afterwards to be bothered.

Being alone almost constantly is leaving me with a very bad level of anxiety. I don't bother with the doctors anymore because they don't take me seriously and there is no point doping myself up. I need to try and build connections but that is impossible. All I can do is try to zone out because this is barely worth living for but as I get older that is becoming harder to do.

I spend all my energy trying to stay sane but this is not a fair fight at all. I don't know what to do or where to go.

Zeror, I hope you get an email notification that someone responded to your thread and you see this and come back and check in. I’m wondering how you are doing, seriously. Please come back and check in, drop me a private message even. I’d love to visit with you.

 

[Tiina63]

I have no family left so can understand the feeling and the knowledge of being totally alone in the world. So few people really get it, because they have the cushion of family to fall back on. I have some friends, but they can't and don't fill the empty void where family should be. I am also getting older and often wonder whey I am still even here. You mention that you are in the UK: could you get in touch with your local branch of MIND and ask to go on the waiting list for a befriender? It might help you because it will be a contact, someone you can talk to about how you are feeling. Also, I can appreciate how you feel re. book groups and other social groups etc as I have gone to various groups over the years and have found that most contacts made in groups are superficial and don't often translate to deep friendships or to contact outside the setting of the groups. However, it is better than nothing and does give the week some structure.