Questions for the Men

[VanillaCreme]

Most of these just come down to finances in the end I guess.

If that's all someone offers, why complain?

 

[kamya]

Most of these just come down to finances in the end I guess.

If that's all someone offers, why complain?

Who's complaining? I don't understand your post.

 

[bleed_the_freak]

Devil's Advocate:

Single mothers were considered valuable enough by someone to mate with

Single mothers have a deeper understanding of the human condition, because they've been both a "child" and a "parent"

Single mothers have a better work ethic because they have to work to provide for two

Single mothers have vaginas that work and like sex, clearly

Single mothers are more down to earth, because parenthood is down to earth

Single mothers are less likely to be materialistic, because their focus in on "family" and not "things"

Single mothers are understanding and respectful of men, especially if they have raised or are raising a boy

Single mothers are less likely to badger you to have kids with them, because they already have kids

Shall I continue?

 

[kamya]

You can continue but the question was asking us to elaborate on why guys that don't date single moms... dont date single moms. She wasn't asking our personal opinions on single moms in general or asking for us to debate the good and bad sides of dating single moms.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Single mothers are understanding and respectful of men, especially if they have raised or are raising a boy

*Currently raising two boys* 

No comment.  :club:  lol


But seriously, why is Firefox telling me that "single" is spelled wrong?

 

[Xpendable]

No damaged assets.

 

[TheRealCallie]

You can continue but the question was asking us to elaborate on why guys that don't date single moms... dont date single moms. She wasn't asking our personal opinions on single moms in general or asking for us to debate the good and bad sides of dating single moms.

So you wouldn't date a single mother?  Because she asked the opinions of guys who won't date them.

I'm not saying that's not right, you have every right not to, if that's your choice, but misguided crap that was posted earlier is probably part of the reason there's such a stigma against single mothers. 

In my experience and from what I've heard, I'd wager there are far more gold diggers in the female population that have no kids than of those that do.  
What about people with large chests?  They will definitely have saggy ****s...probably sooner than mothers.  What about people who grew too fast as a child and have stretch marks as a result of that?  Half of the stuff you blurted out earlier aren't even about people who have children.  Half of the stuff you blurted out earlier has everything to do with gold digging, selfish people.  And some of it is why some people have body image issues. 

And yes, I'm aware that you said not ALL single mothers are lumped into those categories, but sorry, "A LOT" of them don't.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Most of these just come down to finances in the end I guess.

If that's all someone offers, why complain?

Who's complaining? I don't understand your post.

I'm just saying. Most of your points do come down to money. But if that's something that's mainly offered, what else is there to say? I don't necessarily think that your post/reply was complaining, but there are hints of it, at least that I read. I'm not a mother, but if I were, knowing myself, I'd rather do without than to have someone think they always have to pay for me. And if that's the only thing that someone offers in a relationship, on the opposite end of that single mother, then what's the big deal?

Basically my point is, if you don't want someone - anyone - to consider you for money, don't make it the most forthcoming attribute. I know I can't speak for all women, and I wouldn't want to, but not every single mother is out to get a cash cow. Not every woman in general. Of course, there are some women, mother or no, that do think it's okay to hold their hand out. But a lot of us don't care for that.

 

[Paraiyar]

No damaged assets.

This should end well...

 

[kamya]

Again you miss the point. Just because some of those traits can apply to other people that aren't single moms doesn't mean anything I said is untrue or misguided. Most mothers do have these physical traits in common. You know this to be true. Everyone does. People have body image issues because people judge each other based on looks. Pretending it doesn't happen isn't going to suddenly change everyone's minds about what they find attractive.

At this point yes, I would hesitate quite a bit before reaching out to a single mother on a dating site. Mostly for the lifestyle and financial reasons I mentioned.

And its not about feeling like they are a gold digger or always want the guy to pay for everything. It's that they will most likely be struggling for money and if you want to do anything that costs money... there is a good chance they won't be able to afford it. Then there is the financial freedom on top of that. Do you really think women without children have more fixed/unfixed expenses than those that do? I don't see what there is to argue against here.

When you eventually marry your finances will be combined and you will end up sharing the financial situation whether you like it or not. Your income is now "our" income, their debt is now "our" debt, their expenses are now "our" expenses. Once you get to know the other person a lot of these things start to matter less and less. A lot of guys don't mind at all really. If you love someone enough you aren't going to care about the money. You will just want to make their lives better and take care of them. But eventually people get petty, people act ******, take things for granted, play power games. It's not hard to see how some doubt and resentment might manifest over something like this over time. Worst case divorce happens. Historically guys don't fare well when it comes to that point. You really can't blame guys for being cautious. Again, it happens with women without children too, but in the case of single moms I personally feel the description of being broke applies in more cases than not.

