(Mini rant) Can you be too attractive to have problems?

[lonelylion86]

I would say no. I dont think there is such a thing. its like saying "Will being rich or wealthy make you happy?" No it wont.
There are a lot of people out there making lots of money...young guys in their 20s or younger who are rich but they are not
happy or admit it doesn't bring happiness into life. Watch some youtube videos on these guys and you will see what i mean.
Some even say it. Also, a lot say its easy to lose balance in life on other things, if you focus too much on money, looks, business.
Because then its like they dont spend time eating healthy, working out, going out, etc. So, all these problems that can happen,
like loneliness, anxiety, whatever, happen to all types of people including attractive. I would say it can get worse the more successful
or the more attractive you seem to others. They expect you to be a certain way and will never understand your problems. Most
people would not even care about other people's problems, whether attractive or not. That's why we're all here my friends. The ones who do care.

 

[maybetrollingmaybenot]

For starters I'd say you should change attractive person to attractive girl in which case the answer is: yes. I can't see how a guy with fit body and simmetrical face can have any problems unless in some bizarre situations where he is 20, has mentla issues and a 50 years old woman-predator takes advantage of him. For girls however: totally different story, she'll be a magnet for rapists, the mafia and many people will think she is a $lut. It will surely be a disadvantage unless you radically change your look such as shaved head or dressing in a super weird way that I can't even imagine.

 

[insecure]

For starters I'd say you should change attractive person to attractive girl in which case the answer is: yes. I can't see how a guy with fit body and simmetrical face can have any problems unless in some bizarre situations where he is 20, has mentla issues and a 50 years old woman-predator takes advantage of him. For girls however: totally different story, she'll be a magnet for rapists, the mafia and many people will think she is a $lut. It will surely be a disadvantage unless you radically change your look such as shaved head or dressing in a super weird way that I can't even imagine.

Yet I've read about 80+ year old women being raped, so I doubt that they only go for the most attractive ones.
I think we (not only men) tend to be more forgiving towards beautiful people, and we think that they must be popular and find it easy to get a date.
I'm sure it is easy for them to get a date, but then again, I suppose many among them are just attracted to the physical beauty instead of the person as a whole.
If you happen to be beautiful and intelligent I assume it must be a turn-off if people are only looking at your body and thinking about sex, especially if you are looking for a long-term relationship.

 

[ardour]

Yet I've read about 80+ year old women being raped, so I doubt that they only go for the most attractive ones.
I think we (not only men) tend to be more forgiving towards beautiful people, and we think that they must be popular and find it easy to get a date.
I'm sure it is easy for them to get a date, but then again, I suppose many among them are just attracted to the physical beauty instead of the person as a whole.
If you happen to be beautiful and intelligent I assume it must be a turn-off if people are only looking at your body and thinking about sex, especially if you are looking for a long-term relationship.

There's a happy medium between objectified and invisible (or I guess appreciated on a purely platonic level) and most people's preference for how they would like to be viewed resides somewhere in that medium. An attractive women has options to vet and the potential for a meaningful relationships there. She can choose not to further sexualize herself through dress. An unattractive low status man or very unattractive woman has no options to sift through, no basis for hope. Who would you rather be if you had to choose?

Add the fact that by almost every metric attractive people have better life outcomes; better mental health, higher incomes, and I'm struggling to care about any unique pretty people problems.

 

[insecure]

An unattractive low status man or very unattractive woman has no options to sift through, no basis for hope. Who would you rather be if you had to choose?

That was not the point I made, I made the point that even old women can be raped, I doubt at 80+ she was really that sexy in comparison to a 20 year old, unless the rapist had some kind of fetish for 80+ women.
Of course, being physically attractive has its advantages.

 

[Cherubino]

indeed I have to be careful to don't get attacked by men because women like me ... also there are women who hate me because they consider I don't pay enough attention to them ... anyway the most adorable are the ones who fight their feeling by ignoring me

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I think the issue people are missing is, yes being attractive has advantages, people only like to talk about the advantages, what about the disadvantages?

