Inescapable loneliness

[SilentSoul89]

I’m guessing that those comments that you got from your boss and that Irish girl is them being friendly. Not every sign of attention means that they like you in a romantically way. Over reading stuff can be very normal when you are lonely so it’s easy to do it. 
I’m sorry for your bad day. I hope it gets better! ️

ye it's easy to read things the wrong way when your desperately lonely. I had hope at this youth club but the more I'm there the more I feel resigned to being an outcast yet again. Most of them are in their 20s and already have established bonds. So when they have a free moment they just talk to each other. I try to make an effort with some of the newer ones like myself and I've had better conversation there. But with the paid staff I kinda feel left out when they laugh & joke with each other and they walk home together   . Everywhere I go this is always the case. I struggle so much to mix with others yet it comes so natural to them. I'm a likeable enough person but it makes me self conscious. They have events at this place were everyone goes out together for a drink on halloween for instance but I just know I'd be left out as I've never fitted in with cliches. 

Do you want to fix the problem, or have you given up? Do you have resentment like alot of people in your situation, or do you think you could follow a path to fix things? Addressing these questions will help you figure out what track to be on.

The reason I ask is because I know that, for me, fixing things might actually be possible if I didn’t have the resentment built up. That is definitely one of the big things holding me down. Every time I think about me, for example, kissing a girl, or “enjoying the company” of a woman, my resentment just makes me enraged, because no girl has ever shown interest in me beforehand .

I definitely have a lot of resentment which I guess is inevitable when you've been lonely for so long. Simply browsing Facebook makes me so envious and despairing how other have loving families and friendships. I know Facebook paints a positive image of people but you can just tell that most people who post have their lives together. I'm 30 and all I do is volunteer at a youth club. I don't have a paid job, never had a girlfriend, no friends, don't drive and still live with my mum. Oh & I'm depressed and anxious, what a life eh?. 

I've had positive feedback from this youth club which is encouraging and theres lots of social opportunities going but what goods that when I struggle with deep insecurities?. I actually stayed at a girls house last Monday and I regretted it. She was obese and had learning difficulties. We didn't have sex as such, she just did stuff to me. I've since blocked her as she kept asking me to go hers but she's not attractive at all. Anyway that's my update, it's been a while since I last posted  :shy:..

 

[MissBehave]

Ok.
She was good enough to give you a fun time then and there but ofc, she was ugly so you blocked her. 
Oh boy.. Trying to hold my tongue here.
You kind of went from seemingly being a nice guy to acting like a *******.

 

[SilentSoul89]

Ok.
She was good enough to give you a fun time then and there but ofc, she was ugly so you blocked her. 
Oh boy.. Trying to hold my tongue here.
You kind of went from seemingly being a nice guy to acting like a *******.

She said she was about to block me because I wouldn't go her's everyday which is ridiculous so I blocked her, thats why. I ain't the type to mess people about at all as its just cruel. She was ringin me non stop and I answered but she just kept askin me to go her's and watch soaps all night which is what we did when I was there.

 

[SilentSoul89]

Really struggling, don't think I can go on anymore, this loneliness doesn't ease up at all . I've been on duloxitine lately but its just makin me more depressed tbh & increased my anxiety. I'm still at the youth club which is my only escape in a way but wish I could make friends who I could hang out with. It's always just small talk then I don't see them for another week. 

They say hey to me when I come into the club & I try to make some effort but I feel like I need to be more confident or somethin. I don't care if no one reads this, I'm just gettin my thoughts out caus I'm losing the will to live..

 

[Shanta]

I've been lonely for so long that I feel like there's no escape  . I'm 30, never had a relationship & always been a recluse. I'm always in my room & I've been that way since I was a kid. I go out to attend appointments & volunteering but that's about it. I don't even go downstairs unless my dinner or to make a cup of tea which I take to my room. I suffer with deep depression & low self esteem which i guess is inevitable from this secluded lifestyle. I'm not even bad looking but I'm insecure about being 5'5 & I have a big nose. I have a lot of positive qualities which is reflected in the youth volunteering I've started doing. 

I've had 3 lots of positive feedback so far after 6 sessions supporting kids in activities. I'm just so lonely & it hurts so much  . I've often been crying in public toilets, even in a room full of people like nightclubs. Even when I went Turkey in 2017 with 8 other people, the loneliness was still consuming me. I've just started taking Duloxitine which is my 1st anti depressant for over a year & half. Anyway I'm sure you're bored of reading these self pitying posts by now. This is a cry for help more than anythin..

Hello and welcome.  I am new to this forum as well but you are in the right place.

Sorry that you feel so very alone.  Lots of great comments you have received so far.  You are in the midst of friends here so you will no longer be alone.  You can reach out any time you want to however many of us you want to.  It's really all in your hands.  Your loneliness or absence of it are in your hands.
 
From what I have read, you really don't have any very severe self-esteem issues:  you recognize that you are worthy and that you have many positives qualities.  Good for you.  Can you see that you are even better than that?

