Constantin
Active member
It's Christmas and, for some reason, these two lyrics from Monty Python's Life Of Brian keep playing in my head. Life is misery. I am disabled from birth. I have no one. I never had anyone in my almost 40 years of life. No one to love me. No person of the opposite gender has ever shown any interest in me. Ever. I've never had my first kiss. I never knew the feeling of hearing someone tell you that they love you. My own parents never wanted me. My father left before I was born because my mother refused to abort me. And my mother gave birth to me only to offer me a horrible life. She suffers from so many undiagnosed mental health problems that it's difficult to even know where to start listing them. She treats me horribly. She has told me time and time again that she never wanted a disabled son, that she would kill herself if she was me, that God gave me a disabled body because He knew that I have an evil soul, she curses me me frequently, yesterday she had a fit and became violent and scratched my hand. She's a crazy cat lady, hoarding dozens of cat in her apartment. I could call the authorities, but I would end up on the streets because I don't have any other relatives. No siblings, no friends. Nothing. I live with chronic pain, I need several surgeries that I cannot afford, and I am angry with God. If I die, I will end up on hell because I truly hate Him and I am addicted to porn. I was born to suffer and suffer forever. Even after I die.