Im 20 and never had a girlfriend in my life. Is this bad?

[jjam]

I'm 30 and it's hard finding a good match.


*hope that gets me in the club*

 

[Ak5]

I think it's the depression and thinking "I'll never get one" that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, IMHO.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I'm 30 and it's hard finding a good match.


*hope that gets me in the club*

Good match. That hits the issue on the head I think.

If you just want a warm organic life-form to do rude things to your downstairs I think that's (probably) not hard to find. I haven't tried it so I can't say for sure of course, but from the frequency at which people seem to have random sex with strangers, it can't be that hard.

Most people here seem to have the objective of getting more than that though, something that actually means something. Unfortunately this is both great and yet leads to loneliness simultaneously.

I think (well, I hope) in the end such a wait will be extremely worth it, since any girl who I get that close to should be amazing enough to make it all pretty unforgettably awesome. Fingers crossed!

It's kind of a dodgy road to go down, the whole "high values" one, since I think after a long time of no contact you start to get gloomy. I know I do. I'd climb a sodding mountain by now for a snog from a sweet girl

Until it all pays off though, I'm consoling myself with any morsel of goodness I can get. As you can probably tell from my appallingly lame "Positive" thread

Also, I'm taking a different attitude, because I realised I was doing something rather dumb.

I was unconsciously thinking for some reason (probably media influence) that guys that have slept around more than me were "more manly". You know what? **** that negative, self-deprecating thinking. I have everything they've got to offer and then some, plus the maturity and genuine loyalty to make it count a thousand times more when it matters. Once I start showing this to people as opposed to waiting for them to find out, things should really change for the better.

Simply eradicating that strange thought process of mine over the last few days has already made me feel a lot better in myself.

EDIT - BTW, would you prefer a Club T-Shirt or jumper?

 

[zaney]

I can say the same 20 without ever having a gf. I've hooked up with girls numerous times and on some occasions more than once. However I've never really been in a relationship. I'm sick of waiting

 

[Michael_BJFU]

If you are in China, it's very normal.

 

[Alianz]

I am 49 and never had a sex and still no girlfriend

 

[Greyndog]

Well... I didn't want to be into the whole feeling sorry for myself thing again, but maybe I need to express this.

I am 20 yrs old and I have never had a girlfriend. Most women on this planet seem to dislike me . I have experienced cruelty from women since grade school and it still happens occasionally... mostly in comes in rude remarks or basic body language.

I'm a shy person, which doesn't help and I have no luck. All my friends, two of which i believe are as shy as I, have had unbelievable luck.. women seemed to come to them. Besides there just doesn't seem to be anybody who is for me out there.

Ya mean either and I'm 19 but I think guys like us just need to make sure that we are happy with our selves and that we just do the little things everday to make sure we continue to improve and impress ourselves

 

[floffyschneeman]

I'm 23 and I never had a girlfriend too, but that's ok. I'm a girl. but I never had a boyfriend too D:


lol I guess it doesn't affect me much cos I don't feel like I am single though I am, technically. It did affect me though and I will admit it was one of the reasons why I get depressed. But aside from that, here's what I have come up through it all. I was depressed about not having someone cos I wasn't comfortable with myself and I needed someone to validate my strength as a person, to make me feel special. I needed someone to complete me, as the saying goes. The funny thing about it is, when I settled with the fact of being OK of being single and focus more on other things, romance knocked on my door. I know I am not ready for it all and it's probably the reason why I am still ''technically single''.

To cut through the bushes, you don't find someone to complete you, you complete yourself in order to be ready for that someone and one day I will be ready as all you single ladies and lads would be too *crosses fingers*

 

[firebird85]

I don't believe in the pacifiying attitude about this. Yeah, you're only 20 or 21. Next year you'll be a year older. Nothing different except you are one more step up the ladder. One year closer to being the real life 40 year old virgin, or as I like to call it, the 40 year old Zero (in the love department). Personally, that's not something I'd like to get myself to. For some of us, it is inevitable. I also turn a blind eye on the people who tell you to just accept it and accept the fact that you are going to be alone forever. I don't think it's a comfortable thing to do. Not without being extremely careful. Just look at George Sodini, the man who was one of these lonely souls who always got nowhere. He ended up murdering innocent people and then himself. Giving up and accepting, I won't deny it, it can probably be done. You can probably forget about finding a soul-mate (or marriage) but you'd be better off killing all the hormones and "love" chemicals in your body. If you can't fix it, destroy it.

