Questions for the Men

[bleed_the_freak]

I've never subscribed to the Plain Jane thing.

If she is funny, warm, and conversational, her true beauty will shine regardless of eyewear or makeup.

Perhaps I'm wired strangely like Rodent above.

 

[Austen]

Paraiyar, Celt, Rodent, MisterLonely, bleed-the_freak – thanks guys. You’re right, it’s better to filter out the guys who wouldn’t be attracted to me without the makeup, because as much as it sucks, it’s better than pretending to be something I’m not.

The Real Callie – I don’t think I could impress anyone even if I did wear a tonne of makeup haha! I wear the contacts and makeup because I have low self esteem and I feel like those things make me less unattractive. But perhaps you and DarkSelene are right in that whatever I’m doing probably doesn’t make that big a difference.

DarkSelene – Thanks for warm welcome

 

[beautiful loser]

Where is example C ?  C = All of example A and a little bit of makeup and definitely the glasses (the right frame and glasses can be very sexy).  Knock him dead

 

[MisterLonely]

Paraiyar, Celt, Rodent, MisterLonely, bleed-the_freak – thanks guys. You’re right, it’s better to filter out the guys who wouldn’t be attracted to me without the makeup, because as much as it sucks, it’s better than pretending to be something I’m not.

The Real Callie – I don’t think I could impress anyone even if I did wear a tonne of makeup haha! I wear the contacts and makeup because I have low self esteem and I feel like those things make me less unattractive. But perhaps you and DarkSelene are right in that whatever I’m doing probably doesn’t make that big a difference.

DarkSelene – Thanks for warm welcome

Whatever you're doing might not make much off a difference to him, but it could be huge for yourself, eventhough I would still say you shouldn't try to look perfect, I can totally understand doing some things to feel good about the way you present yourself. 

It's no different for men, we wash, do our hair and make sure we smell nice and dress sharp to feel good just asmuch as women do.

 

[Celt]

Plus 1 i think if you are feeling comfortable in yourself you'll be more likely to make a good impression. So in that respect, present how you feel most comfortable.

Should I be wishing you the best of luck? Anyway I just did hehe.

 

[ardour]

I'm not trying to say the 'right' PC thing here... but I don't find makeup all that necessary.

 

[TheRealCallie]

During the summer, when my freckles are more noticeable, I will put makeup on to hide them a bit because I hate them. Almost everyone I knows loves my freckles, but I don't, so I do what I want so that I'm comfortable with myself. I don't feel it's hiding who I am because I have freckles on my shoulders and arms as well, I just hate them on my face. lol

 

[Austen]

Thank you for all your feedback guys!

And no, none of this has to do with a date, haven't had one for a loooong time . I was just wondering about how people viewed me.

But your comments have made me come to a conclusion. I do feel more confident with light make up, and it really is too little to make a huge difference. But I'd probably ditch the contacts and wear my glasses next time I go out for any social event, just so the guy can decide if he finds me attractive or not, and better sooner than later.

 

[Meaw]

*notices that more women gives the "wear makeup"-advice
*drops out again

 

[Serenia]

Just wondering if guys who don't want to date single Mothers, could explain it further?

 

[bleed_the_freak]

Just wondering if guys who don't want to date single Mothers, could explain it further?

I never had a problem dating single mothers, as long as they were good mothers. There is nothing more unattractive than a bad mom.

 

[kamya]

Just wondering if guys who don't want to date single Mothers, could explain it further?

Well since dating and finding potential dates seems to mostly be about judging a book by its cover, there are plenty of judgements that can be made against single mothers. These don't apply to all single moms but it applies to enough of them that this will run through the head of a lot of men before engaging in a relationship with a single mom. And before anyone gets upset, don't try to pretend that women are any less picky when it comes to men.

• Kids limit lifestyle choices and options a lot. So much so that there are many people out there that never want kids all together.
• She wont have much time to spend with you because she's a single mom.

• They are a single mom for a reason. This can be a flag on its own. Potentially bad decision making skills. Potentially not good relationship material. Psychological problems. They are usually a lot more stressed out and quick to get angry or naggy. Might end up nagging you as if you are one of her kids.

• Physically (it really does matter), she will most likely not be as attractive as most other single lady options. Pulled out stomachs, saggy breasts, pregnancy weight that seems to never actually come off and somehow seems to keep growing even after the baby is born. There are hot moms out there, but it's not at all the norm.

• They are most likely broke and you WILL most likely end up funneling all of your time and energy into them while sacrificing your own personal well being.

• You will most likely have to deal with their ex in some way. Drama. 

• You will most likely find yourself pitching in financially to taking care of this kid that isn't yours. (you will get very little credit or acknowledgement in return for this)

• You will always be a secondary concern to her.

• You might end up wondering is she keeps you are around because she needs someone to pay the bills or if she actually is in love with you.

Most of these just come down to finances in the end I guess. 

And in the end... there are usually just better options.

Anyways. There's a very judgemental look on single moms.

 

[TheRealCallie]

[*]They are a single mom for a reason. This can be a flag on its own. Potentially bad decision making skills. Potentially not good relationship material. Psychological problems. They are usually a lot more stressed out and quick to get angry or naggy. Might end up nagging you as if you are one of her kids.
[/list]

Okay, so it's only bad if a person has kids when it comes to past relationships? Seems to me like pretty much everyone has failed relationships, so how would it be any different when kids are involved?

