Questions for the Men

[MrLonely86]

okay so if thats the “friendzone” what is the zone when guys only see you as a sexual option? Like you’ll never be girlfriend material?

You pretty much ask me to describe perfect GF at this point.
I like girls who are shy, quiet, insecure, strange and weird.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

You pretty much ask me to describe perfect GF at this point.
I like girls who are shy, quiet, insecure, strange and weird.

Well… then… colour me pink mate! Would you introduce her to your mum?

 

[MrLonely86]

Well… then… colour me pink mate! Would you introduce her to your mum?

Straight to the point, no bulls**t. I hate parents GF introduction, I did it once, it 5ucked.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Straight to the point, no bulls**t. I hate parents GF introduction, I did it once, it 5ucked.

Whatttt!!?!? Why? Are your parents judgemental?

 

[MrLonely86]

My parents are one of those - whoever you choose, they are never happy with your pick.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

My parents are one of those - whoever you choose, they are never happy with your pick.

Omg soooo are mineee I have this long list of everything he cant be… even my brother was like yikes sucks to be a girl because no one cares who he brings to meet them

 

[MrLonely86]

Well, in my country it's tons of times easier to be a girl then guy.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Well, in my country it's tons of times easier to be a girl then guy.

Swap? Lol where are you from?

 

[MrLonely86]

Swap? Lol where are you from?

The Balkans. Girls are favourited gender here, guys are almost discriminated in terms of society.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

The Balkans. Girls are favourited gender here, guys are almost discriminated in terms of society.

Thats crazy never heard of such a place, wish places would treat everyone l fairly.. but no theres always gotta be some unfair tilted balance.

 

[MrLonely86]

You would like it here, girls here have - " I'm a girl, give me free 5h1t " - attitude, and they can get away with it. You would enjoy it here.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

You would like it here, girls here have - " I'm a girl, give me free 5h1t " - attitude, and they can get away with it. You would enjoy it here.

…. Nahh I dont need free stuff lol if it was something like im a girl now pay me 35% more than the average man i’d be there asap!

 

[TheSkaFish]

I feel like even at feeling her ugliest most women are aware their looks are not so much an issue for the hottest guy… so they still demand higher or stay alone, I dont see why men cant do the same.

Because if they did, they'd just stay alone for the rest of their lives. It wouldn't change. And you'd have missed out on the sexual/romantic experience entirely - something considered part of a healthy life and a normal life, that most people seem to take for granted as something that just happens - you learn to walk, talk, tie your shoes, read, make friends, ride a bike, swim, drive, graduate school, get a job, date, marry, have kids, etc.

I guess it's that 90s perspective again, what I saw as a kid as normal, before the world got broken. But there was a certain sense that an at-least normal life was, and should be, attainable. Maybe you wouldn't live in a mansion, drive a supercar, and be famous. But you could at least be OK, and a relationship was part of that. It's just supposed to be a normal stage of life, like making friendships.

But when you're frozen out of what's supposed to be one of life's major milestones, it just sucks. It's soul-crushing to feel like you'll never get to experience it, while at the same time knowing that literally millions of people take it for granted as just a normal part of life. And it makes you wonder what's up too, because not all of those people are rich and attractive and special in some way. So it makes you feel like, what's wrong with you that's caused you to be shut out? It's more than just being sore about not getting to **** around with hot girls. It's about intimacy, partnership, emotional warmth and closeness. Having a life partner to go through life makes the whole thing easier to deal with and much more rewarding, satisfying, and fulfilling.

I don't care what anyone says, it's part of a normal life, and if you miss it, you're living a diminished quality of life.

(PS - not yelling at you by the way so don't read it in a yelling tone - just trying to explain the bigger picture)

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Because if they did, they'd just stay alone for the rest of their lives. It wouldn't change. And you'd have missed out on the sexual/romantic experience entirely - something considered part of a healthy life and a normal life, that most people seem to take for granted as something that just happens - you learn to walk, talk, tie your shoes, read, make friends, ride a bike, swim, drive, graduate school, get a job, date, marry, have kids, etc.