People perceiving you as full of yourself or thinking you are too good to talk to them, when in reality you are just shy.
People assuming you are trying to use your looks to manipulate them and you aren't really their friend.
Medical professionals not giving you mental health support because you are too attractive to have problems.
People isolating you, using you for an ego boost, using you to get into clubs, constantly calling you names.
When people call me names, no one really notices, but say I was to call someone people deemed to be unattractive a name... omg...
People using your photos online... *****...
People have even said to me, the only reason I have a personality is because I was ugly when I was younger, so I actually had to try to develop a personality where as people who were always deemed as attractive are shallow and have no personality. Bearing in mind the men saying this have MAJOR personality and behavioural issues. It's like, so why didn't your ugliness help you sir?... hmm?

Ugh just ranting at this point, but it's like no one understands that money and looks can be isolating, and they cant guarantee happiness. As for who has it worse, I think thats down to perspective. I remember when my dad died, a part of me wished I never met him, if I never met him I wouldn't have been in soooo much pain. Another part of me was happy I knew him, if I never knew him I would have never knew what love, unconditional love, felt like. So what would have been worse? I just dont know... you know? Everyday it changes.

 

[Cherubino]

Come on ... it feels so good to be good looking and attractive and I want to stay this way with all its "disadvantages"

 

[Finished]

I kind of enjoy my uglyness now. I'm pretty much ignored by all. At this point in my life that is exactly what I want. It would suck to have hot women always trying to get into my pants. Wait....... what the hell am I saying?

I dont think there are any disadvantages to being an extremely attractive man.

But, I think being an extremely attractive woman would be very tiring. Having guys hitting on you all the time would get annoying. Then you have to handle saying no thanks just right. Too firm and you'll piss off the guy who may retaliate. Too soft and the message won't come across.

And, since you are pretty everybody expects you to always be pretty. So, you really can't have any casual dress down days. And the other women will be hating on you and trying to pick you apart any chance they get. So, the makeup needs to be perfect! Then the other women's men will be stairing at you, which will piss them off even more. "She's doing that on purpose, ****!"

And, there are plenty of nice average looking guys that will figure there's no way a beautiful woman would say yes to them so they don't even ask. Only the cocky pricks, usually the abusers, have the confidence to talk and ask out the beautiful women. So, they start to think all men are ********.

AND, if you do manage to hookup with a nice normal guy he'll have a difficult time not being jealose with so many guys hitting on you. If you are distant for other reasons, he might just figure you are cheating on him.

 

[insecure]

I guess the grass is always greener over there...
It's often hard to position oneself in someone else's shoes.
When I was young I used to think that women had it easy, because it was always the men who were supposed to take the initiative to court the women.
It seemed a much more comfortable position for a woman to just wait to see who is courting you, and then choose among those.

But remember I had those doubts about my sexual preference.
So I was on this dating site, and at some point I changed my profile from "Man looking for women for love" into "Man looking for man for several", because I wanted to see how I would feel with another man.

Now, whereas before I found it hard to get women to respond, and I did not feel comfortable as a 'chaser', suddenly the roles had reversed.
Now I quickly got overwhelmed with messages from men, so in a way I was in the same position as women were, being the 'chased' one, not being supposed to take the initiative, only to select between what was offered.

Suddenly what had felt like an ideal position before did not feel that way anymore.
Whereas the 'chaser' gets the risk of being turned down, and feeling bad because of it, the 'chased' one has the risk of uninteresting people chasing them.

So, I guess as an average person (I don't think I look ugly, but I'm not extremely handsome either) you can idealise beautiful people, and the advantages that come with, but surely there are also downsides.
We tend to only focus on what we don't have.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I kind of enjoy my uglyness now. I'm pretty much ignored by all. At this point in my life that is exactly what I want. It would suck to have hot women always trying to get into my pants. Wait....... what the hell am I saying?

I dont think there are any disadvantages to being an extremely attractive man.

But, I think being an extremely attractive woman would be very tiring. Having guys hitting on you all the time would get annoying. Then you have to handle saying no thanks just right. Too firm and you'll piss off the guy who may retaliate. Too soft and the message won't come across.

