I'm 22 and can't even get a 16 year old girl to date me. I feel so pathetic.

[Matt L]

There's a new girl at work who I like a lot. She's fun, energetic and a friendly person to be around. She's the second girl in my life that I've built the nerve to ask out. She told me that she isn't allowed to date other guys just yet. But the next week I find out she has a "kinda sorta boyfriend", I assume someone else she's interested in. 

This is an endless cycle I feel I will never escape. Every time an attractive girl smiles at me, talks to me or just even notices me, I'm stricken for them. I mistake her friendly nature, which she shows to everyone around her, for interest in me. Then I obsess over her. I can't get her face out of my head. I can't stop thinking back on our past interactions. I stress about the next day I may be able to see her. And these girls are either always taken or not interested in me as a potential partner. I hardly get to work with her at all, maybe twice a week at most so I barely get to see her. I wished I didn't at all so maybe I could get over her but at the same time whenever she's not around I miss her.

This effects me a great deal. I've never been on a date, held hands, kissed a girl etc. I feel depressed that I'm missing out on so much in life that I should've already experienced. I don't have any friends to distract me. I live in a crappy rural town where there's really nothing to do or anywhere to go that could help me get my mind off things. When I'm not at work I just sit at home for a couple hours and sleep the rest of the day. I feel so dead and empty inside. I can't stand feeling like I'm less than human. That I was born too pathetic to experience one of the most basic human needs.

Sorry this is kinda all over the place, I just needed to vent.

 

[ardour]

Should a 22 year old be interested in dating a 16 year old anyway?

At those ages there is a significant gap in maturity. She's really still a child and you're an adult. Then there's the issue of what her parents would think.... whether her dad might come after you with an axe (I'd be inclined to if I were him).

In my opinion you shouldn't be wasting your time with teenagers.

 

[Paraiyar]

Should a 22 year old be interested in dating a 16 year old anyway?  

At those ages there is a significant gap in maturity. She's really still a child and you're an adult. Then there's the issue of what her parents would think.... whether her dad might come after you with an axe (I'd be inclined to if I were him).

In my opinion you shouldn't be wasting your time with teenagers.

It's not uncommon for people in their 30s to date 18 year olds, a 22 year old dating a 16 year old probably isn't as uncommon as you'd think.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I'm going to assume it's legal where you live? First thing you should do is make sure it is.
From experience, I can tell you that daddy (and possibly mommy) would NOT be happy with their daughter dating someone that much older when she is 16.

The age gap isn't that much so I'm not against that. I know people with a larger age gap that are very happy together. What is going to bother most people is that you are an adult and she's still a minor. I don't want to say you are wasting your time with teenagers, but you may want to at least find someone who is a legal adult.

 

[ardour]

Should a 22 year old be interested in dating a 16 year old anyway?  

At those ages there is a significant gap in maturity. She's really still a child and you're an adult. Then there's the issue of what her parents would think.... whether her dad might come after you with an axe (I'd be inclined to if I were him).

In my opinion you shouldn't be wasting your time with teenagers.

It's not uncommon for people in their 30s to date 18 year olds, a 22 year old dating a 16 year old probably isn't as uncommon as you'd think.

Maybe a 19 year old with a 25 year old occasionally. 10 year + age gaps are common once people get near middle age, but I don't know of any men in their 30's dating teenagers. Certainly doesn't seem that common here.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Should a 22 year old be interested in dating a 16 year old anyway?  

At those ages there is a significant gap in maturity. She's really still a child and you're an adult. Then there's the issue of what her parents would think.... whether her dad might come after you with an axe (I'd be inclined to if I were him).

In my opinion you shouldn't be wasting your time with teenagers.

It's not uncommon for people in their 30s to date 18 year olds, a 22 year old dating a 16 year old probably isn't as uncommon as you'd think.

Maybe a 19 year old with a 25 year old occasionally. 10 year +  age gaps become common once people get near middle age, but I don't know of any men in their 30's dating teenagers. Certainly doesn't seem that common  here.

I know at least 4 couples that the man was in their 30's when the girl was only 18 or 19.

 

[Paraiyar]

Should a 22 year old be interested in dating a 16 year old anyway?  

At those ages there is a significant gap in maturity. She's really still a child and you're an adult. Then there's the issue of what her parents would think.... whether her dad might come after you with an axe (I'd be inclined to if I were him).

In my opinion you shouldn't be wasting your time with teenagers.

It's not uncommon for people in their 30s to date 18 year olds, a 22 year old dating a 16 year old probably isn't as uncommon as you'd think.

Maybe a 19 year old with a 25 year old occasionally. 10 year +  age gaps are common once people get near middle age, but I don't know of any men in their 30's dating teenagers. Certainly doesn't seem that common  here.

If you google people asking about it, you'll probably find it's not as uncommon as you think.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Honestly, a 22 year old probably shouldn't be going after a 16 year old, in my opinion. Legal or not, I think that's a bit too old to be looking at mid-teenies.

 

[user 139760]

Regardless of the age difference, she's not interested.
Get over it.
Try not hitting the crib, that might help you along.