And since you asked about my personal experiences, I've never known a single mother that didn't require a monumental amount of support from the friends/family around them. They usually require the help of the government as well. Even the hardest working ones are still barely making it. I respect how hard it is and how hard they work. It's not a bad thing, it's just the reality of the situation for most of them. It doesn't make them ****** parents. If I had a kid to take care of right now I'd be in the same situation.

Finances are only one of the many lifestyle limitations that are usually packaged with having a kid or being in a relationship with someone that has a kid.

 

[EveWasFramed]

No damaged assets.

Tell that to your MOTHER. Doesn't matter if she was a single parent or married. She would fall under your comment. 

It's fine for someone not to want to date a single parent. But Jesus ******* Christ - have a little god damn respect for women who have given birth. A woman gave birth to every person on this damn forum!

 

[ardour]

Basically my point is, if you don't want someone - anyone - to consider you for money, don't make it the most forthcoming attribute. I know I can't speak for all women, and I wouldn't want to, but not every single mother is out to get a cash cow. Not every woman in general. Of course, there are some women, mother or no, that do think it's okay to hold their hand out. But a lot of us don't care for that.

Agree with this. If you suspect you might be used as a meal ticket then don't offer that level of financial support early on.  From there it should be easy enough to tell if she is genuinely interested in you as opposed to you as a provider.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Again you miss the point. Just because some of those traits can apply to other people that aren't single moms doesn't mean anything I said is untrue or misguided. Most mothers do have these physical traits in common. You know this to be true. Everyone does. People have body image issues because people judge each other based on looks. Pretending it doesn't happen isn't going to suddenly change everyone's minds about what they find attractive.

At this point yes, I would hesitate quite a bit before reaching out to a single mother on a dating site. Mostly for the lifestyle and financial reasons I mentioned.

And its not about feeling like they are a gold digger or always want the guy to pay for everything. It's that they will most likely be struggling for money and if you want to do anything that costs money... there is a good chance they won't be able to afford it. Then there is the financial freedom on top of that. Do you really think women without children have more fixed/unfixed expenses than those that do? I don't see what there is to argue against here.

When you eventually marry your finances will be combined and you will end up sharing the financial situation whether you like it or not. Your income is now "our" income, their debt is now "our" debt, their expenses are now "our" expenses. Once you get to know the other person a lot of these things start to matter less and less. A lot of guys don't mind at all really. If you love someone enough you aren't going to care about the money. You will just want to make their lives better and take care of them. But eventually people get petty, people act ******, take things for granted, play power games. It's not hard to see how some doubt and resentment might manifest over something like this over time. Worst case divorce happens. Historically guys don't fare well when it comes to that point. You really can't blame guys for being cautious. Again, it happens with women without children too, but in the case of single moms I personally feel the description of being broke applies in more cases than not.

And since you asked about my personal experiences, I've never known a single mother that didn't require a monumental amount of support from the friends/family around them. They usually require the help of the government as well. Even the hardest working ones are still barely making it. I respect how hard it is and how hard they work. It's not a bad thing, it's just the reality of the situation for most of them. It doesn't make them ****** parents. If I had a kid to take care of right now I'd be in the same situation.

Finances are only one of the many lifestyle limitations that are usually packaged with having a kid or being in a relationship with someone that has a kid.

I won't debate about your personal choices. Those are yours to make. I don't fault anyone who doesn't want to date someone who has children. I would like to mention the comment about most single moms needing help from the government, however. I was a single mom for years. I never received any assistance at all from the government. 
Personally, I admit that I'd never get involved with a man again who has children still dependent on him. Especially adult children (past blended family issues). I make that decision from more than one bad experience. 
I'd also like to say (and this isn't aimed at Kamya) that I do feel there's truth in stereotypes but a little compassion for a single parent's plight is always refreshing. 
We don't mind if you don't want to date us, but don't look down on us either. We're often doing the job of both mom and dad. (Again, this is in reference to the topic in general, not in reference to Kamya or his preferences.)

 

[bleed_the_freak]

No damaged assets.

Tell that to your MOTHER. Doesn't matter if she was a single parent or married. She would fall under your comment. 

It's fine for someone not to want to date a single parent. But Jesus ******* Christ - have a little god damn respect for women who have given birth. A woman gave birth to every person on this damn forum!

Amen!

---

How many of the guys blabbing on about single moms have dated one?

I find this hilarious.

 

[bleed_the_freak]

You can continue but the question was asking us to elaborate on why guys that don't date single moms... dont date single moms. She wasn't asking our personal opinions on single moms in general or asking for us to debate the good and bad sides of dating single moms.

