Okay so this is the primary reason I've joined this site it's because I've had this typical scenario haunting me all my life.. Okay so imagine you're meeting me.. Say in a class in high school im all jolly easy going guy I'm great to be around confident funny etc... You start liking me and become freinds with me.. You want to try this restraunt with a group of freinds and me so we all go out In the weekend you introduce me to your freinds and notice I'm a little quiet or maybe he's just nervous you think... So the lunch goes I'm really quiet and very much not like the guy you've seen... After lunch you decide to drop me home were alone In the car and the entire ride is full of awkward silences... Wow this kid is not at all the kid I thought he was.... I'm not inviting him again...! The end this scenario or similar scenarios have happened to me countless times... I can talk be all jolly and good make freinds very good but when I'm with a group of freinds or with a freind I've talked to a lot I simply run out of things to say even if the freind asks me something I get nervous and say something lame.... Is this shyness or my introvert was or something else... long post I know but I very much need advice
My real dilemma ..... Is it shyness or introvert :/
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Regumika
Well-known member
introvert define those that do not socialize, whether they can or not is another story.
your case is that you want to, but you cant. so you are shy. (and end up being an introvert)
perhaps you are just with people that want social life, and you are not able to give them that. It is a win/win situation for you and them. You feel awkward, and they dont want someone who doesnt socialize. so they arent the crowd you want to hang out with.
so you find people that are similar to you. (yup, someone needs to step out of their comfort zone)
your case is that you want to, but you cant. so you are shy. (and end up being an introvert)
perhaps you are just with people that want social life, and you are not able to give them that. It is a win/win situation for you and them. You feel awkward, and they dont want someone who doesnt socialize. so they arent the crowd you want to hang out with.
so you find people that are similar to you. (yup, someone needs to step out of their comfort zone)
P
perfanoff
Guest
Good distinction there regumika.
Very helpful tip... It seems I can never find someone who has similar interests I try to talk to new people make freinds make acquaintances really well but I also have this panick of being judged of I open up to much... Is there any way to stop this?
Regumika
Well-known member
a few ways..
#1 open up and brace yourself for the judgment (whether it comes or not). there are good people that dont judge, but you wouldnt know unless you do it. but as long as you brace yourself, prepare for it, then it wouldnt be so bad when it does come. Just move on and try again.
#2 find people that you know will not judge (people like yourself) the problem is that... like you, they also hide.
#3 open up, very slowly. this will require you to invest more time/effort to determine whether someone will judge (and therefore determine if they are worth your time). this will save you from the panic, at the cost of your time.
#1 open up and brace yourself for the judgment (whether it comes or not). there are good people that dont judge, but you wouldnt know unless you do it. but as long as you brace yourself, prepare for it, then it wouldnt be so bad when it does come. Just move on and try again.
#2 find people that you know will not judge (people like yourself) the problem is that... like you, they also hide.
#3 open up, very slowly. this will require you to invest more time/effort to determine whether someone will judge (and therefore determine if they are worth your time). this will save you from the panic, at the cost of your time.
ladyforsaken
Well-known member
^ Yeah. Pretty much it.
Naleena
Well-known member
Bump
UGLYDUCKLING
Well-known member
Here's what I would do ; pick one person and interact with him/her You won't feel awkward and you'll slowly learn how to be your jolly self in a group 
rayeo
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I don't think you're shy/introvert but more of afraid. Try not to presume things because people are usually not how you think they are. There are good people out there who won't judge you. The whole awkwardness in the drive thing, I wouldn't be too bothered by it. They could have just understood that you weren't comfortable.
Did they talk to you after you said things you felt were lame and you STILL tried to pitch in? Or did you completely just shut off and shrugged all your questions away and made the whole thing awkward? Because if you at least tried, give yourself some credit: you tried!
Maybe you're just a get-to-know one person at time person. Which isn't bad You probably need to get comfortable before you're ready to be yourself in front of new people. I'm like that too. I like to observe people beforehand to see if they're the kind of person who's willing to accept me for my weirdness. I used to be all paranoid about whether they accepted me or not and now I don't mind it.
Did they talk to you after you said things you felt were lame and you STILL tried to pitch in? Or did you completely just shut off and shrugged all your questions away and made the whole thing awkward? Because if you at least tried, give yourself some credit: you tried!
Maybe you're just a get-to-know one person at time person. Which isn't bad
You probably need to get comfortable before you're ready to be yourself in front of new people. I'm like that too. I like to observe people beforehand to see if they're the kind of person who's willing to accept me for my weirdness. I used to be all paranoid about whether they accepted me or not and now I don't mind it.
