In The Relationship But Wants Out???

[Redtulips7]

I am going on NC as of today

 

[Redtulips7]

So far only one thing working for me to get it over double breakup is continue to going to the Gym.......
Nothing else working for me as far I can tell
regardless how hard I try......
but I promise to myself I will get out of this crapy situation...
I will make myself happy again...
I wlll turn things around....
I will be stronger and wiser...
I will not take someone for granted....
I will be far less emotional...
I will not make the same damm mistake again.....
I will not let any Girl play me like a Ping Pong Ball again ever...
And at last all of you that help me in the forum to get through this rough time....
That I will never forget in my life.......I was an Idiot and Stupid enough to make that kind of idiotic mistakes in the first places...
I am responsible for my own action.........
I should have known better.....

 

[Walley]

I will not let any Girl play me like a Ping Pong Ball again ever...

hmm.. i wouldn't write that one in stone.. you never know. you may meet a girl who is really gentle

 

[Redtulips7]

gentle...you are right..kidding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Stop beating up on yourself.
Learn the lesson but dont carry the guilt.
I know it hurts. I also know relationships arnt easy.

The thing of it is...I also know me more than anyone else.
I wish/want/ desire to love and be loved.

I also know...if I grieve for too long or islolate myself for any period of time...
I went down that road before. All the depressions ect...it's like a death sentence for me.
I survived it. At the sametime my mind and body has a built in mechanism that wont allow me to enguage in those unhelthy behaviors anymore.
I get all kinds of red flags or warning signal from my mind and body. It's like I intuitively know this.

A lot of people on here arnt gonna agree with what I did and doing...( Im back with my fiancee...after many attempts.lol)
While we were separated...I went out...I dated and partied with lots of women,
Younger pretty hot chicks......and I wasnt gun shy on pulling thier hair and slapping thier ass.

It wanst the easist thing in the world..becuase i was in a lot of pains. I certainly dont deny that.
It felt kind of wierd to go out with different chicks and still be vety much in love with Renae.

At the sametime...I had to stay positive.
Painting my side of the fence green...inspite of how much pains or emotional roller coaster i was feeling.
I have to find peace, harmony, happiness within me.

Even to this day...when Renae and I get into an argument or conflicts. It's like once a week or once every other week
that we will argue..Working out our differences and comminicating.lol
We're very passonate people...when we fight...we fucken fight.lol

This is what i do.....I pivot from negative thoughts and feeling to positive thoughts and feelings.
I have control over me...not her.
Renae knows i love her very very much....
She said she's overly fathful to me..lol
She still dose things that I dont like nor agree with from time to time.
Never the less...she's been very very faithful , sweet, loving to me.
9 times out of 10 things are good between us....
I focus on that. The good positive things we have.

This is what's Ive been doing.......
FOCUS on WHAT YOU WANT......
GO towards something. Not away from something

Do not focus on thngs you dont want in your life...such as being less angery. Rather focus on being happy.
It's a very very important component.

Another very important component of painting my side of fence green is....
As difficult as it iwas when i was separated...is to KNOW AND FEEL THAT I'M LOVED, PERFECT, COMPLETE, WHOLE ALREADY.
I had to light that fire within me or trigger what I have already. TRIGGER that POSITIVE FEELING.
Weather I believe GOD loves me already and Im showered with pure love or my higher self.
When Renae and I get into an argument. I also have to do this.
Whether i draw upon a power greater than myself or my highest self for that love I need....and really really need when Renae are fighting.
I need to draw from a source that is not from Renae when she's incapiable, isnt ready or willing ...at those moments.

Geneally Renae will mellow out in the mean time too,...
I cant fix her. She too must also learn how to stand on her own two feet.

In this way Im not emotionally draining her...visa versa. Hence no more mental or emotional manipulations.
I become more independent as a person...In this way we dont get into a co-depedency relationship...which isnt healthy.

[youtube]mFQG6OOQmh8[/youtube]

[youtube]rFDP4_X7VgY[/youtube]

 

[Redtulips7]

Its do hurt like a hell but I am fighting my negative feelings,emotion etc.
Same time I am trying to stay positive as much I can..trying to focus on myself..
Sometimes I do feel I am doing ok then
Sometimes I am feeling like someone just pull the plug out of me....
I am draining emotionaly and physically
I can't sleep
I can't eat
I don't function way I used to...WTF?...But
Most important thing I am a Live And I will not give up the fight ever...
I will not surrender...
I will not compromise... And I hate Ping Pong Ball...

