Not attracted to women my age

[ardour]

Jaysus dude, maybe widen your circle of women you know, because I know plenty of women who are in that age bracket and older who aren't no "brontosaurus rex" (i don't think that's an actual dinosaur btw) and would be very worthy of my sexual desire, and I have some standards (which I have lowered a few times i do admit). You're very harsh I think.

Agree. There are still attractive people about. But with a few exceptions, people still look old, much older than their 20s, much older than what I imagine as a partner. That's a problem regardless of what I'll be labelled.

It's a bit like if you went to be bed one night as someone in their mid 20s with life ahead of them, then woke up mid 40s but with none of the experience and emotional progression that occurs within the intervening 20 years. You perceive people similar age as much older than you.

 

[okidoke]

Agree. There are still attractive people about. But with a few exceptions, people still look old, much older than their 20s, much older than what I imagine as a partner. That's a problem regardless of what I'll be labelled.

It's a bit like if you went to be bed one night as someone in their mid 20s with life ahead of them, then woke up mid 40s but with none of the experience and emotional progression that occurs within the intervening 20 years. You perceive people similar age as much older than you.

I get what you're saying. Maybe don't sound so harsh about them lol. I guess I see beauty in a different way, perhaps it's the photographer in me I don't know, but I see something deeper in people that comes out as beautiful. Not just anybody mind you, as there are plenty who definitely need to do some work on themselves, because too many seem so apathetic about their physical shape and health, but I find people from all ages can be very attractive for various reasons. On another note, some of the older women are into more interesting things in the sexual arena than the younger ones, although, these days the younger ones seem to be catching up from what I've noticed. Also, yeah, we can't help what is attractive to us.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Are they "into me"? NO! Do I care? Meh...not really.

Wow this is crazyyy seeing a man admit this, so much respect to you for that, but truthfully you dont care do you? As long as you get what you want. You have no care about what you are … uhh sleeping withs feelings. I’ve been saying this but no one listens to me

Oh and ardour, date younger asian women if it’ll make you happy or get a puppy? Whatever you wanna do before you are bones in a box

 

[Unsigned]

Jaysus dude, maybe widen your circle of women you know, because I know plenty of women who are in that age bracket and older who aren't no "brontosaurus rex" (i don't think that's an actual dinosaur btw) and would be very worthy of my sexual desire, and I have some standards (which I have lowered a few times i do admit). You're very harsh I think.

It was a mean spirited thing to say, and I apologize to anyone I may have offended.

 

[Unsigned]

but truthfully you dont care do you? As long as you get what you want. You have no care about what you are

Well, obviously I care or I wouldn't come on here whinging about it from time to time.

I suppose I merely settle for the best I see myself being able to do as far as attaining female companionship - temporary though it may be.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Well, obviously I care or I wouldn't come on here whinging about it from time to time.

I suppose I merely settle for the best I see myself being able to do as far as attaining female companionship - temporary though it may be.

Its so not obvious to me Hmm do you just like to say you dont care, but truthfully you care? Thats brave to admit too. Kinda ruins my theory though

 

[Unsigned]

Its so not obvious to me Hmm do you just like to say you dont care, but truthfully you care? Thats brave to admit too. Kinda ruins my theory though

I long for a real relationship, but it could only be on my terms regarding the type of girl I am attracted to and my ideas of male/female roles and dynamics.

I am pragmatic enough to know my parameters are unrealistic (for multiple reasons), and to know my own limitations, so I do what I have to do to attain very brief and temporary moments of "companionship" with the types of females I find attractive.

Does that explain it a little better?
Look at it this way.
At least I am not completely miserable (not all the time, anyway), and at least I am not making some poor unfortunate female miserable either.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I long for a real relationship, but it could only be on my terms regarding the type of girl I am attracted to and my ideas of male/female roles and dynamics.

I am pragmatic enough to know my parameters are unrealistic (for multiple reasons), and to know my own limitations, so I do what I have to do to attain very brief and temporary moments of "companionship" with the types of females I find attractive.

Does that explain it a little better?
Look at it this way.
At least I am not completely miserable (not all the time, anyway), and at least I am not making some poor unfortunate female miserable either.