And, since you are pretty everybody expects you to always be pretty. So, you really can't have any casual dress down days. And the other women will be hating on you and trying to pick you apart any chance they get. So, the makeup needs to be perfect! Then the other women's men will be stairing at you, which will piss them off even more. "She's doing that on purpose, ****!"

And, there are plenty of nice average looking guys that will figure there's no way a beautiful woman would say yes to them so they don't even ask. Only the cocky pricks, usually the abusers, have the confidence to talk and ask out the beautiful women. So, they start to think all men are ********.

AND, if you do manage to hookup with a nice normal guy he'll have a difficult time not being jealose with so many guys hitting on you. If you are distant for other reasons, he might just figure you are cheating on him.

Omfg! Finished you did it… you cracked the code… the thinking you are cheating omfg do you live on my wall…. Been accused sooo many times wish I just bloody did it

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I guess the grass is always greener over there...
It's often hard to position oneself in someone else's shoes.
When I was young I used to think that women had it easy, because it was always the men who were supposed to take the initiative to court the women.
It seemed a much more comfortable position for a woman to just wait to see who is courting you, and then choose among those.

But remember I had those doubts about my sexual preference.
So I was on this dating site, and at some point I changed my profile from "Man looking for women for love" into "Man looking for man for several", because I wanted to see how I would feel with another man.

Now, whereas before I found it hard to get women to respond, and I did not feel comfortable as a 'chaser', suddenly the roles had reversed.
Now I quickly got overwhelmed with messages from men, so in a way I was in the same position as women were, being the 'chased' one, not being supposed to take the initiative, only to select between what was offered.

Suddenly what had felt like an ideal position before did not feel that way anymore.
Whereas the 'chaser' gets the risk of being turned down, and feeling bad because of it, the 'chased' one has the risk of uninteresting people chasing them.

So, I guess as an average person (I don't think I look ugly, but I'm not extremely handsome either) you can idealise beautiful people, and the advantages that come with, but surely there are also downsides.
We tend to only focus on what we don't have.

This is sooo interesting, but also I think with the man and man aspect (not trying to discriminate or cause offence when I say this but...) I have seen online, that for a lot of men, they are approached by other men for just fun times, it's hard to find love or someone who wants something serious. So theres this added element, I mean sure when say fun times to women too but apparently it is more the default position in that circumstance. I bloody hope that was PC enough, I am soo **** at like not offending lol.

 

[insecure]

This is sooo interesting, but also I think with the man and man aspect (not trying to discriminate or cause offence when I say this but...) I have seen online, that for a lot of men, they are approached by other men for just fun times, it's hard to find love or someone who wants something serious. So theres this added element, I mean sure when say fun times to women too but apparently it is more the default position in that circumstance. I bloody hope that was PC enough, I am soo **** at like not offending lol.

Yes, that's true.
Whereas a man who just wants to have sex with a woman might try to pretend to want a long-lasting relationship, or invent a hundred different pickup lines, gay men will not beat around the bush (from the limited experience I had), and regular men with doubts are attractive to them (again from the limited experience I had), like they want to 'convert' them.
I don't feel offended in any way, besides, and I have some news in that respect.
News I still need to talk about with the sexologist I visit.
With the latest 'tests' I did I think if there is an attraction to men in me, it must be extremely small.
The strange thing is that although I should rejoice about feeling a lot less insecure about my sexuality, and being convinced I am on the easy side (not having to suffer discrimination or violence because of being gay), at the same time it does not make me feel like things are easy now.
I have the same feelings of inadequacy when looking for a job as when looking for a love.
Always thinking someone else is better than me.
In a way my insecurity shielded me from disappointment, now that I (kind of?) know, I can't hide behind that aspect anymore.
The big bad world is out there to get me again...