 

[Redtulips7]

Stop beating up on yourself.
Learn the lesson but dont carry the guilt.
I know it hurts. I also know relationships arnt easy.

The thing of it is...I also know me more than anyone else.
I wish/want/ desire to love and be loved.

I also know...if I grieve for too long or islolate myself for any period of time...
I went down that road before. All the depressions ect...it's like a death sentence for me.
I survived it. At the sametime my mind and body has a built in mechanism that wont allow me to enguage in those unhelthy behaviors anymore.
I get all kinds of red flags or warning signal from my mind and body. It's like I intuitively know this.

A lot of people on here arnt gonna agree with what I did and doing...( Im back with my fiancee...after many attempts.lol)
While we were separated...I went out...I dated and partied with lots of women,
Younger pretty hot chicks......and I wasnt gun shy on pulling thier hair and slapping thier ass.

It wanst the easist thing in the world..becuase i was in a lot of pains. I certainly dont deny that.
It felt kind of wierd to go out with different chicks and still be vety much in love with Renae.

At the sametime...I had to stay positive.
Painting my side of the fence green...inspite of how much pains or emotional roller coaster i was feeling.
I have to find peace, harmony, happiness within me.

Even to this day...when Renae and I get into an argument or conflicts. It's like once a week or once every other week
that we will argue..Working out our differences and comminicating.lol
We're very passonate people...when we fight...we fucken fight.lol

This is what i do.....I pivot from negative thoughts and feeling to positive thoughts and feelings.
I have control over me...not her.
Renae knows i love her very very much....
She said she's overly fathful to me..lol
She still dose things that I dont like nor agree with from time to time.
Never the less...she's been very very faithful , sweet, loving to me.
9 times out of 10 things are good between us....
I focus on that. The good positive things we have.

This is what's Ive been doing.......
FOCUS on WHAT YOU WANT......
GO towards something. Not away from something

Do not focus on thngs you dont want in your life...such as being less angery. Rather focus on being happy.
It's a very very important component.

Another very important component of painting my side of fence green is....
As difficult as it iwas when i was separated...is to KNOW AND FEEL THAT I'M LOVED, PERFECT, COMPLETE, WHOLE ALREADY.
I had to light that fire within me or trigger what I have already. TRIGGER that POSITIVE FEELING.
Weather I believe GOD loves me already and Im showered with pure love or my higher self.
When Renae and I get into an argument. I also have to do this.
Whether i draw upon a power greater than myself or my highest self for that love I need....and really really need when Renae are fighting.
I need to draw from a source that is not from Renae when she's incapiable, isnt ready or willing ...at those moments.

Geneally Renae will mellow out in the mean time too,...
I cant fix her. She too must also learn how to stand on her own two feet.

In this way Im not emotionally draining her...visa versa. Hence no more mental or emotional manipulations.
I become more independent as a person...In this way we dont get into a co-depedency relationship...which isnt healthy.

[youtube]mFQG6OOQmh8[/youtube]

[youtube]rFDP4_X7VgY[/youtube]

very nice songs...........
I am more depressed now after heard the songs....

 

[Lonesome Crow]

You can look at it like this...Embrace the pains. Welcome it with all your might.
This way in future relationship...You'll intuitively know not to be a pin pong ball.
Kind of like the depression and isolation **** i went through.
Growing pains.

Dont blame yourself for having or getting those negative thoughts and feelings.
Just take is as redflag. Your mind and body is telling you...its just time to refocus to positive.
Yes, make a gratitude list. Make a apprication list...FEEL it.
Yes, have a postive dialog with yourself, Positive self talk.

I also made a list of 100 positive things about myself. I list of gratitudes.
Then I used my MP3 player to record myself. I listen to it lots.
Its very powerful...Im hear my own vioce with enthuisam. Very positive re enforcements.
I now have postive vioces that will pop into my head...instead of the negative vioce as i did in the past.
It's kind of like hearing a song that will just pop into you head.

If you feel you need to cry...then cry.
Stop figthing it...surrender to it. Dont figure it out...Let go....Just observe.
In this way....you'll be sort of transparent...The negative thoughts and feelings will pass through you.
It's almost like meditation....but you'll be able to function
It'll get me to living in the moment...not my head. Once Im in the moment..I can start painting a beauitiful picture.

