nothingness

[lilE]

I would rather be dead than alive. The only reason I stay alive is to not hurt my mom. If it wasn't for her I would have died a long time ago. She is the only person in the world.

I don't have any true friends, no one. I have hobbies and I do things that keep me busy, but i don't get nothing out of it. I do things for no reason, i don't have any will, any hope, any faith. I'm feel ostracized, like a loser, a worthless piece of ****. i feel like scum. I hate being alive. I don't want to anymore.

 

[Tiina63]

I often feel like this as well, so you are not alone.
Have you been to see your doctor? Maybe s/he could suggest something to help you?
Does your mum know how bad you feel? Maybe she could help you. Or do you not want to tell her incase she worries about it?
I really feel for you-you are in such a bad place at present.

 

[Danielle]

lilE,

I know you've been feeling lousy as of late, your posts are sad and I think you could benifit from reaching out and getting some professional help. If you haven't seen a doctor, talk to your mom about it, maybe she can help find you someone.

I hate to see you feeling so low, and sad.

What kinds of things do you like to do? Do you have any hobbies? Do you like sports, or theatre, reading? Another idea in addition to reaching out for professional help is to find like-minded people that share your intrests. Maybe there are even people here on ALL that share your interests!

Do you feel comfortable sharing a little more about yourself, and let people get to know you?

I wish you nothing but peace.

 

[9006]

lilE,

I know you've been feeling lousy as of late, your posts are sad and I think you could benifit from reaching out and getting some professional help. If you haven't seen a doctor, talk to your mom about it, maybe she can help find you someone.

This really.

It's OK to feel down an out from time to time, but if it's more constant it can really be a problem. I think it's really nice you value your mum as much, and that you take her into consideration. I think you could benefit from opening up to your mum or maybe professional help.

 

[lilE]

I often feel like this as well, so you are not alone.
Have you been to see your doctor? Maybe s/he could suggest something to help you?
Does your mum know how bad you feel? Maybe she could help you. Or do you not want to tell her incase she worries about it?
I really feel for you-you are in such a bad place at present.

Thanks Tina. I do see a psychiatrist and a therapist and I am on meds. I do talk to my mom about these things, but I don't want to worry her.

---

lilE,

I know you've been feeling lousy as of late, your posts are sad and I think you could benifit from reaching out and getting some professional help. If you haven't seen a doctor, talk to your mom about it, maybe she can help find you someone.

I hate to see you feeling so low, and sad.

What kinds of things do you like to do? Do you have any hobbies? Do you like sports, or theatre, reading? Another idea in addition to reaching out for professional help is to find like-minded people that share your intrests. Maybe there are even people here on ALL that share your interests!

Do you feel comfortable sharing a little more about yourself, and let people get to know you?

I wish you nothing but peace.

Being on meds and seeing a therapist help a little bit, but not when I am in a slump.

I like boxing, cycling, lifting weights, music, films, and love reading. But none of that is helping me now. I feel so low. I am still reading but that is just to kill time and distract my mind. Nothing is helping.

 

[itsmylife]

Hey lilE,

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this low. It might be worth letting your doctors know how much you're struggling to see if they can adjust your meds or swap them or something. Mine didn't kick in until they raised the dose and then I really saw a difference.

It's good that you have some hobbies, try not to let them go too much. I found my interest vanished in a lot of my hobbies when I was low and I regret not forcing myself to keep up with some of them.

I found going for long walks really helped me, are there places where you live that are peaceful and safe for you to just wander around listening to your music or something? Have you tried writing down your feelings? Sometimes it can help to get them out onto paper where you can maybe make a little more sense of them.

I hope things start looking better for you soon, take care.

 

[Danielle]

I agree, maybe the doctor can switch things up and try a new med combo. I have had mine switched, upped, etc. So many times. I'm on a good combo right now. I hope the doctor can find a good mix for you.


You have awesome hobbies and likes! Lifting weights, nice! I'm lucky I can lift my ass of the couch to grab another soda! Lol. I jest.

I love reading as well. I like dark and twisty books....also love Anne Rice, Stephen King, Jodi Picoult.... among many. What are you reading now?

