Morality of Cheating

[IgnoredOne]

Frozenheart, I hate to ask this, but do you have difficulties communicating in English?

 

[nerdygirl]

Masochists are as awesome as sadists. After all, without masochists, all sadists have available to them are victims.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@Equinox: You just described my train of thought from the moment I had to explain my metaphor. I should have stopped engaging you then.

@Ghost Boy: Well your loyalty is no longer with the job you currently have.

@IgnoredOne: Nope, I am commuting just fine. Problem is my words fail to reach those in a sound proof bubble. It is AFrozenSoul, by the way, not FrozenHeart

 

[Equinox]

Frozenheart, I hate to ask this, but do you have difficulties communicating in English?

Aha, so I wasn't the only one wondering about this. Good question. However, Unlucky has also been asked this, and she denied it completely, so I doubt people with communication difficulties are aware of their own problem. Asking about it is futile. Like when some people more than once fail to get others to agree with a metaphor, and insists that this is because everyone else don't get it. It's always all the other people's fault, isn't it?

 

[Badjedidude]

Nope, I am commuting just fine. Problem is my words fail to reach those in a sound proof bubble. It is AFrozenSoul, by the way, not FrozenHeart

Commuting = travelling, generally in the context of to-and-from work.
Communicating = transfer of knowledge from one group to another, generally through use of language.

I believe the word you were looking for is communicating.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

So... Well I am hesitant to ask this question, because it doesn't really tie into this thread... but it is a question close to the thread. So let's say you are in a relationship that the initial passion has kind of faded from. Something like you are not happy, but not miserable either. You are right at that content line. Suddenly a new someone new shows interest in you. Said person is more interesting/attractive than your current mate. Is it wrong to not fix your existing relationship before you end it?

I am not going to add any other details about the relationship. You guys provide various lengths of time and varying degrees of an exclusive relationship.

Commuting = travelling, generally in the context of to-and-from work.
Communicating = transfer of knowledge from one group to another, generally through use of language.

I believe the word you were looking for is communicating.

Sigh, yes that is what I meant. >.> Stupid auto correct and pain killers. Thanks for clearing that up.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

So... Well I am hesitant to ask this question, because it doesn't really tie into this thread... but it is a question close to the thread. So let's say you are in a relationship that the initial passion has kind of faded from. Something like you are not happy, but not miserable either. You are right at that content line. Suddenly a new someone new shows interest in you. Said person is more interesting/attractive than your current mate. Is it wrong to not fix your existing relationship before you end it?

I think part of the point of a relationship is to make it special though, not let it degenerate until you're just "Meh, I'm sort of content" about it.

When (if!) I get a girl, she is going to get flowers at random, surprise kisses and spontaneous ideas for days out places to make it an exciting experience. I'm not just going to sit around until one of us gets bored and has a fling with someone else.

And if things get to that state, yes, I'd far rather talk about that then get with someone else. If I wasn't feeling an attraction at all to a girl, that's the time to break up.

Having a thing with someone else is just kind of cowardly and results in more hurt for everyone involved, I just don't understand why you'd do it.

 

[IgnoredOne]

What TSM said.

Contentness is rarely a reason to break up; the initial passion never lasts anyway. Its when things get much more sour that its time to call it quits.

I don't see how having a thing with someone else helps anything at all with the current relationship. I've cheated before; I've also dumped one girl for another who appealed to me more. They are NOT the same thing. The former will never work out - the truth gets out and everything gets wrecked. Period. My experience is that not only will your present girl disavow you forever, but the girl you were cheating with will also lose interest in you for having made her a 'black sheep' in their gossip circles.

Don't bother cheating ever. I don't have anything against break up someone else's relationship, and I've gone into this before, but cheating in the 'let's have a secret fling' just a disaster zone waiting to happen. Besides, there are ways to be aboveground about things.

Dumping someone to pursue another is sad, but in the end, its far better for all concerned.

The idea that contentness, in and of itself, is bad is really rather strange. A happy relationship will have you both doing things together on a consistent basis, so like any other living thing, it'll grow and take on new dimensions. It can also wither, of course.

THIS ALSO MEANS...

If you get into a relationship with no intention of making it long-term, be very clear about this. I've done this before - the other woman was a much older girl who had no intention of having children; it was a fundamental incompatibility on several levels. You don't have to shout it out, but make it clear that you're going to be moving on eventually. It'll save everyone from a lot of expectations. Vice versa, I also was with again, another older woman who pretty much was intent on being an, um, ****. While I liked her...perhaps even loved her, she also made it clear that she wasn't looking for anything deep so it was very much a Friends With Benefits. I knew that and expected not much more.

 

[DreamerDeceiver]

I see nothing nefarious about using trainer software or codes if I am completely stuck or have been there and done that before.

 

[nerdygirl]

"In love" is usually somewhat temporary. How temporary it is varies from person to person. "Love" is more permanent.

Every relationship, whether it is something as simple as the ones we have with each other on ALL or something we'd share in a marriage, requires some level of effort in order to work. The right work from each person will help keep the spark alive, and "enough" work will keep the relationship at a satisfactory level. If you are the sort of person who has allowed a relationship to reach contentedness instead of passion with the first person, you are going to do it again with the next person- unless, of course, you opt to make a change... and really, if you're going to make a change, shouldn't you make it in the relationship you've already developed?

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Sorry for the slow reply all. I have just not been in the right mood to reply.

@IgnoredOne: I guess what I meant is that this new person makes your current relationship seem sour, at least for the moment.

@nerdygirl: I guess it depends on how the other person views the relationship. Just because you feel the releationship is not good but not bad. Does not mean that this relationship is not the best relationship your partner has ever had. Another problem might be that if you change your relationship, it could be unsavory to your partner. So while it might fix yourself, it might break your partner.

You are absolutly right about both sides needing to do work. Who is to say your partners lack of work is not the cause of this?

 

[DreamerDeceiver]

Apparently there are now agencies that will help you with legal matters should your wife or husband catch you cheating and decide to sue. They even encourage cheating as if it were recreational! What a despicable scheme...

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Apparently there are now agencies that will help you with legal matters should your wife or husband catch you cheating and decide to sue. They even encourage cheating as if it were recreational! What a despicable scheme...

Yeah, I've seen multiple ads for whole dating agencies advertising "discreet" relationships for married people. I'm glad to see I'm not the only person who finds the idea of that sort of thing abhorrent.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Sorry for the slow reply all. I have just not been in the right mood to reply.

@IgnoredOne: I guess what I meant is that this new person makes your current relationship seem sour, at least for the moment.

The grass often seems greener on the neighbor's lawn. It does not actually mean that it is, however. Rational decisions should not be made on impulse; I've cheated before and I've regretted it.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@DreamerDeceiver: The problem is that there are plenty of men and women that need to cheat to get off. I figure the vast majority of the regular clients of these businesses would cheat regardless. All these people do is make it easier for these people to be happy.

@IgnoredOne: Just because the grass might not be greener, then again it might be, you never know.

I can agree that rational decisions should not be made on impulse. However, is the desire to be happy something that we can really classify as something rational? Most human emotions are irrational.