Physical flirting

[TheSolitaryMan]

Bottom Line:When are you going to ask her out then my friend?

*Cough*

I'm probably not going to ever.



This is a huge part of my problem. I don't know when I should do that with a girl, or what sort of attraction she should show me before I do.

Regardless of that, I don't think I plan on asking this lady out anyway, I'm enjoying just being friends with her at the moment. It's pleasant.

However, it's an excellent situation to talk about this stuff as a hypothetical example (listen to me overthinking already, lol ) because my romantic weakness lies in the whole "asking out" phase and she seems to be a little bit attracted so it's a good situation to think about for future knowledge.

I never get to the asking-out stage, because I simply don't know when a girl likes me that way. In my view, there's no point unless I can take an educated guess that she fancies me a bit.

Meh, the optimistic part of me thinks "She's super hot, she could drop smoking and swearing...", the other part of me thinks "She does pot as well, I'm definitely not into that, she's not for me. Plus she's unlikely to drop any of those activities."

Long story short: She's a cool friend and really I just want to use this as a learning experience I think.

Does that make any sense? I'm an expert at rambling replies that are rubbish at explaining anything

 

[RJLJD]

just a couple thoughts... in advance i'm going to apologize because i'm probably not going to answer your ultimate question.

how often in regular every day life does a really pretty girl rub her breasts on the arm of a young man like herself? i can tell you with distinct certainty that in my 21 years of living that hasn't happened to me once.

but this isn't about me. my point is that this is not normal behavior. just use a little common sense in this specific instance. to consider such an act as friendly? pffttt, let me start hanging out with all your friends that are girls then if breast rubbing is par for the course. anyway, in this specific instance i feel it should be fairly obvious. this is flirtacious activity.

as to not asking her out like you just mentioned. that's your prerogative. all i will say is that i think it is more clear than you initially recognized that she is putting herself out there for you. you and i of all people should know that such an action is not easy to do.

sure, she may not be perfect. she makes some bad choices. asking her out once though doesn't mean you're automatically an item. if she was willing to put herself out there like that, then i feel it would be worth it to at least give it a try. you may be pleasantly surprised.

however, i do understand that you may not want to go out with her in fear that is won't work out, and then you could alienate her and lose her as a friend as well, which you definitely do not want. so i can understand from the perspective your reluctance. i also understand not wanting to jump on the first thing that has interest in you if you don't feel like it will work. you're not acting desperate and that is good.

i don't know if i accomplished a single thing with this post really. just trying to provide food for thought.

 

[Nolife Princess]

.......You will KNOW when the other sex is flirting with you..... ya just know.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

how often in regular every day life does a really pretty girl rub her breasts on the arm of a young man like herself? i can tell you with distinct certainty that in my 21 years of living that hasn't happened to me once.

Really? This sort of stuff has happened to me a few times this year.

First I had a girl spend 5 months literally rubbing her legs against mine and trying to cuddle me (then say she wanted us to just be friends! o_0), then I had a girl who had a habit of grinning at me and dramatically leaning over at breast-exposing angles when I was talking to her (turned out she had a "boyfriend" all that time!) and now this.

That's exactly why I'm not sure it means anything - because every time girls have seemed to be physically leading me on so far, it's been for no reason and I get hurt emotionally as a result.

I wonder if girls do it because I'm usually quiet about emotional matters and so they want to get through to that side of me or something. Who knows?

Princess, you'd think it'd be obvious wouldn't you? But as I said above, I've been so confused by how girls have behaved with me in the past, I find it very hard to understand this kind of body language now.

EDIT -

It's partly my parents as well, you know? I don't know if they'd appreciate me bringing her home. If she swore like that when visiting my grandparents or something I'd be really embarrassed. Yet I do find her attractive and she's a sweet person when it comes to her personality. Ah, who knows?

Drifter is right, I do like it when she flirts with me. And I'd even like a girlfriend. Yet I still don't know what to do. I guess friendship is the safe option

 

[SophiaGrace]

Safe is lonely.

 

[Sci-Fi]

.......You will KNOW when the other sex is flirting with you..... ya just know.

Men don't, we are completely clueless to this half the time. You could write it on your **** and flash them to us and we'd just be, wow nice, and still remain utterly oblivious to it.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Safe is lonely.

This is so true Soph. But is it worth cutting the loneliness for a month or two to get to do something that will only hurt me (and quite possibly her) in the end?

Sigh. This is the first time contact with a wonderful pair of bosoms has caused me existential angst (as well, of course, as being my first contact with bosoms full stop)

 

[SophiaGrace]

first bosom contact. mark the date!