 

[lilE]

Hey lilE,

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this low. It might be worth letting your doctors know how much you're struggling to see if they can adjust your meds or swap them or something. Mine didn't kick in until they raised the dose and then I really saw a difference.

It's good that you have some hobbies, try not to let them go too much. I found my interest vanished in a lot of my hobbies when I was low and I regret not forcing myself to keep up with some of them.

I found going for long walks really helped me, are there places where you live that are peaceful and safe for you to just wander around listening to your music or something? Have you tried writing down your feelings? Sometimes it can help to get them out onto paper where you can maybe make a little more sense of them.

I hope things start looking better for you soon, take care.

I should mention that I did recently go through week long binge of smoking pot. I smoked it every single day. I stopped two days ago. When I smoke, it makes my meds stop working, they won't work for a week or two, is when they kick in again, it happens every time. So I am just going through the motions right now. But this is how I feel when I am really depressed; it is very real. And since I almost attempted suicide three weeks ago, there are things that are still lingering.

I actually do go on a lot of walks, but mostly because I have to; no car.

I do write down my feelings in a little journal that i keep.

Thanks.

 

[Bob Lee]

lilE,

Nothingness.... interesting title for a post.
Believe me when I tell you, the nothingness or emptiness of the greater realities will soon enough catch up to us!
Until then.... Live!.... Let Live. Be happy as much as possible at any costs!

Life is an experience, of both the good and the bad.
I would like to share a life changing secret with you that many of us probably already know or not....

There is no good or bad, there just simply is!
What is this "is" you may ask? Its living in the present moment of right here and right now!
Letting past stay the past, and not even being all that concerned about the future.
Your paramount concern is living in the now!

Our good and bad experiences are realities that continue to exist for as long as we allow them!
You keep being negative, you will always be angry and/or sad.
If you are both positive and negative you will generally find balance and be content most of the time.
The hardest as always is staying positive about everything. Its so difficult you feel sick when trying too long.

We are so conditioned to thinking that our life is nothing but ****, so thus we think it to be so.
The idea of thinking we can have paradise here and now within ourselves albeit alone and actually be happy....
Is simply so inconceivable.

Do not believe everything you hear all around, life is not always ****.
Life is simply whatsoever you make it out to be.

Think positive, be positive, be happy, and be free!

Peace!

 

[Thelonelyone1982]

I know feeling that way all too well. I'm 33 years old man and feeling like I'm just a mass of flesh trying to get through life as easy as humanly possible. Been struggling with Depression,anxiety/panic and PTSD. If you think being lonely is bad being in a boring,life-less marriage is even worse because when you are alone you can wallow in your own misery while downing a bottle of booze to numb the pain and the days worries. I try not to get mad at my parents for having me because they did it out of love and raised me with that same love, but little did they tell me about how horrid the world gets the older one becomes. I *HATE* living! I would gladly give this life to someone who could use it and be happy being obese,ugly,no friends and family who give a **** about you. I try so hard to message/call people to see how are they doing,how life is..Just to show I care for them but when it comes to people returning that sense of "caring and loving".... NOPE! No one cares. There is no self-worth or care. If I knew what lie beyond this life and if it was better than this I would just **** all and go but alas I'm too afraid of what's after if anything at all. So if life is hard and sucks just think "I'm least I'm not that lonleyone on a lonely life forums" THAT ALONE should make your day temendously better.

 

[Veruca]

argh lilE...i'm sorry you're feeling low...hugs

the fact that you're trying and engaging in different activities shows that you are strong and definitely worthy...even if you don't feel like it.

i know its difficult to stop feeling this way once it kicks in, but hang in there. I think the suggestions above sound good. If you get the chance maybe you can try spending time with animals as a volunteer too. In the past, engaging with dogs helped me loads because they're friendly and warm and you don't have to be anyone or say anything to be loved by them...even if temporarily.

hope you feel better soon.

 

[lilE]

lilE,

Nothingness.... interesting title for a post.
Believe me when I tell you, the nothingness or emptiness of the greater realities will soon enough catch up to us!
Until then.... Live!.... Let Live. Be happy as much as possible at any costs!

Life is an experience, of both the good and the bad.
I would like to share a life changing secret with you that many of us probably already know or not....

