Merry Xmas from my girlfriend

[Anten]

Beggers can't be choosers is a saying that springs to mind.

That reminds me when I met this girl at the supermarket maybe 4 years ago. She wore crocks so that should of sent a very clear message. She wasn't a looker by any means and i thought she was a bit off because she kept on smiling at me. Girls don't generally smile at me unless i tell a joke or something. I ended up giving her my number and myspace after we chatted a bit because she made all the first moves. The chick ended up being pretty desperate to the point were she was like well you can just have sex with me even if you don't like me. So me being a nice guy at heart I couldn't accept it and stopped talking to her.

So putter65, be a chooser and stick by your morals.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Haha....
But putter also knows,
Youre a prisoner of your own rules.

 

[putter65]

Beggers can't be choosers is a saying that springs to mind.

That reminds me when I met this girl at the supermarket maybe 4 years ago. She wore crocks so that should of sent a very clear message. She wasn't a looker by any means and i thought she was a bit off because she kept on smiling at me. Girls don't generally smile at me unless i tell a joke or something. I ended up giving her my number and myspace after we chatted a bit because she made all the first moves. The chick ended up being pretty desperate to the point were she was like well you can just have sex with me even if you don't like me. So me being a nice guy at heart I couldn't accept it and stopped talking to her.

So putter65, be a chooser and stick by your morals.

Your right, she is all wrong for me. I should forget about her. I wish I had another woman on my radar. But there isn't anybody at the moment. At least she sends me a text every now and again. None of the others bother.

 

[putter65]

Why is this woman sending me texts then ?

Does anybody know ?

What's with this 'keeping in touch' and 'lets still be friends' ?

I reckon she has gone onto the next bloke or blokes.

Why bother with me ?

 

[jjam]

Ahem.

I've been trying to say to you putter that you don't need to leave this woman alone. It is good that she texts you. If YOU enjoy being in touch with her, then she is clearly welcoming you to THAT extent (at the very least). But the caution should remain. And this isn't caution of negative, bitter thoughts on your mind about her. It is caution about a fact of people in general. No one is perfect. She is flawed like everyone else, one way or another. Keep your expectations in check such that even IF she has a malicious agenda, you won't be hurt by it. Keep that AND keep a strong, loving heart, and you'll not be hurt but you may also have the power to influence positively.

I am practicing this that I am preaching, my brother. It is working for me RIGHT NOW. In fact, it was less than a month ago that the part I bolded for you happened to me as well from someone who had disappointed me. Had it not been for that struggle, I probably wouldn't be articulating what I have in this thread.

 

[putter65]

Ahem.

I've been trying to say to you putter that you don't need to leave this woman alone. It is good that she texts you. If YOU enjoy being in touch with her, then she is clearly welcoming you to THAT extent (at the very least). But the caution should remain. And this isn't caution of negative, bitter thoughts on your mind about her. It is caution about a fact of people in general. No one is perfect. She is flawed like everyone else, one way or another. Keep your expectations in check such that even IF she has a malicious agenda, you won't be hurt by it. Keep that AND keep a strong, loving heart, and you'll not be hurt but you may also have the power to influence positively.

I am practicing this that I am preaching, my brother. It is working for me RIGHT NOW. In fact, it was less than a month ago that the part I bolded for you happened to me as well from someone who had disappointed me. Had it not been for that struggle, I probably wouldn't be articulating what I have in this thread.

I like texts from everybody. Somebody is thinking about me at least.

Of course it's better when someone you have feelings for asks if your okay. (I do still have feelings for her, I do still think about her a bit).

I was wondering what her agenda is.

Is it all about feeling sorry for me ? Not wanting to hurt my feelings.

 

[jjam]

You'll be better off when you stop concerning yourself with her "agenda".
Heck. What if she doesn't have an agenda? What if her "agenda" = her problems or her imperfections?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Been telling you. When people date,
They date multiple people at the same time...thas why its call dating.
Its not a new concept.
Its actually healty. Its what afults do.
Shes not a teenager or in HS.

After being in a long term relationship
Healty people arnt going to jump right
Into another serious or exclusive relationship.
They take time to know people. Meet muliple people. They leave their options
Open and dont burn bridges.
You seem to have a hard time grasping
This.
You only known her for two months.
Its relatively over night.

---

Notice I use the word HEALTHY..
Whatever your morals, ideas and beleifs
Are....its not working for you.

To say that she dosnt live up to your standard
Would also be unproductive.

She dosmt live in accordance to your expectations
Would closer define the situation.

---

She might be dating for the next
several years before she might consider a long term again....
Its just a phase in her life.

Just like you went through a phase in your life of being single, single.

---

Just like a phase i went throigh of DATING
mulitiple women a couple of years ago after a break up from a long term relationship.

Im in an exclusive relationship now.
My fiancee and i have a history.
Its been a year since we had recoiled
And still in the process of reconcile
Our differences. Many fights, many
Battles. Many tears, many making up.
We love each other very much...
But its not always a walk in the park.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

My fiancee is also a member of this
Site. She still feels insecure becuase I've
Given her reasons.
Plus at first she didn't understand that
i needed a place to write things out.
Shes being tolerable of me coming on here. On a bad day, she wishes
I not do this anymore.