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

first bosom contact. mark the date!

On the calendar perhaps! I don't have the man-lumps to mark a date :s

 

[SophiaGrace]

?????????????????????????

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

?????????????????????????

Never mind. I was trying to wittily refer to the moment of bosom contact as historic while similarly playing on the double connotation of "date". I failed

 

[Sci-Fi]

I lol'ed.

 

[Lost Drifter]

But is it worth cutting the loneliness for a month or two to get to do something that will only hurt me (and quite possibly her) in the end?

Hold on there Mystic Meg, what makes you so sure that this would be a short term thing that brings you sadness? Stop assuming that nonsense for starters and don’t even dare think about her swearing in front of your grandparents since by the time that happens you and her will be close enough to talk about it anyway. Life isn’t like the movies where she meets your parents on the first date so don’t fret about it.

It’s clear she likes you and damn obvious you like her; as nervous as you are about having a relationship this would be the absolute perfect place to start (and get some practice) otherwise you’ll never overcome your fears. You don’t have to make some grand gesture and you’re sure as hell not proposing marriage to her but just ask her what she does on the weekends, talk about how there is a new movie you’d like to see or a restaurant to try. You’re not asking her out directly but will leave the door open for her to follow if she’s interested.

I’d hate for you to pass up such a good opportunity and you owe it to yourself to give things a try, you’ll only be kicking yourself for not doing so later.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

But is it worth cutting the loneliness for a month or two to get to do something that will only hurt me (and quite possibly her) in the end?

Hold on there Mystic Meg, what makes you so sure that this would be a short term thing that brings you sadness? Stop assuming that nonsense for starters and don’t even dare think about her swearing in front of your grandparents since by the time that happens you and her will be close enough to talk about it anyway. Life isn’t like the movies where she meets your parents on the first date so don’t fret about it.

It’s clear she likes you and damn obvious you like her; as nervous as you are about having a relationship this would be the absolute perfect place to start (and get some practice) otherwise you’ll never overcome your fears. You don’t have to make some grand gesture and you’re sure as hell not proposing marriage to her but just ask her what she does on the weekends, talk about how there is a new movie you’d like to see or a restaurant to try. You’re not asking her out directly but will leave the door open for her to follow if she’s interested.

I’d hate for you to pass up such a good opportunity and you owe it to yourself to give things a try, you’ll only be kicking yourself for not doing so later.

This sounds so ridiculous, but what is "liking" a girl? I mean, she's undoubtedly attractive to me physically, yes. She also seems kind and easy to get along with...the sort of girl I can make laugh and smile easily, which is really cool.

But I don't know, all those minor insecurities are niggling away at me. Plus I don't know for sure if she's single, a couple of months ago she stopped listing her relationship status entirely. I've also stopped listing mine, so I can't complain!

I'm sort of worried I really like her simply out of my loneliness. I don't want to hurt or use her selfishly because of that. Do I come across like that in my posts? It's something I can't judge myself.

Mystic Meg, ha! Been a while since I heard her referenced

I've been chatting to her online recently (the girl, not Meg! lol), she seems quite talkative and has been sending me kisses, but that's just a friendly thing that loads of people do of course.

More interestingly, I swear some of her comments could be interpreted as a little bit risque, but it's probably just me being naive and over sensitive. I apologised for the length of a message for example, and she replied that it was fine and that "our messages seem to keep getting longer and longer" with a kiss.

I dunno what other guys would think, but I found that last bit a little redundant and sort of...rude/suggestive? o_0

She also mentioned how she wears her hair right now (?) and told me semi-jokingly that she will be going drinking soon. Not quite sure if that's an invite or just a casual mention. Who knows? I'm hesitant to bring it up in my reply though.

I'm so nervous about taking this any further. I honestly don't know what I want or what I'm trying to achieve here. I think I just want a friend, but I'm not even sure

It's sort of beyond nervousness now, I'm actually paranoid I'm stringing this lady along when I don't know what I want. Urgh...

Thank you Drifter for your replies, they're very useful indeed and make me feel a little less insane temporarily!

 

[Lost Drifter]

Liking is whatever you make of it, I know that must sound like such a sell-out answer but it is near impossible to measure something like that. All I can suggest is that you ask yourself the following: If I were to suddenly lose contact with this person would I miss them? There are about a million variations on that question but the concept is the same; it’s asking if that person means anything to you and if the answer is yes we can then assume that you like them.