 

[HappyBread]

There's a new girl at work who I like a lot. She's fun, energetic and a friendly person to be around. She's the second girl in my life that I've built the nerve to ask out. She told me that she isn't allowed to date other guys just yet. But the next week I find out she has a "kinda sorta boyfriend", I assume someone else she's interested in. 

This is an endless cycle I feel I will never escape. Every time an attractive girl smiles at me, talks to me or just even notices me, I'm stricken for them. I mistake her friendly nature, which she shows to everyone around her, for interest in me. Then I obsess over her. I can't get her face out of my head. I can't stop thinking back on our past interactions. I stress about the next day I may be able to see her. And these girls are either always taken or not interested in me as a potential partner. I hardly get to work with her at all, maybe twice a week at most so I barely get to see her. I wished I didn't at all so maybe I could get over her but at the same time whenever she's not around I miss her.

This effects me a great deal. I've never been on a date, held hands, kissed a girl etc. I feel depressed that I'm missing out on so much in life that I should've already experienced. I don't have any friends to distract me. I live in a crappy rural town where there's really nothing to do or anywhere to go that could help me get my mind off things. When I'm not at work I just sit at home for a couple hours and sleep the rest of the day. I feel so dead and empty inside. I can't stand feeling like I'm less than human. That I was born too pathetic to experience one of the most basic human needs.

Sorry this is kinda all over the place, I just needed to vent.

Hey bud, glad that you at least vented your frustrations here and not do "Something stupid" IRL.

Anywho, I know that whenever I feel like ****, one of the reasons would be due to the feeling like I've lost a reason to live OR the life I envision myself to be in just seem impossible to reach.

When this happens, one of the best ways to snap out of it is talking and sharing with friends.

I remember how when I felt like committing suicide at one point, I spoke to a stranger who listened to my problems, shared a little of his experience with me and eventually, we became buddies of sort lol.

If you want, I'd love to be that "Stranger" for you dude. Talk to me if you want to, yeah? I'll be here for you

Try to stay chirpy, mkay?

 

[reynard_muldrake]

Honestly, a 22 year old probably shouldn't be going after a 16 year old, in my opinion. Legal or not, I think that's a bit too old to be looking at mid-teenies.

I agree, if only because most twenty-somethings are in different stages of life than teenagers. The things I worried about at 16 became non-issues by the time I turned 22. By the time one enters their late twenties, though, a difference in age isn't as bothersome. Usually by then, you have more life experiences and a better idea of what you want.

To the OP, maybe you're just in an "infatuation" stage? I noticed you mentioned not working with her frequently, so you might be placing expectations on her that she wouldn't meet. You could feel differently about her if you two worked together more often. I know you live in a rural area, but are you really far from any active towns or cities? If you can go to one of those, I suggest you do so. A change in routine can really help.

 

[Meaw]

At her age... that'd be illegal where I am, at least. I get the feeling you have had quite a few of these infatuations and I somehow doubt a relationship would be special if it just stems from one of those happening to feel something back. I'm a bit too tired to explain it better as of now, sadly.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Should a 22 year old be interested in dating a 16 year old anyway?  

At those ages there is a significant gap in maturity. She's really still a child and you're an adult. Then there's the issue of what her parents would think.... whether her dad might come after you with an axe (I'd be inclined to if I were him).

In my opinion you shouldn't be wasting your time with teenagers.

This. Absolutely.

---

Should a 22 year old be interested in dating a 16 year old anyway?  

At those ages there is a significant gap in maturity. She's really still a child and you're an adult. Then there's the issue of what her parents would think.... whether her dad might come after you with an axe (I'd be inclined to if I were him).

In my opinion you shouldn't be wasting your time with teenagers.

It's not uncommon for people in their 30s to date 18 year olds, a 22 year old dating a 16 year old probably isn't as uncommon as you'd think.

Maybe a 19 year old with a 25 year old occasionally. 10 year +  age gaps are common once people get near middle age, but I don't know of any men in their 30's dating teenagers. Certainly doesn't seem that common  here.

If you google people asking about it, you'll probably find it's not as uncommon as you think.

Not too common here in the South for the most part. 18 would be ok but 16? Eh...
Also, legal age here in this state is 18.

---

Also, in my experience, young people mature rapidly between age 16 and 20 (IF there going to, lol).
So the maturity level of most 16 year olds isn't nearly as developed as most 20 year olds.

 

[Jafo]

Yeah, this ain't creepy at all. Geesh!

 

[beautiful loser]

^ Thanks, you nearly made me spit my iced tea all over my keyboard...lol

 

[Nicolelt]

You are in two different times in your lives. She is in high school, and has high school priorities. Move on.

 

[morrowrd]

There's a new girl at work who I like a lot. She's fun, energetic and a friendly person to be around. She's the second girl in my life that I've built the nerve to ask out. She told me that she isn't allowed to date other guys just yet. But the next week I find out she has a "kinda sorta boyfriend", I assume someone else she's interested in. 

