Questions for the Men

[boonieghoul]

With all the complicated maze of social interaction and relationship-related chat to navigate through, It's no wonder that I sometimes, hell, mostly feel like an alien trying to appear moderately human and failing. This talking to one another shouldn't be as surreal as organizing a military maneuver between cats and hummingbirds, but it certainly feels like it.

 

[9006]

With all the complicated maze of social interaction and relationship-related chat to navigate through, It's no wonder that I sometimes, hell, mostly feel like an alien trying to appear moderately human and failing. This talking to one another shouldn't be as surreal as organizing a military maneuver between cats and hummingbirds, but it certainly feels like it.

Some people are just better at communicating, it's no big deal. The real issue is for people to identify this, instead you're classed as weird, unsociable or a loner.

 

[BadGuy]

I have often referred to myself as weird LOL
Turns out I am different from most men .... its not a bad thing apparently... so I am told by a female friend
I think just about everyone gets nerves about something ... if you take the time to talk AND listen to others you will find out we are not all that different

 

[LiLeila]

I asked girls and I'm also curious what you guys think. Do you believe in male-female friendship? Do you have female friends and it never was flirty contact, just platonic?

 

[Xpendable]

All the (few) female friendships I've had in my life have consisted in what utility may I serve at the moment as a human commodity. And yes, I say friendship because that's how the saw it.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I asked girls and I'm also curious what you guys think. Do you believe in male-female friendship? Do you have female friends and it never was flirty contact, just platonic?

I don't see the point in having female friends. Not close friends anyway.
It isn't worth it if there is no physical side to the friendship. That doesn't mean I don't like women. Having conversations either online or in real life is nice and I enjoy the company of women. But best buddies with a woman is a non starter !

 

[Sci-Fi]

Seriously?

I asked girls and I'm also curious what you guys think. Do you believe in male-female friendship? Do you have female friends and it never was flirty contact, just platonic?

As for the question, I have lots of female friends. Sometimes they got a little flirty but that's just human nature to be playful at times. It was never meant in harm and I didn't take it as anything more than just being flirty. Sometimes it was used to ward off unwanted attention, which didn't always work. I don't think there is any problem having friends of the opposite sex, some of my good friends are women.

 

[LiLeila]

Well, as I wrote earlier:

I always hang out with guys, I don't get women world at all. I have a men mind I think. But everytime there was some issues not only on my side. If I'd be a single I'd probably not care but it's so uncomfortable when I am in a realationship. (...)

Once I had a friend for almost 4 years and I was sure this is platonic and then, one day... puff. Another time it was something like 2-3 years and it also starting be strange. I thought these were just a meetings but probably he thought that we're dating. And so on...

So I just had that kind of experience all the time and even if I always believed in any friendship now I'm confused.

Sometimes they got a little flirty but that's just human nature to be playful at times. It was never meant in harm and I didn't take it as anything more than just being flirty.

I wish to have this approach (and that men had), that's exactly what I mean. There is so thin ice between fun and something more I think. I don't want to hurt someone and also I don't want to avoid them.

I don't see the point in having female friends. Not close friends anyway.

So how to recognize if a guy wants friendship or girlfriend if human nature is like Sci-Fi said ;_;

 

[Wayfarer]

Well, as Sci-fi said, it's just human nature. In many cases I was the one wanting 'something more' but well it happens and usually is temporary.
I found I can talk more easily with women than men, actually. No idea why that is.
I believe male female friendship is possible though.

As for recognizing it hmm.. I guess... flat out asking? XD someone else may have better solutions..

 

[Triple Bogey]

Well, as I wrote earlier:

I always hang out with guys, I don't get women world at all. I have a men mind I think. But everytime there was some issues not only on my side. If I'd be a single I'd probably not care but it's so uncomfortable when I am in a realationship. (...)

Once I had a friend for almost 4 years and I was sure this is platonic and then, one day... puff. Another time it was something like 2-3 years and it also starting be strange. I thought these were just a meetings but probably he thought that we're dating. And so on...

So I just had that kind of experience all the time and even if I always believed in any friendship now I'm confused.

Sometimes they got a little flirty but that's just human nature to be playful at times. It was never meant in harm and I didn't take it as anything more than just being flirty.

I wish to have this approach (and that men had), that's exactly what I mean. There is so thin ice between fun and something more I think. I don't want to hurt someone and also I don't want to avoid them.

I don't see the point in having female friends. Not close friends anyway.