Our pains and sorrows are from our memories...the past. Even if the events happned 5 mins ago.
Our fears are projection of the fuure or the unknown.
Thats why we must learn to how to get out of our heads. Some people do vulunteer work to get out of themselves.

I watched this vedio for months. It helped me. I was able to return to work and function.
I had just gotten out of a relationship that turned very toxic. My exGF became very toxic..mentally, emotionally and spiritually abusive.
I was in a fog....
It helped me...to see beyound whatever the **** funk or tunnel vision I was experincing.
I still watch it every so often....if it works..it works.
[youtube]3vaOhCZgwuE[/youtube]

I also watch this every so often or listen to it when I need to go to bed.
Beautiful and pretty stuff. It triggers sereen feelings within me...
Maybe find your own things that will trigger positive thoughts and feelings.
[youtube]gXKLnDNYEzs[/youtube]

I also listen seffgio tones...528 is love and healing. For some reason this frequency chills me the **** out.
I feel rested,charged free and sereen.
I also listen to Brain sync and other sound healing software...These program has ghost tones
that will stimulate part of my brain that hasnt been stimulated before.
[youtube]5Tjh0YyDP6g[/youtube]

Lots and lots of copping skills and living tools avaliable to me...
But I must apply them or use them...Tools are only good if I use them.

 

[Redtulips7]

Thx Lonesome Crow for your support all the times.....Lots of info.........
I don't ment to be whining....it just the pain become unbearable sometimes...
I guess it natural.....
Not all Girls are same....
Most beautifull GF of mine for fifteen yrs..we were so in love for the first forteen yrs then all the sudden..
Beginning of this year she start changing!!!No more Phone call..she was coming to see me once a month..Then once in two months..her excuse was "oh I am too busy"......
We never had a argument except one time....nothing big,happened beginning of the relationship...
What is killing me is that,she never officially broke up with me but start ignoring me...by not returing Phone calls or Text..stop coming to see me....last two months
So I came to the conclustion that its over..instead of saying, She done with me but giving me sign that telling me its over..
When I call her she hung up on me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!and thats after fifteen damm yrs!!!!!!!!!!imagine that....

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Yes...that's how my exgf was...for almost 10 year it was stabled.
Then it got unhealthy and worst.

At the end or during the end of it.
She didnt have anything to say to me...Not even a thankyou, sorry or we did the best we could.
So it left me with UNRESOLVED FEELINGS and CLOSURE. My mind and heart couldnt
process it becuase I lived with her for almost 15 yrs. We went through lots together.
Even to this day she has nothing to say to me....

Someway, somehow,,,you must have or find closure or resolved the unresolve within yourself.
It's not eaisest thing to do...becuase our mind are looking to salutions.
Yes,..simple communication or just being a decent human being...but that dosnt always happens.
Sometimes it'll just get into an endless loop and almost as if we obessing over it.
Then we cant sleep or function.
When we do that...we're giving powers over by default.
We became dependent on what others are going to do or not do...Then we react.

Then it gets to...
Im responsible and accountible for my own thoughts and feelings.
Once we start taking control over our own thoughts and feels,..then unhealthy behaviors lessens.
We stop playing the blame game. We take ourselves out of the vivtim role...ect
We must get proactive. Learn to respond in healthy ways instead of
reacting to our oldways....

I also practice doing this., now. I started doing this around 6 months ago.
It had help me lots. Only 5 mins p/day or when I feel I need to release.
[youtube]6i33V2EcVlY[/youtube]

I also listen to this...as a gental reminder.
[youtube]RQzHid59I7c[/youtube]

 

[Redtulips7]

At least I deserve a damm explanation...
At least tell me why are you breaking up?.....after fifteen yrs even though times does not matter because
People change all the times like a Weather....
I would honor and respect her decition if she wants to end the relationship but instead
She cuts off all the communication......have me wonder what I have done?but
At the end reality kicked in
At the end nice Dream broken a part.....
At the end you wake up from nightmare...
At the end your World is destroyed...
At the end my Heart were ripped off...
At the end my Sweetheart vanished in the thin Air....
At the end nothing last forever....

