Questions for the Men

[VanillaCreme]

I have a question for the guys:

Would you ever hide your desire (assume you have one if you really don't) to marry if your significant other told you that they would never marry? If so, why?

 

[Rosebolt]

Of course i wouldn't hide it. If i was in a relationship where i wouldn't feel comfortable talking about it, there's clearly something wrong with the relationship in question.

 

[RainbowWalker]

I absolutely agree with you, Rosebolt.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Of course i wouldn't hide it. If i was in a relationship where i wouldn't feel comfortable talking about it, there's clearly something wrong with the relationship in question.

Or you live in a country that likes to kill gay people if they try to come out . (they exist)

Although this scenario isn't really likely in the case that Nilla is talking about.

 

[user15010]

I have a question for the guys:

Would you ever hide your desire (assume you have one if you really don't) to marry if your significant other told you that they would never marry? If so, why?

I would hide it. I think it is sensible to wait until the other person is ready to touch upon the topic or changes their mind.

 

[Cavey]

Of course i wouldn't hide it. If i was in a relationship where i wouldn't feel comfortable talking about it, there's clearly something wrong with the relationship in question.

I agree. If I'm not in the kind of relationship where I can speak my mind, then I really don't see the point. I'm not going to push the issue, but I certainly wouldn't hide the fact that I would eventually wish to marry.

 

[deerhooves]

Would you ever hide your desire (assume you have one if you really don't) to marry if your significant other told you that they would never marry? If so, why?

If I really, really, really love her, and I don't want to lose her, maybe I will hide.

 

[lei]

okay so i wanted to ask, i'm assuming i know the answer already...

does a quiet guy pull away physically when he really does not like a girl? we had to take pictures and i put my arm around his lower back to get in close for the picture. i also stood next to him for a bigger group picture. when i looked at the pics later...he looked really unhappy in pic 1, he was leaning away from me in pic 2. in another group pic the prettiest girl stood next to him and he actually had a genuine smile for once (usually he does not smile much).

so yeah i'm feeling like i creeped him out when my arm was there. fyi he is kind of antisocial and sarcastic but he did talk to me a few times which was weird because he didn't talk much to anyone besides his friends. and i was the shyest one of the group. tbh i liked him because he was so intelligent as weird as that sounds

 

[PenDragon]

I have a question for the guys:

Would you ever hide your desire (assume you have one if you really don't) to marry if your significant other told you that they would never marry? If so, why?

No, never. I won't hide my feelings, not at all. It's true I'm selfish sometimes but I will let her know. Just because I will lose her I will hide my feelings, hell No! It's better to let it out than keeping in. She has to know. Feeling something so deep and powerful can't be kept inside for too long.

okay so i wanted to ask, i'm assuming i know the answer already...

does a quiet guy pull away physically when he really does not like a girl? we had to take pictures and i put my arm around his lower back to get in close for the picture. i also stood next to him for a bigger group picture. when i looked at the pics later...he looked really unhappy in pic 1, he was leaning away from me in pic 2. in another group pic the prettiest girl stood next to him and he actually had a genuine smile for once (usually he does not smile much).

so yeah i'm feeling like i creeped him out when my arm was there. fyi he is kind of antisocial and sarcastic but he did talk to me a few times which was weird because he didn't talk much to anyone besides his friends. and i was the shyest one of the group. tbh i liked him because he was so intelligent as weird as that sounds

I think you creeped him out a little if you touched him for the first time. It's normal reaction for guys at least for me. But I won't pull away, might be little nervous or scared. But that is just me. Can't tell about others though.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Any person might pull away from another they don't like or even like if they feel uncomfortable or their personal space is being invaded, some people just don't like to be touched. Could be any number of reasons really, hard to say. Could only speak for myself but I'm not this guy you speak of so it may be of no real help or use to you.

 

[deerhooves]

@lei:
It depends how he thinks about you. If he dosen't think you are close enough, It can make him nervous.
If I was you, I'd like to apologize to him, but it also depends situation.

 

[lei]

Thanks for the replies everyone. I can understand why it would be uncomfortable because I've reacted that way too sometimes depending who it was. I thought it was fine at the time, but when I saw the pictures later, he looked kind of miserable and I wondered if I was the reason!

But honestly he is like that too, not smiling or engaging anybody. He is just difficult to read...everyone's always like "what's with him?" and leaves him alone. And it threw me off because he talked to me several times, even after the picture thing happened. Oh well

 

[Regumika]

Thanks for the replies everyone. I can understand why it would be uncomfortable because I've reacted that way too sometimes depending who it was. I thought it was fine at the time, but when I saw the pictures later, he looked kind of miserable and I wondered if I was the reason!

But honestly he is like that too, not smiling or engaging anybody. He is just difficult to read...everyone's always like "what's with him?" and leaves him alone. And it threw me off because he talked to me several times, even after the picture thing happened. Oh well

I'm a selectively touchy person. I don't like touching others or being touched by others (even if they are family). However, I highly desire physical contact with someone that I'm dating. So for me, unless it's someone I'm in a relationship with, physical contact will always be uneasy for me.

