I'm alive but..

[The woman]

the thing is you're just alive and breath and don't live the life. Waking up everyday doing the same thing. Sometimes you will do more that's making you happy or excited bout but when the night comes you know that was it. You want to let yourself feel the happiness at the time, the joy everything but you distance yourself from those feelings cuz you know it won't last long. And you scared cuz you know the circle happy sad.

 

[TheRealCallie]

If you don't take risks, you will never find anything worth being happy about....

 

[Finished]

Try to enjoy things when you can and try not to dwell on the sad times. Planning something fun to do in the future will give you something to look forward to. Doing something out of your comfort zone can be exciting.

 

[Adamridge79]

What if it's long before night comes? Like, as you're driving back home from work, you admit to yourself nothing is going to change. It's just wash, rinse, repeat, until hopefully you don't wake up some morning. And, is it worse because you tried what they said you should? Multiple times? I get that they're not supposed to encourage your personal defeatist attitude, but when you know that the best you can really hope for is your joints don't ache, and nothing pissses you off on that particular day, why is just embracing that this is the best lot you can hope for good enough?

 

[StarDust]

Can I rant here about happiness? Been having tough week and want to vent about something.... anything really... and this thread is now my victim.

Few years ago, I once worked intently on my attitude by keeping only positive thoughts Silencing the negative . Watch what I spoke (only supportive talk, no negative or critical talk) Ate healthy avoided all junk food and yes that included avoiding French fries . I exercised minimum 3 times a week with a full cardio workout and strengthen routine. After 3 months, was feeling good physically and gaining more confidence. And just getting this euphoric feeling, when this smug arrogant kid made a comment to me out of the blue as I passed him while walking my dog. *Whoosh! Fell in a pit of despair and hopelessness just like that. Am I fragile? Absolutely not! Became a realist. In a lifetime having a repeated pattern of condescending, rude, comments made at you with no provocation can cause one to just give up on happiness, because when someone see you holding happiness, they want to take it away.

I had stopped and turn to face the kid, looked straight in his face, and was going to say something back, but did not. He was sitting with some chick and I hope she saw the ******* he was going to grow up to be.

 

[Adamridge79]

Nah, she thought is was cool he had the nerve to be a total *******. Maybe in three years when the paternity of the child she squirts out comes into question she'll have those thoughts. I find myself in a place where I should do your aforementioned changes. But then I remember....why? No matter how I better myself in the physical attributes, I'll still feel less than. But, if you put all that effort in, substantially changed your outward appearance...some little **** with the unfair metabolism of youth should rate as high as an annoying fly that doesn't understand how to go out an open window.

 

[xephier102]

the thing is you're just alive and breath and don't live the life. Waking up everyday doing the same thing. Sometimes you will do more that's making you happy or excited bout but when the night comes you know that was it. You want to let yourself feel the happiness at the time, the joy everything but you distance yourself from those feelings cuz you know it won't last long. And you scared cuz you know the circle happy sad.

I can fully relate to this. I don't love temporary happiness either. But sadly, that is the way of this modern world, which was forged for us through imperialism. We are here only to make money for the rich, and do what is asked of us by the powerful. No matter what a person does, they end up on this loop. Because it isn't happiness we work for, it is the money that only nets most of us a mere survival, and enough left over to feed some form of addiction.. We've been lied to and told that this is freedom, merely because we are not literal slaves, but being stuck on 40 hrs a week for years and years, with only a week or two reprieve in a year if we're lucky; I'd hardly call that 'Freedom'.

Freedom is being able to do what you want, but when you're ordered around for most of your waking hours, and tired for most of the rest, there isn't much freedom in that at all.. It's never felt right to me, but the more I look into the history around the founding of our countries, the more clearly I can see, that the vast majority of us were never intended to live free..

So often when mentioning such things, we are pointed to the greater amounts of suffering from the past. However, those people refuse to acknowledge the serious technological advancements that we've made since then. The work of hundreds of men and women can be done by a single machine. And we can preserve foods for much longer. So rather than a family working a farm to mostly just feed the family (and maybe a little profit on top), a farm can feed a small community.

These advancements are huge. If we'd had all of this back before imperialism, and the silk road/east India trade company saturated our world in excessive levels of greed, then the vast majority of people would never need to work more than a few years in their entire lives.

So, it's no damn wonder that all these mental illnesses are springing up. Well, that on top of the increasing levels of judgementalism, and precious snowflakes that keep inventing new ways to be offended (which is really just killing whatever social structure we had left in modern society (since no one can talk, and/or be themselves, without fear of offending someone).).

 

[Adamridge79]

102...what if we don't work the 40 hours, love what we do, and imperialism isn't an effect to our earnings?

 

[xephier102]

Can I rant here about happiness? Been having tough week and want to vent about something.... anything really... and this thread is now my victim.