 

[Lonesome Crow]

yes, Thats exactly how I felt.... some sort of explainations.
15 ys is a long time. Like it or not..I was emotionally emmeshed with her. (sherry)
I even did the LOWER MY EXPECTATIONS ****

The thing of it is...It wasnt a healthy or normal relationship.
As you said...all the manipulations, headgames, ect

It just got worst and worst.
Sometimes Id run into her in public places or support groups.
She'll flirt with other dudes in front of me.
Other dudes hitted on her in front of me while pretending to be my friend...blah..blah..blah.
Yes, she's a pretty women with big ass titays and can get away with it...
Then trun around and cry wolf. Slander me...ect
It just fueled my anger and hatred even more.

It triggered even more adandonment feelings and experinces i had.
From my mother...to my ex-wf..to even Renae.
Lots and lots of negative emotions....

Whatever the **** moral and values eveyone deem I should and ought to live by.
It was like I was playing by the rules and other people where throwing low punches.
Do as they say but not as they do and all that good ****.
Which confused me even more with fucken trust issues.

So I started dating younger women. Lots of them...**** all the golden rules.
**** what other dudes that cant get chicks say or thinks about me being a womenizer or a duche..whatever the **** stupid
**** other people come up with....
I also had to experince first hand NOT ALL WOMEN ARE THE SAME. My mind and body had to grasp it.

Here's another tool Ive been applying...You can take it or leave it.
It's the infinity symbal. It represent unlimited..FREEDOM, Propersity, aboundance... Such as unlimited thinking,ideas or beliefs....Not rules.
Rules sometimes are good to have but sometimes rules hinder us or is limited. Kindda like being a cookie cutter sort of person.
Wahtever the **** that perfect person, ideas or beliefs are....
I simply focus on this symbal. I dont psycho annolize it.

I also had to put this idea into some sort of experiment myself.
I simply drew this simple on my palms one night just for kicks.
Thats entire night I was winning money. Money was coming to me. I expeinced it. I put the theory to the test myself...to see if it would
work for me...I saw evidence of it working for me. So I continue doing what was working. Positive events was happening in my life.

At the sametime Renae and I were still separated. I havnt heard from her..nor expected to hear from her again.
I was on a date with another chick actaully. Within a couple of days...Renae called me.
We since re-conciled and are trying to make our relationship work.

When Renae and I get into arguments or conflicts...
I bascailly take moments to myself to focus on this symbal..then build on that.
Remind myself Im loved already. Go through my grastitude and appriciations list.
Bacailly pivot or focus on trigger positive feelings within myself first. Find harmony within me first.
Bascailly paint my side of the fence green or whatever happiness colure I choose.
We get along better. Positive things happens for us.
I look for evidence of the good and postive things in our lives...I build on that.
Positive begets more positive.....

 

[IgnoredOne]

Dude, you were sleeping with an escort while still being with your girlfriend. I think that would be a very real reason for her to break up.

 

[Bones]

Daaaammmmmnnnn - no doubt, if true - I would not want to acquire a possible "gift that keeps on giving" either and would break up too - actually, once on a business trip, I was talking to this woman and her husband at the time slept with an escort and gave her herpes.

Dude, you were sleeping with an escort while still being with your girlfriend. I think that would be a very real reason for her to break up.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

K...lets bring all that **** up again. Trigger more negative ****.
Lets go over it a couple hundred times that's not going to solve anything.
Like I said...learn the lesson and dont carry the guilt.
Move on...move forward.

And I'll say again.... **** whAT other dudes that cant get chicks say or think about you.
You know how it is about fucken back seat drivers and spectators....

As long as you live and partcipate in life...you will continue to make mistakes...lots of them.
Beating up on yourself isnt going to do you any good.
Judging and comdeming yourself isnt going to do you any good.
The past is the past....it's over and done with.

Or you can take yourself out of the game...sit on the fucken bench. Psycho annolize everything. Get all self rightous and judge everyone
and everything...Fool yourself into believing you're perfect.
It's nice and safe. If you dont partiscipate...you wont make any mistakes..but you're not living nor experincing life either.

Im pretty sure you experinced enough mental manipulation and abuse enough to know...walking on eggshells dont fucken work.

 

[Redtulips7]

Dude, you were sleeping with an escort while still being with your girlfriend. I think that would be a very real reason for her to break up.