Some of us are in extreme situations, I'm talking like you lived in a world where the female gender never existed so nothing ever happened. You never had a first date, kiss, flirting, sex, and everything else. Or you did, but you were never on their radar ever. You were and are just one of those invisible guys who always loses. How can you "fix" whatever problem you have when you don't exist to the female species in the first place. Add to that if you have a physical or mental disability (another strike against you) plus your own issues (schooling, career, unemployment, living situations, looks, etc.) and you are basically looking at a lost cause scenario that can only be fixed (if it can) with a herculean life changing effort. You might not get your first girlfriend until you are 75 on your death bed. Your youth is gone, your life is gone, everything is gone, flushed down the drain, never to be had again. Such as the Full-Life virgin, Isaac Newton. A rare case.

I read a post of a man who was a virgin at 60 years old on a site called isitnormal?. This guy was a wreck emotionally. He wrote a long article and kept harping on the issue that he never had a girlfriend. It kinda scared me and saddened me at the same time.

I wish there was something that could be done about it that would put an end to all our dark chapters of life. Unfortunately, there isn't.

I do believe that our society (programming us to certain standards, and views, what's good and bad, what's attractive and what isn't) is partly to blame, as well as certain aspects of female behavior and even the weak, non-justifiable-natural selection game. I don't think beating ourselves up and blaming ourselves for all of our problems is the answer either.

 

[Zolpi]

Oh my, I fit in here perfectly! I'm turning 21 in a few months and never had a boyfriend. Not even non-serious relationships, never kissed a guy ever. I don't even have normal conversations with them, I get some kind of social phobia when a male tries to interact with me. Everything is kind of fine with girls, but guys just... I don't know, I'm afraid of them. And I'm normal-looking girl, not too pretty, but not ugly either. Well maybe I just haven't met the guy brave enough to talk to me

 

[innerfyre]

I am 19, I have never had a girlfriend, hell I am ashamed based on the fact that I have never even kissed a girl nor has any girl really ever even been interested in me. Not too sure if it will ever change...but I guess I can always have hope and try my best.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

One year closer to being the real life 40 year old virgin, or as I like to call it, the 40 year old Zero (in the love department). Personally, that's not something I'd like to get myself to. For some of us, it is inevitable.

...

Some of us are in extreme situations, I'm talking like you lived in a world where the female gender never existed so nothing ever happened. You never had a first date, kiss, flirting, sex, and everything else.

...

You might not get your first girlfriend until you are 75 on your death bed. Your youth is gone, your life is gone, everything is gone, flushed down the drain, never to be had again. Such as the Full-Life virgin, Isaac Newton. A rare case.

...

I do believe that our society (programming us to certain standards, and views, what's good and bad, what's attractive and what isn't) is partly to blame, as well as certain aspects of female behavior and even the weak, non-justifiable-natural selection game. I don't think beating ourselves up and blaming ourselves for all of our problems is the answer either.

Firebird, I took time to read your post and I just wanted to say that I found that by far the most agreeable (and sensibly level-headed) post you've made for a while.

Your previous anger and cynicism seems to have cooled a bit, which I find pleasing

I'd like to discuss some parts of it though, which I've picked out above.

Firstly, I'd argue that viewing people who are virgins at 40 as "zeroes" (romantically or otherwise), is actually part of the programming that gets rammed down everyone's throats by modern Western society that you mention at the end of your post.

Men in particular are fed this complete nonsense at present that somehow you're less of a guy if you're not sleeping around or at least sleeping with someone.

It was only recently I thought about it and realised how heavily such a shallow media-propagated idea was weighing on me. This inferrence seems to be everywhere, and it's very twisted and warped.

I've since decided that my success and qualification as a "man" can be seen far more in the success, generosity and/or kindness of my actions rather than whether or not I'm jumping in bed with people on a regular basis.

Ever since making that extremely simple (and logical) mental jump, I've been feeling a bit better about myself being single. So yes, social attitudes (especially all this "playa" ********) are definitely to blame to some extent for how bad men feel sometimes when single or waiting for "The One".

Anyway, I'd then like to say that I don't think it's inevitable that people will end up like that. I think it's very, very rare that people get to 40 without having the chance to have sex at all.