 

[Adamcastro86]

If you are human you have problems. If you have money you have problems. Seen many attractive women fall prey to predators with lots of cash to burn. I’ve seen the lights in a womans eyes fade over the course of a year from increasing predatory expectations from her partner because he has money and she is lucky to have him and she is just cashing in on her good looks. Also like in your case you have family and they will die. You will feel that and you will need people to talk as your family dwindles so yeah. Simple rule treat everyone with kindness and positive expectations until they prove they don’t want it then move along.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Look at me, missing things, silly girl!

Yes, that's true.
Whereas a man who just wants to have sex with a woman might try to pretend to want a long-lasting relationship, or invent a hundred different pickup lines, gay men will not beat around the bush (from the limited experience I had), and regular men with doubts are attractive to them (again from the limited experience I had), like they want to 'convert' them.
I don't feel offended in any way, besides, and I have some news in that respect.
News I still need to talk about with the sexologist I visit.
With the latest 'tests' I did I think if there is an attraction to men in me, it must be extremely small.
The strange thing is that although I should rejoice about feeling a lot less insecure about my sexuality, and being convinced I am on the easy side (not having to suffer discrimination or violence because of being gay), at the same time it does not make me feel like things are easy now.
I have the same feelings of inadequacy when looking for a job as when looking for a love.
Always thinking someone else is better than me.
In a way my insecurity shielded me from disappointment, now that I (kind of?) know, I can't hide behind that aspect anymore.
The big bad world is out there to get me again...

Dont let it get you! Figure out the methods to protect yourself and apply them no matter what, no matter how much you wanna trust them.

If you are human you have problems. If you have money you have problems. Seen many attractive women fall prey to predators with lots of cash to burn. I’ve seen the lights in a womans eyes fade over the course of a year from increasing predatory expectations from her partner because he has money and she is lucky to have him and she is just cashing in on her good looks. Also like in your case you have family and they will die. You will feel that and you will need people to talk as your family dwindles so yeah. Simple rule treat everyone with kindness and positive expectations until they prove they don’t want it then move along.

I agree! Nothing is worse when everyone tells you to "get help" and then when you got to, everyone says "you're attention seeking, how can you have problems"... it's should destroying, isolating, and its wrong.

 

[insecure]

Look at me, missing things, silly girl!


Dont let it get you! Figure out the methods to protect yourself and apply them no matter what, no matter how much you wanna trust them.


I agree! Nothing is worse when everyone tells you to "get help" and then when you got to, everyone says "you're attention seeking, how can you have problems"... it's should destroying, isolating, and its wrong.

But these days a pretty girl does not need to cash in on her partner/husband.
The time when girls were supposed to stay at home while the husband was earning a living are long behind us.
So it is also your own responsibility to make sure you are not dependant on a man's income.
Of course if the tables were turned and some woman would say : "Ow, you don't have to work, I earn more than enough for the two of us", and that woman is really wealthy that sounds appealing, but you just have to remember that if you give up your job because he or she earns more than enough you become dependant on that person.
I'm not handsome enough to ever be in that situation, of course...

 

[CenotaphGirl]

But these days a pretty girl does not need to cash in on her partner/husband.
The time when girls were supposed to stay at home while the husband was earning a living are long behind us.
So it is also your own responsibility to make sure you are not dependant on a man's income.
Of course if the tables were turned and some woman would say : "Ow, you don't have to work, I earn more than enough for the two of us", and that woman is really wealthy that sounds appealing, but you just have to remember that if you give up your job because he or she earns more than enough you become dependant on that person.
I'm not handsome enough to ever be in that situation, of course...

Honestly, I think there are circumstances where depending on a mans income is just the way biology is, like most women need time for their baby after child birth, depending on your husband is paramount at that point. I grew up in that dynamic, my mum married my dad young, was a good wife to him, I suspect she was cheated on, hurt by many things he did, but she never, ever, raised her voice, she never ever stopped doing her duties, takes a very strong woman to be a wife too, despite the constant effort to point them out as lazy. He never picked up a dish, he never ate alone, he always ate first, he never complained and she never complained. He brought her a dance studio, he gave her children, he never put the family in danger of financial disrepute, even now he's gone he still provides. If I'm honest, I'd die happy if I found the perfect balance they had.