Whether the liking extends to the romantic side of things is your decision to make but from what I’m reading I’d say you have certainly entertained the idea (imagining what she would be like around your parents, her relationship status etc.) and that she flirts and talks with you indicates that she at least enjoys your company. Have you noticed her flirting with anyone else? Do you know if she talks online with anyone else? Quite difficult to decipher the tone of her comments without knowing her in the flesh but I’d say she is unquestionably hinting at something happening between you two.

Just remember that she and you are different people, that sounds obvious I know but what may sound risqué to you may not hold as much impact with her, I’m not saying she is cheap but perhaps more open when it comes down to sex and relationships. I have some female colleagues who I consider very lady-like, they’re well behaved and true professionals but aren’t above sending me a “wanna shag?” message from time to time. You just get to a certain age or position in life when you don’t want to waste time. I’m not saying she is exactly like that but you get the idea.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Liking is whatever you make of it, I know that must sound like such a sell-out answer but it is near impossible to measure something like that. All I can suggest is that you ask yourself the following: If I were to suddenly lose contact with this person would I miss them? There are about a million variations on that question but the concept is the same; it’s asking if that person means anything to you and if the answer is yes we can then assume that you like them.

Whether the liking extends to the romantic side of things is your decision to make but from what I’m reading I’d say you have certainly entertained the idea (imagining what she would be like around your parents, her relationship status etc.) and that she flirts and talks with you indicates that she at least enjoys your company. Have you noticed her flirting with anyone else? Do you know if she talks online with anyone else? Quite difficult to decipher the tone of her comments without knowing her in the flesh but I’d say she is unquestionably hinting at something happening between you two.

Just remember that she and you are different people, that sounds obvious I know but what may sound risqué to you may not hold as much impact with her, I’m not saying she is cheap but perhaps more open when it comes down to sex and relationships. I have some female colleagues who I consider very lady-like, they’re well behaved and true professionals but aren’t above sending me a “wanna shag?” message from time to time. You just get to a certain age or position in life when you don’t want to waste time. I’m not saying she is exactly like that but you get the idea.

I'll admit that when I first saw her a year and a bit ago, my first mental reaction was "Oh my God, she's so pretty!"

This was followed by "Meh, a girl like that wouldn't like me." Then I didn't talk to her for ages until eventually I introduced myself and she started talking to me.

So the idea of romance with her is something I've entertained for a long time, yeah. But when it actually comes down to it, there are so many things I'm worried about. I won't even go into detail, there's too much stuff...

I guess I would miss her a little if she vanished off my radar. Not sure in what capacity though. We're not "best buds", I've only been stepping up the amount I talk to her recently, but I'd say we're sort of friendly in general.

A while back I made a point of wishing her a happy birthday and she seemed really surprised (maybe touched?) I remembered. After that she started coming over to chat with me more.

I think one of the nicest things is just how open she seems with me. Whatever I say to her, I know she'll bother to talk back and have a proper conversation. She also tells me her own views on stuff, which I may not always agree with, but I think that shows that she could be really interesting to get to know better. So many girls don't seem to have opinions on anything, but she seems to have her own convictions.

I vaguely mentioned her to my parents as being a nice girl, and my mother in particular wrinkles her nose up without even knowing her. Which isn't making my life easier. Especially since she also thinks that her seniority by two years is "too much of an age gap". Sigh.

I can usually spot when a girl is the sort to sleep around lots or be really wild, she doesn't strike me as that sort. She's just sort of down to earth and more liberal in general than me I guess. What you said in your last paragraph holds true.

I'm sorry I'm so indecisive...there are a couple of girls from my past that could also be options for me right now, which isn't helping my thought process a whole lot!

 

[kamya]

Dood. Just do eet! Stop the thought process.

 

[Lost Drifter]

Dood. Just do eet! Stop the thought process.

This ^

No need to apologise for your thoughts brother, all perfectly normal, but sometimes I recommend just taking action and now would be the time. You don’t have to start a relationship, you don’t have to have sex or make commitments, but sample the water and see where things go. They can hardly be sour at this point in time.

 

[SophiaGrace]

it seems like you have some sort of strange anxiety. Social Anxiety.

beceause you overthink stuff = worrying perhaps and worrying is a classic sign of anxiety.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Kind of ironically, tomorrow is the last day I will see her for a month. I guess it's good in a way, should give me a chance to sort my head out

EDIT - Oh, definitely Soph. I only really get it this bad when it comes to romance though. I wonder if it's psychological damage from the way girls relentlessly hurt me when I was in my early teens or something. I feel very unattractive sometimes and I just really fear opening up emotionally to a girl in a relationship. I get the impression she'd just hurt me more

Weird, because I have no problem befriending girls. I just have this kind of disinclination to pursue things further than that sometimes.