[*]Physically (it really does matter), she will most likely not be as attractive as most other single lady options. Pulled out stomachs, saggy breasts, pregnancy weight that seems to never actually come off and somehow seems to keep growing even after the baby is born. There are hot moms out there, but it's not at all the norm.

There are quite a few moms out there that those things don't apply to. It's about taking care of yourself. Also, those would apply to people who lost a lot of weight too, so again, how it is only bad when there are kids involved?

[*]They are most likely broke and you WILL most likely end up funneling all of your time and energy into them while sacrificing your own personal well being.

Um, WHAT? Sorry, but no, they will not "most likely to be broke." Most single mothers work **** hard to take care of everything they need and aren't looking for a man to pay their way.

[*]You will most likely find yourself pitching in financially to taking care of this kid that isn't yours. (you will get very little credit or acknowledgement in return for this)

Again, no. Sure, if you are involved with the mother, that means you are going to be involved with the kid too, but that doesn't mean you will be shelling out for everything. No, just no.

[*]You might end up wondering is she keeps you are around because she needs someone to pay the bills or if she actually is in love with you.

See above....


What exactly do you have against single mothers that you would think this honeysuckle about them? Do you only know piece of honeysuckle mothers or something?

 

[Paraiyar]

Just wondering if guys who don't want to date single Mothers, could explain it further?

I don't want the responsibility and wouldn't like the bottleneck it would probably place on my time with my partner.

 

[ardour]

Who needs tact eh kamya?
...

You'll probably end up if not in an actual parent role, with a lot of the same responsibilities, but without the shared life experience between the two of you. That'd be the major downside for me. And depending on their age(s) the kids are likely to be embarrassed by my presence as well. It's down to how an individual views the situation, obviously.

The character judgement stuff isn’t particularly fair though, unless you subscribe to the MRA 'alpha fucks/beta bucks' crap about women. Fathers turn out to be useless, or worse. Not necessarily the mother's fault.

 

[Meaw]

Well, technically, Kamya's right. The points are valid. Nowhere can I see him saying that he personally believes this, which could or could not be the case.
Ardours last point is a good one too. (And then that post was edited :/ )
If I'd reshape the question into this: "Why would you not want to get together with a partner that already has kids?" my harsh but honest answer would be "It would severely limit all my future choices and activities, and I would have to invest time in something I would not believe not me not Earth needs, just because this partner has loved someone before loving me. In addition to that, I do not think I'd make a good parent, when I'm trying to have a football plans distance between me and any spawn, doesn't have a social network, could possibly get angry, and one strong reason, don't want another being to have to suffer through life." This is just the start, I could go on for hours, lol.

 

[bleed_the_freak]

It seems like those in this thread expressing serious concerns about dating single mothers are speaking in theoretical terms?

I've dated three single moms in the past. The kids were never a problem. Kids are just little human beings. Often, they are kind of cool to have around. It can be rewarding being a good role model (not a replacement parent) for another human being.

None of the single moms I've dated were fat, ugly, and trying to steal my money and control my life and consume all my time. Single moms are just people too. They just wanted to date me to be with me. They are just human beings who happen to have children. Having children doesn't necessarily make one a money-grubbing morally depraved burden in life.

As a single father perhaps I just have a different perspective.

 

[kamya]

Who needs tact eh kamya?
...

The point sometimes is lost when buried under sugar.

I simply tried to explain why some men might choose not to date single moms when there are options not to. Snap judgements are made on dating apps/sites nowadays. Moms definitely will have a harder time for many reasons.

I even tried to clarify multiple times that not all moms are that way, and that not all men care. But the ones that avoid single moms do care. Don't take it personally. People that lose a lot of weight have loose skin. If someone told me that was unattractive and they preferred people without loose skin... id at least understand it. 

As for the money thing. If you didn't have kids you would most likely be better off financially. Not only now, but you'd have more financial freedom/flexibility in the future. I don't see why this would upset anyone to read. Single women without kids will most likely have more disposable income. Not to mention more free time. More freedom. Less things tying them down. Again... there is nothing personal about it.

Id also like to add that O don't think being broke and struggling for money and being physically unnattractive means someone is a shitty person. It just means they aren't the best option. Just like many of my features make me not the best option for most women.

 

[SofiasMami]

lol If a man says he won't date a single mom, it would be a fool's errand to chase that down and try to convince him otherwise. Different strokes for different folks.
Plenty of single guys - many of whom are also parents - don't mind dating single moms.

 

[user 115627]

It's all about propensities and probabilities. Kamya gave a very grim perspective and he even prefaced it with "doesn't apply to all single mothers", but I can see that selected points apply often enough for stereotypes and red flags to be formed in people's heads, regardless of your individual properties. If you are a single mother and none of these points apply to you, good for you.

Yeah, who cares about tact...if you are genuinely interested, look for fact. Statistics, if you are the pedantic type. As a guy (who doesn't date at all) I can merely encourage other guys to pay attention - especially to the things that are not being said - and see if you are able to handle the situation which may or may not surround a single mother or any person you are currently dating.