Just putting the other side out there for consideration purely for discussion's sake.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Again you miss the point. Just because some of those traits can apply to other people that aren't single moms doesn't mean anything I said is untrue or misguided. Most mothers do have these physical traits in common. You know this to be true. Everyone does. People have body image issues because people judge each other based on looks. Pretending it doesn't happen isn't going to suddenly change everyone's minds about what they find attractive.

No, you are missing MY point. That stuff applies to ANYONE, whether they have kids or not. Hell, it doesn't even specifically apply to women. It's like you took every gold digging, saggy skinned person in the world and just lumped them all in as "single mothers."

And its not about feeling like they are a gold digger or always want the guy to pay for everything. It's that they will most likely be struggling for money and if you want to do anything that costs money... there is a good chance they won't be able to afford it. Then there is the financial freedom on top of that. Do you really think women without children have more fixed/unfixed expenses than those that do? I don't see what there is to argue against here.

When you eventually marry your finances will be combined and you will end up sharing the financial situation whether you like it or not. Your income is now "our" income, their debt is now "our" debt, their expenses are now "our" expenses. Once you get to know the other person a lot of these things start to matter less and less. A lot of guys don't mind at all really. If you love someone enough you aren't going to care about the money. You will just want to make their lives better and take care of them. But eventually people get petty, people act ******, take things for granted, play power games. It's not hard to see how some doubt and resentment might manifest over something like this over time. Worst case divorce happens. Historically guys don't fare well when it comes to that point. You really can't blame guys for being cautious. Again, it happens with women without children too, but in the case of single moms I personally feel the description of being broke applies in more cases than not.

And since you asked about my personal experiences, I've never known a single mother that didn't require a monumental amount of support from the friends/family around them. They usually require the help of the government as well. Even the hardest working ones are still barely making it. I respect how hard it is and how hard they work. It's not a bad thing, it's just the reality of the situation for most of them. It doesn't make them ****** parents. If I had a kid to take care of right now I'd be in the same situation.

First, I know quite a few single mothers who have money to do **** they want. They don't live off the government. Yeah, I'll admit I used to need assistance, but I don't anymore. I work TWO damn jobs so I know I can take care of my own. So I know I can do it without child support. I am financially stable and quite a few other single mothers are too. I have money to do ****, I choose not to waste my money on frivolous things all the time because it's wasteful, IMO. It's unnecessary. I'm teaching my children to NOT be like the guy who make me unworthy for other men and not spend money simply because they have it.

And back the hell up. I'm sorry, but if I start dating a guy and he moves in with me (and my kids) you're damn straight he's going to pay his own way. If he lives under MY roof, eating MY food, and using MY electric, why the hell should I have to pay for him?

Finances are only one of the many lifestyle limitations that are usually packaged with having a kid or being in a relationship with someone that has a kid.

Yeah, and you'll notice there were some things you said that I didn't touch. I just think it's a bit...disrespectful, that you are trying to lump "MOST" single mothers into a category that basically sounds like "undesirable gold digging whores."

---

Just putting the other side out there for consideration purely for discussion's sake.

And it was much appreciated.  So thank you and carry on. 

 

[kamya]

Again you miss the point. Just because some of those traits can apply to other people that aren't single moms doesn't mean anything I said is untrue or misguided. Most mothers do have these physical traits in common. You know this to be true. Everyone does. People have body image issues because people judge each other based on looks. Pretending it doesn't happen isn't going to suddenly change everyone's minds about what they find attractive.

No, you are missing MY point.  That stuff applies to ANYONE, whether they have kids or not.  Hell, it doesn't even specifically apply to women.  It's like you took every gold digging, saggy skinned person in the world and just lumped them all in as "single mothers."  

It's like you're hearing what you want to hear. And putting words into my mouth. Just because someone says most 'x' are 'y', that doesn't automatically mean that all 'y' are 'x'. I tried to clear this up in my last post but I guess it didn't get through. This is common sense to most people. I'd say the actual rules of formal logic back me up here as well. You are taking it too personally.

 

[MisterLonely]

I don't know if I would have a problem dating a single mom, dating any woman right now seems like a distant dream...

But this thread is called "Questions for the Men", answers will not be always what you like them to be, don't blame Kamya for having an opinion, or the balls to voice it, whether it's his own personal beliefs or his thoughts off how society views single moms.

 

[user 115627]

...can we even have this discussion without resorting to weasel words, personal anecdotes and subjective experiences? I have my doubts.

 

[Paraiyar]

I'm going to agree that Kamya's posts are being taken too personally when it looks to me that all he intended to do was give some of the general reasons why men are often wary of single mothers, I don't think he trying to attack them as a group or especially any individual on this forum.