This is an endless cycle I feel I will never escape. Every time an attractive girl smiles at me, talks to me or just even notices me, I'm stricken for them. I mistake her friendly nature, which she shows to everyone around her, for interest in me. Then I obsess over her. I can't get her face out of my head. I can't stop thinking back on our past interactions. I stress about the next day I may be able to see her. And these girls are either always taken or not interested in me as a potential partner. I hardly get to work with her at all, maybe twice a week at most so I barely get to see her. I wished I didn't at all so maybe I could get over her but at the same time whenever she's not around I miss her.

This effects me a great deal. I've never been on a date, held hands, kissed a girl etc. I feel depressed that I'm missing out on so much in life that I should've already experienced. I don't have any friends to distract me. I live in a crappy rural town where there's really nothing to do or anywhere to go that could help me get my mind off things. When I'm not at work I just sit at home for a couple hours and sleep the rest of the day. I feel so dead and empty inside. I can't stand feeling like I'm less than human. That I was born too pathetic to experience one of the most basic human needs.

Sorry this is kinda all over the place, I just needed to vent.

Lonely people do desperate things.... a saying of mine based on my own observations of lonely people I've known, and honestly, myself.  I remember long ago being 19 - 21 and wondering what was wrong with me because I just couldn't get a girl interested in me. I was a good man, I knew I could treat them better than what they were used to, yet I had lousy success.  I too dated a 16 year old while in the army in the 80's. I was 20 or 21. I was a private, she was the daughter of a SFC (E7).  Man was that a stupid thing to do...the parents liked me, trusted me and I was free to take her on dates.  Looking back, I wished I hadn't. I was lonely, living in Europe, did everything alone, except I went to church all the time and that's how I knew the family. She was the girlfriend of a good friend of mine, they broke up, and during a time of flirting between us, we ended up holding hands for whatever reason, and it went on from there.   I was so f'n immature as I sickenly remember things, although at the time I didn't feel that way. Needless to say, I lost my friend who felt justifiably betrayed, and the "relationship" lasted a very short time. It honestly wasn't worth it.

Moral of the story, you are young still and even though you probably don't agree or want to hear it, you're making a mistake that in a few years you'll see why.  She's immature, I'm pretty sure you are too and even though you want a relationship because you're lonely, trust me and be a wise man. Wise people are those who learn from the mistakes of others... and even if she flirts with you, don't take that as a green light, a "message" that she's interested in a relationship. And even if she is (and I don't think that's the case) - understand that the smarter path to take is one that takes into account the big picture. You're focused on the little picture right now. To get out of the trap of loneliness, and into a relationship, you need to start working on yourself and creating a person with something to offer instead of a lonely needy guy pining and whining about never having a girlfriend.  Once you have worked out some personal issues, gained some confidence and real life-skills, you will have something attractive to the opposite sex. Otherwise, you're just an immature guy, focused on filling a void that really isn't fair to a potential girlfriend.

This is not a put down.  I've been in the same club as you. Good luck

 

[M_also_lonely]

Raise your standards.

 

[mtiger87]

I’m sorry that you are experiencing the feelings that you are. However, I would like to stress to you that the one you have your heart set on may not feel the same way. And, remember that she’s only 16, and probably not really thinking about settling down with anyone long term at this time.

The good news for you is that you are still young and have plenty of time to find the “right one” for you. I know you said that you are in a rural area, but there still should be things for you to occupy your time, and if you are set on finding someone to be in a relationship with, maybe you could seek out a community or church group where others regularly congregate.

My advice to you would be to find ways to work on yourself while you're waiting. There are also some helpful resources on this page (http://bit.ly/2giQqtU) that might be of interest to you. In the meantime, as a praying man myself, I’ll be praying for your situation. Take care.

 

[Hoarse Whisperer]

To some extent, you have to consider the 'self' that you're proposing to a person that you're asking out to be a product that you're attempting to sell. A lot of people on this forum probably don't have the highest opinion of their own value, and that shoots them in the foot while they attempt to sell themselves to a prospective partner. A few points that I think are invaluable lessons to unsuccessful daters: value yourself; if you don't, pretend to externally. You're more interesting to others if you have a lot of things, hobbies, obligations going on; if you don't, pretend to. In lieu of actual hobbies and daily activities, claim them in casual conversation. If they think of you as the person that goes home every night to play video games, watch TV, and do other isolated things, you're selling a less interesting product than other suitors.

***Warning: these are assumptions based on very little knowledge of who you are. Try not to take this offensively, please.***
The reason that you would be interested in seriously dating an underage girl probably falls back on your own estimated self-worth. Younger girls have less going on so far as real world responsibilities; she has less worldly experience, and thus less standards of how she would want you to be. A 22 year old woman may want you to have certain elements of your life figured out, but a 16 year old is still figuring herself out. To somebody struggling, that may be very appealing.

Legality aside, you need to ask yourself if your time wouldn't be better spent raising your own value. Chasing a higher paying job/higher education/higher level of physicality would only serve to increase your internal and external value on the dating market. Plus, with every accomplishment you add to your resume, you give yourself the confidence to try again.


tl;dr: Respect yourself. Value yourself. Have interesting hobbies. And, if you can't accomplish those three points, fake it until people believe you. Nobody knows anything more than what you tell them.