Also you are doing some really good things:  volunteering is a wonderful occupation.  Maybe you could do with less 'soaps' and more helping others out.  I find nothing helps me more than helping others.  Best antidote to loneliness.

And, of course, hugs.  Many hugs.

 

[SilentSoul89]

Hello and welcome.  I am new to this forum as well but you are in the right place.

Sorry that you feel so very alone.  Lots of great comments you have received so far.  You are in the midst of friends here so you will no longer be alone.  You can reach out any time you want to however many of us you want to.  It's really all in your hands.  Your loneliness or absence of it are in your hands.
 
From what I have read, you really don't have any very severe self-esteem issues:  you recognize that you are worthy and that you have many positives qualities.  Good for you.  Can you see that you are even better than that?

Also you are doing some really good things:  volunteering is a wonderful occupation.  Maybe you could do with less 'soaps' and more helping others out.  I find nothing helps me more than helping others.  Best antidote to loneliness.

And, of course, hugs.  Many hugs.

Thanks that means a lot  :shy: . I do have positive qualities and I'm always friendly and respectful to people. Today at the youth club I helped to take kids on a stagecoach to the club, lots of them were messing about but I had to make sure they were seated and collect their money off them. On the way there a staff member was tellin me how he's goin on a date with his girlfriend which I never really like to hear as it reminds me how lonely I am. It just feels like everyone has something to look forward to and they have plans. 

I have no friends at all to hang out with on the weekend. That's why weekends are always the worst for me. There's lots of staff at the youth club but there's rarely a chance to build friendships with any of them as we're all preoccupied with the kids. Then we leave when all the kids are collected by the end of the day & thats it for another week. They also have their own established cliches who they hang out with outside the club. I kinda feel left out as I've hardly had a chance to get to know them properly   . I go home & I'm back to being all alone in my room. It seems like everyone has parties to go to and friends to hang out with but me...

 

[Diagnosed]

Hmm!

Loneliness could be left BEHIND.

I became a loner because I got bored of the ppl I met personal but, each time I went to visit my mom in Caracas (Venezuela) I dared to talk to the ppl I liked or approached to those i saw approachable.

I have no concerns on self-rejection. Yet I have issues on those i acknowledged they have their PRICE and I'm pennyless to pay for the "prize" of being heard, like, wanted, etc.

If i ever planned to build a FRIENDLY relationshit based on 1) how tall they were, 2) how beautiful and "charming" they looked... I was a fool! (I don't mind sharing my Ex wife tends to see me that way, since I'm prone to laugh and enjoy myself, when she chose to be over religious or grumpy).

Self-acceptance seems to be a must to be socially accepted. If i lacked THAT, I could be assured rejection will show up within minutes. Yet I used to laugh at any ppl who showed their weaknesses, their "ugliness", and I feel GUILT from the wrongs I've done: I never places God's will before all the mess I hace caused.

Self-acceptance is a must to gain some personal confidence and, being tall or short do matter when you've planned to marry or to sexually interact with those you've liked, and I guess I seldom picked "friends" thinking on how they looked. "Friends" always show WHO they are by deeds, much more than words. Keep in mind that song: "... more than words I ever needed YOU to show..."

I know my mother loves me, but I also know I love her LESS than I love ME. If I don't love her the way she is, I'm assured I have an issue to love ppl THE WAY THEY ARE.

Many ppl are less than 5.6 and, If I were "walking" in a wheelchair, I could be shorter than the one I am: Thanks to God this is "the ugly" guybI AM. I have enjoyed myself for 50 years and, uf I've got bored, it's not for living my PC as my best friend. "She" won't say "no" unless there is a local blackout... Too often in Venezuela!

 

[Diagnosed]

"...and the worst part is that means you're inexperienced too..."

There was a time I had some confidence on "experience".

When the time I realized it was subjective, that I knew that what I thought I knew was nothing compares to others ppl, my bragging about, such foolish "trust" quick fadded and disappeared.

Certain day too, talking with one of my sons, I knew he was more experienced than me (he also made an inventor of love affairs). Ha! Ha!

I got to a simple conclusion: You'll be happier the less experience you've got. Simply think of movie starts, considera the gross experience they've got... How happy they are?

No one knows! If i was kept next to the one I liked, I was happy. If they sought for another, that DIDN'T meant I lacked a "thing". I simply meant she wanted something I was unwilling to give ( or didn't have? )

 

[SilentSoul89]

The frustrating thing is that I can see potential for friendships at this youth club but it's always the final hurdle of asking them to hang out that I struggle with. So they always stay as just acquaintances who I make small talk with at the club. I think this is what lonely people often stumble upon because we fear rejection. It's the embarrassment that comes with that people are scared of I think. I'd love to hang out with this girl at the club as we've been chatting really well but I'm terrified of possible rejection. I'm worried what that would do to my already fragile self esteem.

Oh & it was a bad day at the club today as we were told it was a bad session as kids were fighting & stuff. I find that kind of group feedback very discouraging as I see it as a reflection of my own performance. Yet I tried my best as always to make the kids feel included & engaged in certain activities. I guess it's more on the established staff as I'm still relatively new as a volunteer. I do need to work on the behavior management aspect but that also applies to everyone. It's not easy supporting kids at times as there's always a few challenging situations that arise  .