There is no good or bad, there just simply is!
What is this "is" you may ask? Its living in the present moment of right here and right now!
Letting past stay the past, and not even being all that concerned about the future.
Your paramount concern is living in the now!

Our good and bad experiences are realities that continue to exist for as long as we allow them!
You keep being negative, you will always be angry and/or sad.
If you are both positive and negative you will generally find balance and be content most of the time.
The hardest as always is staying positive about everything. Its so difficult you feel sick when trying too long.

We are so conditioned to thinking that our life is nothing but ****, so thus we think it to be so.
The idea of thinking we can have paradise here and now within ourselves albeit alone and actually be happy....
Is simply so inconceivable.

Do not believe everything you hear all around, life is not always ****.
Life is simply whatsoever you make it out to be.

Think positive, be positive, be happy, and be free!

Peace!

Thanks for your insight, I appreciate it.

---

I know feeling that way all too well. I'm 33 years old man and feeling like I'm just a mass of flesh trying to get through life as easy as humanly possible. Been struggling with Depression,anxiety/panic and PTSD. If you think being lonely is bad being in a boring,life-less marriage is even worse because when you are alone you can wallow in your own misery while downing a bottle of booze to numb the pain and the days worries. I try not to get mad at my parents for having me because they did it out of love and raised me with that same love, but little did they tell me about how horrid the world gets the older one becomes. I *HATE* living! I would gladly give this life to someone who could use it and be happy being obese,ugly,no friends and family who give a **** about you. I try so hard to message/call people to see how are they doing,how life is..Just to show I care for them but when it comes to people returning that sense of "caring and loving".... NOPE! No one cares. There is no self-worth or care. If I knew what lie beyond this life and if it was better than this I would just **** all and go but alas I'm too afraid of what's after if anything at all. So if life is hard and sucks just think "I'm least I'm not that lonleyone on a lonely life forums" THAT ALONE should make your day temendously better.

Thanks for taking the time to share your experience with me. I hope things get better for you. Maybe this woman in your life is not for you. Maybe you can find someone better for yourself. And maybe you can benefit from life changes, doing things differently, or talking to a professional and trying medication? I know that helped me.

---

argh lilE...i'm sorry you're feeling low...hugs

the fact that you're trying and engaging in different activities shows that you are strong and definitely worthy...even if you don't feel like it.

i know its difficult to stop feeling this way once it kicks in, but hang in there. I think the suggestions above sound good. If you get the chance maybe you can try spending time with animals as a volunteer too. In the past, engaging with dogs helped me loads because they're friendly and warm and you don't have to be anyone or say anything to be loved by them...even if temporarily.

hope you feel better soon.

Thanks Veruca. I am still keeping myself busy. And I do like dogs lol

 

[Thelonelyone1982]

I been in the mental home 5 times for trying to commit suicide and been on every anti-depressant that was recommended prozac,paxil,wellbutrin,effexor Xr,Zoloft and Remeron are the only ones I remember being on but there was more. Counseling never helped because all it allowed me to do was vent my anger,unhappiness,depression but as soon as I would leave the office it was as if I never went there at all. With my wife I took a chance. Left EVERYTHING I knew and loved from Michigan to move to this crap state of Oklahoma. Nothing but emotional stress dwells in this marriage for me, She's happy though as long as internet,pain pills and coca-cola suffice.

 

[lilE]

I been in the mental home 5 times for trying to commit suicide and been on every anti-depressant that was recommended prozac,paxil,wellbutrin,effexor Xr,Zoloft and Remeron are the only ones I remember being on but there was more. Counseling never helped because all it allowed me to do was vent my anger,unhappiness,depression but as soon as I would leave the office it was as if I never went there at all. With my wife I took a chance. Left EVERYTHING I knew and loved from Michigan to move to this crap state of Oklahoma. Nothing but emotional stress dwells in this marriage for me, She's happy though as long as internet,pain pills and coca-cola suffice.

Well I do wish you the best and hope you can rise above all this.

 

[Thelonelyone1982]

Thanks for you kindness and it's a crummy road ahead I know but maybe...just maybe I can find the courage to get out of this rut!