I think thats good, you know that lifestyle is celebrated in my swings and circles, they call it the bachelors lifestyle and a lot of men are happy for a while living that lifestyle

Oh back to Ardour, you have money, spend it on the things you want

 

[ardour]

I think thats good, you know that lifestyle is celebrated in my swings and circles, they call it the bachelors lifestyle and a lot of men are happy for a while living that lifestyle

Oh back to Ardour, you have money, spend it on the things you want

...bathwater?

 

[TheSkaFish]

Oh back to Ardour, you have money

If this is the case @ardour I would use it to get a professional qualification.
If I had the money I would get on the path a professional qualification right now, today.

I know I'd feel a lot better about myself if I were in skilled work, and therefore I'd be more attractive, both because it's inherently attractive, and because I would feel better about life and myself as a skilled worker. Just a thought.

 

[Unsigned]

therefore I'd be more attractive, both because it's inherently attractive

I really hope it works out for you that way.
But I've been working as an IT professional with Wall St firms since I was 21.
That's 36 years!
And never once have I had a girl I find attractive show attraction towards me.
Hopefully things are different now for you younger guys.
I really mean that.
I would love to see younger guys who are like me do well with females.
Even though that ship has long since sailed for me.

 

[okidoke]

I've been working as an IT professional with Wall St firms since I was 21. That's 36 years!

Do you ever think of how it might’ve been for you if you worked as say a lumberjack or demolition tech or firefighter, etc, work that didn’t involve being stuck in an office at a computer all day in an environment as yours?

 

[Unsigned]

Do you ever think of how it might’ve been for you if you worked as say a lumberjack or demolition tech or firefighter, etc, work that didn’t involve being stuck in an office at a computer all day in an environment as yours?

I've thought MANY things over the years.
Like...what if I had joined ROTC when I entered college, went to boot camp, and did a stint as a military officer.
I really think that would have helped.

My parents suggested this ONLY WHEN WE VISITED THE COLLEGE (20 mins from our house).
They should have prepared me for it from a young age.
I was very taken aback at the time.
I was wrong for not doing it.
But they were wrong, too, by springing it on me like that.
That is something you prepare a boy for, not spring on him.
But yeah...it would have done me a world of good.

 

[okidoke]

Hmmm, I’m in two minds about parents forging a path for their kids future. And no point raking over burnt coals, but for younger readers it might help with their decisions perhaps. Why do you think the stunt in the military would’ve helped you?

 

[Unsigned]

Hmmm, I’m in two minds about parents forging a path for their kids future. And no point raking over burnt coals, but for younger readers it might help with their decisions perhaps. Why do you think the stunt in the military would’ve helped you?

I believe the boot camp would have broke many of my idiosyncrasies, and the comradery of being in a military unit would have showed my young self that I was not worthless. Would have given me a sense of belonging.
And yes, the physical training. The self defense and firearms training, would have made me feel more like a man who was worthy of a good female. Instead of a "loser" who should stick to seeing prostitutes.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I really hope it works out for you that way.
But I've been working as an IT professional with Wall St firms since I was 21.
That's 36 years!
And never once have I had a girl I find attractive show attraction towards me.
Hopefully things are different now for you younger guys.
I really mean that.
I would love to see younger guys who are like me do well with females.
Even though that ship has long since sailed for me.

I hope it does too, I wonder where I could have been, and what I could have had, if I just graduated on time and didn't let my mind take me off course.

However, I would have had to have understood how all this works, and fixed my thinking a long time ago. Otherwise I would have been in a job, and still thinking the same things I was thinking in my teens and 20s, and with less free time to figure out that it was wrong, and to figure out what's right instead.

I don't think there's anything wrong with your job. It's, as you said - solid, upper-middle-class work. Some might even say upper-class, depending on who you ask. From what you've described it sounds pretty good to me. There's nothing humiliating about it, and to me that's the most important thing.

It took me a while to get it but I came to the conclusion that I too, am suited for knowledge work/office work. I'm more suited to that than the trades or the military, I don't have the body or coordination for that. I was never a genius, but I've always been stronger academically than physically. If I could get into mental skilled work, then pursue some kind of cool skill outside of work to be an interesting person, then I think I'd have a chance.