So how to recognize if a guy wants friendship or girlfriend if human nature is like Sci-Fi said ;_;

If a guy is single and a woman is single then I can't believe the guy would only want friendship.

 

[user 115627]

I do believe it's possible if you're honest with each other so everyone knows where they stand. Then you could even tease all you want cause you can trust that the other one does not misinterprets it. I had a few female friends throughout the years and some developed into more because we both thought "Why not?" and went with the flow...which turned out more or less disastrous in the long run - a different story though. With others there was never any question to what it is - even if both of us were single. It's not that hard to control your feelings either.

Hard to tell with each individual where teasing ends and actual flirting begins. Problems arise when one party invests months and years into a friendship thinking it might turn into more than that. When they find out they will always remain "just a friend"...whoosh, friendzoned - the evil word. But nobody is obligated to tell the other one from the get-go "Hey, this is just platonic" to eliminate any misunderstanding. It's nothing more than a friendship until both people agree it is. And not saying it outright does not equal leading somebody on either. Should the other person claim this though...you better bail.

 

[kamya]

For women if you were to suddenly offer sex or a relationship one day would they take it? Would you still consider it platonic knowing that?

For guys. If your "platonic" friends offered these things would you take them up on it? Are you being delusional when you call them platonic friends?

I posted on both threads since this was asked in both.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I asked girls and I'm also curious what you guys think. Do you believe in male-female friendship? Do you have female friends and it never was flirty contact, just platonic?

I don't see the point in having female friends. Not close friends anyway.
It isn't worth it if there is no physical side to the friendship. That doesn't mean I don't like women. Having conversations either online or in real life is nice and I enjoy the company of women. But best buddies with a woman is a non starter !

What exactly do you mean by this? Because all I'm getting is that women must be somehow inferior to oh so saintly men....I hope I'm wrong, but that's kind of how it reads.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I asked girls and I'm also curious what you guys think. Do you believe in male-female friendship? Do you have female friends and it never was flirty contact, just platonic?

I don't see the point in having female friends. Not close friends anyway.
It isn't worth it if there is no physical side to the friendship. That doesn't mean I don't like women. Having conversations either online or in real life is nice and I enjoy the company of women. But best buddies with a woman is a non starter !

What exactly do you mean by this? Because all I'm getting is that women must be somehow inferior to oh so saintly men....I hope I'm wrong, but that's kind of how it reads.

If you don't understand it, read it again. It's pretty clear.

 

[LiLeila]

For women if you were to suddenly offer sex or a relationship one day would they take it? Would you still consider it platonic knowing that?

Well, sex is pretty obvious for me. Friends doesn't do it but I know that some people think they can. In my case I mean only words or coquettish behavior. I couldn't be friends anymore when I know that they want some more or I had that things in the past with them (I mean friendship with exs).

As for recognizing it hmm.. I guess... flat out asking? XD someone else may have better solutions..

Friends live sometimes in one flat so I don't think so ;d But I had once this situation and I didn't agree to that. I'll feel awkward ;p

If a guy is single and a woman is single then I can't believe the guy would only want friendship.

But if man is single and woman not, what then? I think that guys doesn't really care that girl have a boyfriend sometimes.

 

[there is no hope]

I've never had a friend but I imagined the two are entirely seperate things. It's not a hard concept.
I think part of it is that people don't want to be friends with those they consider unattractive. For men the issue rarely comes up because men won't pursue women they're disinterested in, and men find most women at least attractive enough to merit consideration as people. For attractive or at least respected men, the friendzone does not exist.

All of this makes me happy I never had a friend.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I've never had a friend but I imagined the two are entirely seperate things. It's not a hard concept.
I think part of it is that people don't want to be friends with those they consider unattractive. For men the issue rarely comes up because men won't pursue women they're disinterested in, and men find most women at least attractive enough to merit consideration as people. For attractive or at least respected men, the friendzone does not exist.

All of this makes me happy I never had a friend.

I have male and female friends that are both attractive and unattractive.

 

[In a lonely place]

I asked girls and I'm also curious what you guys think. Do you believe in male-female friendship? Do you have female friends and it never was flirty contact, just platonic?

I too get confused sometimes about whether a girl/woman is interested in being more than just friends. But I think men jump to this conclusion much quicker than women.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

Would you stay friends with an ex? Are you currently friends with an ex? If yes, what did it take for you to be able to remain friends?

 

[kamya]

I'm friends I guess with every ex. It took a lot of time not communicating and ignoring them. They always seems to want to reconnect.