 

[insecure]

Honestly, I think there are circumstances where depending on a mans income is just the way biology is, like most women need time for their baby after child birth, depending on your husband is paramount at that point. I grew up in that dynamic, my mum married my dad young, was a good wife to him, I suspect she was cheated on, hurt by many things he did, but she never, ever, raised her voice, she never ever stopped doing her duties, takes a very strong woman to be a wife too, despite the constant effort to point them out as lazy. He never picked up a dish, he never ate alone, he always ate first, he never complained and she never complained. He brought her a dance studio, he gave her children, he never put the family in danger of financial disrepute, even now he's gone he still provides. If I'm honest, I'd die happy if I found the perfect balance they had.

I don't know, you're from the UK, right?
Here in Belgium I think the roles have evolved a bit.
There's something like parental leave, so even fathers can take care of the children, of course they cannot breast feed them because of biology.
If your dad cheated upon your mum it's a pity she never complained.
I don't think women these days take this anymore, and they are right.

 

[Forgottendanfan]

I don't see why there needs to be an attractive person vs unattractive person contest when it comes to mental health issues. It's fairly obvious that mental illness, depression, anxiety, personality disorders etc. can and do affect all sectors of society in pretty much equal measures. Sure, some less socially aware members of society may have the belief that mental problems don't darken the doorways of the more beautiful, rich, successful and popular folks of the world, but anyone with half a brain should realise that just like physical illness, nobody is immune to mental illness either. It's one of life's levellers.

 

[Diogenes]

Shallow, that word is used a lot when referring to treatment of unattractive people, some people are shallow to attractive people however, it just gets swept under the waves.
I have been dismissed from conversations because I was deemed too attractive to have "real" problems.
My loneliness was assumed to be a choice and I can't have low self-esteem because I used to be a model, so I'm obviously fishing for compliments.
My mental health issues were ignored because "all the pretty girls are crazy" am I right?

People in support groups have apologised to me, for misjudging me... saying they thought differently of me due to the way I look.
I went to group therapy after recovering from a suicide attempt and everyone was nice to me lol finally I am not the outcast... but...
I didn't like it though, as it didn't feel like genuine care like they had with each other. It felt like pity and I have never needed or wanted that.
The plain Janes relish that I am on the outside and they are deemed the queens of the group because they don't make the men feel anger. (guess that makes them feel pretty for the first time?)
Took me a long time to understand that to some men, an attractive woman is a source of anger, they look like the rest that passed them over... so they are all bad.

As vain as people think I am, the girl constantly staring at her own reflection, it's from a place of deep insecurity, I don't see what others see but I also understand my status.
I am attractive in the sense that I attract men, that is not to say I am beautiful though... theres a huge difference and that difference breaks my heart.
I want to be beautiful, but I wasn't born to be, I was born to be "the other woman"... my biological mother was and I barely knew her before being adopted and yet...
I feel like I am her, just another useless home wrecking skank. I can try to be a nice girl, but its all pretend, who I am is stained by her.

So if you aren't a good person... if you aren't beautiful on the inside and you never can be... should you be allowed to be here? Is there space on this ball of water for people like me...

It's a good guess you made regarding men.

An attractive woman can be a source of resentment. She gets unearned privileges as gifts from men. She gets to pick and choose and reject. Few in life have those luxuries, male or female.

A lot of beautiful women don't bother to develop character, skill or empathy because horny men enable them to be lazy and self centered. I blame men, not you.

Many less than beautiful people don't appreciate that it can also be a curse. Never taken seriously. Constantly deluged with unwelcome attention. Constantly resented by ugly women.

You make me think of writing a story, a reverse Cyrano.
Girl too pretty to be considered sincere desires a boy, and has to have an ugly girl woo him as a stand in, with her thoughts and words, to be taken seriously.

You can't blame people for sterotypes. They have factually encountered shallow pretty girls. If you don't like being treated that way, don't blame them.

Blame the actual shallow pretty girls. Go yell at them.