Jokes

[Oceanmist23]

Here's two decent friend sites for you, especially the first one if you live in the UK:

http://london.citysocialising.com/
This is a really good site because it's all about people getting together and doing something fun! There's always a get together somewhere, and you get invites in your inbox on the site. It can be anything like a nice group meal somewhere, pub visit, cinema night, theatre, sports, concerts you name it. They even have a nifty event calendar. To be a full member and access these events you will have to pay a monthly fee, but hey they gotta make a living like all other sites, so personally that doesn't bother me. I never made it that far though before I moved out of London and back to Norway, silly me.

http://www.newfriends4u.com/
This is a site I've tried properly and I did get a result, though it didn't evolve as I would've wished. The site has mostly UK members (I think) but anyone around the world can sign up. You also have to pay a monthly fee here, but there are (or at least was) ways to get around the "no email addresses in messages" rule. You just had to be clever with how you wrote your email address, all backwards for example.

My story on newfriends4u is I met a girl there who I emailed for a while and then we decided to meet up for a meal and drinks. I could tell she was holding back from the moment I met her, I was hoping for a quick hug but all I got was a very limp handshake. I thought fair enough, she's probably just a bit shy. However she was very quiet throughout the evening, even seemed not interested. After meeting up she would send me all these emails about God and loads of chain letters miles long. By that point I lost interest. I guess situations like that will happen sometimes, not great but if it ain't your thing it just ain't your thing.

 

[samba101]

Here's two decent friend sites for you, especially the first one if you live in the UK:

http://london.citysocialising.com/
This is a really good site because it's all about people getting together and doing something fun! There's always a get together somewhere, and you get invites in your inbox on the site. It can be anything like a nice group meal somewhere, pub visit, cinema night, theatre, sports, concerts you name it. They even have a nifty event calendar. To be a full member and access these events you will have to pay a monthly fee, but hey they gotta make a living like all other sites, so personally that doesn't bother me. I never made it that far though before I moved out of London and back to Norway, silly me.

http://www.newfriends4u.com/
This is a site I've tried properly and I did get a result, though it didn't evolve as I would've wished. The site has mostly UK members (I think) but anyone around the world can sign up. You also have to pay a monthly fee here, but there are (or at least was) ways to get around the "no email addresses in messages" rule. You just had to be clever with how you wrote your email address, all backwards for example.

My story on newfriends4u is I met a girl there who I emailed for a while and then we decided to meet up for a meal and drinks. I could tell she was holding back from the moment I met her, I was hoping for a quick hug but all I got was a very limp handshake. I thought fair enough, she's probably just a bit shy. However she was very quiet throughout the evening, even seemed not interested. After meeting up she would send me all these emails about God and loads of chain letters miles long. By that point I lost interest. I guess situations like that will happen sometimes, not great but if it ain't your thing it just ain't your thing.

Yeah I guess people can be quite different without computers to hide behind.

Thanks for posting the sites, will check them out.

 

[Minus]

 

[Minus]

Two bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.

"I got a cookbook once," said one, "but I could never do anything with it."

"Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other.

"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - 'Take a clean dish."

 

[Bluey]

Two bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.

"I got a cookbook once," said one, "but I could never do anything with it."

"Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other.

"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - 'Take a clean dish."

HA HA HA, You know it is a problem. I have always got a sink full of pots lol

 

[Minus]

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.

After a while, one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you? What sort of control do you have over your wife?" The third fellow says, "I'll tell you. Just the other night, my wife came to me on her hands and knees."

The first two guys were amazed.

"What happened then?" they asked.

"She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man!'"

 

[Minus]

An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and deposits a poopy little present on the woman's head.

"Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper."

"What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."

 

[Minus]

"God," said Adam, "Why did you make Eve so beautiful?"

"So you would love her."

"But why did you make her so dumb?"

"So she would love you."

 

[Bluey]

"God," said Adam, "Why did you make Eve so beautiful?"

"So you would love her."

"But why did you make her so dumb?"

"So she would love you."

lol, I love your jokes and pop in here every time I see new posts to get my daily LOL

 

[EveWasFramed]

"God," said Adam, "Why did you make Eve so beautiful?"

"So you would love her."

"But why did you make her so dumb?"

"So she would love you."

ROFLMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Minus!!!

 

[Minus]

 

[Minus]

A grandmother was telling her
little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: "We
used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a
tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our
pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little
girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said,
"I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"


A little girl was diligently
pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She
told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he
asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."


I didn't know if my
granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to
test her. I would point out something and ask what color it
was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun
for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door,
saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure
out some of these yourself!"


When my grandson Billy and I
entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we
were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a
few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did,
Billy whispered, "It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are
coming after us with flashlights."


When my grandson asked me how
old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in
your underwear, Grandpa," he advised. "mine says I'm four to
six."


A second grader came home from
school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what?
We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more
than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's
interesting," she said, "how do you make babies?" "It's
simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and
add 'es'."


Children's Logic: "Give me a
sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. One of
the small boys wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder
pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him.
"Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure,"
said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child."


A nursery school teacher was
delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a
fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the
truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing
the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said
one child. "No," said another, "he's just for good luck." A
third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the
dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants...

 

[Bluey]

GRANDMA STILL DRIVES!!!

Grandma's letter.


She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:

Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a Honk if you love Jesus bumper sticker.

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance,

followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did, what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is,

and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus

because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed. I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed,

' For the love of God! ' ' Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there

because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.I saw another guy waving in a funny way

with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.

My grandson burst out laughing. Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, I waved at all my brothers and sisters grinning, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that
I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon, Love, Grandma

 

[NeverMore]

GRANDMA STILL DRIVES!!!

Grandma's letter.


She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:

Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a Honk if you love Jesus bumper sticker.

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance,

followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did, what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is,

and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus

because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed. I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed,

' For the love of God! ' ' Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there

because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.I saw another guy waving in a funny way

with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.

My grandson burst out laughing. Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, I waved at all my brothers and sisters grinning, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that
I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon, Love, Grandma

That was freakin hilarious thanks for that bluey

 

[Bluey]

I had a minor medical problem so my doctor referred me to a female urologist.

I saw her yesterday. She is absolutely gorgeous and unbelievably sexy.

The first thing she told me is that I have to stop masturbating.

When I asked her why she said, ''Because I'm trying to examine you.......''

 

[Minus]

 

[Steel]

Lmao!!!

 

[Minus]

'Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply. If you give her
sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a
home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her
a smile, she'll give you her heart.

She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.'

So - if you give her crap, you will receive a
bucket full of ****.

 

[Sanal]

If you give her your credit card, she give you bankruptcy..

 

[Bluey]

If you give her your credit card, she give you bankruptcy..

lol, Yes I do believe that Minus missed that one.