But when you're frozen out of what's supposed to be one of life's major milestones, it just sucks. It's soul-crushing to feel like you'll never get to experience it, while at the same time knowing that literally millions of people take it for granted as just a normal part of life. It's more than just being sore about not getting to **** around with hot girls. It's about intimacy, partnership, emotional warmth and closeness. Having a life partner to go through life makes the whole thing easier to deal with and much more rewarding, satisfying, and fulfilling.

I don't care what anyone says, it's part of a normal life, and if you miss it, you're living a diminished quality of life.

(PS - not yelling at you by the way so don't read it in a yelling tone - just trying to explain the bigger picture)

Well question is… is why are women stereotypically more able to get to grips with missing out than men ? Why wont men say im gonna have standards or be alone?

and awh you can yell at me if ya wanna Ska I’d never take it that way

 

[TheSkaFish]

Well question is… is why are women stereotypically more able to get to grips with missing out than men ? Why wont men say im gonna have standards or be alone?

and awh you can yell at me if ya wanna Ska I’d never take it that way

Lol, thanks but I don't really want to yell at you, or anyone unless they really push things too far. But that's not you, not even close.

Why are women more able to get to grips on missing out? I don't know.

Maybe it's because they're less worried that it will be a permanent condition, and more confident and reassured that that their singledom is just temporary? Like the difference between spending a few months in jail, versus a life sentence.
It doesn't feel as hopeless to them, because they don't feel like their situation is hopeless.

Or maybe they haven't accepted missing out at all, but are just better at hiding it?

I think with men, in addition to the despair of missing out, there's also an element of powerlessness and ineffectuality as well - of being a loser. It's like living under an insult that you can't respond to, like life/the universe itself is flipping you the finger. It's like, if you can't attract a woman, what kind of man are you? It's supposed to be something basic, elementary, that any guy that's interested, should be able to do. Maybe not a supermodel or a celebrity - which it's like, why would you want to anyway since you probably won't have anything in common - but you should at least be able to attract someone. Even I can't help but feel this way about myself.

The other problem is, the longer without a relationship you go, the more it erodes your confidence, the more hopeless and pessimistic you feel, the more apathetic you become about life, and the more negative it makes you feel about life and yourself - which only pushes you further into being unattractive because that's all pretty much the opposite of what attractive seems to be. But it's hard to keep slapping on that fake smile and pretending that everything is A-OK when everything sucks and you don't see how it's ever going to get better.

People like people (men especially) that are confident, optimistic, passionate about something, and positive, and who like themselves. But it's pretty hard to do any of those things when you've been single and dateless for your entire life, and don't see any reason why that should change in the future, and have no idea what you need to fix or how to fix it, or what you're missing or how to get it, or if there's anything you can do at all to change it.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Lol, thanks but I don't really want to yell at you, or anyone unless they really push things too far. But that's not you, not even close.

Why are women more able to get to grips on missing out? I don't know.

Maybe it's because they're less worried that it will be a permanent condition, and more confident and reassured that that their singledom is just temporary? Like the difference between spending a few months in jail, versus a life sentence.
It doesn't feel as hopeless to them, because they don't feel like their situation is hopeless.

Or maybe they haven't accepted missing out at all, but are just better at hiding it?

I think with men, in addition to the despair of missing out, there's also an element of powerlessness and ineffectuality as well - of being a loser. It's like living under an insult that you can't respond to, like life/the universe itself is flipping you the finger. It's like, if you can't attract a woman, what kind of man are you? It's supposed to be something basic, elementary, that any guy that's interested, should be able to do. Maybe not a supermodel or a celebrity - which it's like, why would you want to anyway since you probably won't have anything in common - but you should at least be able to attract someone. Even I can't help but feels this way about myself.

The other problem is, the longer without a relationship you go, the more it erodes your confidence, the more hopeless and pessimistic you feel, the more apathetic you become about life, and the more negative it makes you feel about life and yourself - which only pushes you further into being unattractive because that's all pretty much the opposite of what attractive seems to be. But it's hard to keep slapping on that fake smile and pretending that everything is A-OK when everything sucks and you don't see how it's ever going to get better.

People like people (men especially) that are confident, optimistic, passionate about something, and positive, and who like themselves. But it's pretty hard to do any of those things when you've been single and dateless for your entire life, and don't see any reason why that should change in the future, and have no idea what you need to fix or how to fix it, or what you're missing or how to get it, or if there's anything you can do at all to change it.