 

[Arachne]

Why do some men on the internet assume that you want a relationship when you are merely being friendly? It's happened to me a few times now and I am at a point where I don't want to bother being friendly, like sending a pm or chatting on msn etc etc. I am shy, so to even start a conversation is hard for me, but I have pushed myself to do it, a harmless pm or an exchange of email. I am not here looking for a boyfriend, over the internet, I am quite fine thank you and I have options around me where I live. Yes, I have fantasies like everyone else but I live in the real world like you do. Please stop assuming I want to have a relationship with you that leads to a love connection. (end mini rant) However, I would love some insight so I can better understand the male psyche. For the record it was very hard for me to write and ask this.. Bright Blessings and thank you.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Why do some men on the internet assume that you want a relationship when you are merely being friendly? It's happened to me a few times now and I am at a point where I don't want to bother being friendly, like sending a pm or chatting on msn etc etc. I am shy, so to even start a conversation is hard for me, but I have pushed myself to do it, a harmless pm or an exchange of email. I am not here looking for a boyfriend, over the internet, I am quite fine thank you and I have options around me where I live. Yes, I have fantasies like everyone else but I live in the real world like you do. Please stop assuming I want to have a relationship with you that leads to a love connection. (end mini rant) However, I would love some insight so I can better understand the male psyche. For the record it was very hard for me to write and ask this.. Bright Blessings and thank you.

I think it's just desperation. And many men don't get much attention so when a woman seems friendly, they jump to the wrong conclusions.

Another thing and I may be wrong but I am not sure that many men want female friends. They want girlfriends.

 

[looking glass]

Maybe because it's not usual that a woman makes the first move and when she does, even in just a friendly manner, men immediately jump to the wrong conclusion.

Also there are a lot of creeps on the internet. Just generally a lot of idiots. Sometimes it's easy to forget, especially if you only frequent places where you know other people. But sometimes, when I look at other boards and forums I am sometimes amazed at how uncivil people behave.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Another thing and I may be wrong but I am not sure that many men want female friends. They want girlfriends.

I'm not so sure about this. The majority of my friends over the course of my life have been males, many of them in committed relationships. Granted, yes, a few of them wanted to date me, but definitely not the majority of them. I think it just depends on the guy and how he interprets things.
I also think that maybe some people get the wrong idea in their heads when 2 people get close, mistaking closeness for something more and thinking they want a relationship because they are confused by it. This applies to both men and women though.

 

[Regumika]

Why do some men on the internet assume that you want a relationship when you are merely being friendly? It's happened to me a few times now and I am at a point where I don't want to bother being friendly, like sending a pm or chatting on msn etc etc. I am shy, so to even start a conversation is hard for me, but I have pushed myself to do it, a harmless pm or an exchange of email. I am not here looking for a boyfriend, over the internet, I am quite fine thank you and I have options around me where I live. Yes, I have fantasies like everyone else but I live in the real world like you do. Please stop assuming I want to have a relationship with you that leads to a love connection. (end mini rant) However, I would love some insight so I can better understand the male psyche. For the record it was very hard for me to write and ask this.. Bright Blessings and thank you.

Why do some women on the internet (and in real life) assume that I am hitting on them when I am merely being friendly?

^There, I fixed it. The problem isn't just one way, it's both ways.

Then you come across people that are more like "ignorant" and when someone is ACTUALLY flirting and showing interest/signs, it doesn't register. It could be because the person has made a conscious decision to not date anyone so they ignore all signs and read them as "just being friendly." Or it could be because you aren't interested in them so whatever action they perform, you just automatically think it's a friendly gesture because there will NEVER be anything more than friends between you and the other person.

Desperation? Possibly. There comes a point for many people where having friends just isn't enough. [You] want that ONE person that is willing to trust [you] with everything that they have and accept everything that [you] are. Friends can only go so far, at the end of the day you sleep on your own and they sleep on their own. You wake up by yourself and they wake up by themselves. People don't look for relationships for sex. Sex is a result of relationships, not the reason people are in relationships in the first place. It's like having a career. You don't work your life to get the career you want so you can make money. You want your career because you will enjoy doing it, money is just a result.

 

[PenDragon]

Desperation, attention, lack of intimacy and many more reasons, you name it. They are kinda lonely, away from contacts, away from deep bonding so when ever they feel anyone can hear them or anyone who care for them, they impatiently assume "the one" theory. Well, it takes more than few words to know anyone. Jumping to conclusions doesn't do any good.

Why do some women on the internet (and in real life) assume that I am hitting on them when I am merely being friendly?

This couldn't be anymore more true. Why the hell I can't be friend and still like them. Geez, is it that hard to understand! Caring is good. And why the hell they always assume love can be of only one type. Damn man! Don't bind love in some stupid boundaries, Love is limitless and unending, Is it that hard?

 

[VanillaCreme]

Why do some women on the internet (and in real life) assume that I am hitting on them when I am merely being friendly?

This couldn't be anymore more true. Why the hell I can't be friend and still like them. Geez, is it that hard to understand! Caring is good. And why the hell they always assume love can be of only one type. Damn man! Don't bind love in some stupid boundaries, Love is limitless and unending, Is it that hard?

I have to say I agree with this. I'm not a man, but I'll put my thoughts in anyway. I have friends, male friends, that I do love. I'd do anything to help them. If I had a million dollars, I'd buy a house, fly them in so we could all have fun. And even without that, we still have fun together. I'm always there for them to give them advice or help them out with something that puzzles them. To me, that's love. I never assumed that any of them had anything more than platonic love for me. Most of them have wives and girlfriends, and I'm as nice as possible to their significant others as well. The thought of gettin' with them never crosses my mind.