S
Somnambulist
Guest
Restless, I thought of an exercise that I would like you to try, if you're interested and/or think it might be helpful ... to see if you can get more in touch with your feelings and perhaps get a slight hold on them, instead of getting lost in them. It's a mindfulness exercise, but tailored to your issues with self-esteem. The goal is to observe your feelings, sort of in a detached way ... as if you're stepping back from them, like watching those proverbial leaves flowing downstream.
You mentioned, once before, that you went around asking people, "Do I look like the owner of this place ?"
What I would like you to try, is, to walk up to strangers, just the way you did so before, but this time, I want you to go in mentally prepared for the fact that you may get an answer you don't like. Remind yourself that it's not the answer that matters (because this is just an exercise), but how you find yourself responding (thoughts/feelings) to those answers.
As for the specific question to ask, you're the best judge of that. If you're really brave, you could walk up to a girl you find attractive and ask her, "Do you think I look like XYZ ?" You know that this subject has triggered you in the past, so this would be an advanced question ! You could try something easier, that you know won't trigger you as much (based on past experience). Find something you're comfortable with.
Then, of course, be prepared to get answers that you don't like. When you hear the answer, feel the feelings, take a deep breath, and thank the person for their time. Don't talk back or argue ... this will require your full attention/consciousness. As you walk away from the interaction, watch what thoughts flow through your mind. You don't have to block out the feelings; feel them, but as an observer, without any automatic reactions.
Then, sit on a park bench or at a cafe, by yourself, and observe. This is, in fact, one form of meditation. But, what most people don't realize is that meditation has nothing to do with sitting cross-legged on the floor or incense or closing eyes, or with a rigorous routine (I'd say that routine is counter-conducive to meditation). Meditation simply means being present and observing thoughts/feelings ... this, in turn, calms the mind, and is intended to make one feel more alive, more vital. The point is to get out of your mind and watch the mind. You then control it.
If you're able to observe anger and other negative feelings, without acting on them ... if you're able to step back, observe them, and watch them flow downstream, that's progress. Drop the interaction, move on with your day.
If nothing else, this will get you more comfortable just talking to people
Over time, it may not need to be an exercise anymore; you may be able to apply it in real interactions, when someone insults you. Of course, that is the ultimate goal here.
Just an idea.
You mentioned, once before, that you went around asking people, "Do I look like the owner of this place ?"
What I would like you to try, is, to walk up to strangers, just the way you did so before, but this time, I want you to go in mentally prepared for the fact that you may get an answer you don't like. Remind yourself that it's not the answer that matters (because this is just an exercise), but how you find yourself responding (thoughts/feelings) to those answers.
As for the specific question to ask, you're the best judge of that. If you're really brave, you could walk up to a girl you find attractive and ask her, "Do you think I look like XYZ ?" You know that this subject has triggered you in the past, so this would be an advanced question ! You could try something easier, that you know won't trigger you as much (based on past experience). Find something you're comfortable with.
Then, of course, be prepared to get answers that you don't like. When you hear the answer, feel the feelings, take a deep breath, and thank the person for their time. Don't talk back or argue ... this will require your full attention/consciousness. As you walk away from the interaction, watch what thoughts flow through your mind. You don't have to block out the feelings; feel them, but as an observer, without any automatic reactions.
Then, sit on a park bench or at a cafe, by yourself, and observe. This is, in fact, one form of meditation. But, what most people don't realize is that meditation has nothing to do with sitting cross-legged on the floor or incense or closing eyes, or with a rigorous routine (I'd say that routine is counter-conducive to meditation). Meditation simply means being present and observing thoughts/feelings ... this, in turn, calms the mind, and is intended to make one feel more alive, more vital. The point is to get out of your mind and watch the mind. You then control it.
If you're able to observe anger and other negative feelings, without acting on them ... if you're able to step back, observe them, and watch them flow downstream, that's progress. Drop the interaction, move on with your day.
If nothing else, this will get you more comfortable just talking to people
Over time, it may not need to be an exercise anymore; you may be able to apply it in real interactions, when someone insults you. Of course, that is the ultimate goal here.
Just an idea.