 

[Diagnosed]

Some type of loneliness seem to be like attending to a parte where I went bringing nothing to give ir share...

If I went to a dance floor, I'm expected to dañe a little, to make some movements so, If i played chess, I need to learn how each piece should be moved to gain certain place.

Keep it on. Learn HOW to play the game You're playing. No one would make your own movements, that's your dancing to get the one who's willing to dance with you.

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I'm sorry! This undesirable automático "corrector" ALWAYS changed what I typed...

 

[mtracyfryer]

I've been lonely for so long that I feel like there's no escape  . I'm 30, never had a relationship & always been a recluse. I'm always in my room & I've been that way since I was a kid. I go out to attend appointments & volunteering but that's about it. I don't even go downstairs unless my dinner or to make a cup of tea which I take to my room. I suffer with deep depression & low self esteem which i guess is inevitable from this secluded lifestyle. I'm not even bad looking but I'm insecure about being 5'5 & I have a big nose. I have a lot of positive qualities which is reflected in the youth volunteering I've started doing. 

I've had 3 lots of positive feedback so far after 6 sessions supporting kids in activities. I'm just so lonely & it hurts so much  . I've often been crying in public toilets, even in a room full of people like nightclubs. Even when I went Turkey in 2017 with 8 other people, the loneliness was still consuming me. I've just started taking Duloxitine which is my 1st anti depressant for over a year & half. Anyway I'm sure you're bored of reading these self pitying posts by now. This is a cry for help more than anythin..

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Hey there, that’s a great question. There are actually many ways to reduce your loneliness. I found a video on YouTube that explains a few simple ways on how to help loneliness.

I have tried many different ways to cure this. Here’s a link to a video that gives some great tips.
http://destyy.com/w4T2EI

Click on that link above and once you land on that page, click where it says “I am not a robot”
And then you will be directed yo the YouTube video that shows some answers to loneliness.

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Welcome

Sorry about ur life. Ur post is not boring!
I have  big nose as well. I'm also a recluse and 5'5. I mainly chill on the couch in the living room instead of my room. 

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Hey there, that’s a great question. There are actually many ways to reduce your loneliness. I found a video on YouTube that explains a few simple ways on how to help loneliness.

I have tried many different ways to cure this. Here’s a link to a video that gives some great tips.
http://destyy.com/w4T2EI

Click on that link above and once you land on that page, click where it says “I am not a robot”
And then you will be directed yo the YouTube video that shows some answers to loneliness. Lovely cat!

 

[MissBehave]

 

[ahsatan]

I know what would help my loneliness and it's not a video. lol I smell a scam with my large nose. lol Not cool dude. Not cool.

 

[Aldeb]

Are you in London m8?

 

[SilentSoul89]

To be honest I just feel like giving up. I don't even want to live anymore with this suffering.. I did really well again at the youth club and a staff member even told me that I did well & said my confidence is showing. But at the end of the session I'm left to walk home alone by myself once again. I really wanted to ask a girl there to hang out but once again I didn't have the guts.

It feels like everyone just stays as acquaintances which may be fine for them but for a lonely person it's devastating. I'm good at engaging the kids and they trust me yet I find it so hard to make friends with the staff. I small talk with them just fine but nothing ever comes of it. Some of the established paid staff also come across as too preoccupied with the job to make friends. You can just tell that certain people are only there for the job & they don't give a **** about getting to know new people.

So they confine themselves to their little cliques who they already know. I think people do like me but it's us lonely people that have to all the leg work. They don't even think to ask to hang out. I'm sorry if this is negative, my depression is bad right now. When I come home knowing I haven't made any social progress once again, it's so demoralizing. A life in solitude isn't a life worth living. I'm so down on myself that I can't even see how well I did again with the kids. I'm from Bolton btw in Lancashire.

I just want some friends and a girlfriend, why is that so hard?. I'm not ugly and I'm easy going so I don't understand why I've so suffered for so long. Maybe not actually asking someone to hang out has something to do with it. The foundations are kinda there for a social life at this youth club yet I struggle to put the final pieces together that comes so naturally for more sociable people. My mum just nearly caught me crying. I've been feeling more hopeful recently but it just takes a day like this to send me crashing down again ..

 

[SilentSoul89]

I'm so sick of small talk. I'm sick of acquaintances. Why is it so complicated to make relationships in a world full of fellow social beings. Nothing changes, just rearranges. Even getting on well with someone seemingly leads to nothing. It feels like you have to jump through burning rings of fire just to get someone to hang out. And when you've got depression thrown into the equation it really is an uphill battle. Depression is such a complex struggle that compromises every fabric of this existence ..

 

[SilentSoul89]

Just thought I'd update this thread, my feeling haven't changed but I've made progress in the career sense as I got offered a role at a school and volunteer of the month at my youth club. But I'd swap all of that recognition for some friends that actually care, I'll say that much...