We were not living together And since she was drifting way>>>>
Little by little,I get close to this Escort Girl who was there for me kind of way when my GF physically and Emtionally unavailable>>>>
I was kind of way filling up the void even I knew one Person cann't
replace other but EG was emtionally spportive for the time being even I
knew thats probably fake and that was never my style to engage on
something behind her back but did it for the First time because I was so Lonely & depressed,then fell for it. when I was very sick on March that I was unable to move from my bed,my GF ddn't bother to come see me or call me..when I needed her she was never there this year........................And My Ex-GF And EG never met or don't know each other at all!!!!!!!!

 

[IgnoredOne]

We were not living together And since she was drifting way>>>>
Little by little,I get close to this Escort Girl who was there for me kind of way when my GF physically and Emtionally unavailable>>>>
I was kind of way filling up the void even I knew one Person cann't
replace other but EG was emtionally spportive for time being even I
know thats probably fake and that was never my style to engage on
something behind her back but did it for the First time then fell for it. when I was very sick on March that I was unable to move from my bed,my GF ddn't bother to come see me or call me..when I needed her she was never there this year........................And My Ex-GF And EG never met or don't know each other at all!!!!!!!!

People, including women, can be *****. Its unfortunate, and as you saw, makes you more vulnerable to other types of predation from individuals seeking to exploit your loneliness.

Essentially, in the end, the best thing to do is to gently recoup, realize your own value, and accept that there are times and places when people treat you in ways that isn't very fair - but that's important is to be moral oneself, do the right things, and to be careful. There's plenty of decent people - both men and women - out there as well.

Just take your time and find those who deserve you, and make yourself someone worth it.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Dude..Sherry pulled exactly the same BS.
We separated...I didnt see her nor hear from her for over 4 months.
And she had the nerves to tell me to go out and find a younger beautiful woman that
would love me like I needed to be love. Thats becuase for 2=3 yrs prior to that
she gottne abusive...She'll say **** like,."no chicks will love me"
Bascailly fucken with my head...attacking me and all kinds of stupid ****,

Peaple talk a lot of ****. They dont really give a **** oneway or the other.

Well...I started dating Jenni...She was young and drop dead gorgeous
and truely love and cares for me..

Well...as soon as Sherry found out I was dating Jenni...
She fucken sabatage everything and had the nerves to accuse me of cheathing on her
with Jenni...which is totally fucken rediculous
Slannder me, say all kinds of lies and stupid **** about me to other people....

Obviously the dudes that whats to get into her pants will agree with her
and whatever the **** else just to get brownie pionts..Its fucken rediculous.

I finally just told her to **** OFF.....in front of everyone.
Let it be known,...where I stand on that ****.
No one absolutely no one can look at me in the eyes....

I dont play fucken victim anymore,....
Anyone that attacks me for whatever the **** thier reasons are...can **** OFF too.
I dont put up with abuse from anyone or anywhere today...and that's that.

 

[Redtulips7]

Lonesome Crow well said......

 

[Susana]

Dude..Sherry pulled exactly the same BS.
We separated...I didnt see her nor hear from her for over 4 months.
And she had the nerves to tell me to go out and find a younger beautiful woman that
would love me like I needed to be love. Thats becuase for 2=3 yrs prior to that
she gottne abusive...She'll say **** like,."no chicks will love me"
Bascailly fucken with my head...attacking me and all kinds of stupid ****,

Peaple talk a lot of ****. They dont really give a **** oneway or the other.

Well...I started dating Jenni...She was young and drop dead gorgeous
and truely love and cares for me..

Well...as soon as Sherry found out I was dating Jenni...
She fucken sabatage everything and had the nerves to accuse me of cheathing on her
with Jenni...which is totally fucken rediculous
Slannder me, say all kinds of lies and stupid **** about me to other people....

Obviously the dudes that whats to get into her pants will agree with her
and whatever the **** else just to get brownie pionts..Its fucken rediculous.

I finally just told her to **** OFF.....in front of everyone.
Let it be known,...where I stand on that ****.
No one absolutely no one can look at me in the eyes....

I dont play fucken victim anymore,....
Anyone that attacks me for whatever the **** thier reasons are...can **** OFF too.
I dont put up with abuse from anyone or anywhere today...and that's that.

I agree with you 100%. Even though I'm a girl. Life is too short to play games! People either take you for who and what you are or they don't and if they don't, they must just let you be and move along.!!