At the sametime she also knows its
healthy for me.
Its an issue she and i are working through...beyound having coffee.

---

In other words...
Why in the hell would i be
A member of ALL if Im in
A relationship with her?
Im not lonely...

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Why is this woman sending me texts then ?

Does anybody know ?

What's with this 'keeping in touch' and 'lets still be friends' ?

I reckon she has gone onto the next bloke or blokes.

Why bother with me ?

Simply and cynically, it's a power game she's playing.

She enjoys the feeling of control she has over you. She gets gratification in knowing that she can treat you poorly, but you will still text her if she texts you.

It's also why she sends more messages when you ignore her for a while - it's because she wants to reaffirm that she still has control over you.

A woman being like that is obviously abnormal and malicious when compared to a healthy relationship - but some people (both men and women) are twisted like that.

Being a nice chap, you probably don't see that too easily - it takes a nasty experience or two to realise sometimes!

Don't be a prisoner of fear, don't worry about no other women being interested in you at the moment.

You need to get out there and find a decent woman who will treat you well. Right now you've got the choice of finding and digging up gold or sticking with a dangerous old coal mine, just because it's the safer bet.

To me, that gold mine is a better bet, no matter how slim you might feel the chances are

(Okay, crappy analogy, but there you go )

 

[jjam]

The idea of a mind game having power to harm putter is ENTIRELY up to putter.

It pays to be able to truncate a lot of what's going on in your head about a situation and focus on what's clearly in front of you. The part about her being interested in the two of you remaining in touch in spite of her poor behaviors? Common sense! The rest? Speculation! Drop the speculation and be happy for common sense. You'll be happier and healthier in the long run.

 

[putter65]

The idea of a mind game having power to harm putter is ENTIRELY up to putter.

It pays to be able to truncate a lot of what's going on in your head about a situation and focus on what's clearly in front of you. The part about her being interested in the two of you remaining in touch in spite of her poor behaviors? Common sense! The rest? Speculation! Drop the speculation and be happy for common sense. You'll be happier and healthier in the long run.

I need something to occupy my thoughts instead of this crap. My job is boring and I have alot of spare time at home.

I've bought a new pc so setting that up should keep me busy.

The bit the other guy said about her seeing loads of different men at the same. That is frowned upon where I'm from. It's not considered nice.

And I won't pay her so much attention from now on.

 

[jjam]

You should definitely keep busy and not make this situation into your new life's work.

 

[Anten]

In response to jjam, there is nothing but speculation with this chick because she isn't upfront with how she feels. A girl talking to you and being nice doesn't mean she likes you and cares for your feelings. There are girls that only talk to guys because they want something. A co-worker of mine only talked(flirted and such) to a guy just for his employee discount.

I am more in agreement with TheSolitaryMan that you need to find another woman for a deeper relationship because this girl isn't a keeper.

 

[jjam]

We all want something.

 

[putter65]

You should definitely keep busy and not make this situation into your new life's work.

Last year I bought a piano as a new hobby to try and forget about this other woman.

---

In response to jjam, there is nothing but speculation with this chick because she isn't upfront with how she feels. A girl talking to you and being nice doesn't mean she likes you and cares for your feelings. There are girls that only talk to guys because they want something. A co-worker of mine only talked(flirted and such) to a guy just for his employee discount.

I am more in agreement with TheSolitaryMan that you need to find another woman for a deeper relationship because this girl isn't a keeper.

I never thought there was a future in it.

It was just nice having someone for a change. After been single all my life !

 

[jjam]

Cool. How about starting a progress log thread? I play piano too!

 

[putter65]

Why is this woman sending me texts then ?

Does anybody know ?

What's with this 'keeping in touch' and 'lets still be friends' ?

I reckon she has gone onto the next bloke or blokes.

Why bother with me ?

Simply and cynically, it's a power game she's playing.

She enjoys the feeling of control she has over you. She gets gratification in knowing that she can treat you poorly, but you will still text her if she texts you.

It's also why she sends more messages when you ignore her for a while - it's because she wants to reaffirm that she still has control over you.

A woman being like that is obviously abnormal and malicious when compared to a healthy relationship - but some people (both men and women) are twisted like that.

Being a nice chap, you probably don't see that too easily - it takes a nasty experience or two to realise sometimes!

Don't be a prisoner of fear, don't worry about no other women being interested in you at the moment.

You need to get out there and find a decent woman who will treat you well. Right now you've got the choice of finding and digging up gold or sticking with a dangerous old coal mine, just because it's the safer bet.

To me, that gold mine is a better bet, no matter how slim you might feel the chances are

(Okay, crappy analogy, but there you go )

I agree with you and I do plan to leave it longer between my texts and not answer hers straight away.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Micro managing

---

Your not even remotely close to
Having or being in a relationship with her.
Got way way ahead of yourself.

A woman might kiss ya but shes not
Going to give up her goochi over a cup of coffee or some text messages....

 

[Anten]

putter65 i dedicate this song to you.

Stevie Wonder - Past time Paradise


The song is about over coming racial struggles in the past by knowing good will come in the future. You can change the meaning to make it about your relationship struggles and look forward to the good instead of always looking in the past.