Honestly, I think it's the women that you're going for. It sounds like you're going for women more based on looks than personality/emotional compatibility. These women all sound like the egotistical type, that would normally go for the egotistical guys, because that's who they are compatible with, that's who thinks the same way as they do. And I don't say that to attack you, I say it as someone who thought a similar way for a long time, until I realized how and why it just doesn't work, or is so unlikely to work, that it's not worth the misery you have to go through. It took a while but I realized that the women I wanted to have *** with the most, were usually not people I wanted in my life the most, or even at all - not people who thought and felt the same way as me, not people I could see myself caring about emotionally, or even people I liked that much as people. They just had hot looks. Outside of the bedroom, I wouldn't even really want to hang out with them that much. And I realized if that is the case, it's not worth it then. It took a long time for me to realize it, but the most important thing to me, is someone interesting, someone who makes me feel good to be around them, and someone I can see myself caring about - an authentic emotional connection. And in time, I find that physical desire that might not have been there to start with, can grow from that.

Just my thoughts, anyway.

 

[okidoke]

I believe the boot camp would have broke many of my idiosyncrasies, and the comradery of being in a military unit would have showed my young self that I was not worthless. Would have given me a sense of belonging.
And yes, the physical training. The self defense and firearms training, would have made me feel more like a man who was worthy of a good female. Instead of a "loser" who should stick to seeing prostitutes.

Do you see all guys in your field that don't have a military background as losers then?

 

[ardour]

Honestly, I think it's the women that you're going for. It sounds like you're going for women more based on looks than personality/emotional compatibility. These women all sound like the egotistical type, that would normally go for the egotistical guys, because that's who they are compatible with, that's who thinks the same way as they do. And I don't say that to attack you, I say it as someone who thought a similar way for a long time, until I realized how and why it just doesn't work, or is so unlikely to work, that it's not worth the misery you have to go through. It took a while but I realized that the women I wanted to have *** with the most, were usually not people I wanted in my life the most, or even at all - not people who thought and felt the same way as me, not people I could see myself caring about emotionally, or even people I liked that much as people. They just had hot looks. Outside of the bedroom, I wouldn't even really want to hang out with them that much. And I realized if that is the case, it's not worth it then. It took a long time for me to realize it, but the most important thing to me, is someone interesting, someone who makes me feel good to be around them, and someone I can see myself caring about - an authentic emotional connection. And in time, I find that physical desire that might not have been there to start with, can grow from that.

Unsigned objectifies women, subjectively judging it, he would be torn apart for his opinions on a more populated forum. But honest question here: do you think you could date someone you felt zero initial attraction towards? Because that is the choice a lot of us older people are facing: try for someone hot, who would often be younger, or date someone with whom there is no attraction to whatsoever for the sake of companionship.

A lot of 40 + people, and I include men in this (particularly men imo) are unattractive slobs who no longer care about appearance, dressing well, sometimes even basic hygiene. It's all very well to talk about putting emotional connections ahead of appearances when you’re still young and attraction towards most of your peers can be assumed. That’s not my/our reality as we look around and see....how can I say it nicely... can't.. androgynous blobs who gave up on themselves years ago.

That’s not very nice is it? I’m a horrible person who deserves to be alone etc. But it’s also undeniable, looking around.

I have no idea how average people can pair up with a new partner at this age.

 

[Unsigned]

Do you see all guys in your field that don't have a military background as losers then?

Oh, no.
Absolutely not.
Even myself I do not consider a loser because I did not have a military stint.
I just think that in my own personal situation, the military would have done me a world of good insofar as building self esteem and confidence.

 

[Unsigned]

And I realized if that is the case, it's not worth it then. It took a long time for me to realize it, but the most important thing to me, is someone interesting, someone who makes me feel good to be around them, and someone I can see myself caring about - an authentic emotional connection. And in time, I find that physical desire that might not have been there to start with, can grow from that.

That's really a great mindset and I think is the right path to happiness.

I have too many demons from what I went through as a kid, and too much conditioning from being a "monger" since 19.
I don't think I can see past physical appearance.
But yeah, I think guys who can...are able to achieve true happiness.