Why thank you kind sir

okay interesting maybe they are better at hiding it idk

I think you may have touched on something the whole idea of “becoming a man” is linked to sex where as for women its linked to our biology.

I’m sorry you feel that way though, so awful, im sure it’ll happen for ya Ska!

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

It does sounds like CenotaphGirl might be repeating the ideas of lonely bitter men on the internet, maybe ironically.

Of course, women claim to be offended at the friendzone thing because it implies men only value their company if there's a possibility of romance/sex. It is funny enough to see it turned around with a women consciously putting guys in a 'nice but not dateable' category.

Nah, I just take it as playing 20 Questions. That's literally what this thread is for.
I don't overthink it. Or if I do, I overthink it without being in my feels.
****, I hate being in my feels about anything in life.
If I could just be a robot, that'd be great.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Awh guys im sorry I never knew my questions were upsetting people, that was the lassstttt thing I wanted.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Awh guys im sorry I never knew my questions were upsetting people, that was the lassstttt thing I wanted.

I'm not upset. I appreciate your honesty, it's refreshing. Better than lies, no matter how well-intentioned - all that gets you is to stay stuck in confusion, or to keep going off in the wrong direction.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I have tried to be friends with guys, they like it at first then it makes them feel depressed which is the part I never understood.

It's simple. They like it at first because, like you were saying - these guys don't get a lot of attention from women, if any at all. So then you start talking to them - maybe even about their interests at that. And that's like, can this be real? A woman is, one - talking to them, and two - they actually have something in common? Of course they like it at first, and of course they get hopeful. And of course they get depressed when they start to realize that it's never going to happen because a woman with common interests with them, is probably something they've dreamed of their whole lives - especially when it seems like you see something in them, when no one else ever did. To them it must seem like you "like them for them", like society says is the way it's supposed to be. I imagine it is crushing when it turns out that way, and it confirms that any attention from women is too good to be true, and that they were right to be cynical and pessimistic about it.

My never section that im usually friends with can give me an ego boost by telling me how dumb my ex is and how any guy would be lucky to have me blah blah if they wish but thats as far as any of that would go.

See, this is exactly what I'm afraid of unwittingly falling into, and exactly what I want to avoid, because even though I'm (mostly) not crushing on the same women I was when I got to this site, there still aren't a lot of people I'm interested in getting to know, so every chance still counts and I can't afford to **** up my impression and get categorized as an orbiter, forever limited and held at a distance, just being used for an ego boost and not even considered a real, meaningful connection. I'd hate to be used as an orbiter. It would make me feel insulted, and like such a loser. I'd rather be nothing at all to someone than that, because I feel like being an orbiter is less than nothing. It's like...when you orbit a woman, she's looking down on you, looking at you with contempt - which makes me feel like to most women, being seen as weak/a loser/inferior, is worse than being seen as evil, because evil might still be strong and worthy of respect. But weakness isn't.

I hate all this survival of the fittest stuff, because it's like, being "right" for someone depends totally on random chance, being born as the right person, just like being born into nobility. I can't stand things that are predetermined by birth, cause it's like, your life is won or lost before you were even born, and there's absolutely nothing you can do to help yourself. You have to hope that you were lucky enough, and if you're not, you're just screwed and there's no hope. But I can't deny that it happens at least sometimes.

I kind of think if you told those guys to piss off, it might be the best thing for them. They'd get to be on their way to somewhere at least. And would you really miss them if they were gone? I'm guessing no. They're not going to get anywhere with you so they're wasting their time getting their hopes up for nothing. They should stop being orbiters and reclaim some pride.

I would say don't use these poor guys for an ego boost, because, even if you didn't mean it to be harmful, it is still using, and it is still harmful. If you need a pep talk, I'd say talk to your girl best friends instead - the people you see as equals. That way, everyone's on the same page, and no one's being used.

Again - sorry if that was harsh, but like I said this is something I worry about a lot to the point of not making moves at all cause I get so trapped in my own head, scared of making a wrong move and ruining things with someone I find interesting forever - what can I say that will be impressive or interesting enough to them? Or have I already acted in too unimpressive or boring of a way and I'm now forever relegated to the damn friend zone?

And I also really think keeping people as orbiters isn't good - for them, or for you. I think it's best if everyone goes where they belong.