It's more like not meeting the right person and having strict standards about it that results in that, which I don't think is a bad thing if it happens.

Right now, I honestly feel like I'm going to go a very long time still before I first cuddle with a girl, first have a kiss, first make love. It's a sad and diminishing thought, but ultimately it's my morals that do that to me. I think the same is true of many others here, who are looking for something meaningful.

I've turned down offers of casual sex in the past and I'd do it again, even if I knew it'd be another 5-10 years before I even get close to a girl...if it meant she was the right one. Am I making sense? I hope so.

As for Newton, he was undoubtedly a scientific genius. However, he was also not the most pleasant of souls by all accounts. He would spend his days and nights slaving over advanced mathematics, shut himself away from others and was prone to being hostile and argumentative.

I don't think he was even that interested in romance, he just wanted to unravel how the world worked. So he's probably not the best example to use!

I am 19, I have never had a girlfriend, hell I am ashamed based on the fact that I have never even kissed a girl nor has any girl really ever even been interested in me. Not too sure if it will ever change...but I guess I can always have hope and try my best.

Hey, don't be ashamed. Why ashamed? Society puts unfair pressure on guys to feel less like they are "accomplished" if they don't have a girl. It's crap though.

Just take your time and you'll find the right girl. Be friendly and social, and it should work out. I know the feeling that it will never happen (I have the exact same feeling myself right now), but positivity is the way forward

 

[Vladdy]

PLEASE HELP!!!
i am 16 years old. i have never had a girlfriend neither kissed a girl. i have been out on dates but only friend ones. the thing is i have no confidence. although not confirmed by doctor, i think i have self hatred condition and low self esteem. i practically hate everything about me, mostly the way i look. i am 6'1'' and weight 180lbs. people tell mi that i look fine and that there is nothing wrong with the way i look, but i believe only to myself. i think this mind problem happened when i asked the girl i really liked on a date and she turned me down and ex-communicated me. that crushed me and threw me into deep depression. my friends tell me that i changed a lot, the way i think and see things. i consider myself unworthy. i know that some girls at school like me, but i don't like them. there is one girl that might like me and that i really like but i consider myself less worthy than her and i am afraid to ask her out. what should i do?
my life is hell. i know people tell that you have life ahead of you and that you will find someone. THAT IS NOT PROBLEM CAUSE I KNOW I WILL!!! the thing is if you have a healthy love life(if you are involved in a relationship) your mind will love you. love is like food to our brain. emotions are related to everything in your body, from the way you think to the way you look. and now, your hypothalamus(part of brain for sexual activities) becomes active when you hit puberty and its activity increases till certain age. if you do not "satisfy" that part of brain it causes damage!!! this is why majority of people, especially guys, have whatever-like love life before age of 20. it is just the way we are wired and we are wired to love and be loved. we can do nothing to change that except love and be loved.

 

[IgnoredOne]

If you just want a warm organic life-form to do rude things to your downstairs I think that's (probably) not hard to find.

Moo means "I love you, too."

 

[joeha]

I'm also 20, and had a few girlfriends. I really think I"m in the same boat as you in the long run. Girls still act cruel to me, but sometimesthat means they like you. Women are sensual, if your in the a situation where youhave to let a girl know you and your personality, and it works with hers you could very easily find yourself in a relationship. It could take a really lov\ng time for the world bring a situation like that to you. The best way I think is to strike up a conversation with a woman whenever you find a conversation . Say you see a girl that looks cute to you reading a book that you read. Be all like of your reading that book? I read it too. I really liked how it........ but I thought it was really lame when it..... or hey are you listening to the Pixies? I once went to one of their concerts with my dad when I wAS 7. I didn't know what was going on then so I didn't pay attention, but now I appreciate the band and really wish I remembered it. If you start conversations like that the gal will look at you as a potential bf and it will happen much faster than if you just wait for life to force you into a likewise situation.

 

[firebird85]

You miss the point. The point is if nobody on this planet will accept you for who you are, then the victory or success the dateless/TFL person is looking for will never happen.

I know lots of guys who are living TFL. Some blame their looks, some blame their lack of a career/financial stability, etc. I acknowledge that too but there's some guys like me who don't even exist to women.

You see women complaining about never having a boyfriend and they can't find a guy that fits their criteria, and I'm over here on the other side, in my 20's, trying to figure out why I don't even exist to them.