Few years ago, I once worked intently on my attitude by keeping only positive thoughts Silencing the negative . Watch what I spoke (only supportive talk, no negative or critical talk) Ate healthy avoided all junk food and yes that included avoiding French fries . I exercised minimum 3 times a week with a full cardio workout and strengthen routine. After 3 months, was feeling good physically and gaining more confidence. And just getting this euphoric feeling, when this smug arrogant kid made a comment to me out of the blue as I passed him while walking my dog. *Whoosh! Fell in a pit of despair and hopelessness just like that. Am I fragile? Absolutely not! Became a realist. In a lifetime having a repeated pattern of condescending, rude, comments made at you with no provocation can cause one to just give up on happiness, because when someone see you holding happiness, they want to take it away.

I had stopped and turn to face the kid, looked straight in his face, and was going to say something back, but did not. He was sitting with some chick and I hope she saw the ******* he was going to grow up to be.

I'm a naturally happy person by nature, but this world has choked most of that out of me. It's not easy to be happy when you're always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I even screwed up the best online relationship I ever had, cuz I couldn't get over my insecurities about how it was going to go wrong. Worst part is, I don't know if it was my insecurities that screwed it, or hers. People just refuse to be straight with you, cuz they don't want to hurt you, but then the lies hurt even more. Cuz you internalize it all, and it just adds on to the mountain of self hate and regrets..

 

[Adamridge79]

I'm a naturally happy person by nature, but this world has choked most of that out of me. It's not easy to be happy when you're always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I even screwed up the best online relationship I ever had, cuz I couldn't get over my insecurities about how it was going to go wrong. Worst part is, I don't know if it was my insecurities that screwed it, or hers. People just refuse to be straight with you, cuz they don't want to hurt you, but then the lies hurt even more. Cuz you internalize it all, and it just adds on to the mountain of self hate and regrets..

Go all out honest...that kills **** quick. But, it nice to try. Hope springing eternal and all that ********

 

[xephier102]

102...what if we don't work the 40 hours, love what we do, and imperialism isn't an effect to our earnings?

Look into the history of imperialism (then have a good long think about how it's practices have evolved and internalized from then to now). It affects a lot more than just our income/work hours. It affects the entire manner in which we live our lives. Look at how damned combative and anti-social people have become between the 60's and now (If you're black, you may look at this through an inverted lens. However, the entire narrative of systematic racial injustices is another chapter entirely, of which I'd be fine going into as well, but for the sake of sticking to the current context, let's just put race to the side for this one).

In short, Greed, and corruption have become a major issue, and these people in charge aren't idiots. They know how to manipulate the masses into buying more products than they need, because they think those products will make them happy. The entire makeup industry is a prime example of that. Promote insecurities, sell product.

 

[Adamridge79]

Look into the history of imperialism (then have a good long think about how it's practices have evolved and internalized from then to now). It affects a lot more than just our income/work hours. It affects the entire manner in which we live our lives. Look at how damned combative and anti-social people have become between the 60's and now (If you're black, you may look at this through an inverted lens. However, the entire narrative of systematic racial injustices is another chapter entirely, of which I'd be fine going into as well, but for the sake of sticking to the current context, let's just put race to the side for this one).

In short, Greed, and corruption have become a major issue, and these people in charge aren't idiots. They know how to manipulate the masses into buying more products than they need, because they think those products will make them happy. The entire makeup industry is a prime example of that. Promote insecurities, sell product.

Oh lord...is your soap box Arm and Hammer, or borox? For purely visual perspective

 

[xephier102]

Go all out honest...that kills **** quick. But, it nice to try. Hope springing eternal and all that ********

Naw. lol.. I was more honest with her than with anyone in my life, and that **** digs even deeper cuz at least if you leave a little to the imagination, then you can hope that the person just didn't know you well enough, and so it's on them. But if you expose it all, then there's much more likelihood that the fully uncensored 'you' sent her running (and that stings..).

 

[xephier102]

Oh lord...is your soap box Arm and Hammer, or borox? For purely visual perspective

Soap box?

 

[Adamridge79]

Naw. lol.. I was more honest with her than with anyone in my life, and that **** digs even deeper cuz at least if you leave a little to the imagination, then you can hope that the person just didn't know you well enough, and so it's on them. But if you expose it all, then there's much more likelihood that the fully uncensored 'you' sent her running (and that stings..).

Actually I did that once...but, me being me, i really ****** it up.

 

[Adamridge79]

Soap box?

Not you, the imperialist

 

[Adamridge79]

Oh...shoot

 

[xephier102]

Not you, the imperialist

Ya lost me

 

[Adamridge79]

I lost myself...

 

[xephier102]

I lost myself...

You may wish to take some time to find yourself, it can be an experience, so I hear.